The Chad Medal in hiatus week 5

For week five of The Chad Medal in hiatus I give a you Peter Roebuck and his recent 'encounters' to the tune of Van Halen's Jump. And before you say that's in poor taste, I'm aware of it and respond by saying when has this blog been anything but? So if you don't like it, get fucked.






Laptop's up, then Peter scrolled down
Met on facebook, then invited him round
Then Roebuck, yeah, he went for a feel
He tried some poo punches, and tried to make the guy squeal
The cops have got him standing here
He's shit his pants and his face has gone green
His rep's gone down the latrine
So he thinks good night Irene
Eh, might as well jump, jump!
Might as well jump
Go ahead and jump, jump!
Go ahead and jump
Hey cops, see that?
Time to intervene
Watch out below, watch below
Air Roebuck taxiing in
The cops can't see him standing where
He and his guilty conscience have been
If he knew his wrapsheet was clean
He wouldn't have fled the scene
Instead he went jump, jump!
A vertical long jump
Tried an air ski jump
That's gotta leave a bump
Peter went jump, jump!
Then he went thump
Six stories down clump, clump!
Bowled middle stump

Chad in hiatus week 4 - part 2

As a follow-up to the Chad Editor's superb effort on Port Adelaide, this song is for Nicole Cornes, sung to the tune of Denis Leary's "Asshole".

(Spoken)
Folks, I'd like to sing a song about the Nicole Cornes.
About her, about Studley, about the way the Cornes family beat themselves off way down
in the bottom of their chests. About the special feeling they get about themselves in the
cockles of their hearts, maybe below the cockles, maybe in the subcockle
area. Maybe in the liver. Maybe in the kidneys. Maybe even in the
colon, we don't know.
(Sung)
She’s just a regular mole and a regular mutt.
She’s your average white suburbanite slut.
She likes Holloway and Foley and books about whores.
And how to suck cocks without getting cold sores.
Her husband, her job, her kids and Josh Carr.
She learnt from Lewinsky how to give blow jobs and use a cuban cigar.
But sometimes that just ain't enough to keep a slag like her interested
(oh no) no way (uh-uh)
So, Mick Molloy went out and made fun at Nicole Cornes’ expense
(oh yeah) Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
Her brain’s really slow, even slower than Kane,
While people in Adelaide are going insane.
She’s an asshole (She’s an asshole, what an asshole)
She’s an asshole (She's an asshole, such an asshole)
She stood for Labor but didn’t win the seat,
She walked around the electorate saying "I'll win if I cheat!"
She’s an asshole (She's an asshole, what an asshole)
She’s an asshole (She's the world's biggest asshole)
Sometimes she parks in handicapped spaces,
While old handicapped Chad makes handicapped faces.
She’s an asshole (She's an asshole, what an asshole)
She’s an asshole (She's a real fucking asshole)
Maybe she shouldn't be breathing in air
With her vacuous looks and her dyed dumb blonde hair
Maybe it’s time for the electric chair
YEEEAH!
She’s an asshole (she's an asshole, what an asshole)
She’s an asshole (she's the world's biggest asshole)
(Spoken)
Know what she’s gonna do? She’s gonna get herself an expensive fucking lawyer,
hot-fuckin'-stuff, with whaleskin boots and all-cunt interior and big
expense account for the dodgy prick... yeah! And she’s gonna sue Mick Molloy
that bastard making fun of her, saying she rooted Stewie Dew, suckin' down
on his big fat one in the old-fashioned non-
choke swallow style... yeah! And when she’s done suing Mick
she’s gonna walk away with nearly a hundred grand,
and there ain't a goddamn thing anybody can do about it. You know why?
Because she’s Nicole Cornes, that's why... yeah! Two words-dumb fuckin'
slut, OK? Studley, Chad, Kane, they can have all the pleghm
they want...they can have a phlegm cakewalk right through the middle of
Victoria Square and it won't make a lick of fuckin' difference, because she is
a Cornes, OK? Eddy Jack's not dead-he's retarded! And when we find a cure for
Nicole, we're gonna bring out Mick Molloy and he's gonna be pretty pissed off. You
know why? You ever taken a cold shower? Well, multiply that by 15 million
times-that's how pissed off Mick’s gonna be. I'm gonna get Mick Molloy and
Lehmo and Dave Hughes and a case of fuckin' explosives and drive...
(Hey, hey, hey, hey, you know she really is an asshole)
Why don't you shut up and take a hike, Nicole. I thought Studley was the
asshole... all the time it was her... what an asshole!
(Sung)
She’ an asshole (She’s an asshole, she's an asshole)
She’ an asshole (She's the world's biggest asshole)
A S-S H-O L-E
Everybody, A S-S H-O L-E
Ay Ay-Ay Ay-Ay Ay-Ay
A-thoom A-thoom-thoom A-thoom-thoom A-thoom-thoom
Oooooooo
(Spoken)
She’s an asshole and she’s proud of it!

The Chad Medal in hiatus week 4

For week four of The Chad Medal in hiatus I give you Port Power/Magpies?( have the fucknuts decided who they are these days, they've got more multiple personality issues than Michael Slater) to the tune of AC/DC's Thunderstruck.

