Round 13 Winner

For most of the week it seemed that Port Adelaide had this week's Chad Medal stitched up. Their completely insipid loss to the Gold Coast Suns appeared to be more than enough for them to win the much-coveted Chad. They were 40 points up late in the 3rd quarter and were cruising to what should have been a comfortable win over the Suns. Only a week or so earlier, the Suns were smashed by 90 points by a very, very average Melbourne side while Port smashed the marshmallows from the Crows. But just when they had a win all but stitched up, Port decided it was all too hard and served up the game to the Suns on a silver platter, with extra gravy. They gave up. Surrendered. Capitulated like a bunch of nancy boys. It was humiliating for the 65 Port supporters on day release at the game but deadset fucking funny for the rest of us who hate the weak pricks. It was the funniest thing I've seen since watching Roley Poley Foley shed a tear after getting his lights punched out once again. For once Michaelangelo "Dumb Port Wog" Rucci got something right when he said Port were a "joke". Spot on, Rucci, and what a fucking hilarious joke it was! It is a shoe-in to win Australia's Funniest Home Videos. However, just when Port seemed to have the Chad in the bag, they went and choked once again, losing in the dying seconds to "People Who Stink". Yes, in an amazing performance, "People Who Stink" have pinched the Chad Medal from Port.

Look, there is nothing wrong with clearing a room with a well-timed SBD or squeezing out an air biscuit in a packed lift. It is perfectly natural and also bloody funny. But there is no fucking excuse for having body odoour that would make a filthy rancid pig vomit. There is no fucking excuse for a person to be wandering around in public smelling like a leaking septic tank. Recoiling from the smell of an eggy is one thing, but getting a whiff of a dirty cunt that hasn't showered for a year is downright shocking. So to all you scabby bastards out there that avoid personal hygenie like Mike Rann avoids the truth, "don't wait to be told, you need Palm Olive Gold". And congratulations on winning this week's Chad Medal, ya putrid pricks.

More Round 13 Nominees

• Susie O'Brien - Advertiser columnist who normally provides as much quality material as Michaelangelo Rucci finally came up with an article worth reading re the Nicole Cornes/Mick Molloy court case. Only problem is she pinched her fucken material from The Chad Medal! Write your own material ya fucken thief.

• Mr.Lee - South Korean fuckwit who cooked his mobile phone in the microwave, then claimed $4000 compensation from Samsung because he said his phone exploded while being charged. Busted cunt, enjoy your 12 months in jail for extortion.

• Xavier Dupont de Ligonnes - French sicko who, after telling acquaintances he was a secret agentand was leaving to join a witness protection program ( which proved to be bullshit - who would have thought, a Frenchman showing false bravado ) allegedly killed his wife, four kids, and two dogs and buried them in the back garden.

• Barabaki bank officials - your money's supposed to be safest in a bank right? Well not if you bank in Barabaki in India. The bank manager recently opened a reinforced room to discover termites has devoured $222,000 worth of currency, which equates to 222,000,000,000,000 rupees or 103,000,000,000,000 pappadums.

• Donald Trump - " Look at Libya. Look at this mess. I'd do one thing. Either I'd go in and take the oil or I don't go in at all ". Don't forget your banjo and moonshine while you do it ya cockhead, jesus Americans are arrogant fuckwits.

• US Doctors - A team of US doctors did their profession proud when they operated on the of a 4 year old boy only to discover afterwards they had operated on the wrong eye. Was it the right or left one Cletus? Fucking Americans, doesn't it worry you that these hillbilly cunts are one of the most powerful nations on the earth?

• People who stink - fair dinkum how hard is it to have a shower and slap on some fucking deodorant? Must be a fucking brain teaser because the rancid fucker I was standing behind in the supermarket today stunk like a skunk that had been dead for three weeks with another dead skunk stuffed up its arse.

Round 13 nominations

• Neil Craig - for describing the current Adelaide Crows team as "the most exciting playing group ever in our club's history". Ah, I didn't realise you were a comedian, Neil. Because in the five years you coached/fucked up Norwood, I don't ever recall laughing at anything you ever said. Ok, so let's look at some of the player comparisons. Brent Reilly v Darren Jarman. Brent might be slaying a model off the field but Jars had more ability in the finger nail of his left pinkie than Reilly has in his entire body. Mark Riccuito v Van Berlo. No point discussing that one. Better off with Van Morrison. McLeod v Douglas. Douglas is more comparable to Matt Connell - two completely shit and soft players who both won a best and fairest at the Crows. Simon Goodwin v Richard Tambling. Yeah, we know you must be joking, Neil. Tony Modra v James Sellar. A real side-splitter, Neil! Tyson Edwards v Bernie Vince. Ok, so Edwards was probably a far bigger bitch than Vince is.


• Port Power - for creating history by becoming the first AFL team to lose to the U13s modified rules team from Mitcham Girls High School.


• Justin Westhoff - for shitting his dacks on national tv. Admittedly, there were only 9 Port supporters at the ground to witness his indescretion. And those were his mum and dad (aka as aunty and uncle) and his 7 brothers and sisters (aka his cousins).


