Summer series - week 4 nominees

• New Zealand - NZ's state-run Accident Compensation Corporation recently released figures showing the cost of treatment, rehabilitation, and compensation for accidents recorded for 2010 Christmas Day topped $1.45 million. This included claims for several ham-related injuries - including carving mishaps and burns, neck and knee strains from heavy hams and a crushed finger after a ham fell off a stand ( this claimant was later discovered to be the husband of former PM Helen Clark ). Why the fuck would you run an insurance company in that joint? They are a deadset bunch of dumbfucks, you know what the NZ health body should be fucken subsidising - condoms and abortions. It's shit like that that makes you think when Charles Darwin was penning his thoughts he didn't have NZ in his thoughts cause they contravene everything he wrote.

• The Ramp Shot - Another marvellous innovation spurned from fucknuts like Ryan Campbell in one-dayers and now is more rife than a Cornes in a newspaper by virtue of 20 fucking 20. There's a good message to send out to the kiddies, fuck the straight drive, do this instead. Yep 20/20 is great for the game. If I was bowling to someone and the prick played the ramp shot you know where the next ball would be? Right at the cunts head, and it wouldn't fucken bounce. Fucken ramp that you cunt, if you're looking for your front teeth I just saw em flying down to fineleg.

• Moises Henriques - NSW cricketer who always has the look of a bloke who's dropped 10 bucks and found 10 cents. Always has a girly 'injury', acts like his shit doesn't stink but does fuck all. Played a couple of one-dayers for Australia, and did a heartstring, apparently his idol is Shaun Tait.

• Adelaide United - at the start of the season main sponsor Stratco offered them $2000 per goal towards a Burundi health and water project. The way those cunts are playing the poor Burundian buggers won't even have enough money for a pura tap

• Raymond Lahey - Canadian Catholic Bishop charged with importing kiddie porn has apologised in court. I'll bet you're sorry, sorry you got caught you filthy cunt.

• The arsehole who complained about the noise of the horn, bell and carols coming from the annual Father Christmas Lolly Run in Davoren Park - you shitbag, it's not as if you would have had a job to get up for in the morning anyway. Did it distract you from breaking into that Commodore you were trying to pinch?

• Archie Thompson - scored a goal against the Fiona Coote sponsored Melb Heart and proceeded to celebrate by trying to pull his shirt over his head twice, and both times fucked it up. This prick has got to be the most overrated striker ever to be produced by this country.

• Church Leaders - want the people of Sth Aus to share the joy and peace of Christmas and urged people not only to include their family and friends, but also to reach out to the lonely and socially isolated. Before you preach to me about how to conduct my life how about you fuckwits get your flock to stop touching up little kids first. Maybe then I might give your words some fucking credence.

• The shitbag who knocked down an 82yr old lady to steal her handbag - hopefully they catch this turd and string him up by his nards, fucken scumbag.

• Gerry Harvey - fucken piss and moan, you've made millions you miserable old bastard and you crack the shits because people you're not making enough, and that's what all your recent bleating amounts to - you're a greedy, piss stained old cunt. Go Harvey go, get fucked Gerry Harvey CUNT.

• The 26yr old bloke in Qld who badly burned his hands after using petrol to light his BBQ - his efforts at becoming the next Ian Hewittson resulted in two houses having blistered paint and a car torched. And of course a pair of hands that ended up looking like an overcooked BLT after he tried to pat out the flames with his hands. Qld fire commissioner Colin May warned people to use common sense when firing up the BBQ over the festive season. I think what Colin meant was we're busy enough at this time of year without having to waste our time dealing with fucking stupid ex-pat Port Adelaide supporters.

• Kevin Foley - And I quote " I'm out of pubs, out of clubs - not that I was doing that a lot, but I'm not going to be going to hotels. I've got a new life. I'm not going to do that anymore. It's just too difficult for me if I'm out ". Hahahahaha, it's only difficult for you because you're an egotistical, pissheaded, sleazy old meglomaniac who tries rooting other blokes women and doesn't like being rejected by women half your age. Women state wide would be happy if you actually followed through with that promise - but let's face it being a politician we've got about as much chance of that happening as The Chad doing an interview without drowning the interviewer. Remember this quote in a few weeks when Roly Poly gets his head punched in for trying to dry root a 22 year old blonde in a nightclub.

Summer Series Winner - Week 3

Tis the season to be a cunt, falalala go and get fucked. Now I've got the Christmas greetings out of the way I'll move on to the winner of this weeks award. Actually before I do it would be remiss of me not to give another cheerio to last weeks winner Jesus. Hope you had a top birthday , and thanks for not coming back, those poor bastards who got shot in the US or the bloke who lost his family in a house fire will be eternally grateful to you ya shaggy headed, lazy-arsed fucken twat.

And so to the winner of this weeks award. This bloke used to be someone who Australian kids could look at and go " I want to be like that when I grow up ", a fat, beer swilling, chain smoking, fast food munching, pants man who was one of the greatest sportsmen this country, nay this fucking world, has ever produced. I speak of course of none other than Shane Keith Warne.Warnie was a bloke who people could relate to, he liked the finer things in life and fuck anyone who told him he had to give them up. And the thing was whilst he was indulging himself with such gluttonous fervour, he still managed to be at the very top of his game in the greatest game of all - cricket. He could bowl 35 overs , have a packet of ciggies, drink 10 beers, eat 4 pizzas, and fuck some random strumpet, all in the course of one day, and still fucken rock up the next day and perform for his country. That is the Australian way my friend. That is the ideals this great country of ours was founded on - she'll be right, pass us a fucken beer, if ya don't like it blow it out your fucken arse ya wowser cunt.

