Week 36 nominations

• Kevin Rudd - according to Kevvy, he's "a very happy little vegemite being Prime Minister". Ah, hate to break it to you, Kev, but you are not Prime Minister - yet. But you are definitely a deadset fuckwit.




• Michael Avon - white maggot extraordinnaire. The dirty cunt gifted 2 goals to Centrals against Norwood when the game was in the balance. Avon is calling alright - with a fucking 44 magnum. Prick.




• Brownlow Medal - what an absolute farce. They spend 4 hours counting the votes when all that anyone gives a shit about these days is seeing which mole is showing off the most cleavage. Just fucking get rid of the count and put the camera on Dane Swan's root's cans for 4 hours - that would be a ratings winner. And can Bruce McAvaney just fuck off - fair dinkum, he's a raving poofter, he nearly dry-rooted Dane Swan's hand. But it was great to see Tanya Buckley again, he's a top sort - a real credit to Nathan that he married a transvestite.




• AFL - complete bastards. They are more than happy to hand-out $10 million to North Melbourne but the cunts slap a $300,000 salary cap on SANFL clubs and want to reduce it even further. Demetriou would spend $300,000 on lasagne in any given week.




• Wang Wang and Funi - the fat cunts are even too fucking lazy to have a root when given their once a year chance. Roley Poley Foley stepped up to the plate and was seen leaving the zoo with his dacks half down.




• The Saudi woman who got 10 lashes for driving - they should bring that rule in here. And start with that bitch who nearly side-swiped me during the week when she was too busy doing her make-up.




• Jeff Kennett - the tosser has his snout right in the trough by flying business class using public money in his role in beyondblue. It is fucking beyond the joke. He'll probably need his own counselling after watching Hawthorn butcher the game against Collingwood.




• Greece PM, George Papandreou - reckons he is making a superhuman effort to slash Greece's debt. How? Selling ya purple valiant? There is a fat Greek bastard running the AFL that probably earns more than the entire Greek economy. Can't we send him back there?




• Greece - you are really fucking my super up.




• United States - see Greece.




• Pope Benedict XVI - he's thinking of retiring. In the words of John Kennedy, "don't think, do."




• Muammar Gaddafi - ready to die a martyr. More likely he'll die a fuckwit.




• Fadi Haddad - Qld hairdresser avoided jail for possessing cocaine. But couldn't avoid jail for being a mincing poof burger.




• Qantas baggage handlers - for going on strike again. What for, not enough boogie board bags coming your way these days?




• INXS - for revealing they have a new lead singer, some Irish cunt who sounds like Bono. For fucksake, just give it up. a) noone has given a rat's arse about you since Michael Hutchence died having a wank and b) the world does not need another fucking Bono - one is too many. Can't Bono find a hotel room and a belt too?




• Uniboob - the woman who went in for a boob job and came out with one giant boob. That is bullshit - how the fuck can her bloke go in for a "broooooooomski" now that she has one big boob. And what about the cleavage - she'd be fucked on Brownlow Medal night.




• Pink Floyd - for releasing a giant inflatable pig from the cover of their crap Animals album into the sky above London. Tracey Grimshaw is suing for using her likeness without her permission.




• Ken Cunningham - 1) the gibbering old cunt stated he can't fathom why North Adelaide seagull James Allan hasn't been given a shot in the AFL. You obviously haven't watched him play, he plays like Kane Cornes and kicks as far as Tim Weatherald. 2) Again mentioned Roy Laird putting his hand up for an AFL coaching job. Jesus you're fucking stupid, he's said he's not fucking interested, are you hearing impaired as well as braindead? 3) Had a whinge that Adelaide Crow Scott Thompson didn't get a spot in the All-
  Australian team. The cunt hits opposition players with disposals more than his own. He's an AFL version of Dean Terlich. Yeah he looked ok this year, but what fucken numpties did he have to compete with - Bernie Vince? David Mackay? Some real quality there.




• David Gulpilil - sentenced to 5 months jail for breaking his wife's arm. Mr Percival is recuperating in a Darwin animal hospital.