• Adelaide Crows - for inventing more ways to lose a game when in a winning position. This time against Carlton, Andy Otten showed how to fuck up a simple chest mark when under no pressure at all. That is a tremendous skill to have and one that should get Port Power knocking on your door. Also, Richard Douglas for hand-balling 30 metres backwards to a Carlton player when within 40 metres of the Crows goal. You'll stitch up another B&F with that performance, Dicky.


• Footballers that insist on kicking the ball 50 metres backward and then putting their teams under enormous pressure that invariably results in a game-winning goal for the opposition.


• The Royal Wedding - let's just skip the fucking wedding and go straight to footage of the honeymoon - we all wanna see Princess Kate with her gear off.


• Gwyneth Paltrow - for dropping the c-word when describing her grandma on a US chat show. It would have been perfectly acceptable had she used the c-word to describe her hubby's crap band, Coldplay.


• The Spanish gym that is offering nude work-outs - nobody wants to see Magda Subanski or Kirsty Alley bouncing around in the buff on a cross-trainer.


• Rodney Eade - for putting debuante Mitch Wallis in the centre for the start of the last quarter against Freo when the scores were locked away. His opponent Munday kicked a goal within the first 10 seconds. Top move, Rocket, ya dickhead.


• MTV music programmers - for voting Wacko Jacko's Billie Jean as the second best rock song of all-time. You fuckwits. What was number 1 - a recording of Michael Bolton taking a dump?


• The woman "singing" the national anthem before the start of the Norwood v Central game on ANZAC Day - that was more excruciating than listening to Michael Bolton taking a dump.


• Michaelangelo Rucci and other media goons - for continually blaming the SANFL for the Power and the Crows playing like one-legged dogs. Rucci, you dumb Port wog, wasn't the SANFL in charge when Port won the flag in 2004 and Crows won in 1997 and 1998??? Perhaps you could take a closer look at the recruiting and game styles of both clubs - that has absolutely nothing to do with the SANFL. I'd rather watch a Mike Rann media conference than watch Port or the Crows. If you continually recruit players from clubs like Richmond, Sturt and the WWT Eagles, it is going to only end in tears. Handing the AFL license to the Power board would be like handing the lunatics the keys to the looney bin. Look at some of their recent decisions - re-signing Choco only to sack him a few months later. Overlooking Hardwick and Scott as coaches but hiring Choco's right-hand man in Primus. Not having the balls to sack Motlop. Not showing the Cornes sisters the door. And the "One Port" club has been a resounding success - both the Magpies and Power are crapper than ever! So Rucci, just shut the fuck up and concentrate on what you do best - which is sweet diddly squat.


• The Cornes family – for consistent crimes against common sense, class and human decency


• Graham Cornes (aka Skeletor or old whinging cunt) – anti-Vic, anti-AFL, anti-Liberal, anti-work for a living, society reject. Even hated by some old spastic stutterer called KG who himself is legally retarded.


• Nicole Cornes – Labor whore-for-hire, media hogging trailer trash and Stewey Dew reject, making a mockery of the defamation laws – what Mick Molloy said was a compliment given the old wrinkled prick she has to get into bed with each night. Dumb slut.


• Chad Cornes – overrated and underachieving Port and Glenelg wanker who will go down in history as a Brendan Fevola wannabe, but even failed at that.


• Kane Cornes – kick chasing selfish sheep-dog hated by team mates and opponents alike and a player who has done the least amount with the most possessions in the history of the game, as well as doing the least amount to actually get the ball other than running around the back of some team mate. As Darryl Wakelin once said as Kane ran past demanding the ball “fuck off cunt and go get your own”!


• Lucy Cornes - for her insipid radio talk show. Who in 5aa management thought it would be a great idea to hire a mole who's only qualification is that she is married to a "kick chasing selfish sheep-dog". Isn't it enough that we have to put up with her arseclown of a father-in-law sprouting interminable shit on radio? Wasn't it enough that we had to put up with her slag of a mother-in-law scribbling jibberish in the Sunday Mail?? Isn't it enough that we have to put up with her hubby and brother-in-law dribbling like sprinklers when they open their mouths??? Enough is enough. All Cornes should be banned from media. Vote 1 Mick Molloy.


• Danny Granger, NBA All-Star and Indiana Pacers pillow biter - Danny had a cry because his dirty low-down bunch of retards pretending to be basketballers got flogged by the Chicago Bulls and MVP Derrick Rose, after basically trying every low act in the basketball handbook with the exception of bringing a gun on the court in order to beat the Bulls in the first round play-off series. Only then to sook when they lost 4-1 and say that Bulls Centre Joakim Noah is a dirty player! Pot-kettle motherfucker!!!!! Noah plays with more energy and passion than any player in the league and didn’t say a word or complain whilst getting hacked, smacked, bent over, FUBAR’d and everything else by the Pacers molesters throughout the series, only for Granger to cry into his $15 million per annum cheque because Noah plays with effort and passion. Take a leaf you tosser and you might become relevant to the NBA one day!

Round 12 Winner

The Winner of this weeks Chad Medal has been declared a tie between Labor MP Bernard Finnigan and the Labor MP accused of accessing child porn.

