Round 18 Nominees

• Woolworths deli staff - Woolworths are supposed to hang their hat on having decent customer service, well they might want to have a look at some of their staff in the deli department and think again. You go in and ask for a few roast chooks to be cut up and some sour faced silverback gives you a smarmy comment and a look like you just asked her to shave her back before serving you. Sorry to interrupt you from standing around scratching your fat arse.



• Australia Mint - have you seen the 20 cent piece they've brought out with Prince William and Princess Kate on it? It looks like Stevie fucken Wonder designed it. Kate looks like a porky middle aged housewife (ie Fergie) and William has got fucking hair. And why the fuck are they putting those arsewipes on our currency, he ain't the monarch yet. What next, Fergie's Makybe Diva lookalike daughter on one side and Harry wearing his Nazi uniform on the other?



• ABC - for refusing to release to the public what the wages are of it's radio/tv celebrities as its " not in the public interest ". Begging your fucking pardon but isn't the ABC funded by tax payer money? Well I believe it is, so get fucked, are you afraid to let the public find out how much you were paying that dirty kiddy porn peddling cunt from The Collectors?



• Serbians protesting against the arrest of Ratko Mladic - he's a fucking war criminal who ordered the execution of thousands of innocent people yet some fuckwits have chosen to protest at his arrest. No worries, how about we get the UN to drive you and your family out into the forest and shoot you in the back of the head, what's good for the goose is good for the gander surely you fuckwits.



• German fruit and veg importers - imported Spanish cucumbers which are tainted with E Coli and have resulted in the deaths of at least 10 people. Interestingly nearly all of the fatalities have been women so it does make one ponder whether the cucumbers were being used for their intended purpose as food. One also suspects that Steve the NZ truckie may have delivered the shipment of cucumbers and he had yet another buttock-first "accident".



• The two US women who were play wrestling in an apartment block, fell through a window, and plunged 5 storeys onto a slanted glass ceiling resulting in one of them dying and one being in a critical condition - Americans, jesus they're fuckwits.



• Iran - for banning the mullet. So where the fuck does ex-Collingwood back pocket and mullet extraordinaire Mick Gayfer go for holidays now? And Iran was also the last place that Sticks Kernahan could go and sing in a karaoke bar without being evicted.



• AFL Winners writers - came up with the sterling material that Harmichael Kunt's regulation shot for goal on the run should be goal of the year. Go and get fucked, stop blowing smoke up this cunt's arse. It makes me want to fucken spew listen to people crapping on about how well he's developing. He's not a footballer's arsehole, never was, never will be, end of fucking conversation you wankers.



• Gerard Healy - for saying Harmichael Kunt's goal should be goal of the year straight after AFL Winners sprouted the same shit.



• Mike Sheahan - see Gerard Healy. For fucksake Roosy fucken belt the cunts.



• Port Power - for saying Jan Stirling has held the club together over the last few weeks. Hahahahahaha fuck me they're rooted. Also for being in more financial shit than Steve Vizard and Christopher Skase combined. Never mind though the cunts are getting bailed out AGAIN, the AFL and SANFL are just a better paying version of Centrelink to these cunts.



• Adelaide Crows - the most exciting squad we've ever had proved once again they have less ticker than the Italian infantry by putting in a spineless but fucking hilarious display against a shithouse Brisbane team. "We're the pride of South Australia", get fucked ya arsewipes you're that soft you wouldn't even get a float in a gay pride parade.



• Josh Carr - I know it is great that Bedford Industries finds work for retards, but giving Josh a job as a radio commentator is deadset ridiculous. He sounds like he is gargling on Rowey's nurries.



• Kym Russell (West Adelaide CEO) - for having a crack at the old bloke who sells pasties out the front of Richmond Oval for not having a council permit. Fuck off, Kym, where is your permit to be a fuckwit?. For a start, those pasties are bloody great and are a fucking million times better than the two pieces of cardboard with nothing in between that is called a Balfours pasty that you bastards serve up at your canteen. And furthermore, he's been doing it for 20 years with no complaints before. So, Kym, on behalf of all footy supporters who make the effort to rock up to that shithole called Richmond Oval, shut the fuck up. I'd suggest your time would be better spent getting ya side to play some decent footy instead of the absolute tripe they served up against Norwood.



• Colin Rowston - it's been said before, but I'll say it again, Rowston is a cheating cunt. Despite his best efforts, Norwood still smashed Westies by 10 goals.



• Richard Williams - see Colin Rowston.



• Port Adelaide v Richmond game - no wonder only 11,000 dickheads turned up. The worst performance since Matt Newton attempted a kiwi accent.



• The wanker pictured in the Shitvertiser flying a Port flag at half-mast in Malvern - jesus, I wouldn't want to advertise the fact that I'm a Port supporter, particularly in Malvern. Expect a knock on the door by a posse of riled-up Sturt supporters - they'll threaten to give you a real good thrashing, ol' boy, before running away meekly like a pack of soft-cocks.



• Fat people who insist on wearing trackie dacks in public - noone wants to see ya muffin-top or ya bike rack. Don't take it personally, Pat Conlon.



• Footy commentators who dye their hair - you look fucking stupid, David King, Brad Johnson, Hamish McLachlan, Garry Lyon, and Troy Gray et al. Boot polish is for ya boots, ya fuckwits.



• Brian Lake - as professional a footballer as Josh Carr is a commentator. How about you try getting fit and playing footy instead of going on holidays when you're injured and staring at your washed turd of a hairdo on the big screen at Etihad. Rumour has it Brianna, as he likes to be known in Kings Cross at the yearly parade, is considering a boycott of all games bar those at Etihad for fear of his maybelline eyeliner running.



• Mothers who smoke over their babies - the fuckwits should hand in their Port memberships. And stop wearing those fucking trackie dacks in public. It would also help if ya stopped rooting ya cousins too.



• Daniel Giansiracusa - for playing 200 games without once getting a contested possession. He's been an inspiration to Brent Stanton.



• Port Power "supporters" - so it's entirely the SANFL's fault that Port are financially rooted, well you'd think so if you've heard the fucking drivel coming from between the two remaining teeth of their supporters. Remember their so called supporters? They're the cunts who say they're Port people but won't contribute to the club financially or even turn up to watch the cunts then go and blame everyone bar themselves for their toilet of a club being on the bones of its arse.



• Almahde Ahmad Atagore - ya wanna to buy a vowel ? No thanks Burgo think I'll have a c for cunt. This prick is a Libyan student who, within 1 month of being in the country sexually assaulted 7 women in 4 days because he was upset and sexually aroused by the way Aussie women dressed and behaved. Get fucked you stinky, fellafel eating grease stain, just because the only part of a Libyan woman that is left exposed is their fucking moustache doesn't give you the right to put the blame on women wearing normal, non terrorist clothing and rejecting you because you're a stinky fellafel eating grease stain. Stick your fedora up your arse, have a wash and fuck off back to Gaddafiland you rancid little fuck.