• Robert Farquharson - is appealing his life sentence for driving his kids into a dam , killing them all. I also think they should overturn the life sentence, string the cunt up instead.




• South Australian Media - you wonder why the eastern states take the piss, on the same day The Chadvertiser has those fucking pandas on the front page the tv has in its first couple of stories some crap about a cat that got caught in a wall and had to be rescued. Even fucking New Zealand can come up with better efforts than that.




• Hung Hoi-wai - Hong Kong schoolgirl who was banned by her parents from going out with her friends to celebrate her 16th birthday tried to sneak out by tying string around her waist and lowering herself down from her 3rd floor flat. The string broke and she became a pavement pizza. You fuckwit the saying is "how LONG is a piece of string" not "how strong is a piece of string".




• Dave Hughes - during an interview with yank actor Willem Dafoe on The 7PM Project Hughesy had his face that firmly up Dafoe's arse the cunt looked like he had two tongues in his mouth.




• Ryan Schoenmakers - Hawthorn defender who I cannot fathom why is not a ruckman, he makes that many fucken dumb mistakes. On Friday at a crucial moment he dropped an uncontested chest mark that Collingwood then scored a goal from. If they drug test this kid he's gotta test positive to dope, he plays like the bloke in the movie 'The Club' who misses a mark because he's stoned and is too busy looking at the fucken seagulls.




• Chance Bateman - well, you did your best to fuck up Hawthorn's chance of winning in that last qtr didn't you, dickhead. Running round like Fev at a Brownlow kicking the ball straight down Collingwood players fucken throats, it got that bad they didn't bother chasing you, why waste the energy when you're gonna get the ball straight back. Forget pre-season, a fucken bullet is what's needed.




• Mick Malthouse - to quote that shit song from Fergie "Big Girls Don't Cry", but apparently they do coach Collingwood. Fucken hell, pull yourself together you senile old cunt, at your age it's expected to dribble uncontrollably out of little Mick not your fucken eyes. Pity they didn't pan to FIGJAM Buckley, he would've been crying too, thinking "fuck, another week under this old cunt".




• Stuart MacDonald - not content with giving AIDS to multiple human partners, the dirty prick apparently expanded his contamination before imprisonment to the animal kingdom with an estimated 40% of Kangaroo Island koalas suffering from the disease. You cunt, you killed Blinky Bill.




• Jack Belle - thinks it's clever to jump from the 5m Festival Theatre sculpture onto 2m concrete stacks below. This bullshit even has an official name, 'parkour' , which is French for fucking wanker. Just hope the city council grease up the sculpture before his next attempt. Jack be nimble, Jack be quick, Jack is a fair dinkum fuckwit.




• The pissed NT woman who was seen swimming in croc infested waters, rescued by the cops, then proceeded to get back in the water - when questioned later she said she'd only had six stubbies, Darwin stubbies.




• The 36yr old West Beach pisshead who was walking along the footpath along Burbridge Rd with his 3 legged dog at 3am and stumbled onto the road, where he was hit by a car. His injuries were not life threatening, a CT scan coming back clear for damage, or a fucken brain. To top off a great night he was issued an on the spot fine for moving in the path of a moving vehicle, the dog died from laughter.




• Zoos SA - the pandas are a great success. Yep, paying shitloads for a fat cunt which does fuck all but sit on it's arse, eat, sleep and shit, they could've got Bernard Finnigan to do that. Actually, we've been paying Pat Conlon to do that for a decade.




• Le Van - 57yr old Vietnamese father of 7 dug up his dead wife in 2004 and has been sleeping next to her body every day since. The authorities have pleaded with him to re-bury her saying it is polluting the environment. A similar thing happened recently when police burst in to Nicole Cornes' bedroom and found her laying next to what they thought was a decomposing corpse, it ultimately proved to be her crusty husband, Graham.




• Nathan Buckley - for taking the first steps towards a Collingwood slide down the ladder when he takes over by appointing Ben Hart to his coaching panel. Hehehe, you dumbfuck.