Bernard Finnigan - Bernard has been an up an comer in the ALP from his days as a SDA union official, his election to the Legislative Council in 2006, and most recently his promotion to the Labor ministry and appointment as ALP leader in the LC. So it would be safe to assume that the ALP has invested a lot of time and effort in the big fat pie eating cunt. So it is quite perplexing that, after scaling the political heights that he has in a relatively short period of time that he would mysteriously resign all of his portfolios and vanish from the public eye ( no mean feat for someone that looks like the fucking Duff blimp ). It would almost seem that Bernard has something he has to hide. Well Bernard, in your maiden speech to parliament in 2006 you were quoted as saying " I am a servant of Christ and subject of his reign in history ", so as a devout Christian you would be a follower of Christ's teachings of truth, honesty and all that crap. So you owe it to the people who elected you, and the people who supported you, to tell the what the fuck is going on. Tell us the truth you fat cunt.

The Labor MP accused of accessing child porn - I quote Mike Rann

" There could hardly be anything more serious, more sickening, more repugnant than child abuse and child abuse involving child pornography ".

"If anyone is found guilty in the community of using child pornography in any way they are unfit for any public office, unfit for public life, they are unfit to be in Parliament ".

" Things the community find repugnant, and I find repugnant, is any form of abuse of children, and child pornography is an abuse of children ".

" Anyone found guilty of such practices does not deserve any sympathy, does not deserve to be in public life ".

Pretty much what most people were thinking but why is this arsehole still going to at this stage continue when Parliament resumes? Stand down, and if the allegations are found to be true, you not only deserve to be terminated from public life, you deserve to have your life fucking terminated. You were elected as an official of the people of this state to represent them, and if you have done this you have betrayed them and all decent people in society. How dare a public official perform this despicable act whilst in such a position, it's disgusting enough for anyone to indulge in this filth, but for a person in your position, you should be made an example of, preferably by letting you loose in general population in Yatala. You vile rancid cunt karma is coming.

More Round 12 Nominees

Bernard Finnigan - Labor MP and excessive consumer of pies has mysteriously resigned from all of his portfolios and vanished into fat air. What's going on Bernard, your electors are owed an explanation.

The Labor MP accused of accessing child porn - you are a sick fuck. MP's are elected and installed as supposed leaders in our society, but this animal chose to pursue something which is both vile and despicable. If the allegations are found to be true I hope they burn your nuts off.

Round 12 Nominees

Dr.Nathan Grills - public health specialist who suggested the Easter bunny should deliver brussel sprouts instead of easter eggs to stop using the easter bunny to promote energy dense nutrient poor food. While were at it why don't we suggest that santa delivers a dog turd in a sock instead of presents for kids as it promotes materialism you fucking arsewipe.

The Schappelle Corby media circus - some fucker in the media has started a rumour that Schappelle's trying to get 10 years cut from her sentence via a plea for clemency from the Indonesian president. Fuck her, do the crime do the time, if you wankers stop publicising every time she whinges we can forget about her and let her fucking rot away in Bali. Might take a while to rot away though, obviously Balinese prison food agrees with her because the wobble arse doesn't look like she's dropped too many pounds ( of weight that is, not hash ) since her incarceration.

Dannii Minogue - tweeted " what is everyone wearing for the royal wedding ?". Firstly who fucken cares, and second, we know what you wear , 14kg of fucken tupperware in the guise of cheeks, lips and fucken tits.

Shane Scriven - top Qld jockey who, after having his whip knocked out of his hand in a race at Ipswich recently, pinched the whip from the rider of the horse beside him. He proceeded to run second whilst if he's just ridden hands and heels the dickhead more than likely would have won the race.

Ausralian Women's Tennis - further proved that Aussie women's tennis is a fucken joke by losing a Fed Cup tie to the Ukraine team which consisted of two dancing bears. They now drop out of the World Group and now get to compete against the might of such powerhouse teams as Burundi and Equatorial Guinea. Fucking bravo well done girls.

Anthony Watts - Sydney Roosters Rugby League player who got pissed and punched a woman in the face then hit her in the back of the head numerous times. He finished off by throwing her on a couch where she cracked her head. You fucking hero, feel like a real man?

Nicole Cornes - the terribly media shy Nicole has turned a light hearted quip from comedian ( yes Stuart Littlemore a comedian, and a fucken funny one you ignorant cunt ) Mick Molloy on channel 10 programme Before the Game into a giant publicity stunt by pursuing the matter in court. Mick insinuated in a light hearted manner that Nicole had rooted former Port Power player Stuart Dew in response to an article she wrote praising Dew. Molloy apologised after he was informed she had taken offence but that wasn't good enough, so she has taken him to court to get another 15 min of fame. She also took her daughter into court to show her that women are not to be treated as objects, or was it to carry more sympathy from the court and the media? It also wasn't a great idea to be escorted by her husband skeletor, when they walked out of the proceedings it looked like an episode of fucken Quincy. And why in all truth would you take offence? You should take it as a compliment that he would suggest Dew would root you, have you seen what Dew is rooting these days? You're not in the same ballpark, state or fucken country.