• The English Cricket Team - the team for the second test v Sri Lanka was named yesterday with the Poms naming another fucking Sth African in the team. So for this test you've got 5 Sth Africans, 1 Irishman and only 5 poms in their national side, and one of them is Ian Bell-end, so 4 Englishmen and Fergie's daughter. They're team is more contaminated with foreign imports than a German cucumber salesman.



• Umpires Avon, Fila and Fleer - what is the story with North, are the cunts sponsored by St. Vincent De fucking Paul? You'd think so if you'd seen the game on the weekend, they were given the greatest armchair ride since Bob 'fatty, light fingers' Francis conned posture care chairs into giving the thieving ( yeah thieving, why aren't you allowed in Bunnings stores anymore Bob? ) old cunt a gig on their ads by sitting his fat arse on a recliner and talking shit. If you were a Centrals player you would've been reported for breaking wind on the weekend but North got away with blue fucking murder. Didn't work though, the Dogs still got up despite your efforts, better luck next time you fuckheads.



• Michaelangelo Rucci - for being the world's most deceitful and biased "journalist". How about you put some balance in your "stories" on Port Adelaide's financial fuck-ups instead of blaming the SANFL. Well, Rucci, you bloody fuckwit, here is some balance - Port have noone else but themselves to blame for the fact they are broke. Did the SANFL make the dumbfuck decision to re-sign Choco Williams and have to pay out Choco's contract when they realised that a drunken chimp could do a better job than him? Answer - no - it was the Port Board. Did the SANFL decide to pay out David Arnfield's claim for superannuation that was backdated to when he started out as Port Magppies junior janitor in 1980? No - it was the Port Board. Did the SANFL decide it was a great idea to bring back Josh Carr last year and then realise that he had less pace than snail born into the Duldig family? No - it was Port. Did the SANFL recruit the Cornes cunts? No - it was Port. Did the SANFL make Danyle Pearce softer than a bag of fairy floss wrapped in a marshmallow and laid out on a tontine pillow? No. His fucking parents did - that is why Sturt signed him. Did the SANFL make Steven Salopek play like Danyle Pearce? No. Is it the SANFL's fault that Port play like a bunch of monkeys trying to fuck a football. No. Did the SANFL make all Port supporters a bunch of front-running, fickle fuckwits? No. Is it the SANFL's fault that the majority of Port's supporter base is either in Yatala Prison or on the run? No. Rucci, you are a bona fide fuckwit. You called for One Club. Yeah, that has worked a treat, hasn't it? Two fuckarse clubs and not a brain between them. Rucci, when are you going to write the story that the SANFL bailed Port Adelaide out of bankruptcy in 1983? Yep, the cunts were bankrupt back then. Port may have won flags in the SANFL but they were and still are, financially inept. They have no fucking idea how to make money but are fucking brilliant at losing it. If they could write, which we all know they can't, they could write the Dummies Guide To Losing Money. And Rucci, I can't wait for your new book, the Dummies Guide To Being A Fuckwit.



• Carl Bitar - the Labor Party nob jockey responsible for Julia Gillard's rise to power. Thanks a lot, fuckwit, for leaving that big-nosed, fat-assed ranga in charge. He's now quit the party and has gone to work as "Government Relations Manager" for Crown Casino!! Good to see you sticking to your Labor ideals, you cunt.



• Stephen Rowe - for saying "Juliet Banjos" instead of "Duelling Banjos". You fucking imbecile - you make the hillbillys you were trying describe seem intelligent. Squeal like a pig, Rowey, ya fuckwit.



• The Shitvertiser - for crap maths in their story on describing Adelaide as Australia's cheapest city. Yep, that might be right, our costs are 6% cheaper than elsewhere but in the same story they also mentioned that the average salary in Adelaide is 10% lower than elsewhere. Umm, did you get Robbie Gray to do your math? I'd say with our costs 6% lower but our incomes 10% lower, that makes us fucking 4% worse off. Fuckwits.



• Sam Stosur - for yet another choke. This time losing to an armless sloth from the rainforests of Peru. Stosur or Scosa?



• Foxtel Cup - what a waste of fucking time. The shittiest footy clubs in the land playing off for the first prize of a meat-tray, direct from Indonesia's finest butchers.



• The Clairvoyant of the year - for being surprised at her win. If you were that bloody good you would have known you were going to win, ya dickhead! Read my mind (you are a f....)



• Chad Cornes - Chad, ever heard the saying, the team is bigger than the individual? Cockhead.



• Neil Craig - for describing the Crows hilarious loss to Brisbane as "immature". You fuckwit, how about saying "we were fucking pathetic. And I'm a pig-headed squeaky-voiced cunt with NFI."



• Sepp Blatter - "crisis? what crisis? football is not in a crisis". That is like saying, "fuckwit? what fuckwit? Rucci is not a fuckwit." You cunt. To quote Ben Folds, give us our money back, you bitch.



• FIFA - for re-appointing Sepp Blatter as FIFA president. What a fucking joke. Still, it is no surprise given the other candidate was Graham Arnold.



• McDonalds - for apologising to their customers for serving up shit coffee. While you are at it, how about apologising for the rest of the tripe you serve up like the McTurdburger with the lot, you McFuckwits.



• Caroline Wilson - the first tranny of football gets a nomination for a really crap job at impersonating a female and for listening to Rucci in blaming the SANFL for Port's current position. The mole then went on to suggest that the SANFL competition is in serious trouble. You fucking stupid shemale, get ya facts straight before sprouting off this Rucci propaganda. Crowds and memberships are on the rise in the SANFL because people are sick of the absolute tripe that is served up by the Crows and the Power. Caro, pass this message onto to ya mate, Demetripoo -keep ya fucking greasy hands off our competition.



• Penny Wong - for complaining that some bloke in parliament "meowed" at her. I'm surprised that she was offended by the sound that a pussy makes because she chows down on enough of it.



• Robbie Williams - for taking hormones to fight ageing. You fuckwit. Here is a tip for ya Robbie, if ya don't want to get any older - find a cliff, take ya back catalogue with ya, and take a giant leap.



• Sarah Palin - for fuck's sake. If she becomes the next US President then the yanks are even more fucking stupid than we give them credit for. Surely, endorsment from that wanker with a squirrel permanently planking on his head, Donald Trump, is enough to convince voters to avoid her like a cucumber in a German salad.



• Danni and Kylie Minogue - they have had more facial work done than Mt Rushmore and have about as much personality as Mt Rushmore too. Give us a break and fuck off back to England where you belong. Here is an idea for a new tv show for the pair of you fuckwits - The Minogue's Have Got Fuck All Talent.



• Bob Hawke - for thinking that anyone gives a rat's arse about his opinion on the carbon tax. Bob, does the statement, "ya silly old bugger" ring a bell? And stay out of the solarium, fuckwit, ya look like an orange roughie that has its head stuck up a baby polar bear's arse.