• Melbourne - for appointing Neil Craig as their Football Director. You fuckwits. Craig Neil or whatever the fuck his name is knows sweet fuck all about football. Look what he did at Norwood. Look what he did at the Crows. Melbourne, don't say you were not warned about this grey-haired, tight-lipped, harry-high-pants, squeaky-voiced fuck knuckle.




• Fev - for giving advice to the male Nicki Webster, Jack Figden. What was the advice, Fev - race 5, no 7 at Randwick?




• Adelaide Uni researchers - for suggesting that alcohol abuse can be controlled by our brain cells. What, the few fucking brain cells that are left after getting shickered? And what about piss-heads like Fev that have no brain cells in the first place?




• Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher - fuck, what a fucking surprise that they split-up. Apparently, Ashton has his eyes set on Betty White and Demi on Justin Bieber.




• The Anti-Alcohol Lobby - fuck off.




• McDonalds - for serving up a used condom which apparently a kid chewed on. The poor kid now knows exactly how Lara Bingle feels after every meal.




• Cuba - has just legalised car sales. And Craig Ricciuto has just bought a one-way ticket to Cuba.

Week 35 Winner

Unlike the farce that was this year's Magarey Medal count, the winner of The Chad Medal is undoubtedly beyond dispute, it goes to the SANFL umpiring fraternity. The standard of the umpiring in the SANFL has been fucking deplorable this year, with players and supporters from all teams ( bar the Eagles who've had an armchair ride from the cunts all year ) scratching their heads wondering what the fuck is going on. Time after time this year these pricks have imposed themselves unnecessarily on the game to pull out a free kick or report for what? Who fucken knows. It seems that these pricks are more concerned with getting themselves noticed than getting the decisions accurate and consistent, and it is shitting me to fucking tears. Umpires are there to apply the rules to the game, and as any football follower would know the best umpiring performances are those when you didn't notice them. Well it's been a bit fucken hard this year with the cunts pulling, to quote RolyPoly Foley, " bullshit " out of their arses. You wonder why the fans and players get fucken frustrated, pull your fucken heads in you cunts, the game isn't about you. Fucknuts like Tony Dey seem to thrive on being complete cunts and fucking up games just so people pay attention to them, well fuck you Tony, and fuck you to the other arseholes who have done their best this year to drag our game down to the level of the AFL ( Arse Fuck League ). One of the great things about the SANFL, that the AFL has all but eradicated, is that you can go and watch a game that involves blokes having a fair dinkum crack and bash into each other. Well these white maggot cunts are obviously under the influence of that greasy dago cunt Demetriou as well because it is becoming more prevalent this year the directive to penalise players and officials for displaying the traits that the game was founded on and has thrived on for over 100 years.