Mark Ricciuto - former West Adelaide and Crows player has suggested that the dividends allocated to the SANFL clubs from the SA AFL clubs be slashed in the interim so the Crows and Power can put more coin in their back pocket. He used the WAFL as an example of the sort of guide the SANFL could use. The WAFL is fucked, the quality is not a pinch of shit compared to SANFL, so you want to reduce our great comp to that shit standard? He also suggested canning SANFL ressies as it merely provides as a feeder to the SANFL league teams, well fucken duh you cunt. And do you think that if the money is taken away now that it would ever return? By doing what you want you would cripple a great competition and send some of the clubs to the wall. Well fuck you, go and have a cry like you did in your last game after Buddy Franklin fucked the Crows in the arse.As a former West player you would think you would have a little more empathy for the local comp but you have proven that you are nothing but an AFL stooge and a self serving media trogladite.

Villawood Detention Detainees - why the fuck would we want to let these cunts in the country when they torch their lodgings when they don't get their own way? If you're unhappy, fuck off back to where you came from, cunts like you we neither want nor need. I'm sick of my tax dollars paying for fuckarses like these to piss it away.

Tony Abbott - trying to trump Julia Gillard on the issue of mental health, that's like Todd Carney trying to trump Brendan Fevola in a drinking contest.

Julia Gillard - visiting Japan at the moment - fucken stay there. And headbutt the emperor.

Tiger Airways - faces being grounded by the aviation regulator following a series of serious safety and maintenance breaches. They don't need the aviation regulator to ground them, they cancel that many fucken flights they have to pay a parking fee for their planes at the airport. And who would have thought there were maintenence and safety breaches, last time I flew on the cunts I had to flap my arms out the side of the plane to help it take off and they were using used spew bags with TAA printed on them as oxygen masks.

Sepp Blatter - president of FIFA ( Fraudulent Income Fuckarse Association ) is seeking re-election emphasising the need for stability, continuity and reliability in the role. " We do not need revolution within FIFA but the continuous evolution and improvement of our game and our oragnisation ". The cunt sounds like a fucking communist, filling your pockets again comrade?

Round 11 Winner

The winner of The Chad Medal by a unanimous vote this week is Gold Coast player Campbell Brown. Campbell earned the award this week via his pissweak elbow on young Western Bulldogs player Callan Ward and his statement that he won't change his game. Campbell has acquired the moniker of a hardman over the years, and he has at times put his body on the line in places that most Adelaide Crows players only read about in books, but his elbow on Ward, a young bloke who couldn't damage a paper bag, was nothing short of pissweak and the trademark of a fucking sniper. The kid wasn't watching and he threw an elbow back into his face, now how is that tough? Then he attempted to whack Barry Hall in the head, but luckily for him missed ( as Barry would've twisted off his head and shit down his neck ), whilst Hall had his head over the ball with no way to protect himself. Hall said it all when he looked at Brown and mouthed that the action was weak. Brown didn't remonstrate with Hall after the comment, obviously he must have agreed with him. Gold Coast recruited Brown to be a mentor to their younger players and someone to base the side around. What sort of fucking example is someone who tries whacking blokes when they're not watching or have their head over the ball? Do Gold Coast want your young kids following that example and turning into a team of snipers? All he's done for them is take away one of their few experienced players for 4 weeks, that's a huge help for a team that relies on a fucking muppet like Harmichael Kunt to shore up their backline. If you wanted someone to mentor the kids in being a first class sniper you should've recruited former Glenelg weasel Alan Stringer, the cunt would've been cheaper. A few days after the incidents Brown was quoted as saying " (I) won't change the way I play ". Well I'm sure Gold Coast will be thrilled to hear that, they've paid you big bucks to play 7 games of footy for the year and set a pisspoor example to the youth of the side. Now I'll admit that I don't think he should have got games for the Hall incident but the intent was still a pissweak act, the statement that he won't change the way he plays shows he's not too flush with grey matter either. If he had been playing 25 years ago you could have been sure that 2 minutes later someone like Rod Grinter or Ronny Andrews would have removed 5 teeth for him, but these days players get their nuts ripped off for that sort of thing so snipers like him roam free without fear of retribution. You don't have to as your old man said " change his style of play, just run around and get the ball, pick up easy kicks like a lot of blokes do ". The rules, whilst granted making it much harder, still allow for hard, tough players eg. Jude Bolton, Joel Selwood,Luke Hodge to survive. What they don't allow is people to hit some cunt while he's not watching eg. you, and that is why you have won this weeks Chad Medal.

Round 11 Nominees

• ABC SANFL commentary - for describing Port Magpies fuckarse Mark Dolling thus - " what a player this guy is, really underrated in the SANFL Mark Dolling ". He then proceeded to kick a 30m pass out on the full. Underrated? No I don't think so, I always had the belief that he had that little skill level.


• Campbell Brown - you're a hardman if you go in for the tough ball eg. like Glen Archer, not if you run around belting blokes when they're not looking, that's called being a fucking sniper.


• Altiyan Childs - X Factor winner who looks like Johnny Depp reprising Tom Hanks' role in Philadelphia has shacked up with a 15 yr old previously and when questioned about his extra curricular activities on tv fell to pieces like Glenelg in a Grand Final.


• Malcolm Blight - former footballing great turned commentator who obviously thinks the viewing public are fucking retarded and aren't aware of his affiliations to the fledgling Gold Coast team because his commentary when they are on is nothing more than someone trying to justify their decisions. He is turning into nothing more than a gravy trainer, and deadset if he keeps defending Harmichael Kunt and saying that he can play footy I and the rest of the footballing public will fucken spew. The cunt has no idea and wouldn't make the Callington side, he's the Leyland P76 of AFL footy. Blighty you're just insulting the game and it's watchers so cut it the fuck out.