That WAS Warnie. What the fuck has happened to the cunt now? He's dropped off the kilos, is moderating his diet ( fucken diet shakes, go and get fucked, icecream, full cream milk and a shitload of chocolate is the only sort of shake the old Warnie would have had ), has been to the panel beaters/tupperware/the fucken botox warehouse to 'fix' his melon, dresses like Molly Meldrum is picking his wardrobe, has a set of teeth that would provide more illumination than any fucken light tower in Australia, and is trying to act like a responsible citizen. Well fucken spew. The clincher for me was his recent dribble about the excessive amount of cricket being played being the reason for player injuries being on the increase, but fuck me don't can the 20/20 fucken dogshit. Now yes there is too much ONE-DAY AND FUCKEN 20/20 ( if you can call that insult to the game ) cricket being played. There is no such thing as too much test cricket, the truest, purest form of the game. As reticent as I am to agree with Indian cricketers, a recent speech by Indian cricketer Rahul Dravid was right on the money. Less one-dayers and make this 20/20 abortion only on a domestic level. You however Warnie have sold your arse like a ladyboy in downtown Bangkok ( or Unley ). The very game you made your name in, and were most revered for, TEST CRICKET, you seem to have abandoned to fleece your fucken pockets. Well fuck you, I was there at the MCG when you bowled Andrew Strauss to get your 700th test wicket, and I was as happy as a dog with two dicks. You know how many 20/20 games I've been to see you play - fucken none. And if I was to watch you play any game now I would fucken razz you, ya wanna know why? Because you're a fucken sellout, you've sold out everything that got you to where you are, the sight of you these days makes me wanna spew and that's why you win The Chad Medal this week.

Summer series - week 3 nominations

• Kim Jong-il - great to see the demise of another fucking despot. His biggest crime was bringing the beige zip-up safari suit back into vogue. Team America finally got the cunt. Fuck you Aric Baldrin ( if you haven't seen the Team America film that won't mean a lot to you, so fucken watch it - it's gold )


• Adelaide United - being aligned to the North Adelaide footy club has been a roaring success. If Kosmina fails, talk is that they will bring back Zoran Matic. And if he fails, Greg Griffin has a line direct through to Johnny Warren.


• Shaun Tait - the "Wild Thing" was anything but against the Adelaide Strikers. You know you are shit when Cam Borgas can hit you for two consecutive sixes with shots I wouldn't play in the backyard. To make matters worse, Taity cancelled a beer with Borgas after the game. Harden up, princess. Must have been distraught at the thought of missing out on his weekly pounding from Molly Meldrum.


• Bikies - for fucksake, rather than putting innocent people at risk in your fucking stupid war, just sort your differences out in a game of paintball or skirmish.


• The Beach Boys - have reformed to undertake a world tour. For fucksake, why? Two Wilsons are dead, Brian is not far away and Mike Love is still a fucking no talent cunt. For fucksake, help me Rhonda.


• The cost of living in South Australia - get fucked.


• Jack Snelling - see the cost of living in South Australia.


• Molly Meldrum - the old queen finally opened his eyes after being in a coma. All it took was for a doctor to say that a young boy band was in the hospital room.


• Prosecutors in the Fabian Francis case - they have asked for a jail term for Francis to send a message that society says no to violence. Fair call but why the fuck didn't they call for the same for that dog Eugene McGee. Cunts.


• Lily the stolen chihuahua - the fucking little bitch is trying to cut Harry's lunch. When Frank Pangello approached him for an interview, Harry said, "Lily is a slut, a fucking fame whore - she thinks she's fucking Lara Bingle". Harry then cocked his leg and signed his name on Frank's shoes.


• The dickhead who returned Lily - police are now questioning him in relation to the break-in that resulted in Lily's disappearance. This guy is so dumb that Port Adelaide have offered him a coaching role.


• The idiot from Fisherman's Bend who set fire to his house and was burnt in the process resulting in his arrest - he makes the dickhead who returned Lily the fame whore chihuahua seem like a Rhodes Scholar.


• William Smiley "Fritz" - the dirty cunt who has been caught once again "up-skirting". Gives a new meaning to "smile, you're on candid camera". The prick has escaped a jail term. He should have got life for that shot of Jenny Williams' crown jewels that he posted on eBay.


• Mary-Louise Hribal - the judge who didn't jail William Smiley for "up-skirting". Maybe old Fritz had some special photos of Mary-Louise?


• The cockhead who spiked his own drink so he could have his way with himself - he now faces a 5 year sentence for spaking his monkey without consent. Take note other well known wankers out there, like Kyle Sandilands, Julia Gillard, Kevin Rudd, Jack Snelling, Keith Conlon, Mick Malthouse, Chad Kroeger, Chad Cornes, Graham Cornes, Lucy Cornes, Shaun Tait, Michael Clarke and Ken McGregor.


• Sally Pearson - for doing the usual thing for Aussie atheletes who are hot favourites to win Olympic gold and injuring herself.


• People who don't think cannabis does them any harm - really, then how do you explain when you've got the munchies and just gone up the servo for the eighth time in a night for a packet of chips, a frozen yiros and a bag of self raising flour to eat and forgotten you've already been there 7 times before you drugfucked wankers.