You want proof, well here's a few fucken examples for you -

• Round 15 Norwood v North - Norwood's Taylor Walker gets reported, and subsequently rubbed out for a week for a tackle. That's right, a fucken tackle, the sort that if you didn't lay your coach would tell you to fuck off and play netball.
• Round 16 South's coach Ron Fuller gets reported and cops a reprimand for daring to drop the F word to the umps after scratching his head till it was fucken bleeding trying to work out what the fuck the cunts were up to. Boo fucken hoo, getting a bit precious ya white maggots, if you'd done your job properly in the first place rockin Ronny wouldn't have done his nana. He's trying to get a bunch of kids to get a club that has been a fucken basketcase for years back on the straight and narrow by telling them to go in hard, and you cunts try your best to contradict everything he has told them. Just be grateful he didn't get a fire house and ram in up your arses.
• Round 23 Centrals v North - Centrals' Jason Sutherland was reported for alleged forceful front on contact on a North cunt who went down like Paris Hilton on a random dick at a bus stop. Only problem was he didn't hit him either high or front on, he bumped him in the shoulder. Even the tribunal couldn't defend this level of retardedness and canned the charge. What fucken game were you watching there man in white?
• At the end of the minor round WWT had received 470 free kicks for and 394 against whilst Central District received 419 for and 474 against. Now how the fuck does that happen, pissweak cunts like the Eagles get 76 more frees than they concede and the minor premiers are in the fucken minus by 55. Even a shit team like Sturt who finished bottom and are usually looked after by the umps had a better ratio than that. Are you cunts trying to reward softcocks by direction, are you fucken crooks, or are you just incompetent?
• James Allan won a third Magarey medal - he's a fucken wide receiver, how many times do ya see a ball up where he's last one up at the bottom of a pack or doing the hard yards feeding the ball out to someone running past? I'll tell ya, FUCKEN NEVER. He's a parasite, 40 touches in a game, woo hoo, Kane Cornes did that in the AFL, 40 touches, 10 sideways, 20 backwards, 10 straight up in the fucken air. None more than 25m. You wanna know why he hasn't been given a go at the AFL? He's a Kane clone, does about as much damage as a bloke with a 4mm dick porking a bird with a 4ft wide snatch. Damaging touches - fuck all. Hard ball gets - fuck all. Right to be spoken of in the same vein as deserved three time Magarey Medal winning champion Barry Robran - fuck all. Yet the umps love this cunt. How does this prick get so many votes when his team has had their arses handed to them on a plate? Do you fucking umpires actually watch the game, by gift-wrapping three Magarey medals to this fucken seagull you are making a mockery of our game.

So the SANFL umpires are deserved winners of The Chad Medal this week. They are aiding cunts like Demetriou in white-anting our great comp, and to them I on behalf of all true SANFL followers say pull your fucken heads in you gobshite cunts and stop tearing at the fabric of our game or fuck off.

Week 34 nominations

• Woodville West Torrens coach, Michael Godden - during last week he was banging on about how the Eagles could have beaten Centrals in last year's GF had they beaten in Norwood in last year's preliminary final. Newsflash, Godden - ya lost, so shut ya cakehole. The only thing you beat when it counted last year was ya fucken meat. He then went on to say that the Eagles had been waiting 12 months to avenge their loss to Norwood. Newsflash, Godden - ya got belted by 10 goals by the mighty Redlegs. Maybe just maybe you should have spent less time opening ya gob and more on getting ya soft-cock team to play some decent football.



• Luke Jarrad - pooed his pants right in front of Laurie Holden and friends when he was stupid enough to try to evade a Norwood tackle. I suspect that the ABC may have had to censor the comments that were delivered by L Holden and friends.



• Glenelg - once again proved they are a bunch of fucking pillow-biters. Their finals record from their last 11 appearances stands at 2-9, including 6 straight losses. Comedy gold!



• Scott Barrowman - regular contributor to the Chadvertiser letters to the editor. Generally, he is full of shit and his latest drivel was no exception, this time fully supporting the ABC's plans to cease covering the SANFL. Barrowmen said, "I have no interest in a pack of yobbos belting the hell out of each other for possession of a piece of pigskin and calling it sport." It's called Aussie Rules, fuckface, the greatest game on earth. You stick to Tuesday Night Book Club and the Collectors. Or whatever else boring turds like Barrowman watch on telly.



• Ottey - deadshit contributor to the Chadvertiser letters to the editor who wrote this in relation to the ABC wanting to stop broadcasting the SANFL, "It's football so who cares really". Fuck off, idiot.



• Travis Boak - admitted that Tony McGuiness has been his mentor this year, offering him a stack of advice. Like the fuck what? How to quickly disappear overseas when a bikie discovers you have been rooting his wife and wants to punch your fucking lights out?



• Brad Moran - reckons that football had been getting in the way of his business. How could that fucking be, Brad, ya did sweet fuck all on the footy field? Tosser.



• Cathy Jayne Pearce - the porker has been up to her old tricks, and I don't mean walking around with a feedbag permanently around her neck. The police are once again investigating her dodgy business dealings. Cathy stated, "my criminal record is immaculate". So is ya fat guts and 16 chins.