• The Australian Judicial System - Eugene McGee can kill a bloke, flee the scene of the accident and go free but another guy runs over a horse and gets thrown in jail. What the fuck?


• Manny Ramirez - Tampa Bay baseball player who has continued to enhance the pristine image of the sport by following such luminaries as Mark McGuire, Barry Bonds and Jose Canseco by testing positive to performance enhancing drugs for a second time. He then did the manly and honourable thing by retiring and running away with his tail ( you don't take that many drugs without side effects ) between his legs.


• Port Power - hahahahaha One Port - One Turd


• Geelong - for only beating Port by 79 points and blowing numerous chances to thrash them by more, thereby costing me as I had money on the cunts to win 80-89. It was paying $11 too the cunts.


• Peter Goers - two bob snob who in his hot/not, in/out whatever the fuck he does in his column in the Sunday Mail rated Michael Clarke as a not because he's the 1st tattooed Australian Cricket Captain yet lauded Today Tonight for their 400th ratings win. How do you know no other Aussie skipper has got tatts, I reckon Simmo would have one on his pecker of himself, and hoofuckenray for Today Tonight, they can beat Tracy the bulldog Grimshaw's pile of crap show.


• Lachlan Clyne - 27 year old Mayor of Unley who in a recent article was shown to be a prize weasel by squealing on a mate at school for knocking off some gear and getting him expelled and running grubby smear campaigns against political rivals yet still being unable to ensure Unley Oval remains turd free for football games. He's very well suited to his area, the Sturt coaching job awaits.


• Anyone who has paid money to Mary Rodwell for counselling - Mary Rodwell is an 'alien abduction counsellor' who has taken money from 1700 gullible people, including young children. If you paid money for that shit you're not just gullible, you're a fucking idiot.


• The Logies - I'm fucken sick of the shit already, they've nominated The Circle's ( the Aussie answer to to man hating yankee show The View ) fat bird Chrissie Swan for logies in 3 categories including the coveted 'Babe, Pig in the City' lookalike category.


• Jack Riewoldt - he's been going on like a fucken porkchop the last couple of weeks has young Jack. Abusing team doctors, teammates, umpires and giving the finger to the Hawthorn bench last Friday night. He later apologised for giving the finger and said it was probably the stupidest thing he had done. I doubt that Jack, have you looked in the mirror lately and seen that fucken haircut you've got?


• Amanda Blair/Jane Doyle - for bleating on like fucken sheep about giving women the right to serve on the front-line. Equality for both genders is fair enough but there's a reason the armed forces don't do it, so they don't get tortured and raped by some fucken lunatic Taliban fuckhead if they get captured.


• Arifinto - Indonesian politician from a conservative Islamic party who passed an anti porn bill in 2008 has resigned after being caught viewing porn on his computer during a parliamentary sitting.


• Jacklyn Marie Jacobson/ Jose Blecker - American fuckwits who after letting their 22month old child go missing in the woods for 8 days have had the child and it's sibling taken away because the cunts again neglected the child and let him run away. Fucken hell brothers and sisters shouldn't breed.


• Pauline Hanson - despite leading her nearest rival by more than 6000 votes after 91% of the primary vote had been counted for a NSW Upper House seat, Pauline's done a Glenelg and got rolled. At least you've always got a career to fall back on Pauline - do you want chicken salt or plain salt on your chips?Gage Turner/Amber Umbarger - cunts who allegedly stole $130 from a lemonade stand 3 young US high school girls had set up to raise money for a 2 year old developmentally disabled boy in need of treatment for a rare intestinal disorder. You two aren't just fuckwits, you're fucking scum.

• Kane Cornes - finally the Power have acknowledged he's shite ( the fact that he has won multiple B & F's is a fucking sad indictment on the club ) and dropped him citing lack of form yet Kane won't be lining up for the bays this weekend, he'll have the weekend off to 'freshen up'. So that's how you regain form is it? Get fucked, anything to do with the fact his ego has been bruised and he doesn't want to play in a 2nd tier league?

Round 10 Winner

This week's winner by a clear cut margin was Warren Tredrea. Warren endeared himself to even less people than normal by stating in his column in The Advertiser ( what a sterling publication, it's a collection of brainless fuckwits mouthing off shit, and you wonder why the eastern seaboard laughs at South Australia ) that there should be a cap on the amount AFL clubs should be able to spend on their club and if they were to go over that amount they should be subject to a 'luxury tax', the proceeds of which would be distributed amongst the other clubs. In his article DWE ( Dick With Ears ) Tredrea makes such statements as

• " wealthy clubs such as Collingwood are dominating because of their ability to spend money freely on their football department. It gives them a massive leg-up ", well yes it does give them a benefit, but they have acquired that money through their hard work and smart decision making, so why shouldn't they benefit from it and why should under performing clubs , both on and off the field, be able to benefit from their opponents superior business acumen whilst they flounder like Kevin Foley at a press conference?