Knobs from Port

Cling to memories of glory way back ( Magpies )

Now their bound

For the shitheap there's no turning back ( Bankrupt )

Club disgraced

Who's to blame, no surely not you ( Scapegoat )

And we knew

There'd be excuses, fucken boohoo ( Get Fucked )

Rucci's bumchums

You hear his bleeding heart

Someone get some guns

Blow that prick apart

Rucci's an arsefuck

Port travelled the highway

To meet with that Demetriou clown

The meetings nexus, the nexus

Was you cunts are done

Sooky lala girls

You can't blame the SANFL this time

Your fans are all tools, admin are fools

Players are shit, time, to shut the blinds

Now the club's on its knees

Tredders won't give you monies

To the scrapheap you're consigned

Port's shit, out of luck, out of luck

Hehehe out of luck

Shit out of luck

Don't wanna hear your pleas

You wharfie feral disease

Chad arsefuck, Kane arsefuck

Choco yeah a dumbfuck

Haysman arsefuck, hehehe

If you'd run your club right

You still would be fine

Now we'll take delight

In your club's decline

( No spine )

Port you suck, hehehe

Fuck a duck, football upchuck, lame fucken duck

Port your club has come unstuck

We don't give a fuck, give a fuck

Wallow in your muck, tough luck

Port you're a clusterfuck

The Chad Medal in hiatus Week 3 and a half

Continuing on the musical parodies I give you this tribute serial pisshead and bonafide fuckwit Brendan Fevola, sung to the tune of The Kinks "Lola".

He got pissed as a cunt at the Chaz Brownlow

When he drank his weight in beer, bourbon and cola

Beer bourbon and cola

He walked up to Judd and he asked him to dance

Judd looked at him and in a pissed off voice said Fevola

Go get fucked Fevola

He's far from the world's most intelligent guy

Makes Steven Rowe look like A.Einstein

Yep Fevola, what a dumbfuck Fevola

Always pissed and thinks with his gland

He's got all the charm of the Klu Klux Klan

It's Fevola, on the punt at Penola

He drank like a fish and punted all night

But then to Carlton's great delight

A phone call came from the Lions Vossy

He said hey you pissed cunt come and play for me

He thought a flag could result with this guy

The Fev fucked up, but seriously he's Fevola

A total zoccolla

Signs X with Crayola

Fucked up again, then tried to implore

For a chance more, got down on his knees

Voss said you've a better chance at AR race 3

Ya should've known he was going astray

Predictable as fucken night and day, he's Fevola

A fuckup Fevola

He assaulted the cops and molested the girls

Then nude pictures of Bingle's tits unfurled

Hey Fevola,a cunt act Fevola

Brisbane finally showed him the door

No shock that David Schwarz is his mentor

He's fucked up his life, now he travels the land

Less future prospects than Collette Mann

He's now just a wasted flash in the pan

Still acts like a retarded orangutan

Yep Fevola

You've fucked up Fevola, Crown Cas highroller

Hehehe Fevola, now drives a Corolla

The Chad Medal In Hiatus Week 3

Here is a special song for those cheating cunts from Pakistan, sung to the tune of Wacko Jacko's "Beat It".

[1st Verse]
They told Salman Butt and Mohammad Amir
Don't wanna see your faces, you better disappear
You’re going to jail, for about 10 years
You Cheaters, You Cheaters

[2nd Verse]
You didn’t catch, didn’t do what You Can
Didn’t score runs, or try hard for Pakistan
Uhh...
You wanna be rich, better do what you can
You Cheaters, but you wanna be bad

[Chorus]
You Cheaters, Cheaters
Pakistan wants to be defeated
Showin' how little you care for a fight and
It doesn't matter who's wrong or right
You Cheaters, Cheaters
You Cheaters, Cheaters
You Cheaters, Cheaters
You Cheaters, Cheaters
Uhh...

[3rd Verse]
You always get out, drop slip catches when you can
Don't wanna be a winner, when playing for Pakistan
Uhh...
You wanna make cash, better do what you can
You Cheaters, You Cheaters

[4th Verse]
You tell the bookies that you're really not scared
You're playin' for the cash, and you’ll get out for a pair
Uhh...
They'll drop you, and no-ball you,
Then they'll tell you it's fair
You Cheaters, but you wanna be bad

[Chorus]
You Cheaters, Cheaters, Cheaters, Cheaters
Pakistan wants to be defeated
Showin' how little you care for a fight and
It doesn't matter who's wrong or right

[Chorus]
You Cheaters, Cheaters
Pakistan wants to be defeated
Showin' how little you care for a fight and
It doesn't matter who's wrong or right
You Cheaters, Cheaters, Cheaters, Cheaters, Cheaters

[Chorus]
Cheaters, Cheaters
Salman Butt wants to be defeated
Showin' how little you care for a fight and
It doesn't matter who's wrong or right

[Chorus]
You Cheaters, Cheaters
Asif wants to be defeated
But when you’re in battin' not puttin' up a fight and
You’d even get out to a cunt like Cameron White

[Chorus]
You Cheaters, Cheaters, Cheaters, Cheaters
Majeed wants to be defeated
Showin' how easy its to not put up a fight
And just bend over and serve up your shite

[Chorus]
You Cheaters, Cheaters, Cheaters, Cheaters
Mohammad wants to be defeated
Showin' that none of you cunts put up a fight
Whether you're playing at day or at night
You Cheaters, Cheaters