Round 27 Nominees

• Elizabeth Escalona - was recently jailed for 99 years for glueing her two year old daughter's hands to a wall and beating her so severely she ended up in a coma because she had problems with her toilet training. Fuck the 99 years shoot her in the head, she is filth.
• Sherrin - had to recall 450000 Auskick footys because they were made by child labour in India and some had needles in them. How to make a young kids day memorable, tell him 8 kids died making his footy and take him to the emergency department for a tetanus shot
• Elderly drivers - get off the road for fucksake, how many more times do the old fuckers need to plough through a shop front because they accidentally hit the accelerator before we say enough is enough. The latest effort resulted in the driver cleaning up their neighbours inside a doctors surgery. Fucken old people, they can't even control their bladder let alone a motor car.
• Parramatta Local Court - threatened a bloke with contempt of court because he represented himself dressed as a clown. What's wrong with that, Bernard Finnigan went to court dressed as a respectable member of society and he's a kiddy porn watching lardarse.
• Roxanne Allan - produced a series of completely fucking stupid ideas for publication in The Crapvertiser about what to do with your kids on their school holidays. Her best effort was painting with your feet, which consisted of putting full paint trays on your a driveway and let kids go wild on bits of paper. Obviously she ain't got kids, that's the dumbest idea I've heard since Freo picked up Danyle Pearce.
• Stewart Dew - his missus recently gave birth to a baby girl and he didn't name it Nicole. You bastard. 
• Tammy Franks - Greens MLC who got pinched for not filing tax returns for 10 years. She claimed she forgot due to the stress of her marriage breaking down. For 10 years? Bullshit, that's as pissweak an excuse as Mary Jo Fisher's last excuse for pilfering.
• Troy Chaplin - one of the reasons he used for his decision to leave Port was that he wanted to escape the fishbowl environment. Funny how the cunt spent half his life on the radio,tv or twitter then. Just like his efforts on the paddock, pointing fingers at others ( he's a monty for the role of ET if they do a stage production )when the only fuckarse he didn't but should've been looking at was himself. 
• Federal Liberal Party - have proved politics is littered with hypocrisy after they got busted canvassing the vote of Labor MP Craig Thomson.
• The Taliban - shot a 14 year old girl because she dared to promote female education and criticised Islamic extremism. Congratulations on confirming the stereotype others have of you as being a COMPLETE BUNCH OF BACKWARD, SCUMBAG CUNTS.
• Jimmy Saville - thankfully now dead, but the truth has come out about the arsehole. He makes Bernard Finnigan look like a clean skin, once said to have claimed he didn't have a computer because he didn't want anyone to think he was downloading child pornography. Didn't need to, as the over 100 kids he molested would testify he did enough damage in person. Rot in hell you cunt.
• Lance Armstrong - busted cunt, nowhere to run nowhere to hide. 
• Iraq soccer team - claimed before the recent World Cup qualifier that the Aussie team were scared. Fucken oath they were, of some nut job towelhead blowing them up.
• Daniel Worrall - recent SA Deadbacks debutant who obviously hasn't been in the system for too long as he claimed they have a ' steely resolve '. Hehehe good one champ I think you'll find it's more of a alfoil resolve. And good to see another SA lad making his debut, the cunt comes from Victoria.
• The AFL Rules Committee - here's an idea, fuck off. When you have a complete knobhead like Kevin Bartlett making decisions impacting on the fabric of the game you know it's a sick joke. What's the latest changes - you aren't allowed to approach an opposition player under lights on their right hand side without a formal application countersigned by a special Justice of the Peace? You aren't allowed to kick a ball with your left foot on a Sunday if the player you are kicking it to is allergic to gluten and has a urinary tract infection?  Stop fucking with the game you bunch of dildos.
• Channel 9 - are in a world of financial shit, and no wonder, when two of your high priced ' stars ' are Tracy ' I 've got a head like a bulldog chucked in a blender and no I'm  a lezzo, mainly because not even a thunderous diesel dyke would fuck me ' Grimshaw and Sonia ' I've sucked some serious cock to get on tv ' Kruger.
• French people - they're like Eagles supporters, arrogant cockheads. Accordin g to a recent survey one in five French people admitted that they don't shower daily ( the other four are obviously liars ),some only shower once a week ( some? ), hand washing is ' not always a priority for the French ' ( somewhat like displaying bravery in combat ), 1 in 8 admit they don't wash their hands after using the dunny ( possibly because they think their shit doesn't stink ), yet claim that buses and trains are ' the dirtiest objects in daily life ). No fucken wonder, they're full of dirty, stinking French fuckers who don't shower, and have fingers that stink of piss and shit.