• "I like the fact that the league's concessions are designed for a club to win a flag every 17 years and that the onus is on them to recruit and trade well, make the right management decisions and get their off-field houses in order " . Well hang on, you bitch and moan about some clubs spending too much blahblah, but haven't these clubs merely managed as you stated to "make the right management decisions " and "get their off-field houses in order"? So they are doing the right thing by their club as you yourself agree and have made sound business decisions which have resulted in them acquiring a degree of wealth and security for their club, but they should then be punished for doing the right thing by their clubs and being competent management?


• "The rich clubs will still be able to keep spending but under the new arrangement there will be a catch - the poorer clubs also will benefit, enabling them to remain competitive. It is the best way forward for our great game ". So the poorer clubs can continue to be run by fuckarses in the knowledge they will be constantly bailed out. Go and get fucked. And " the best way forward for our great game "? Don't you mean the best way forward for Port Adelaide? They have proven that they are not able to sustain a profitable club so this is your way of keeping them afloat, reward the shitbricks. Again, go and get fucked. It's not the SANFL days when Port could bully the SANFL Commission into doing whatever they want, they are a small fish in a big pond. Port always thrived on the 'us versus them' ethos which served them well in the SANFL as they had enough supporters and sponsors to carry them through, but in the AFL these numbers are nowhere near enough to sustain a profitable enterprise, so they are choking on their own shit. Your arrogance and disdain for anyone not Port has alienated you from all other football followers, and maybe now you have realised that these people have long memories, we remember you treating us like shit on the bottom of a shoe.You have no chance of these people giving you any of their money,and never fucking will, so you want a handout not so cleverly disguised under the veil of a luxury tax. Go and get fucked.

As Nathan Bassett said recently - " The biggest test though, is Port, a team that right now is a financial drain on football in South Australia. From the outside Port appears to have a reasonable supporter base and 35,000 members, yet last week there was another example of the diminishing support of our AFL clubs, with just over 23,000 turning up to see both Port teams playing at AAMI Stadium. Why? ". It's as obvious as the cock on your forehead Warren, your 'supporters' can't even be bothered to turn up to watch the much vaunted 'One Port' launch and haven't been turning up in any numbers for years. So your fans don't go, you team is fucking shithouse ( the game against Gold Coast will be a fucken blockbuster ) and your off-field element can't make dollar fucking squat. Tough fucking shit, survive on your own or fuck off.

Or even better, open up your wallet ya tight cunt. You were one of the few premiership players when asked to donate cash who said no. Charity starts at home fuckwit, and being a Port "legend" you would have thought you would have put your hand in your pocket. You'd have to be on a decent quid in your burgeoning media career, fuck knows why though you have all the media savvy of Stephen Rowe. Why don't you make a few phone calls like you liked to pretend doing after you kicked a goal or bow at the crowd ya fucken arrogant showponey and see if that can bring in some cash.

So Warren Tredrea is this week's Chad Medal winner, it's been a long time coming for DWE and the contempt that he has shown the footballing world by his recent shit filled article put the head on the turd.

Round 10 Nominees

Richard Williams - one round finished in the SANFL and tricky dicky has been nominated already for a shithouse performance in the Norwood v (One?) Port game at Footy Park. Gonna be a long year for this prick and the poor suffering fans who have to put up with him.

Port Adelaide - what a fantastic day it was on saturday to celebrate the union of the Port Magpies and Port Power. Both the wharfie cunts got rolled. Now that is a great day. 1 club, one giant steaming turd. And congratulations on getting only 23,000 people there to celebrate the union, you're cooked you frontrunning fuckwits. And by the way, what an apt picture you put in your recent book reflecting the modern era, Mark Williams choking on his tie like a fucking idiot after the 2004 Grand Final, what a very gracious winner.

Sturt Football Club- oh the irony. 30 seconds into the last qtr the smurfs were up by 8 goals and proceeded to lose by 3 goals to the fucken choking specialists Glenelg. Apparently the loss was later explained by the fact that Sturt had to leave early so they could get home in time to watch The Collectors.

Sturt Basketball Team - on the same day the footballers did their club proud the Sturt ABA team choked again against Norwood in round 1 despite fielding a team a shitload over the salary cap and with 4 'NBL' players. Although as one Chad Medal contributor put it " I use that term loosely as my 8 and 12 year old kids go harder and have more talent than some of those 'Sabres' players . And 'Sabres' what a wanky name, wasn't that a deformed prehistoric cat who was stomped from existence by a bunch of large birds and lizards?". What a great day to be a Sturt supporter, fucking great for everyone else though.

Mark Williams - when asked for a character reference of Daniel Motlop he replied " he's a caring bloke ". Yeah he cared enough to give Jacob Surjans' missus a mouthful ya nugget. If you think that much of him, draft him to GWS. Go on fucken dare ya.

The Callington Recruting Officer - hope he's not getting a good quid, a 60 goal loss on the weekend would suggest he's been spending more time on the piss than recruiting.

South Adelaide - expect a crowd of 5000 to turn up to this weeks night game against North. You might get 5000 but only if you count heads not bodies. Fucken banjo music blaring at night, yeehaa.