• Indian Booze Bootleggers - killed 102 people and sent dozens to hospital with bootleg leg liquor (thought to be XXXX beer) laced with chemicals to increase potency. It wasn't the chemicals they put in that killed em, it was the clean, uncontaminated water. On the plus side there are now 102 less fucking incompetent, shifty taxidrivers in the world.


• The captain and crew of a people smuggling vessel who jumped ship and left the 'passengers' to drown - a fan of illegals I ain't but that's a fair dinkum cunt act. Mind you, not a lot different to what Messrs Rann and Foley have done to this state.


• The Big Bash - bash it up your arse, it's a fucking disgrace. I watched two overs on Sunday night and turned over in disgust, there was Ricky Ponting batting at the WACA dressed in an outfit that made him look like a fucking Ribena berry. Who the fuck picked these uniforms, Molly Meldrum while he was still in a coma? The cricket is shit, and it's making a mockery of the game. I mean for fucksake Brad Hogg is playing.


• Cricket Australia - have proved they are mere dollar craving sluts (just like Nicole Cornes) by canning all first class cricket whilst the Big Bash (or as it shall be referred to from this day forward - The Newton/Foley) is on. No Shield cricket till February, go and get fucked. A big series coming up against the Indians and blokes are supposed to find test standard form bowling against 83yr olds like Matt Hayden and batting against Brad Hogg's fucken pies that Stuart MacGill looks like he has been tucking into.


• The Australian Cricket Team - quote former skipper Graham Yallop - "It is a matter of application and concentration. They all try to play too many balls away from their body, off stump and their front pad. They are paying the consequences of not getting in behind the ball." And so say all of us, it's that fucking blatant.


• Warnie - The gay Matt Hayden lookalike has proven that whilst he has managed to keep little Shane in his pants recently it hasn't increased his brain capacity. He has gone and complained that there is too much cricket being played, and that is responsible for the amount of injuries occurring, but then gone on and said there should be a separate part of the cricketing calendar set aside for the Newton/Foley. They're doing that now you fucking peroxide toothed sellout, what do want them to do - shitcan more test cricket - you know PROPER FUCKING CRICKET -in favour of more of this 20/20 fucking dogs breakfast pile of steaming fucking pigshit abortion of the game? Pull your fucking head in cunt, you should be fucking ashamed of yourself.


• Jon Bon Jovi - unfortunately, reports of his death were false. He's wanted, wanted, dead, not alive.


• Roger Graham Crawford - quite possibly the lowest cunt in Adelaide, even lower than Eugene McCunt. This bastard was charged with sexually abusing seven intellectually kids but the charges were dropped because the kids were deemed as "unreliable witnesses". I have come across some fucking bullshit before, but this has to be one of the biggest travesties of justice going around. Every dog has its day, you evil sick cunt.


• Xavier Doherty - the Tasmanian alleged spinner (noone has ever come forward to admit ever seeing this cunt turn the ball) is "looking forward to measuring himself up against Stuart MacGill" in the Newton/Foley match in Inbredsville. Xavier, I think you are going to fail on two counts - Stewie is fucking a lot fatter than you plus he can actually spin the ball, even at the age of 50.


• Meningie Football Club - for signing Daniel Motlop. There must be a shitload of blue green algae in the River Murray at Meningie. Jesus, not even Tailem Bend would contemplate signing this lazy cunt.


• Laurie O'Shea - the serial cunt/pedo has once again been found guilty of kiddy fiddling but has received only two years in jail. For fucksake - the minimum sentence for the cunt should be to have his fucking cock chopped off with a rusty blunt razor. Followed by a bullet in the head.


• Canberra bosses - as if working in that shithole is not bad enough, pollies have been rated as the nation's worst bosses, with employees rating the lost of them at best "cunts". No fucking shit, Sherlock. Imagine having to work for a deadset arsehole like Kevin Rudd.


• Azaria Chamberlain - what is the fucking point in a fourth inquest. We all know one of the Chamberlain boys did it. The dingo is fucking innocent!


• Westfield Marion - for advertising 36 hours of non-stop shopping. For fucksake, I'd rather go to Kerobokan Prison than spend 36 hours shopping in that fucking hell-hole.


• Adelaide Police - for fining people $130 for jaywalking outside places like the Casino. Dickheads. Wouldn't be about revenue raising for Mr Snelling, would it? How about you fuckwits do some real crime-work like stopping the bikies, putting pedos behind bars for life, and giving Eugene McGee an all expenses paid Christmas holiday in Yatala.


• Health Minister John Hill - smart move, fuckhead, building a hospital on the most contaminated piece of land in South Australia, apart from Unley Oval. At least the poor cunts who get affected by the toxic fumes won't have far to go to hospital. This State Government is completely fucked. What a great legacy, Rann and Foley - a fucking poisonious hospital, a tram that won't operate in summer and a fucking de-salination plant that will never get used. Good on ya.


• Auckland - not only are they home to the world's most retarded accent, but now they are home to the world's creepiest Santa. The Whitecoulls Santa has a sly winking left eye and a disturbing "come hither" moving index finger. This Santa was very popular with the local sheep.


• David Dopp - just six hours after winning a $350,000 Lamborghini, the dickhead crashed it. Very Dopey Dave Dopp. No surprises to find he's from the USA.


• Dennis Storm and Valerio Zeno - the Dutch tv hosts were filmed having their flesh removed by a top chef and then the two fucking weirdos ate each other's flesh live on telly. Not a lot different to Mel and Kochie who eat each other's arses every morning. Apparently, this has given Darren Simpson some new ideas for his "signature" KFC dishes.