Round 26 Winner

Not even going to bother with nominations this week. You know why? The fucken South Australian cricket team, the mighty Deadbacks that's why. You reckon they were shit last year, well wait there's more. Remember watching the Shield win back in the 90's? Remember when they could actually play decent cricket?  A long long time ago, I remember how the cricket used to make me smile, they had a fresh chance, to make their supporters dance, and maybe make them happy for a while. Anyway , enough Don McLean ripoffs, back to the real world where they're still a fucken joke of a team.When a mate recently asked me what would I do with the mighty red backs, I responded with I'd do something, but it would involve a fucken elephant gun. All they have displayed is a huge steaming pile of gutless, insipid bullshit. It's garbage, and unfortunately it's obviously ingrained in the culture . They're used to being shit and have obviously come to accept that being a laughing stock is part and parcel of the job, but as long as you still get your pay check right fellas? I'm fucken sick of it, watching them makes me want to fucken vomit. So what's the answer? We can all talk about restructuring the grade system, limiting second rate imports, etc etc but until they start to show that they hate losing and want to fight all the other crap  is irrelevant. You know the sort of bloke the need to put in charge - someone like Idi Amin. You get a chance, you make a complete fucking hash of it you get chopped up into little bits and fed to the pet croc. A little out there I will admit but anyone else got a better idea?
So take your Chad Medal, and your Eugene for that matter. With the possible exception of that rubbish they call 20/20  it once again looks like it's all you'll fucken win again this season.

Round 25 Winner

In a damning indictment on the state of South Australia the winner of the Eugene and The Chad are their two football teams and their supporters. The winner of The Eugene for pure fuckery is Adelaide Crows supporters. I've already given my reasons why they are loathed in the nominations but because I can't fucken stand them I'll have another crack. They don't know the rules - just because one of your mob gets tackled it's not too high, and every time one of your mob lays a fingernail on an opposition player doesn't mean it's holding the ball. Get a fucken rulebook and have a read you pack of fucking mindas. The AFL despite your vehement protests are not against you, the rest of the supporters from the other 17 teams are however and you only have yourselves to blame. You're smug,ignorant, insular fuckwits who know less about the game of football than KD Lang does about sucking cock. I get a couple of free tickets with my doggies membership every year to watch a Camry Cows game which I refuse to take up, even if they are playing the mighty hawks, because I don't think I'd last the game without trying to belt some fucking sense into some of you fuckwits. 
The winner of The Chad Medal is Port Power. As I said in the nominations,
 they can't get anyone to sponsor them ( would you want your business  affiliated with that bunch of clusterfucks? ), no one wants to play for them ( fair dinkum if a useless cunt like Troy Chaplin thinks he can do better you must be fucking pus ), no one wants to coach them ( as much 
as they try to blow smoke up Ken Hinkley's arse he was their only option bar digging up Fos Williams ), no one wants to support them ( it would be a barrel of laughs watching that clown show every week but I was led to believe that there were 300000 Port supporters, yet they can't get more than 15000 to a home game. Even Freo when they were going like a busted arse would still pull 25000 -30000, and that's fucken Freo, perennial basket case. So you can take from that their supporters are pissweak front runners, one tradition they did take from their time in the SANFL ). They tick all the boxes don't they? And I must say all I can do is laugh, because to be quite frank it's very fucking funny. I've said it before and I'll say it again, wallow in your own shit, you once again have won The Chad Medal, if only your club was this successful at.............well everything. Hahahahahahahaha, fuck the lot of ya.