Round 17 winner

As seems to be the case most weeks, there was a long list of fuckwits lining up to claim this week’s Chad. Those on the list ranged from the usual suspects like Michaelangelo Rucci and Neil Craig Craig Neil to up-and-comers like Steve the New Zealand truckie who some how ended up with an air nozzle up his jatz cracker. How the fuck he expects anyone to believe it was an accident is beyond me. Apparently, he fell on it - buttocks-first. OK, so it is possible that he tripped over but can someone explain to me what the fuck he was doing putting air in his tyres with no fucking pants on?? Completely understandable if it was Nick Riewoldt or Brendan Fevola, but a truck driver from New Zealand? Maybe he was delivering a load of sheep and was road-testing them? Or maybe he was delivering the brand new range of All Blacks Butt Plugs?

Anyway, there can only be one winner of the Chad and I have great pleasure in announcing that it is none other than Andrew Demetriou’s chief gimp, Adrian “Not So Angry” Anderson. He’s a complete bastard. With the support of Demetriou, the snivelling little prick has been hell-bent on destroying football. To quote one angry contributor to the Chad Medal, “he’s like the monkey who dances on the street while a swarthy slimebag plays the piano accordion. He talks like he’s important but in fact is just a spineless weak cunt who does and says what he’s told like a mincing poofbag. He’s the Kermit to Demetriou’s Miss Piggy. Sing it aint easy being green, you little fucking turd. He’s the gerbil to Richard Gere’s arse. The Mr Hat to Mr Garrison. The James Hird to Mark Thompson. The Stedman to Oprah.” Hard to argue with any of that, fella.

So let’s take a brief look at Adrian’s disgraceful history in the AFL. He got the gig as AFL Operation’s Manager in 2003, handpicked by Miss Piggy himself, Demetriou. Prior to this he was a media and sports lawyer – in other words, a cunt. Over 200 people applied for the job, and tellingly, Anderson was not among them! No, he was actually head-hunted by the Souvlaki King who said at the time of the appointment, "I've only ever dealt with Adrian professionally, for a short time while I was at the AFL Players Association. We are not interested in appointing people who are just going to say yes to everything. That's not how we work." Ya could have fooled me, fuckwit. And Anderson, responding to criticism that he had no football experience, said, “I have got some experience with football through the players' association and I have dealt with a few of the clubs but I acknowledge I don't have the club experience of a number of other people, and I am aware of the challenges ahead of me and looking forward to the challenges. I haven't got any plans to introduce any radical changes at all.” You fucking liar. Since you took on the job, you’ve done nothing else but change the fundamental rules of a game that existed quite nicely for 150 years without your fucking meddling. And you’ve fucked it up big time. There is no more biffo in the game. No characters. No fat bastards. No bumps. No gambling. No drinking. No swearing. No rooting around off the field. No abusing umpires. No, all we are left with is a bunch of prissy prima donnas running around and avoiding body contact like Pat Conlon avoids a Zumba class. And when there is body contact, ya get sent to Yatala for a couple of weeks. It’s bullshit. And Anderson, you are to blame.

So here is a message from all footy lovers out there – take this Chad Medal and fuck off. I’m sure the legal fraternity will welcome you back. I understand Eugene McGee is looking for partners in his newly formed practice, Fuckwit Bastard and Prick.

Round 17 Nominees

• Judgement Day devotees - we're all still here you fuckwits, the sky is falling the sky is falling. No it's fucking not it's just your ballbag has fallen over your eyes.





• Matthew Lokan - the cunt is a giant fucking plank, he's gotta be Matthew Duldig's twin. A career as a Krusty the Clown impersonator awaits.





• The Labor MP charged with child porn offences - had your day in court you dirty cunt,enjoy your freedom, it ain't gonna last.





• Bernard Finnigan - haven't seen him on tv lately, wonder what he's been doing with himself?





• Neil Craig - still refuses to pick Taylor Walker. Yeh he's shithouse, kicked another bag for Norwood, persist with James Sellar instead you fuckwit





• Dancing with the Stars - fucking c-grade celebrities trying to keep in the public eye by prancing like an epileptic flamingo, get fucked.





• Ken Cunningham - after a career of slagging off everything to do with Centrals he comes out in his article in The Crapvertiser and kisses legendary coach Roy Laird's arse. What do you want you old cunt, senility kicking in.





• Michelangelo Rucci - had a go at Stephen Rowe in his roast for hanging shit on Jan Stirling and the great amount of sweet fuck all she has achieved at Port Power. Stop your fucking sooking you pillow, it's about the first thing the gibbering monkey has ever got right.





• South Adelaide - for having a 6:30 Saturday night game at Poolunga Oval. It's fucking freezing at the best of times so a night game is fucking lunacy. Plus it takes you three days to get there and back. And who the fuck is going to stand there and hold up the candles to illuminate the ground for a whole game?





• Kym Dillon - after Port kicked a goal in the third quarter to get within 40 points of Freo, Kym said Port were now going to go on and win. No wonder MMM shitcanned you, you're a fucking halfwit. And the other half is a cockhead.





• No.7 for Labrador in the Foxtel Cup - wore zinc cream on his snoz for the twilight game against North despite it being fucking freezing and most of the game being under lights.





• Foxtel Cup - for having Andrew Jarman and Bernie Vince as expert commentators. That's like having Karen Carpenter as a judge at a pie eating contest.





• Matthew Primus- dropped Brett Ebert for the game against Freo just before the bounce for 'tactical reasons' . You fucking knobhead, good idea dropping one of the few players you have that can actually play footy. What were the tactical reasons? Did you want to ensure that you had a forward line that would could guarantee you wouldn't kick a winning score?





• Zane Pitt - real estate scumbag who duped a mentally ill person into selling their house at way under market value to his brother who then on sold it for a tidy profit, thereby getting himself a nice commission. Filthy cunt.





• BESA FC fans - a group of about 8 of these fucking animals beat the shit out of the ref after their side was beaten in an amateur game. It is just a pity the ref wasn't one of the following - Tony Dey, Richard Williams, Colin Rowston or Ray Chamberlain.





• Plankers - fucking idiots. Already many are further showing their lack of intellect by posing at work in work uniforms, thereby getting themselves the sack. Apparently this Wednesday is going to be World Planking Day - a perfect opportunity for the police to round the fuckwits up and have some target practice. Apparently, there are a shitload lining up to plank on Julia Gillard's nose.





• Peter Goers - fucking dickhead who referred to z-grade celebrity tart Brynne Edelstein's performance on dancing with the stars as "no Ginger Rogers but she's a gorgeous trouper". You fuckwit, she's a gold digging slag who's only claim to fame is spreading her legs for that creepy little fucker who married her. And she ain't a fucking gorgeous trouper, the mole looks more like former NZ cricketer Gary Troup.





• Gerard Healy/Tony Shaw - had a big sook because Taylor Walker was seen the day after the Norwood game at Footy Park ............ having one beer with his mates from Broken Hill. How fucking dare he, put the cunt in the stocks and rip his balls off. What a pair of cockheads.





• Adelaide Crows - the best squad the club has ever had - what a pathetic bunch of arsewipes. Leading the reigning premier by 31 points and get rolled by 43 points. 11 unanswered goals in less than 15 minutes. You gutless pack of cunts.