• Kanye West - for chucking a hissy fit and kicking a fan out of his concert for throwing a business card on stage. Apparently, Kayne said the card was a security risk. What about the permanent brain damage those at the concert risked by having to listening to the shit that sprouts from this goon. Scott West would be a better rapper than Kanye and he is borderline mentally retarded and talks like he has a mouthful of Terry Wallace's cock n balls.


• California lifeguards - for saving the life of "actor" Gerard Butler who nearly drowned while surfing. They should have let the Scottish git drown for appearing in the movie, "P.S I Love You." P.S. Get Fucked.


• The Brazilian mother who gave birth to a two-headed baby - she called one "Ricky" and the other "Ponting".


• Kevin Sheedy - for suggesting that Chad Cornes will be able to offer the young GWS list "guidance and steel". Good one, Sheeds, ya senile cunt. The only guidance Chad will provide is on how to be a complete fuckwit and how to get a root from ya step-mom while the only steel that is associated with Broges is that the fucking chin-fucker steals oxygen.

Summer series - winner week 2

After careful consideration the winner of this weeks medal is Jesus. It's no surprise the cunt was a carpenter, typical fucken tradie, shows up for a while, says he's coming back, then fucken nothing. He died for our sins apparently, well fuck me the world's come along in leaps and bounds since hasn't it, genocide, violations of human rights, and the Cornes family just to name 3 examples of how he hasn't made fuck all difference. The only thing he started was a church that deemed it fine to be a pack of fucking paedophiles and profiteers who promote his word of doing the right thing, and then go and do the complete fucking opposite. Good work mate, your followers are doing a fucken great job. If you ever do decide to come back you might want to sort that lot out for a start before you start looking at anyone else.

Think about it, a bloke strolling round with twelve others who've got his back telling everyone how they should conduct their lives. Disciples my arse, they were his heavies and he was the leader of the gang. You know what they call that these days - a fucken crime syndicate, yep Jesus was the inspiration for the mafia. They only caught up with him when he was ratted out by one of his own and a hit was conducted by the Romans. And how about his demise, crucified with nails through him. Nails in that age were expensive so it's probably bullshit they wasted them on him - a hairy Neil from The Young Ones, and having watched Monty Pythons Meaning of Life it didn't look that bad anyway so why does everyone piss and moan about it so much.

The amount of suffering that has gone, and continues to go on in the world, and where are ya cunt? You'd reckon he might've come back by now and said " fucken ease up, knock that shit off or I'll get the the old man to send a bolt of lightning up your arse ". But no, fucken zip. I'll bet the poor cunts that perished in the Qld floods would send you a huge cheerio, you helped them out didn't you. '

So Jesus wins this week's Chad Medal. If he's improved the world, how fucken bad was it before? Have a good birthday next week ya cunt, ( must be a bastard having your birthday on Xmas, you'd only get one lot of pressies ) and don't rush back we know you must be a busy man doing .......................................

Summer series week 2 nominees

• Nick D'Arcy - declared himself bankrupt to avoid paying Simon Cowley $180,000 for caving his head in un-provoked attack. Pay up, shithead.




• Penny Wong - who is the father, Penny? Kevin Foley? Paul Keating? Gough Whitlam? Mark Latham? Or did you father the child yourself - I always suspected you had a cock and a pair of knackers.




• Mark Latham - for abusing his kids swimming teacher who happened to be Bev Waugh, the mum of Steve, Mark and that other cunt who noone remembers. And to think that this goon was almost Prime Minister of Australia. What a complete fuckwit.




• Australian cricket team - for losing to New Zealand for the first time on home soil in 26 years. Fucking embarrassing. The cunts fell 8 runs short. Where is Mike Whitney when you need him.




• Michael Clarke - nice shot dickhead.




• Phil Hughes - see Michael Clarke.




• Brad Haddin - see Phil Hughes.




• Ricky Ponting - see Brad Haddin.




• Nathan Bock - this guy has less brains than than a Shaw family picnic.




• Malcolm Fox - won't pay his victim the $10,000 he was awarded - pay up ya fucking pedo. Surely Mem can raise the funds with her new book, Malcolm the Cunt Wombat Likes Young Wombats.




• Kevin Foley - the boofhead quit politics at least a decade too late. And suck the fuck in, the bloke who snotted you got off, as even the judge thinks you deserved it, ya dickhead.




• Matthew Newton - up to his old tricks again by thumping a 66 year old cabdriver at 10:30am. When questioned by police Matthew was heard to say, "The cunt said my New Zealand accent in Underbelly was worse than Ian Smith's."




• Shane Warne - lucky the cunt didn't burn his face. The Kinks are re-releasing their song "Plastic Man" in Warnie's honour. Burnt your fingers cooking bacon did you Warnie, are you sure it wasn't through doing a bit of overtime on Liz's vertical bacon sandwich?




• XXXX brewery workers - for reneging on a threat to go on strike. For fucksake, do us all a favour and halt the production of that fucking pig swill you Queenslanders have the cheek to call beer.




• Dan Ewing - the "actor" from Home and Away is the new Mathew Newton by thumping his fiance. Not even JR Ewing did that.




• The seal who found his away into a NZ woman's home - when interviewed, the seal said, "fuck those cunts speak like retards".




• Jana Pitman - on to root number 1,963. She goes through blokes quicker than she jumps hurdles.