Kevin Foley - he's had a rough trot old Roly Poly. He got belted a few months ago, Port Adelaide Mayor Gary Johannsen is after his head, both of his Port teams got rolled on the weekend and he got whacked again as well in the crapper at a restaurant. He then cries to the media asking that he be able to live his life. Whilst not advocating violence against elected officials, when you spend your time being a fat, arrogant pisshead who tries rooting 20 year olds you're going to get a backlash. It's called karma fatso.

Brad Johnson - shafted his best mate Rohan Smith for a gig on Foxtel and looks like the cunt has dyed his hair with ice magic. That silly fucken grin gives me the shits as well.

Josh Carr - his commentary over the weekend sounded like he was choking on a cock. And he gave Chad 3 votes in the Power's loss to West Coast on the weekend, go and get fucked.

Mike Sheahan - In an episode of 'On the Couch' the fuckwit was asked by Gerard Healy how it was to interview the "greatest player of all time" , Hawthorn great Lethal Leigh Matthews. Sheahan began his answer with " well I only picked him 2nd ". Who the fuck cares if you did? Shut your cakehole and fuck off back to the library where you belong.

Robert Mugabe - Zimbabwe's answer to Charlie Sheen ( getting a lot of mileage out of that cunt at the moment aren't we? ) has encouraged his countrymen to go and visit a mass grave of 640 people which he blamed on colonial atrocities. Only problem is they haven't been there for that long and were killed by Mugabe's soldiers.

The Logies - for fucksake not again, doesn't it seem like they have this shit on more than once a year? Let's celebrate the stars of Home and Away and Packed to the Rafters - what a load of pig vomit.

Tiger Airways - on top of their other sneaky little extra charges they now want to sting customers $6 to board them first. Having been fucked over by Tiger previously I can honestly say I don't give a shit if I'm the 1st or last on the plane as long as you cunts are actually going to fly the fucken thing on time and not cancel it or delay it by 2 hours, and if you do let the customer know ,not leave them to sit around with their thumb up their arse.

People's Choice Award - for some unknown reason Bunnings won best retail award recently. Obviously these people have never shopped in a Bunnings store, the service is absolute shite.

Mohammed Al Fayed - Owner of english premier league side Fulham has pissed off supporters by putting a large Michael Jackson statue outside Craven Cottage. In response to irate supporters he replied that they can go to hell or support Chelsea ( which is basically the same thing ). At least he didn't put it outside their youth academy.

Gold Coast Suns - fair dinkum how funny was that effort on the weekend. One of the best comedy acts seen since Stephen Rowe attempted to lay claim to being an AFL footballer ( mind you it was only with the Crows ), a legitimate media personality ( mind you he's only partnering G. Cornes ), or a coaches' arsehole ( mind you it's only at Glenelg).

Warren Tredrea - the giant dick with ears earns another nomination for his drivel in The Advertiser about how he believes there should be a cap on the amount of money clubs should be able to spend on their football departments and if they exceed this cap the should be hit with a 'luxury tax'. Firstly he's merely imitating the thoughts of the perpetually ignorant G.Cornes so the cunt can't even come up with an original thought, and secondly the only reason he's suggesting this is because his old club - Port - are reputedly on the bones of their arse and can't afford to spend as much as a Collingwood or Essendon. Stiff fucking shit, these clubs get to that point by making themselves a marketable commodity that appeals to sponsors and fans, who then contribute to the club financially. Even when Collingwood and Essendon weren't winning flags they were still making money because they knew how to promote their club, not crying for handouts and restrictions on other clubs. Even the camry cows are making a dollar because they make themselves appealing to people, mainly fuckwits granted, but fuckwits who put money into the club. Port are a small fish in a big pond now and still can't work out why the money isn't still rolling in, so they've resorted to squealing like a stuck pig. Karma cunts, I don't think it's coincidence that Roly Poly Foley is one of your number one fans. Try getting some of your 'supporters' to go and watch the fuckers, there were only 23000 turn up to your big we are one again wankathon last saturday. Make your own money and survive on your own or fuck off. Well done Warren, you've managed to make Dale Lewis semi intelligent.

Round 9 Winner

The winner of The Chad Medal this week was a close fought battle between Graham Cornes and Andrew Hilditch. Studley was leading for most of the week in voting but was pipped at the post by digger. Just like the Bays in finals series hey Cornesy? Haha you fuckwit your time will come, anyone who spouts shit like you do will eventually get the prize. So Andrew ' Digger ' ' I'm a useless fuckarse ' Hilditch is this weeks winner of The Chad Medal.

Andrew Hilditch has been the Chairman of Selectors for the Australian team since 2006 and a National Selector since 1996/97 so you would think the cunt would have a grasp on what it takes to select a fucken team to win a game of cricket. Unfortunately 'Digger' has in recent times proved quite the opposite to the point where even a fruitloop like Michael Slater and his 23 personalities can see that he's got to go. In hindsight he should have never got the job. Firstly, he's a lawyer, so you know he's a dodgy cunt who wouldn't lie straight in bed. And second, if you have a glimpse at his test career and its untimely(?) end you would know he's as rational and thoughtful a decision maker as Charlie Sheen. Having got a reprieve as a moderate test player in the mid 80's, Hilditch began a series of idiotic hook shots which continued to get him out. Two prime examples 1) Edgbaston August 1985. It's the 2nd innings, series tied 1-1 and Australia are 260 runs behind. Ian Chappell's best mate Ian Botham bowls Hilditch a bouncer which he hits straight down the throat of 'Ron Jeremy with a perm' lookalike Richard Ellison. Even the usually reserved Richie Benaud couldn't believe what he was seeing, as soon is dickhead hit the shot he commented " Oh dear me. You wouldn't believe it, simply wouldn't believe it ". Translation - you stupid fuckwit. 2) Brisbane, November 1985 v NZ. Hilditch is given one last chance to prove he's not a fucking idiot. Result - out twice hooking Richard Hadlee to Ewen Chatfield at fine leg. Now why the fuck would you want this prick selecting your national side?