• Neil Craig - the supercoach. Good move getting Johncock out of the backline, the cunt was playing shite, just your best player up till you moved him fuckwit. Show us your dvd's, pie charts and venn diagrams of how you fucked that game up in your press conference you fucking wanker. Lucky you didn't pick Taylor Walker today hey Neil, he would've been fucking useless to you today, Kurt Tippett was sensational you fuckarse, played 4 minutes of decent footy and spent the rest trying to work out what the numbers on the 50 metre arc added up to.





• Nathan van Berlo - Sheedy was right. You're best equipped to lead a pack of lemmings off a fucken cliff.





• Laurie Holden - for trailing his wife in the FAS footy tipping contest. Serves you right, idiot, for picking the Power to beat Freo.





• Rodney Eade - for not picking Barry Hall to play against West Coast and for allowing Brian Lake to spend the pre-season with Amanda Vanstone - all you can eat! all you can eat! No wonder West Coast pantsed the Bulldogs by 20 goals.





• James Hird - for continuing to give Brett Stanton a game. With the risk of upsetting Brent's sensitive partner (I think his partner is Chas Bono), he's a fucking pillow who has no right to call himself a footballer. He makes Craig Starcevich look hard.





• Aaron Davey - for squibbing from a contested mark against St Kilda. Ya can run but ya can't hide out there, Aaron. That was a fucking pathetic effort and one that I would expect from Brent Stanton.





• Port Power supporters - 16,000 of the fuckers turned up to watch the Power surrender to Freo. That dickhead Rucci reckons there are 300,000 Port people out there! Does that mean that there are 284,000 Port supporters in Yatala?





• AFL recruiters - for waiting 8 years to recruit ex-Norwood champ, Nick Duigan. He's dominating for Carlton after just 8 games. How many other mature-age blokes are out there that can actually play football instead of the raft of "athletes" soiling AFL grounds with insipid displays week after week? I betcha Nathan Van Berlo can run 15 kilometres faster than Leigh Mathews ever could - but who would you rather have in ya side?





• Tim Noonan (channel 7 guest weather presenter) - how hard is it to read the weather, you fucking gollywog? "It's gonna be fucking cold and wet tomorrow" - end of fucking story. We don't need a fuckwit who looks like he should be singing in an Air Supply covers band to be reading the weather.





• Andrew Jarman - there's a clear and distinct line between being a larrikin and a complete and total fuckwit and Andrew has been on the fuckwit side of the line for a long time. How the fuck do you expect to get another gig in coaching when you act like a year 9 class idiot who's gone off his ritalin? You're smacking of desperation Jars, just think, if you were able to inspire the teams you 'coached' to act with the same desperation as you have been displaying whilst attempting to prostitute yourself to any cunt to hire you, you may not be in the situation you currently find yourself. Fuck off back to WA, you're as funny as Joseph Goebbels at a Bar Mitzvah you fat cunt.





• Adrian Anderson - for his comment on the new substitute rule - "there is a lot of premature evaluation floating around". Adrian, in your case, there is a lot of premature ejaculation floating around. Fuckwit.





• Kevin Rudd - for a bad case of snout's in the trough. The fuckwit has flown 384,000km since becoming the Foreign Affairs Minister - that is the equivalent of flying to the moon. Fair suck of the sauce bottle, Kev. I know you can't stand Julia but ya don't have to fly to the moon to avoid her! You could probably spot her fat ass from the moon.





• Oprah Winfrey - for inflicting 25 years of absolutely crap televison on the world. Thanks for nothing, Oprah, ya fuckwit. Can you convince Dr Phil to give it up too? The only decent thing you ever aired was showing Hugh Jackoff plow head first into a pole. Now that was great television!





• James Magnussen - the swimmer slagged off Adelaide being awarded the hosting of the London Olympic swimming trials, saying it is a "joke" and "only 10 people will turn up". Umm, who the fuck is James Magnussen anyway? Sounds like a fucking gay Swedish masseur. We'll make sure you get a nice welcome, James - I'll leave a nice, fresh Bondi Cigar in the pool for ya - wanker.





• Andrew Demetriou - for slamming Paul Roos for running onto the field to help one of his junior players who was injured during a violent clash, saying it "was unacceptable, you absolutely cannot do that". You are a fuckwit, Demetriou. You were a squib as a player and never once helped one of your team mates in trouble so making those sort of statements does not come as a surprise. Have another souvlaki.





• Steve McCormack - the NZ truckie who "accidently" fell buttocks-first onto a compressed air nozzle and blew up like a balloon. So I suppose, Steve, that you also accidently fell buttocks-first onto that gerbil that was found up ya clacker too?





• Chas Bono - she's a top bloke. Pity ya mum can't sing or act - neither could ya dad. And he was a shit downhill skier too.





• Justin Lawther - for strapping his pet parrot to the windscreen wipers of his car, filming it and then posting it on youtube. He's now complaining because the RSPCA took his parrot away. How about we strap your dick to the windscreen wipers in the middle of a thunderstorm and see how you fare, you fucking ankle.





• The people who are whinging about the increase in electricity transmission prices - these are the same fuckwits who complain about power blackouts in the middle of summer. You idiots - the power blackouts are caused by punnet heads like yourselves putting ya air-conditioners on full bore everyday over summer and by lack of transmission infrastructure - and if you want more infrastructure, it costs this little thing called money. Do you think wires grow on stobie poles, you dickheads?





• Dean Brogan - for saying that good things are just around the corner for Port. Spot on, Broges, good things like your imminent retirement. Au revior, ya big-chinned fuckwit.




• State Labor Government - for signing off on the Seaford Heights housing development. You utter fuckwits. This development is right on the doorstep of one of the world's great wine and tourist regions. And you are about to completely fuck it up forever because you are in the pocket of rich developers. And adding insult to injury is there is no fucking infrastructure down there to support such a massive development. Are you listening to the people?? Does Mt Barker and St Clair ring a bell?? You bastards are fucking shonky beyond belief. No wonder you don't want an Independent Commission for Corruption in South Australia. How much is filthy lucre is going into your backpockets? Fuck off to Puglia, Rann, and take Rau, Foley, Conlon, Finnigan and Snelling with ya.



• Token Bimbo from an un-named financial advisor - whilst running a superannuation board meeting this week, with 3 senior staff in the room, one on the phone and a fund manager representative, we were going through the report, and noticed that one member was in capital guaranteed. After a lengthy discussion around ‘uneducated’, ‘misinformed’ people who get scared and make stupid decisions that cost them a lot of money, it was agreed that she would find out who the person was, and contact them to educate them…..she thought the guy on the phone was quiet……
  
  
  

Round 16 winner

There was a very close battle for supremacy in this week's Chad. Michaelangelo Rucci proved yet again that the Advertiser is a haven for fuckwits who cannot get jobs as real journalists. It is about time Rucci passed his fucking crayon onto someone else who a) doesn't wear black, teal and white coloured glasses; b) can write an article that doesn't whinge about Port being totally crap and looking for someone to blame; and c) isn't a complete and utter fuckwit. But then again, it is the Advertiser so the chances of that occurring are exactly the same as the chances of Steven Salopek going for a hardball or Justin Westhoff successfully reciting the alphabet.
Chad Cornes almost won his own medal. Is that prick deluded, or what? He still reckons he has a lot to offer Port. Like what, fuckwit? An endless supply of dribble? Wake up, dickhead, you are finished as an AFL player. Let's hope you do not end up on radio, like your cockhead old man or vacuous sister-in-law. But the odds on 5AA hiring him once Port give him the arse are lower than Black Caviar winning a race against that great old mare, Tracy Grimshaw. Ooo, won't that be fun - the Cornes family hour, with Studley, Lucy and Chad, discussing how fucking great they are. Hand out the barf bags now.