• Jessica Simpson - for signing a $3 million deal with Weight Watchers. One million for each tit and a million for her fat arse. Hopefully, they'll go one step further and the mole will disappear for good.




• Adelaide Strikers - what a wank, why don't they call them the Sturt Unley Oval Poofburgers. Their outfit looks like fucken Sturt 'Football Club' uniform, all they're missing is the skirt and the undies with the arse cut out of them. I cannot abide Sturt and I cannot abide these cunts, fucken spew. Shaun "Princess" Tait would have really suited the Sturt colours, though.




• Christmas - how's your bank account looking, a bit fucken light on I reckon. Fucken bollocks, it's a rort. Tis the season to go bankrupt, get fucked Christmas loving cunts. And does anyone remember what the day is about, some blokes birthday I reckon, not sure, possibly Boonie.




• Ausralian Politicians - while the world is going down the toilet, these dirty fuckarses have given themselves a massive pay-rise. You dogs. Julia, how fucking stupid do you think we are, saying that it was the decision of an independent tribunal. Fuck off, idiot - you could have knocked the fucking obscene pay-rise back. You are the worse fucking Prime Minister this country has ever had - and to rub salt into that wound you are the most highly paid leader. It is bullshit. Plain old bullshit. You suck.




• Jesus Christ - you can tell this cunt was a tradesman, he said he'd come back to finish the job and noone's seen the fucken hippy since.




• Justin Street - US (fucken where else) nimrod who wasn't happy with the size of his old fella so paid someone to inject silicone into it to supersize little Justin. Surprise surprise it all went arse up and now Justin's carked it. Shouldn't have used a cheap brand you tightarse, haven't you seen the ad on tv, if it's Selleys it works.




• The NZ Labor party - have appointed a bloke called David Shearer as their new leader. Fucken hell they just want people to take the piss don't they. Baaaaaaaaaaa




• Malaysia - have just appointed a new king who's 84 years old. Apparently the coronation had to be held early in the day as he didn't want to miss East Enders at 6:30.




• Bernard Tomic - being investigated for a number of alleged traffic offences, but claims he's not a hoon driver, he's the victim of a vendetta by a Gold Coast policeman. Hahaha don't make me laugh cunt, he wouldn't even know who the fuck you are, you deadshit nobody.




• The Advertiser - more ripping yarns from the Crapvertiser. This time an article on why men are last minute shoppers. I can tell you why in 6 words "because we fucking hate doing it".




• Burnside Council - have shitcanned Chelsea Cinema and told the current tenants to vacate. Fucken councilors, shithouse wanna be politicians, what are you going to put there instead, a fucken hellfire club?




• The AFL - for dry-rooting Norwood in the last two years - 14 players drafted. Cunts.




• Ninemsn - for the headline, "Watch Capper's best moments". Best moments at what - murdering the English language? Having a pair of footy shorts disappear up his Jatz Cracker?




• Bill Gates - for giving his tick of approval to the carbon tax. Who the fuck asked you, nerd? How about a "Pissed Off Tax" on Microsoft - a dollar for every time fucking Microsoft crashes without warning causing you to lose 2 hours of work.




• South Australian Parliament - lesbian mums who conceive through IVF can now both have their names of their baby's birth certificates. What next? Fair dinkum. Let's just re-write the facts of life and say that two women can conceive a baby without a bloke's jism.




• Chinese wine judges - for rating a Chinese wine better than a French one from Bordeaux. Bullshit. Ever tasted Chinese wine?? I'd rather drink fucking XXXX beer than that shit - it is paint stripper.




• Prince Charles and his stallion Camilla - for announcing they are going to visit Australia next year. Get fucked, big ears, can't ya visit Syria or Afghanistan instead?




• James Hardie - for making it as difficult as possible for asbestos victims to claim compensation. Pay up, cunts.




• Julia Gillard - for refusing to say if she likes Kevin Rudd or not. Come on, Julia, don't be shy, the rest of the world hates the cunt, so just admit you do too!




• Tamworth - a boys home in the town has produced some of Australia's most violent criminals, responsible for 35 deaths. The town has also produced some of the worst fucking music ever to come out of Australia, cunt-ry music. I suspect the two are linked - wouldn't you get fucking aggro having to listen to Lee fucking Kernaghan, Kasey Chambers and Troy Cassar-Daley every fucking day of ya life growing up?




• Craig Thomson - not only does the prick use tax-payers money to buy hookers but he's a fucking plagiariser too! The cunt took a $24,000 trip overseas and then plagiarised his official report on the trip using Wikipedia as his source. This wanker deserves a pay-rise, doesn't he. So does Peter "Golden" Slipper. Cunts, the lot of them.

Summer series - week 1 winner

After an extended break, the fuckwits were out in force with the return of the Chad. Some things don't change - Julia Gillard continues to be Bob Brown's lap dog humping his leg like a bitch in heat, the Redbacks are still an embarassment, Phil Hughes continues to get a gig for Australia but wouldn't make the Redbacks side, Jay Weatherill has carried on the Rann tradition of being a smarmy arrogant cunt who doesn't listen to the people, Port Power players excel at sweet fuck all except bitch-slapping each other and Kevin Foley has yet to fuck off out of here - ditto Kevin Rudd, ditto Greg Chappell, ditto Ricky Ponting and ditto Nickelback. All would be more than worthy winners of the Chad.

