Football continues to throw up its fair share of fuckwits. Bruce McAvaney got the week's first nomination despite not having St Nick to wank over. No, this time Bruce got his cheapies over an an old flame, Nathan Buckley. At half-time, Bruce was like a dog on heat, when Bucks joined the commentary panel for an interview. The interview had to be cut short when Bruce started to dry root Buck's leg. Order was restored when Dennis Cometti put Bruce's leash back on and gave him a biscuit.
On Saturday night, Andrew Maher took post-match interviews to an all-time high when he asked Brett Kirk 3 times how he felt after the Swans got knocked out of the finals by 5 points. Unfortunately for the viewers, Channel 10 cut away before Maher asked his final question to Kirky, "Brett, over your long journey in football, how do you rate me?" Kirky replied, "You're a fuckwit, Andrew. A bona fide fuckwit. Good luck in this week's Chad. But Bruce will be hard to beat again."
And then on Sunday, Glenelg continued its remarkable finals record by getting the living suitcase belted out of it by Norwood. Nick Lower said after the game, "I knew we were in with a chance when I saw Todd Grima getting a facial and a manicure before the game. And I'm sure Trevor Cranston's g-string restricted his movement."
You can also throw Kane Cornes into the Chad mix in winning his 3rd B&F for the Adelaide Thunderbirds - a remarkable feat given he plays for the Power. Well done, Kane. And it was good to see you wearing your step-mum's merkin too.
A special mention also must be made of the Magarey Medal count. Well done, you white maggots in giving James Allen the medal ahead of the moral victor in Norwood hard-nut, Nick Lower. Obviously, they gave the fuckwit sympathy votes for being unfortunate enough to play for a shadow of a football club in the Roosters. And Allen also became the first fat garden gnome to win the medal twice. And what an outstanding effort by pre-count host Kelly Nestor - her efforts in balancing two footballs on her chest at the same time as asking a series of inane questions penned especially for her by Andrew Maher was truly amazing. Kelly Underwood look out!
Fev rounded off the fuckwit week in football by announcing that he "plans to reveal all" about his latest incident. You fuckwit, revealing all is how you got into this mess into the first place.
The fuckwits of federal politics had a relatively quiet week but one suspects that Rob Oakeshott-Thebolt will figure prominently in coming weeks if he is given the Speaker/Fuckwit of the House role. Fair dinkum, I reckon when he door-knocked in his electorate during the election campaign people agreed to vote for him just so he would shut the fuck up and move on to the next house. What a fuckwit.
So who wins this week? The winner is Jenny Williams for her Chad of a speech when presenting the Fos Williams Medal to the Power's nancy-boy of the year at their Club Champion Awards night. Jenny's speech was littered with inaccuracies. Let's examine some examples -"...Garry Hocking, whom I am fortunate enough to call a friend..." Jenny, just because you and Bhudda could be twins does not mean you are friends.
"...despite two degrees with honours, a Master in psychology, a world championship medal and a history of leadership on and off the sporting field..." Two degrees, hey? Where from, the Danny Le Rue School of Drag Queens? A Master in psychology? More like Cock Master in Chocology. And a world championship medal? Yeah, Jenny, you are massive in Finland, what was the medal for, the World Air Guitar Championships or the World Sauna Championships? And a history of leadership?? What the fuck have you led? A float at the Mardi Gras?
"I'm always Fos' daughter or Stephen or Mark's sister." Daughter? Sister? Hey, what the fuck? You don't seriously expect us to believe that you are really a female, do you? You're a funny guy! But, Jenny, stop stealing Penny Wong's jokes.
"Mark cared so much about this club he virtually fell on his own sword." You fuckwit. If he cared so much about the club he would have quit last year and not signed another contract! If he cared so much about the club he would have sacked soft-cocks like the Cornes sisters, Danyle Pearce and Daniel Motlop a long time ago. The only thing Choco fell on was his massive ego.
"If he was as bad as many of you in the media say..." Jenny, he was much, much worse than that. The media went easy on him. Not once did I read a Rucci Roast that called Choco a fuckwit, dickhead, wanker, arseclown or a even a deadshit.
So Jenny, congratulations on winning this week's Chad medal - and by the way, Sammy Hagar wants his hair back.
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