So Rucci and Chad just miss out on a medal. So who wins. Well, it had to be Neil Craig or Craig Neil or Craig David or whatever fucking name he goes by. It is a well known fact that blokes with a christian name for a surname are fuckwits. Well, Neil has taken this fact to a whole new level. I'm sure Neil doesn't need me to tell him this, he probably has some scientific evidence to prove what a complete fuckwit he is. His nomination this week is for dropping Taylor Walker and ensuring that he will sign for the GWS (Great Whopping Shit). His reason is that Tex does not chase enough. Fair enough but using that reasoning, he should drop the whole fucking side. You're a dickhead, Neil. Walker is the only bloke who can kick a bag of goals in your so-called "playing group". Now there is another reason why Neil gets a Chad. "Playing group", "playing list"- fuck off. It's called a team, Neil. And then there are his press conferences - the fucker has made an art form out of saying absolutely nothing. And when he does try to say something that remotely makes sense, it is total bullshit, like "this is the most exciting playing group we have ever had". Wanker. And then there is the Crows finals record under Neil - perhaps only Glenelg's finals cocksmoking under Rubbers Mickan is worse than the Crows under Neil. But Craig has a long history of being a fuckwit - it didn't start at the Crows. No, it goes way back to when he left Norwood before the start of the 1980 season because he didn't want to play under Neil Balme because he wanted Micky "The Cunt" Nunan to get the job. He had a dummy spit and the Legs showed him the door. So he left Norwood and went to - Sturt! You idiot, Neil. Still, the powder blue outfit suited you perfectly. It worked out very well because Norwood won 2 flags in 82 and 84 and Sturt did sweet fuck all. They are good at that. And then you went on to play for North Adelaide, another team of nobodies and nancy boys. But in a tragic twist, you turned up back at Norwood to coach the club in 1991. What a fucking disaster that was. Five years of misery for Norwood's diehard supporters. After each game, week after week, we had to listen to that fucking squeaky, constipated voice of yours - blah, blah, fucking blah. It reached a nadir when you bagged our captain of the time and club legend, Garry McIntosh, by saying, "The Norwood football club is not Garry McIntosh." Well, it sure as fuck wasn't Neil Craig. This statement has never been forgotten by those who were at the club that day. And Neil likes to talk up his playing days at Norwood but never, ever gives credit to the hard blokes like John Wynne, Kingo Taylor, Neil Button, Tubby Turbill and the late Jim Thiel who protected him and enabled him to get a swag of uncontested possessions. You prick - give credit where credit is due. So Neil, this has been a long-time coming - congratulations on winning this week's Chad Medal. And if you have an acceptance speech organised, fuck off, we don't wanna hear it.

Round 16 nominations

• Tim Mathieson - for wanting to marry Julia Gillard. Are you deaf, dumb and blind, you fuckwit?? Still, what else can you expect from a fucking hairdresser and Frankie J Holden lookalike.



• Kevin Roley Poley Foley - for picking out the wrong guy in a police line-up. You fuckwit. Kevvie, what happened, were you wearing beer goggles at the time the alleged assault took place?



• Fat Pat Conlon - for yet another tram fuck-up. How hard is it to run a tram - fucking plug the power in and press go. Fat Pat, I hope you are not going to be in charge of the Adelaide Oval re-development.



• Umpires at the Norwood v North game - for being fucking cheats. Not only did North recieve 29 frees to Norwood's 17, but 7 of those frees were 15 metres out from North's goal, resulting in 7 charity goals. The main offender was that little cunt in white who obviously missed his ride at the Morphetville races on Saturday. Why don't you take up a career as a jumps jockey, you little fuckwit.



• Michaelangelo Rucci - for blaming Port's complete and utter ineptitude on lack of money. You fuckwit, perhaps if Port got more than 15 people to their games then they might have some cash to play with. And maybe if they didn't waste a shitload of cash on paying out Mark Williams then they might have a bit more to spend. And no amount of money can change the fact that the only people who give a shit about Port are in jail or about to be sentenced. Let's face it, Rucci, Port are a joke and wanna blame everyone else for their state of affairs instead of spending a few moments in the room of mirrors and taking a good, hard look at themselves. You should join them. You are fuckwit, Rucci.



• Planking - why don't you give it a try, Rucci?



• Neil Craig - thanks Neil for letting Norwood have the services of Taylor Walker on the weekend - his 7 goals were very much appreciated! You are an a-grade dickhead, Neil.



• Robbie Gray - for being quite possibly the laziest footballer in the history of the game. I tell ya what, Rucci, instead of paying Gray $400,000 to scratch his arse for 120 minutes each week, why not use the cash to hire a midfield coach who can put more than two syllables together.



• Dean Terlich - the Norwood mid-fielder has a new nickname, "The Arsonist" because everytime the fuckwit gets the ball he burns it.



• Mark Riccuito - for constantly slagging off the SANFL. Hey, fuckwit, have you forgotten that West Adelaide gave you the opportunity to play AFL??



• Kevin Roley Poley Foley - his second nomination this week. Well, well, well, it all comes out eventually. A court has been told that Kevvie, "confronted, accosted, and attempted to force himself" on two young women before he was allegedly assaulted on Waymouth street. So, Kevvie, you were just an innocent victim, minding your own business. You fuckwit. It's time to go, Kevvie.



• Julia Gillard - for another fucking hair-brained scheme. This time $308 million to buy pensioners set-top boxes. Fair dinkum. $308 million so old Betty can spend her afternoons watching Oprah and Dr Phil. Pink batts, anyone?



• WIN tv - for pulling the plug on the new series by the creators of Little Britain, Come Fly With Me, as it was deemed to be too offensive for country folk. For fucksake, that should mean that anything that Karl Stefanovic, Richard Wilkins, Kerry-Anne or Eddie McGuire are associated with should be ripped off air too.



• Female Basketball referee at State Championships – BASA “imported” this little Victorian slut to umpire the Division 1 Blue Ribbon event at the State Championships, only to have the little mole get lost on the way to Wayville for fucks sake – my 8 year old could find Wayville on his pushbike with his eyes closes riding backwards! She then gets to the game late, cracks the shits because the game has started without her (hello whore, it’s about the players, not you ya little inbred cousin of Kane Cornes) then proceeds to call 7 fouls to 0 against Norwood in the first 5 minutes of the game despite the Forestville “players” trampling all over the Norwood players at every opportunity. To top off her effort, she throws out a parent of one of the Norwood players for saying “that’s 7 fouls to none ref” – no shit, she stopped the game and threatened a forfeit on Norwood unless the person left the stadium! At last count the fouls were 31-11 in favour of the home team! What a coincidence that the 3 coach’s from Forestville were trying to root her at quarter time and half time!