Hilditch took a gig as a national selector in 1996/97,and to be truthful, how fucken hard was it to pick a side for the next 10 years - you've got Warne, McGrath, Gilchrist, Ponting, S.Waugh, M.Waugh, Gillespie? She'll be right then. Easier to pick than Bill Lawry's snoz. There were a few interesting selections that smacked of Hilditch though - Scott Muller and Gavin Robertson just to name two. So when Trevor Hohns handed over the chairman of selectors gig to Hilditch in 2006 Australia, whilst not always consistently as dominant as in previous years, were still pretty fucken useful. With a few exceptions since then there has been a marked slide is Australian performances. Some of it can be due to a raft of retirements but some of it also should be attributed to the selection committee aka Hilditch playing rock, paper fucken scissors when selecting sides. There seems to have been little forethought in some selections eg. pick Cameron White as a specialist spinner in a test series in India when the cunt is ratshit at home and not justifying a spot, retaining players that are playing like a busted arse eg. Michelle Johnston, yet not playing players knocking on the door, eg. Callum Ferguson. Since Warne, McGrath and Langer there have been 38 players to play test cricket for Australia, that's not rationally selecting a team, it's throwing a dart at a fucken dartboard blindfolded.

Perhaps Hilditch should spend a little more time attending shield games identifying talent ( and not just in NSW ) instead of walking his fucken dog on the beach. In more recent times some selections have made me shake my head that hard it's nearly snapped off.

• - Brad Haddin was regarded by Hilditch himself as the best gloveman in the land ( which is fucken wrong for a start ) but then dropped him for the 20/20 games for Tim " next Aussie skipper "Paine. Granted it's only 20/20 pus, which was perfectly described by Gideon Haigh as "T20 is a game invented for those people who do not like cricket ", but where's the consistency and openness?


• - Just before the first Ashes test in Brisbane Doug Bollinger was told to stand out of a shield game, then left out of the first test because of lack of fitness.


• - Picked Shaun Tait for the World Cup when the pillow struggles to bowl more than two overs on the trot,then said he needed to lift when he was clearly underdone during the World Cup, point proven when the fucken sook retired after the World Cup.


• - Dropped Phillip Hughes from the test side in England after a failed test not long after he'd belted the piss out of South Africa, but then picked him for the last Ashes series when he was averaging around 20 in 1st class cricket.


• - Arrogantly picking a team for the World Cup relying on pace when all the successful teams on the SUBCONTINENT ( not fucken England ) played multiple spinners and put Dirk Nannes on standby ( another quickie) in case of injury. As Peter English on ESPN cricinfo commented - " Naturally, Hilditch also thinks the squad is good enough to win the tournament. Sadly it's 2011, not 1999, 2003, or 2007 ".


• - Shitcanned Jason Krejza after he had taken 8 for in a test in India, then did it again to him after the World Cup when he was asked to carry the spin department nearly single handedly.


• - Played Xavier Doherty for the first two Ashes tests despite his crap 1st class record and ability to bowl only flat darts ( If you wanted someone to do that you should have picked Simon 'The Wizard ' Whitlock ), then dropped him for Michael " I played with Warnie in St Kilda grade cricket " Beer.


• - Picked Marcus North for the first Ashes test even though he was hopelessly out of form


• - Picked a 17 player squad for the first Ashes test.


• - Responded to questions about Nathan Hauritz's possible selection for the World Cup ( before he got injured ) by saying " his record in India is excellent ". Haurtiz has taken 4 wickets at 70 in India in ODIs.

He's pretty good at passing the buck too old Digger. When questioned about his responsibility for the Ashes loss he responded that " (we've) done a very good job as a selection panel " and " I take responsibility for doing the best job I can possibly do for Australian cricket ". Beg your fucken pardon? You did a shithouse job as a selection panel, a panel that you are the head of you fuckwit. And you obviously have no respect for the intellect of Australian supporters ( we're not all Kerry O'Keefe's ) by wording a response that says basically that I did my job, and it's not my fault if things go down the shitter. Well sorry to say cunt it is your job to take responsibility for shithouse, inept, inconsistent, and brainless fucking decisions, being arrogantly oblivious to your responsibilities and duties and having less communication skills than Stephen Hawking with a flat battery.

So Andrew Hilditch, you have more than justified winning this installment of The Chad Medal. I leave you with this Hilditch quote when asked about his future " So it will be for someone else to tell me when I'm not required ". On behalf of all Australian cricket supporters I say to you Andrew in plain english - fuck off, you're not required, crystal clear cunt?