Week 19 Winner

Rule Britannia! Britannia rule the waves. Britons never never never shall be slaves. They are however a country of fuckwits as evidenced by the winners of The Eugene and The Chad Medal this week. The winners of The Eugene are Mick and Maired Philpott, the couple who after losing their six kids in  a house fire went on tv crying and wailing about their loss. However it didn't take long for the coppers to charge the two cunts with murdering them. You fucken animals, lets hope you get what you deserve, death.
The winner of The Chad Medal is Chrissie Swan, that wobble arsed pig who used to be on The Circle. After being a spokesperson for Jenny Craig and dropping 10 kgs ( presumably she was weighed after taking a shit ), Jabba got herself up the duff and went to town, eating enough to feed an African country for 2 years and putting on a shitload of weight. Numbers are sketchy on how much she porked on but if it was anything like what she put on when preggers with her first kid, a fucken lot ( 55 kgs if you don't mind, I've heard of eating for two when you're pregnant, but eating for 8? ). I'll be the first to admit I like eating a bit of crap food and am carrying a few kilos I shouldn't, but fuck me show some self restraint. All the 'good' Jenny Craig did was washed away by a torrent of cholesterol. But she not only has made herself a prime candidate for a heart attack but her eldest, who is 3years old, is 7 kgs overweight. No one doubts she loves her kids but that's fucked. Monkey see, monkey fucken do, if he sees mum gorging what's he going to do? Do what you want to yourself, but you owe it to your kids to give them a chance of growing up healthy. Some kids are a bit pudgy, some aren't but no kid is naturally a fat little fucker, and that's your doing and noone elses. Pull ya finger out ( not out of a pie ) and do the right thing. Take your fucken Chad Medal, you've earned it. And just like the Logie you somehow won,no it's not made out of chocolate so don't try taking off the wrapper.

Week 19 Nominations

• Stanley Dajka - became a drug dealer to help son Jobie reach the top in the cycling world. Jobie ended up a dead junkie, well done dad.

• PLoS ONE - printed an article saying research indicated that old people have a more pleasant odour than their younger counterparts. Fuckwits, what would you rather the smell of, rexona or piss?

• Vladimir Putin - has had a sooky and won't go to the Olympics after British MP's campaigned against human rights abuses in Russia. I'm sure they're gutted.

• Luka Rocco Magnotta - porn actor arrested for dismembering his boyfriend and mailing his body parts to various agencies. Puts a new twist on the term headjob doesn't it?

• Wayne Rooney - has vowed to be on his best behaviour at the 2012 Euro championships. I think he meant George Best behaviour.

• Jeff Kennett - thinks he may be able to help problem gamblers if he becomes a director on the board of James Packer's Echo Entertainment, who have Crown Casino as one of their biggest shareholders. Righto cunt, and Tony McGuinness might be able to help out at sex addicts anonymous too.

• Craig Hatchard and Ataman Asland - blew up a letterbox with fireworks, Superman is still in intensive care.

• Chrissie Swan - claims to be doing the best for her kids whilst having a 3 year old son who is 7kg overweight. How about you stop feeding him your diet of fucken lard you wobble arsed behemoth and the little fucken pudge ball might lose some weight.

• Prince Harry - wore a wheat bag on his head on the royal barge during the Diamond Jubilee River Pageant.

• Maha Al-Sudairi - Saudi Princess who did a runner from a French hotel owing $8million. A Jewish Muslim.

• The American bloke who was shot by the cops after being caught eating half a homeless man's face - fucken Americans will eat anything.

• Ivan and Catherine Fry - travelled from their Melbourne eastern suburbs home to Tullamarine airport to drop off their son and got lost on the way back. Apparently they ended up as far away as Bairnsdale and in all travelled 500km. A search party was sent out to see where the fuck they had got to and eventually found them 8 km from their home. The first person on the scene said the couple were starting to panic as they were down to their last two Crown Mints.

• The stupid moles on Kmart ads - one of em holds up something and checks the price tag that says $159, then looks under that to reveal another tag for $129. "That's $30 less" says Alberta Einstein, 159 take 129 ..... ummm........ well fuck me she's right.

• The EPL - are considering dropping champagne for the man of the match award to avoid offending muslims. Go and get fucked, if you don't like it, don't take the bottle, I'm sure Joey Barton or Wayne Rooney will take it off your hands.