• Plankers - what sort of fucking dildo thinks this is a clever thing to do? Attention seeking much you fuckwits? What's wrong with the tried and true pissed pursuits of knocking off traffic cones and pissing in someone's front yard?



• The NSW hunter who tripped on a log and shot himself in the leg - next time put the banjo down first dickhead



• Fred Basset - still as unfunny as Hamish and Andy. I hope the cunt who writes that shit chokes on his faber castell fucken pencils.



• Roishene Lavender-Muldoon - when asked by the Advertiser street talk if she thought the 5cent coin should be removed from circultion she replied - " Yes. I don't like it. It's small and irritating and kids can swallow it " You fucken idiot, that comment could be more justifiably applied to yourself.



• Nathan van Berlo - said Collingwood should be wary of the Crows midfield this week. Hahahahahahaha you're a funny cunt aren't you, ooooooohhhh Richard Douglas, Brent Reilly, Michael Doughty, Collingwood would be shitting broken glass you fucking numnut.



• Michael K - another pearler from the Advertiser street talk when asked if he had a marriage back up plan cried because 'gays can't get married'. You can't keep fucken Sturt supporters happy can you?


• Andrew Jarman - for complaining that noone from Port returned his phonecalls when he offered them his services. Jars, you fucking boofhead, it is no wonder - they need a mid-field coach, not a fucking arseclown who did fuck all when he coached North Adelaide and even less when he coached West Perth. If it is any consolation, Jars, Michaelangelo Rucci won't return my calls - I left him the following message, "Rucci, you retarded fucking chimp, please call me ASAP as I wish to discuss a brilliant idea I have which basically involves you shutting the fuck up." I left similar messages for Rowey and Cornesy. No response from them either.


• "Razor" Ray Chamberlain - for being a jumped up little arsewipe. The fucking wrong Chamberlain got taken by a dingo when they were a baby.


• Sturt - no specific reason this week other than the well-established fact that they are pack of deadset soft-cocks.


• Chad Cornes - for having a sook because he is not a walk-up start to get a game for Port. You fuckwit. You are too old, too slow, too often. And what's more, you have a fucking ridiculous lisp. How about putting on a bib before you open your mouth - the amount of dribble that drops from your gob would fill the Hoover Dam.
  
  
  
  

Round 15 Winner

The winner of The Chad Medal this weeks sticks out like Julia Gillard's nose, or arse for that matter, it is the AFL. This week's ridiculous decision to suspend Melbourne's Jack Trengove for 3 weeks for a perfectly legitimate tackle on Adelaide player Rodney Dangerfield has sent out an alarming warning that if a stand is not taken soon, the game of football as we know it is fucked.

The AFL has proven over especially the last 10 years that they don't give a tinkers shit about the true football follower, the one that goes to watch their team go in hard, show a bit of shit and see a good and honest physical contest. They are far more concerned with the perception of the game being one which do gooder, hippie, tree hugging, mongoloid, cocksmoking fuckarses consider to still be too barbaric and not the sort of game that they would want their precious little Cornelius playing. So the AFL has continually pandered to this fucking stupid misconception by screwing around with the game to the extent that it's fast becoming unrecognisable to the supporters who grew up with it and subsequently want to hang Demetriou and his gimps by their nuts as a result of their frustration.

Time after time the AFL changes the game, and why? If it ain't broke, don't fucking fix it. They continue to introduce rule changes to the game on a yearly basis which seems to the outsider as nothing more than something to justify their wages. 2.3 MILLION DOLLARS - that's what Demetriou is getting to fuck the game. The constant tinkering with the rules does nothing more than frustrate everyone because a) most true blue footballing people can see no need to change most rules b) the changes are taking away one of the great parts of our game- the fact that it's a physical game played by grown men.People want to see physical clashes and people being rewarded for putting their body over the ball, not rewarding softcocks who try and felch off those who do the right thing. Who wants to see a game full of Matt Connell's? c) by penalising players for going in hard they are risking more serious injury because as anyone who has played the game at any level would know, if you enter a contest at anything less than 100% you are far more susceptible to getting seriously hurt. d) the current rules are basically encouraging players to play for frees, so they are doing so. How many fucking players duck their heads going into a contest these days? It fucking shits me, but they have little other option because that's what the game ( aka AFL ) is telling them the best way to get a cheap free in a contest is. How many head injuries have occurred as a direct result of this, and how many more are going to occur before a Neil Sachse type incident happens? e) by tampering with the game they don't give the umpires the chance to work on getting existing rules right in the first place, so they continually have to keep changing their interpretations of footballing basics ( eg. can any cunt explain the holding the ball, advantage rule, or push in the back rules with any confidence any more? ) thereby making for more inconsistency and frustration for everyone.

The AFL would counter this by saying how better off financially the game is today than previously. The AFL may be but many of the clubs themselves are struggling. And as fucking annoyed as everyone gets with the fucking around with the game, it's still our number 1 winter national sport so people ( myself included ) are still going to watch the game ( only on tv though, crows and powder supporters shit me, fuck me I have to travel to Melbourne to watch my team once a year to gain any sanity from the modified game live )because they still love the sport. The dropping attendances at some AFL games are a better indicator of frustration because I for one, and I'm not the only one, would much rather go and watch an SANFL game than an AFL game because you can still lay a tackle and not get three years in Pentridge. I fear this may not always be so though because of the Crows and Power get ressies teams in the SANFL, which if the AFL wants them to it will get it, will fuck that comp too. Also the salary cap and other financial restrictions which are enforced by the SANFL ( which lets face it is nothing more than the AFL's bitch ) are nothing more than the AFL attempting to make all state league comps on an even keel.

So the AFL are fucking the game like a horny jack russell on a fat sheila's leg yet they are not held accountable, fuck me you can't even say they or their cronies have done a shit job because they will fine you. After the absolutely ludicrous decision to rub Jack Trengove out for 3 weeks a few of his Melbourne teammates voiced their concerns that the decision was completely fucked and they have as a consequence been sanctioned. Even Jack Watts' mum had a crack for fucksake and her son isn't exactly what you would call a hardnut. The only encouraging things to come out of this fiasco are that the entire footballing community has united as one to say it's bullshit and Trengove has said he will continue to play in the same vein. Good on ya kid, stick it up their arses.So the AFL can make any decision they like with no repercussions, as long as the money keeps rolling in everyone else can get fucked. You know what they call that - a fucking dictatorship, with Demetriou as the head and Anderson as the foreskin.Well fuck you Mussolini Demetriou, the quicker the game rids itself of you and your little monkey boy Adrian the better. It's time the clubs and the footballing public united as one and take a stand to fuck you off and reclaim our great game before it's too late.