But there can only be one winner - and that winner is without doubt the biggest cunt in Adelaide, Eugene "Me and Bobby" McGee. This fucking coward, this fucking low-life, this yellow-backed dirty snake has walked away free, with not so much as a slap on the wrist for running down and killing an innocent man. Eugene was pissed and ran over a cycylist, Ian Humphrey. Instead of going to the bloke's aid, he fled the scene and left the poor bloke to die. This act of sheer human fuckery should have be enough to see Eugene share a cell with Peter Liddy for at least a couple of decades. But with the help of his mates from the police (Eugene was a former police prosecutor), his cunt brother, a brothel of devious fucking lawyers, the judiciary and a host of piss-weak politicians including Mike Rann and now John "Pigsy" Rau, Eugene has walked away scott free. No jail, no fine and the cunt can still practice law. The picture of him celebrating this with his cunt lawyer mates made me, in the words of Terry Wallace, spew my fucking guts up. This is justice South Australian style - no wonder Mike Rann did not want an ICAC. This case fucking stinks worse than Grace Portesli's arse after an expensive tax-payers funded Indian curry. Well, if Eugene and his smarmy, smug, bearded-twat, mullet-wearing lawyer mate, Grant Algie (he looks Barry Gibb's cunt brother that the rest of the Bee Gees dis-owned - same fucking beard, same fucking girlish hair), thinks that the public will ever forget this, they are sadly mistaken. One day, the karma bus, driven by a pissed fucking idiot, will pull out of the karma bus depot and plow straight through Eugene and hopefully, Grant Algie, and this drunk karma bus driver won't need a lawyer to get him off because he'll be supported by something that has been around since Adam groped Eve - good old karma - what comes around, goes around, shitheads. So Eugene, you fucking chicken-hearted cretin, you rotten fucking poltroon, you may have gotten away with murder, but you have not walked away entirely scott-free - please accept this thoroughly deserved Chad Medal. You bastard. You cunt.

The Chad Medal - Summer Series Week 1 Nominees

• Women who drink and smoke whilst pregnant - fair dinkum are you just fucking stupid, ignorant or have no concern for your unborn child? It's bad for the kid, it can seriously jeopardise its health, if you wanted to continue to piss on and smoke like a chimney DON'T GET UP THE FUCKEN DUFF YOU DIPSHITS. And for those who try the old "the stress I would go under giving up the ciggies would be more detrimental to the child's health than a few durries" line, you are full of fucking shit. If ya wanna continue to smoke something, try a cock ya moles.




• Peter Roebuck's family - want an investigation into his death because when he corresponded with them a few days before he topped himself he gave no indications that he might want to to some parachute-less skydiving. He also gave them no indication he was a fucking kiddy-fiddling cunt who liked young black arses either.




• Tim Cahill - Aussie and Everton player who hasn't scored in a league game for nearly a year. So how many weetbix do you do ya fucken nugget? Everton would be better off with Julie Cahill - she knows a thing or two about balls and scoring.




• Adelaide Confidential - in their DID YOU KNOW section gave mention to former accountant turned comedian Anthony Lehmann breaking the Guinness World Record for the most jokes told in an hour. What they forgot to mention was none of the fucken jokes were funny, ergo they're not fucken jokes, ergo it doesn't fucken count. What do people see in this cunt, he's about as funny as Hamish and Andy.




• Triple M - didn't you fuckwits listen to SAFM when they told that pudgy golliwog fuckarse Cossie he was getting shitcanned because he wasn't funny? Obviously not because you've employed the dickhead, and he hasn't fucken changed.




• Triple M - after the Cossie debacle you would have hoped Triple M might have learned their lesson, but no they now plan to introduce former 5AA 'funnyman' Jon Blake to their breakfast shift. Yeah funnyman, you're fucking hilarious you pinhead, you do worse impressions of people than Julia Gillard does of being a Prime Minister. Who the fuck is making these retarded recruitments - James Fantasia? And 5AA management, it is about time you fucked off Conlon, Kenneally and that fucking mutton dressed up as mutton, Jane Doyle. For fucksake, Adelaide radio personalities give me the fucking shits. Just list them off - apart from the aforementioned fuckers, throw in Ali Carle, Jodie Blewett-Oddy-Fucking-Slag, Tredders, Dale Haley-Lewis, Mathew Abraham and that other no-name cunt he works with, Leon Byner, Amanda Blair-Witch-Project, Rowey and Studley, Bob Francis, etc fucking etc.




• Channel Nine - fucking Cossie, does that prick have pictures of people in high places or what? Ch9 go and can Postcards with Rolf Harris impersonator Keith Conlon, which was about places to go and see in Sth Aus, for a show with that Cossie turd which involves discussing places to go and see in Sth Aus. I'll bet he includes that little smart arse Harry cunt of a kid in his show too. Here's a place for you go, down a dirty great fucking mine shaft in Coober Pedy, oops was that a cave in? Kudos to channel 9, however, for shitcanning Keith Conlon - he's a fucking garden gnome who is more fucking boring than a Mike Rann impersonators conference. He's fucking more boring than listening to Isobel Redmond discuss her sex change operation that clearly didn't work.




• Port Power - even during the summer they can't stop being a complete clusterfuck of a football club. First they lose a major sponsor, putting them a further $350,000 in the hole, and at preseason training Charles Shultz and Jessica Trengrove have a punchup/bitchslap over whose turn it is to be on top in bed that night.