• Jack Wighton - Canberra NRL winger is going to miss the rest of the season after breaking his toe on a backyard trampoline. The aforementioned trampoline,Lara Bingle was not injured in the incident.

• Bill Shorten - canned the idea of Liberal MP George Christensen to make welfare cheats take drug tests and take benefits away from those who test positive. That is one of the best ideas I've ever heard you fucken clown, but I'm not surprised, this is the man who made the statement recently " I understand that the Prime  Minister has addressed this in a press conference in Turkey in the last few hours, I  haven't seen what she said, but let me say I support what it is she's said ".

• Queen Elizabeth II - just cark it for fucksake. Apparently the Queen can be quite frugal when it suits, once sending back half a lemon that was used as garnish on a meal to the chef in case he could re use it. That's very decent of you you old bag but what about the millions of tax-payers pounds that were spent on your Diamond Jubilee? That's ok is it you old trollop?

• The Diamond Jubilee celebrations - zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz, what a wank, even Prince Philip faked a bladder infection to get away from it, there's nothing wrong with him, he was just fucken bored.

• Mick and Maired Philpott - after feigning horror when interviewed about the fire that killed their six kids they have both since been charged with the kids murder. Cunts.

• Vince Weiguang Li - Chinese immigrant who beheaded and cannibalised a Canadian bus passenger in front of travellers 4 years ago has finally gone to trial and claimed he thought the bloke was an alien. Just goes to show even the Chinese don't find their own food filling and need a top up.

• The FIFA World Cup Slogan - "all in one rhythm", this is supposed to unite all fans who travel to Brazil. I think you'll find all fans will be united, in looking for refunds when their hotels haven't got running water,when they get their pockets fleeced by some little cunt in a Ronaldo shirt and the stadiums the games are supposed to be played in aren't finished.

Week 18 Winner

The winner of the Eugene for this week is the Adelaide City Council. What a pack of smarmy,out of touch cunts they are. Twice in recent times they have proposed upping parking charges, at an event in Victoria Park and the UParks. I thought you dumbfucks were supposed to trying to get more people into the city, that's a fucken ripper of a way to do it. A bunch of piss weak wanna be politicians who let themselves be controlled like a fucken muppet by crusty, piss stained old cunts who will be dead in 5 years. Hey Stephen Yarwood, get your slug out of Anne Moran's gob, zip yourself up and have a good look at what the fuck you aren't doing - your fucking job. Yeah lets spend $24 million on redeveloping Victoria Square, cracker of an idea that. Great idea to encourage people to swarm to a place that is boxed in by trams, buses and fucken cars, have you got shares in SA Ambulance dickhead? And even if this was a plausible idea no cunt could afford to go and spend money there because you cunts made it too fucking expensive to park your car in the city! Fucken wankers the lot of em.
So that leaves us with the winner of The Chad Medal for this week. I'd say this peckerhead continues to shoot himself in the foot but he's that thick he'd miss. He's more the sort of bloke who looks down the barrel of the gun to see why it isn't working and promptly blows his own head off. It's Stephen Rowe. An arse licker of the Camry Cows, one of the worst assistant coaches since Matthew Knights, Norwood mascot, talentless radio hack, the bastard child of Elmer Fudd and Porky Pig. And just to top things off someone in the SANFL thought it was a top idea to appoint him as chairman of selectors for the SA 'state'team against WA recently. It shows how little the SANFL think of the concept, it would be like appointing Georgie McGuinness as a political speechwriter, oh fuck that's right, good move Isobel. Or having Nicole Cornes run for political office, ah fucken hell, uuum Julia Gillard Prime Minister? I don't reckon old fucken snoozer was pumping the breaks when he decided on some of the pus that was selected in the team, more like pumping his cock. Luke Jarrad vice captain, it's not the SA shirt lifters for fucksake. James Miekeljohn, has been injured for a fair smack of the early part of season and has played like a busted arse since. Robert Shirley, they would've been better off with Shirley Strauchan post helicopter crash. How was it that the eagles were so well represented when they have been a fucking joke all season you fucken balloon snot? By making this clown chairman of selectors the SANFL made a mockery of the game, the cunt can't even tie his own shoelaces for fucksake let alone pick a footy side. Did you even know half of the players you were selecting dickhead or did you buy a footy budget and guess. Never mind snoozer they beat the might of the WAFL team containing such stars as ........... ahhh is Poly Farmer still playing? Imagine if you'd picked a team on form, but that wouldn't make sense would it fucknut. Take your award and stick it up your arse.