Round 25 Nominees

• Adelaide Crows supporters - by far the least knowledgeable and most ignorant supporters in the modified rules league. You could deadset write a book bigger than the fucken Bible about what they don't know about the game. Their rational is if they have the ball, they are the gods fucken gift. If someone tackles them it's too high or in the back. If they tackle someone it must be holding the ball even if they just ripped the cunts head off. Etcetera fucken etcetera, they know nothing, just a hybrid mishmash of fuckarses,dumbfucks and malcontents. Stick to what you know something about,knitting,drinking cheap chardy, and enjoying the smell of your own farts. Don't you dare say that you support an interstate team, you're not a true Sth Aussie. And now the wankers are in the finals all of Sth Aus is supposed to support them, heaven forbid if don't, well you're not a true Sth Aussie and you should go and live in Victoria if you like it so much. It's this sort of bullshit that makes everyone who's not a crows supporter fucken despise them with a passion. What an arrogant pack of wankers, they've been pissing on about winning the flag since the pre season, and after a soft draw in the regular season reckon that all they had to do was get ready for the GF celebrations in September. Fuck off the lot of ya, even if you got to the GF and it was against Collingwood I'd support them over you pack of  cunts.
• Tony Dey - this prick is a deadset thief. The amount of times he destroys games of footy seemingly because it gives him a stiffy are far too many to mention, but it is fucking lovely that he seems to save a fair chunk of his cheating fucking bias for Centrals. Time after time he dry roots the dogs, a perfect example being the recent final against West. West probably would have won without his help but the prick did everything in his power to give them a huge leg up.   On behalf of all football followers and in particular Centrals supporters I say FUCK OFF.
• The SANFL Tribunal - gave Centrals onballer James Boyd two weeks for whacking that little fucking turd from Sturt Matthew Jaensch. Belting fuckarses like Jaensch, or anyone from Sturt for that matter should not result in a punishment, I think Boyd should have got 3 Magarey votes.
• Stephen Rowe - when doggies forward Alan Obst gave a West defender Joel Tippett a well deserved belt which resulted in him getting suspended ,the doyen of commentators thought it was full back Yves Sibenaler who delivered the blow. Just one problem, he was over a 100m away from the incident. Stick to licking the crows arses you peanut.
• Sth Australian media - Rucci,Cornes,Rowe, Riccuito and all the rest, shut the fuck up the lot of ya. The mass saturation of Camry cows garbage is a fucken embarrassment, how did you go in the cows quizzes?Did you know that Scott Thompson uses three pieces of sunny paper to wipe his arse after a shit? For fucksake it makes me want to spew. And whilst the John McCarthy incident is a tragedy,the Adelaide media have made the whole incident into a complete circus, if it was you or me that had done what he did we would be chastised for our foolishness and would be lucky to even get on page 35.
• Optus - gonna fix my Internet any time soon? Hello Ryan? Ryan? How about you stop pulling your dick over Sachin Tendulkar photos and FIX MY FUCKING INTERNET YOU CUNT.
• Shared Wellingham - is considering leaving Collingwood because they aren't offering him the coin he thinks he's worth. Got some tickets on yourself champ? I wouldn't pay fuck all for the ponce, he spends more time preening his hair than Essendon 'hard man' Mark McVeigh. Has the carbon tax increased the price of gel that fucken much?
• The six women who staged a protest at Jobe Watson's Brownlow Medal press conference -apparently their gripe was that horses get more coverage in the media than women in sport. There's a reason for that, most women's sport is as boring as batshit to watch. 
• Alan Jones - Sydney's answer to Bob Francis has again shown his class with a tirade against Julia Gillard,saying that the reason for her old man's passing was " The old man died a few weeks ago of shame " . Wait till the body's cold you fucken crusty old parasite. It's not her old man's fault she's turned out to be a fuckup.