So the AFL have won The Chad Medal this week. On behalf of all true football followers I sincerely hope I get the chance to present it to the head of the organisation and wring his fucken neck with it.

More Round 15 Nominations

• Channel 10 - 11am Sunday morning - The Circle highlights. Lets watch 30min of that fat sheila crap on about how the weight she is porking on is bacause she's up the duff and not just because she can't stop sticking her snout in a trough full of lard.They aren't even fucking trying anymore are they?
• Isobel Redmond - proved that politicians are low on both sides of the political spectrum by putting up a Liberal Party tent at the Mothers Day Walk at Elder Park. To promote yourself like that such an event is fucking pisspoor, you should shack up with Media Mike, it seems you are of the same cloth after all.
• Port Power - fucking hilarious, Hawthorn played a quarter of footy and belted nine colours of shit out of them.
• Unley Oval - it is a shithole. They leave dogturds on the ground, you can't get a park closer than Mt Barker, and you can only get into half the ground to watch which means you are forced to be in close proximity to the Sturt fuckwit supporters.
• The Advertiser - put a picture of Kate Middleton going shopping as their front page. And you wonder why the eastern states take the piss.
• Alicia Silverstone - named her son Bear Blu. Fuck celebrities are cunts, that poor kid is gonna get the piss taken out of it for the rest of it's life. Hey Bear, do you shit in the woods?
• Australia's Got Talent - after viewing 5 mins I can categorically say no it fucking doesn't.

Round 15 Nominations

• The Adelaide Crows - for being the most exciting bunch of soft-cocks in the AFL. It was so exciting to watch them lick the boots of the Demons and then throw in the towel when it got all got too hard, 15 seconds into the match. To paraphrase Bill Woodfull, there were two teams at the MCG on Sunday but only one was playing football.



• Neil Craig - for finding new ways to say absolutely sweet fuck all during his post-match press conferences. Craigy, how hard is to say, "we were fucking soft"?



• Nathan Bracken - for being a bigger bimbo than his bimbo-extraordinaire wife. Nathan is definitely the bitch in that relationship.



• Commentators who continually refer to "unsociable football" - you fuckwits, it's called going hard at every contest, something that all players should do, shouldn't they? Unless of course you play for Adelaide, in which case Craigy requires you to tuck your freshly ironed jumper in to your shorts, pull up your nice clean socks, bow and curtsy to your opponent, before bending over and meekly surrending without a yelp.



• The AFL tribunal - for killing football. The three-match ban given to Melbourne's Jack Trengove for laying a perfectly legitimate tackle on Dangerfield has signalled the death nell for football. Fair dinkum, you get a harder contest in the National Netball League these days. It is the most disgraceful tribunal decision in the history of the game. Apparently, before you tackle a bloke these days, you have to offer him a cuppa tea and a biscuit. Fuck you, AFL.



• AFL umpires - for awarding a 50 metre penalty to a Carlton player which resulted in a certain goal because St Kilda's Kossie gave the player a spray. So you can't say, "ya mum wears army boots" anymore? Fuck you, AFL.



• Michael Voss - for refusing to change anything about how he is coaching Brisbane, despite the fact that they are 0-6, were bottom last year, and are playing like busted arses. You are a deadset fuckwit, Vossy.



• Rowey and Cornesy - for the umpteenth time. For squealing like stuck pigs because Sheeds rated Van Berlo as the worst captain in the AFL. It is embarrassing that they supposedly represent the voice of South Australia.



• Channel 10 commentator, Andrew Maher - for his fucking stoooooopid interview with Carlton's Nick Duigan after Carlton beat St Kilda by 3 points in front of a crowd of 40,000 people. The fuckwit's first question to Duigs was, "so how does it feel playing in front of such a big crowd after playing to crowds of less than 500 last year?" You complete and utter fuckwit, Maher. Duigs played for Norwood, not South Adelaide. The Legs average around 5,000 a game. And he played in the SANFL grand final in front of crowd of over 40,000. So why don't you fuck off and commentate on something you are more suited too, like the Mardi Gras. Hopefully, a string of other fuck knuckles will join you, like Rowey, Kym Dillon, Riccuito, Tredders, Dittmar, Liam Pickering, Brad Johnson etc fucking etc.



• Julia Gillard - shut the fuck up. Can't you get a voice-over bloke to replace your voice??

Round 14 Winner

The winner of round 14 of The Chad Medal is America. If you hadn't already come to the conclusion that Americans are moonshine drinking, sibling loving, gun toting fuckwit megalomaniacs before the death of Osama Bin Laden, then their over the top reaction to his death allayed ( or is that Allahed ) any doubts anyone would have had.

"And the rocket's red glare, the bombs bursting in air, Gave proof thru the night that our flag was still there "

"And where is that band who so vauntingly swore That the havoc of war and the battle's confusion, A home and a country should leave us no more! Their blood has washed out of their foul footsteps' pollution "

"Praise the Power that hath made and preserved us a nation. Then conquer we must, when our cause is just, And this be our motto: " In God is our trust " "

Just a few excerpts from the Star Spangled Banner which go to prove that Americans are a bunch of dickheads. All balls no fucken brains - yeehaw lets bomb the fuck out of everything BillyBob. They don't need war to fuck their country, years of inept political mismanagement have bent their country over and opened up the KY jar. " Then conquer we must, when our cause is just " yeah we all know the only two causes you cunts think are just - raping the resources from the nations you 'intervene' and being able to puff your fucking chests out saying we are so fucking great, a giant fucking pissing contest. The rest of the world is on to you cunts, we're all just hesitant to intervene in case Cletus and his ten eyed sister push the wrong button and vaporise us all.

Yeah you're so fucking great, so why the fuck did it take 10 years and billions of dollars to find a hairy old cunt who sits at home watching himself on tv? Bin Laden's old man died in Saudi Arabia in 1967 when a US pilot 'misjudged' a landing. So you knew the family were fucken shonky yet you let little Obama, sorry Osama grow up into the gonad he became.

Have a look a CNN and the American media is constantly showing and condemning mad fundamentalist nutbags celebrating en masse when they blow up and kill people, yet when the yanks found out that Bin Laden was dead they ran out to the streets dancing, singing, pissing on and generally acting like a bunch of ignorant fuckwits. Do you fuckers really think that's the way survivors of 9/11 or their families would have wanted people to react? Make no mistake, the world is a far better place for that cunt being dead, but to go on like the American public did smacked of hypocrisy and ignorance, two things that America has deeply entrenched in their society and culture.

So America, you as a nation can rejoice again as you are the best in the world at something, being a bunch of complete fuckwits, and that is why you have won this weeks' Chad Medal. Celebrate as only you know how, drink some moonshine, fuck your sister, and accidentally shoot uncle Hoss in the arse after mistaking him for a cougar.

Round 14 Nominees

• Coopers - for selling their souls by using the Royal fucking wedding in one of their ads. Yeah I know you are in the business of making money and promote yourselves accordingly but that made we want to fucken spew. When I look at a grog ad I want to see what piss is on special, not that fucken bollocks.