• Kapil Sibal - Indian Telecommunications minister who met with officials from facebook, google, and other internet companies demanding they keep derogatory material about the country's leaders off their websites. If they weren't so fucken useless and corrupt in the first place you wouldn't have anything to worry about would you dickhead. And what if the internet mobs tell you to get fucked, what then, you realise the ICC is only in charge of cricket don't you, they can't fucken help. Or are you going to provide worse taxi service, hahahahahahaha, cunts. Hey Kapil, your namesake Kapil Dev was a cheating dirty cunt. And for those Indian cricket fans out there, once again, go fuck yourselves!




• Chris Judd - reputedly did his shoulder in at home reaching for a doona. Fair dinkum, I'm all in favour of the occasional dutch oven, but if you've got an A-Grade bit of fur like he's got laying next to him each night the old "secrete the one cheek sneak" shouldn't be on the agenda.




• John Buchanan - former Australian cricket coach most famous for enforcing a gulag type fitness camp on the Aussie team which nearly killed Warnie and rooted Stewie MacGill's knee, has been Director of Cricket in NZ for a little while now. What's he achieved? Fuck all is the answer I'd be guessing as the kiwis are un absolute pile of shut bro. Just goes to show, if he don't have the cattle he's not worth a pinch of shit. Merry fucken Christmas sheepfuckers, consider this a payback for sending Russell Crowe over to Oz. Long may he reign. And while you are at it, take back Tim Finn too - that shithead has produced nothing of note since I See Red back in 1978.




• Adelaide United - jesus they're shit, any wonder they're affiliated with North Adelaide footy club? But that is what you get for hiring Dutch fuckwits. The Dutch have produced nothing decent in their history apart from a top fucking oven and clogs.




• Adelaide 36ers - the Washington Generals would smash these pussbags, I went to a game a couple of weeks ago and they were fucking abhorrent. I lost count the number of times a little Sydney Kings dwarf strolled through the key unopposed for an easy layup. They left a bigger hole in defence than the one residing in Georgie McGuinness' underdirts.




• Phil Hughes - the cunt bats like Steady Eddy on crystal meth and has the brains of Stephen Rowe. Lets reflect on his dismissal in the first test in Brisbane - pokes his bat out feebly at a ball, gets a nick and gets dropped at second slip. Righto Phil, head down mate, watch the next ball. A bit wider outside off stump, he slashes the ball straight to fucken gully. Go and get fucked you stupid dumbfuck. But as per usual because he's from NSW he has less accountability than Robert Mugabe. That fucken shits me.




• Michael Clarke - for publically supporting Phil Hughes, by referring to his first-class record. Fuck off pup - go advertise a pair of soiled jocks.




• The Fev - good to see last years nominees standing out early once again. If the rumour mill is true the Fev wanted around $100,000 to play in the SANFL next year and to have the club fly him in on Thursday and out on Sunday at their expense. If I only had a brain.




• Glenelg Football Club - what a super club to be associated with, hehehe gold, they're rooted already, the appointment of Kris Massie as coach certainly has made a difference, at least 10 blokes have chucked it in and the captain has relinquished his post. The advantage they may gain from this is they won't cause heartache to their supporters by choking in the finals next year, the cunts won't get there.




• Cricket Australia - pressured Greg Chappell into removing chapters from his recent book about his time as Indian coach for fear of upsetting the Indians. You pack of spineless pricks, didn't want em to hear that they're a bunch of sooky, excessive appealing, ball tampering, shifty arseholes? Indian cricket fans - once again, go fuck yourselves, you dodgy cunts.




• Greg Chappell - rolled over like Kim Duthie on Ricky Nixon's cock when asked by Cricket Australia to edit his book.




• Greg Chappell - no other reason that he is a fucking sour cunt with a golliwog hair-do.




• Trevor Grimwood - finallist for worst player to win a Magarey Medal has been sent to the can for rooting an underage girl in 1985-86. Uncanny that the same years he was committing these offences were the same ones that Glenelg actually had some success in, isn't it Fweddy? [L. Holden - other contenders for the worst Magarey Medallist include James Allen, James Allen and James Allen.]




• Ruben Arzu - 136kg bodybuilder, who when found naked on the porch of a Californian couples porch, proceeded to lay into the house's owners. It took two cops, two stun gun blasts,and four sets of handcuffs to restrain him. Surprise surprise he was off his face on a cocktail of drugs, including steroids. A tad over dramatic, that's just an average Saturday night out for The Fev.




• Michael Clarke - twittered this bullshit after using up more lives than 15 fucken cats "a bit of luck never hurt anybody - Haha looking forward to making the most of it tomorrow". Knobhead, how about playing straight and stop hitting the ball in the fucken air and you won't need luck. Or were you talking about your time with that terminal slut, Bingle.




• Lara Bingle - now that she is a fatty boom bah, noone gives a shit about her. Listen up, Lara, you have no talent. No amount of pages in the Who Magazine or Fatty Monthly will make you relevant.




• The SA Department of Transport, Energy and Infrastructure - they're going to prosecute a taxi driver for wearing the incorrect uniform to work - a pair of jeans. You must be kidding me, I don't give a tinkers shit what the cabbie wears as long as he knows where he's going and doesn't fucken stink like a five day old corpse, which doesn't happen too fucken often these days now does it.




• David Swift - 18 year-old Yank just got his motorbike licence and decided to celebrate by going for a ride with his brother. Half an hour later they're riding down the road, young David passes a car, waves to his brother to follow and .......... FUCKEN BANG. Young David has taken the old saying " look mum no hands " a smidge too literally. Now a case of, "look mum, no head."