• The Cairns AFL competition - former Camry Cows and North Adelaide spud Nick Gill kicked 106 goals in their comp this year. Need any more reasons?
• Kurt Tippett - just fuck off to NSW for christsake,I'm sick of hearing the bullshit about your contract negotiations.
• Adrian Bayley - the filth that kidnapped, raped and murdered Melbourne woman Jill Meagher. Nothing they do to this prick will be enough for the crime he's committed, they should put a bullet in him. 
• The Australian Judicial system - allowed Adrian Bayley back in public even after he pleaded guilty to 16 charges of rape against 5 women a decade ago. Why was this prick not locked up for good? The blood of Jill Meagher is on the hands of the fuckwits that let this animal have a second chance.
• Robert Hughes - lead actor ( I'll be fucked if I'll use the term star to describe what he called acting ) of sitcom Hey Dad is being extradited on sexual assault charges ). Hey Dad, you're a dirty fucken rock spider.
• Female tv viewers - for watching fucken crap like Winners and Losers, Downton Abbey,Please Marry My Boy, Offspring, and Packed to the Rafters thereby giving them better than average ratings,attracting big sponsorship dollars and keeping them on tv. Start watching decent shows like the footy,cricket, and anything that involves people getting the shit blown out of them.
• Stephanie-Krystie Chin- since joining social network drivel Twitter in 2007, has made more than 193,000 tweets, or an average of 106 per day. When questioned she made the remark " It either means I'm really clever, or I don't have a life ". I know which option I'd pick.
• Ryan Schoenmakers - Hawthorn plonker has revealed that the way he likes to relax before a game is to watch a movie, preferably an action film. It's a shame he's not a fan of horror films,I've got a decent collection of Hawthorn games where he's the star attraction.
• Kim Kardashian - fucken twitter, this tart thought every needed to know " I just hope I'm not turning into one of those cat ladies that's tweeting too many pictures of her pet ". If by pet you mean your thrashed out flange, everyone's seen it. Move along nothing to see here.
• New Zealand immigration officials - are considering giving convicted rapist Mike Tyson a visa to enter the country. Sheep nationwide await the decision nervously.
• Cecil Chao - Hong Kong businessman has offered $65 million to any bloke who can win the heart of his lesbian daughter. Self-styled lothario Kevin Foley was last seen hurriedly boarding a plane at Adelaide airport.
• Cameron Spencer-Long - punnethead who got pissed and hijacked a taxi, whilst blissfully unaware that there were two people in the back who were later injured. According to his lawyer he suffers from a Jekyll and Hyde personality when under the influence. Don't think so pal, the only thing he suffers from is being a pissed fuckwit.

• Matthew Newton - didn't someone's old man fork out for an expensive lawyer? The greatest Aussie acting export since Yahoo Serious got off charges of punching a taxi driver. Apparently Moonface's young bloke ( who shall hereafter be known as Cockface ) is now a changed man, I can only a assume it means he's now changed the drugs he mixes with grog whilst smacking his girlfriend round.
• Adelaide City Council - have run into a bit of a problem with the giant white elephant that is the Victoria Square development after discovering that the ground is contaminated. Who would've thought that all the urine and stale VB dregs that have been spilt there over the years cold have done any harm.
• Bernard Finnigan - well fuck me dead and call me a lard arsed paedo, it was old Bernard who was the Labor MP who's been downloading kiddy porn, who would've picked that. 
• The husband and wife who thought it appropriate to circumcise their 6 and 7 year old daughters  - sick fucks, just because you have a religious belief doesn't give you the right to mutilate your children.
• Matt Damon - " luckily, I found out all three of my youngest girls love broccoli ". It's no wonder they like broccoli, with an old man like him they're used to having vegetables in the house.
• The couple from Norway who won lotto three times, each time  just before or after the birth of their three kids - what's so special about that, go to Elizabeth shopping centre and look at the fat arsed single mothers in lycra spending our tax dollars whilst dragging on a ciggie  with a newborn hanging off their tit. They get a fucken handout everytime as well.

• INXS - can't find any more shit lead singers so they're contemplating touring with a Michael Hutchence hologram. So for Suicide Blonde are they gonna just show him in his hotel room with a stiffy and a belt round his neck?

• Port Power - no one wants to play for ya, no one wants to watch ya, no one wants to sponsor ya, and no cunt wants to coach ya. Hehehehehehehehehe fucken gold.

Michael Avon - might pay to have eyes in the back of your head next time you venture out to Elizabeth oval you cheating cunt. Whatever James Gowans said to you after the game against North you fucken deserved.

Crows supporters - waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, Kurt Tippett's fucked off, have a cry you fuckarses. You know the secondary reason why he left? He fucken hated playing for a team supported by a pack of retarded squealing pigs.

Hawthorn - way to chuck away a grannie , learn to fucken kick.