• Liquorland - see Coopers.


• Masterchef - what a load of fucken plonk. Dumbfucks with nothing better to do dry rooting a shepherds pie just to win the approval of a fat pig with jowls like a morbidly obese bulldog.


• Channel Ten - for putting on shit shows like Masterchef which gets people eating cholesterol laden crap, then having the gall to put on The Biggest Loser to promote healthy eating. You know how these cunts got so fat? By eating from recipes off Masterchef that's fucking how.


• Marie Shaw - former District Court judge and current lawyer missed a hearing in the Court of Criminal Appeal because she missed her flight back from Melbourne with... drumroll ......... Tiger Fucking Airways. Why the fuck is someone who would be on the coin she is be flying with those fucken cowboys, open ya purse ya fucken scrooge and get on a carrier that might get you to your destination within 3 weeks of the designated time frame.Tight as a fishes arsehole, you make Monty Burns look like The Fev.


• Tiger Airways - left 150 people stranded at Adelaide Airport when they cancelled a scheduled flight due to an engine inspection. It was later revealed that the inspection never found an engine but 15 deceased hamsters in a fucking wheel.


• Wayne Chivell - SA judge who thought it appropriate to sentence filthy cunt Stuart Andrew Thomson to only 3 years jail with a non parole period of 18 months for punching, slapping, and breaking the arm of a 2 year old child. The judicial system is officially fucked.


• The weasel who robbed a 46 year old wheelchair bound man - you cunt, pulling this bloke out of his chair and leaving him on the ground whilst you rob him makes you a real tough man doesn't it, fucken shitball.


• Rod Campbell - ABC footy commentator who during last week's Sturt v North game compared Matthew Duldig to Jack Reiwoldt. Just one difference numbnut, Reiwoldt can play footy, Duldig is a fucking plank.


• Americans - fuck me they're wankers. To celebrate the death of Bin Laden the yanks decided to go off like Nicole Cornes at Stewie Dew's house and make complete fucknuts of themselves. Yeah it's good the fucker is dead but going on like that makes you look no better than the terrorist mobs when they celebrate bombing someone.


• Chris Dittmar - thought it would be a good idea to name the media centre at the newly refurbished Adelaide Oval after KKKKen Cuntingham. Why not name the disabled dunnies after Nugget Rees while your at it.


• NZ Teachers Council - sacked Auckland teacher Rachel Whitwell for appearing in Australian Penthouse and 'bringing the profession in to disrepute'. In the words of the great Jim Royle - my arse. It's good to see a female teacher that doesn't look like she wears Depends and shops at fucking Millers, more I say!


• NSW police - seized $450,000 worth of cannabis in a raid on a former nightclub and were so happy with their raid they started taking pictures of themselves with the stash. Unfortunately whilst they were busy taking happy snaps and pulling each others dicks a couple of people took the opportunity to liberate $23,000 worth of the seized drugs. Didn't see that shit on Underbelly did we?


• Port Power - another week another insipid display, this time against the might of the previously winless North Melbourne. Make no bones about it, North Melbourne are shit, so to lose to them by 10 goals in a manner which one could only describe as spineless and weak reflects how pathetic the club has become, and I fucken love it, wallow in your own shit cunts.


• Glenelg - once again Glenelg has shown as much stomach for a fight as an French Infantryman by losing to Centrals on Sunday by 75 points, this despite Centrals only having 17 fit men for half of the game. Still I suppose 17 fit men are still better than 21 fluttering fucking fairies.


• People who toot their car horn when they are leaving someone's house - you know you are leaving and they know you are leaving, so why fucking do it, to see if they died whilst you were getting in the car? Fuckwits. Cunts who do that should have their car horn shoved up their arse, or worse, be made to attend Glenelg/Port Power games as punishment.


• Treasurer Jack "Off" Snelling - for selling off yet another of this state's stable income streams (the forests in the South East) for a bag of magic beans. Remember the TAB that they sold for a packet of smarties? Jack be nimble, Jack be quick, Jack is a fair dinkum fuckwit.


• Health Minister John Hill - for saying that the financing cost of building the proposed new Royal Adelaide Hospital is not really part of the cost. Ah, so, John, if I borrow money to build a new home, I don't have to worry about paying any interest? With that logic, you could replace Jack Off as treasurer.


• Luke Jarrad (Woodville West Torrens pillow-biter) - for consistently avoiding the hard-ball against Norwood. He played so fucking wide that he spent 90% of the game in the Western Grandstand. The other 10% was spent shitting his panties.


• Warren Tredrea - no particular reason other than he is a fair dinkum dick with ears.


• Bieber Fever - the little runt looks like he could pull on a powder blue guernsey and play for Sturt.


• People who constantly say "at the end of the day" - shut the fuck up. At the end of the day comes night, fuckwits.


• The anti-alcohol lobby - these are the same fucking people who took the shirt-front out of football. Fuck off and watch some re-runs of The Collectors.


• Graham Cornes - for suggesting that Chad should not have been dropped from Port. Listen, Studley, both of your shithead sons are tripe. And they have fucking ridiculous lisps. Get am to go and watch the King's Speech. They are the main reason for the "cultural problem" at Port. And part of the cultural problem in this state. They are products of both you and Glenelg so that means they fell out of the fuckwit tree and hit every branch on the way down. Can't you and the rest of your family re-locate? I understand a nice mansion with really good security has just come on to the market in downtown Pakistan.


• Kym Dillon - for not understanding the meaning of "you're fired".


• 5aa - for hiring Kym Dillon. Jesus, you got rid of one turd in Dittmar and replaced him with another! What is it with you fuckwits? You've just added another to your conga line of suckholes. Conlon, Kenneally, Blakey, Doyle, Byner, Blair, Rowey, Studley, Josh Carr, Wog Boy Rucci, Daniel Norton, Fathead Francis. What a line-up of complete and utter fuckwits.


• ACCC - for having less balls than Luke Jarrad. Let's just all bend over and take it from Coles and Woolies.


• Julia Gillard - for a) going to the Royal Wedding b) wearing a satellite dish on the side of her head to the wedding and c) no matter what she wears, she can't hide that big fat ass of hers.


• The Logies - only winning a best and fairest at Port Adelaide has less merit.


• Pakistan - not only do the dodgy bastards cheat at cricket, but they also harbour fucking terrorists.


• Caroline Wilson - for being described as "the first lady of football". Luke Jarrad already has that title stitched up.


• Radio MMM - for only ever playing one song from artists. Eg the Doors (Light My Fire), Led Zep (Stairway To Heaven), The Who (My Generation), Cold Chisel (Khe Sahn), Pearl Jam (Better Man), Rolling Stones (It's Only Rock N Roll But I Like It), U2 (Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For), Green Day (Time Of Your Life), Guns N Roses (Patience). Open your ears, fuckwits, these artists have more than one song that is woth some airplay. They are also nominated for playing anything by Creed, Nickleback, Good Charlotte, Genesis and the most over-rated hippy cunt in the world, John Butler.