• Jamie Cox - High Performance manager of the SA Deadbacks. Well, isn't that fucking in-bred dwarf earning his money. SA are a fucking disgrace, they keep importing b-grade interstate tripe, and they show as many signs of improvement as Phil Hughes. Even worse is when questioned about why SA are so shit, Jamie responds with "I don't know". You fucking minda, the grade system is fucked, the bigwigs in the SACA are NEVER held to account because they all went to Saint Peters College and were arse-fucked by Father John Mountford, b-grade interstate shit is played in front of local kids, the whole culture is one of deep-rooted seeming acceptance of failure as long as "the signs are there for the future ". How's that for a start, FUCK OFF BACK TO TASSIE AND DON'T COME BACK YOU OVERPAID, UNDERPERFORMING, BUMBLING FUCKWIT. How about your using your salary to save a decent Tasmanian - those poor fucking Tassie Devils.




• The SA Deadbacks - all out 93, lost by ten wickets v WA. Seriously these cunts are a sick joke. They're like Port Power, all piss and wind, no spine or substance. When are these weak arseholes going to show some backbone, just give us something for fucksake to show that there is light at the end of the tunnel that isn't an oncoming train. And don't bring out the "we're good at 20/20" argument, it is, was, and always will be a rancid abortion of the game, much like the Deadbacks now I think of it. As the great Hawthorn coach John Kennedy once said "don't think, DO ". They're building up the Adelaide Oval as an international showpiece and filling it with 11 giant fucking dogturds. Time to scrape up the dogturds, send em off to Unley Oval, and put some fucking cricketers on the ground, I'm fucking sick of these cunts making a mockery of our great game and our once proud cricketing team.




• Kyle Sandilands - I was seriously contemplating re-naming the Chad to the Kyle. There is no bigger fuckwit walking the earth currently than Kyle. Why the fuck people continue to listen to this arrogant fat piece of shit of beyond me. Seriously, people, why? He's not funny, he's not intelligent - he's a fucking highly paid moron.




• Jackie O - see Kyle.




• Mick Malthouse - now that I've stopped laughing at Mick's tears after Collingwood were pantsed by the Cats in the AFL granny, hehehe, fuck that was gold, Mick goes and puts his cock in his mouth by suggesting that Ted Whitten is not a legend of the game. Mick, you are a cockhead. Fair dinkum. No more needs to be said.




• Occupy Adelaide protestors - for fucksake, as if we need any other fuckwits in town. We've got drunken black fellas, loudmouth fuckwit preachers, Johnny Haysman and that shit-head wog who spruiks for Harris Scarfe - is that not enough?




• Occupy Melbourne woman - who complained when she had her tent dress ripped off by police. Well, Amanda Vanstone, that will teach you to fucking protest then, won't it.




• Bali Drug Boy - what the fuck has gone wrong with the Indonesian Justice System? There was a time when any Aussie who got caught with drugs would serve at least 20 years. Where the fuck is Bang Bang Whatshisfuckingface when you need him? For christsake, the little fucker was carrying a goddamn boogie board with him at the time - what more evidence do you need to convict the prick? And what is with that fucking balaklava - he clearly is a fucking armed robber too. Fair dinkum, if that little cunt ends up on A Current Affair with Tracey "I Fucked Black Caviar" Grimshaw, I will do my fucking cruit!




• Nickelback - for releasing a new album. Why? For fucksake. Chad Kroeger - if that cunt Mark Chapman ever gets parole, part of his parole conditions will be to pay you a visit.




• Jay Weatherill - just what we need, an even smarmier and smoother cunt than Mike Rann.




• Kevin Foley - will you just fuck off already.




• Grace Portelesi - so you can see anything wrong in this scenario: taxpayers can pay $7,000 for your kid to fly business class to India to sample a curry and visit a slum but the State Government cannot find $7,000 to keep the Goodwood Toy Library afloat. You fucking cunt.




• Fosters CEO John Pollaers - after just 8 months in the job has walked away with $4.66 million in shares. There is someting really fucked in this world.




• Federal Labor Party - so Gay Marriage is going to save the world? Bob Brown really has you cunts bent over, hasn't he?




• Julia Gillard - still full after sucking off Barack Obama for a week.




• Julia Gillard - for fucksake, will you give Daffy Duck back his walk.




• WA Country Fire Service - you dickheads, you are supposed to put out fires, not start them.




• Marion Swimming Centre - another $3 million of taxpayers money needs to be spent on it. Did you forget to fill the pool with water, ya dickheads? Christ, the water from the de-salination plant is fucking expensive.




• Greece - you lazy fucking cunts are fucking with my super. Stop feeding ya faces with souvlaki and get a job. And while you are at, can you take back Andrew Demetriou, George Kapanaris, Tom Koutsantonis and Rove McManus. OK, so Rove isn't Greek, but he really gives me the fucking shits.




• Andrew Symonds - for appearing on an Indian Reality TV show. Apparently, it is a new version of Monkey hosted by Harbijan Singh.




• Twitter - yeah, so I need to let everyone know I just scratched my nuts and then dropped an air biscuit. Asifigiveashit




• Facebook - see Twitter.




• Movember - it's for a fucking good cause but fuck, couldn't there be something better like Beervember where blokes get sponsored to get shitfaced for a month? A whole month of cunts walking around looking like the lovechildren of Ron Jeremy and Jenny Willliams is just too much a price to pay. Still, what a top effort by Tracey Grimshaw.



• Eugene McGee - one day the karma bus is going to plow into this cunt.