• Julia Gillard - has undergone image training. Fucking hell, whoever you paid for the training should re-fund the fees because, Julia, fair dinkum, your image as a frumpy, big-nosed ranga, with a fat arse, annoying fucking voice, dumb hand gestures and no policies remains firmly intact.



• Alan John Miller - reckons he is Jesus Christ and has set-up shop in Queensland to attract Rocco Leo's lost sheep. Alan, you are not the messiah, you are just a naughty boy. And a bloody fuckwit.



• Lucy Cornes - for wearing a pair of pants to the Port best and fairest awards that were last seen on Liberace.



• Grace Portolesi - reckons she looks like Sophia Loren. Hahahahahaha. Hahahahaha. Hahahahaha. Ah....what a rib-tickler. Hahahaha hahahaha hahahahaha. Now that I've stopped laughing, she also gets nominated for getting her snout in the trough. She's the Aboriginal Affairs Minister but has snaffled herself a nice tax-payers funded trip to Italy. Maybe she is visiting her lookalike, Sophia Loren. Hahahaha hahahahaha.



• The DPP - for not challenging the "sentence" handed to Malcolm Fox. That is, in the immortal words of Kevin Foley, bullshit. Mem, I want you to write a new book about this - the story of Mal the Brush-Tailed Fox who got caught playing with young foxes but somehow avoided punishment.



• Mathew Jaensch - his jaw ran into someone's fist by mistake. This prick gets more contested possessions off the field than on.



• Angelo Mathews - for ensuring that there was no result in the third and final test between Australia and Sri Lanka by being a selfish cunt and crawling to his maiden test century. Good move, dickhead - Australia leads the series 1-0 and you put yourself ahead of the team.



• The Haka - fucking every cunt is doing it these days. It is about as effective as doing the hokey pokey these days . Maybe Australia should try doing that, look what it did to Mary Jo Fisher, turned her fucking loopy.



• John Mayer - the cunt has nodules on his throat so he may not be able to sing again. And the problem is??



• Tasmanians - most support gay marriage. Most also support marrying their brothers, sisters and cousins too.



• The Philippines - for seizing record amounts of fake goods. How come Julia Gillard escaped the net?



• Jamie Oliver - has written to the UN in the hope they will put pressure on governments to help end the world obesity crisis. I'm sure the people of Somalia and Sudan will be fucken rapt with that initiative, you fucknut. He shits me this cunt, he looks and sounds like a cow with a fucken bloated tongue trying to talk, he's a hypocritical fat bastard trying to encourage others to eat healthy, and again, he's just a cunt - seriously fuck off. You know what show I'd like to see - Jamie Oliver's going over a fucking cliff.



• Vickie Chapman - has illuminated us with tales of her childhood like how she used to sell pigs when she was 10. Were they showing you up in the looks stakes and you had to get rid of the competition Vickie? Talk about Chapman's Fritz.



• Lucy Cornes - said she was going to run the City to Bay and raise money for a kids charity but pulled out, citing a sore knee. More like she was too fucking embarrassed to be seen in public after wearing Liberace's dacks. If only Graham's dad had pulled out when on top of his missus we would've been saved the pain of the Cornes saga altogether.



• The Heart Foundation - are removing their tick from McDonalds food. Why the fuck was it there in the first place, you're trying to tell me the processed McTurds they produce are good for your McHeart? The truth is revealed when you find out McDonalds have been paying $300,000 a year to have the McHeart Foundation tick on their gear, which according to the foundation is under a licensing agreement described as "cost recovery". Fucken cost recovery, it's fucken McShonky fraudulent use of a brand name that is supposed to be associated with promoting health and wellbeing. I suppose no more shonky than calling Port Adelaide a football club, or Michelangelo Rucci a human. McFuckwits.



• McDonalds - "We have valued the collaboration with the Heart Foundation". The Nazis valued the collaboration of the Vichy Government in WW2 as well you cunts, and you know what happened to those cunts when they came runner-up, FUCKEN BANG.



• Wayne Swan - won Euromoney Finance Minister of the Year after defeating contenders representing the Krauts, the Frogs, the Poms, and the Yanks. And aren't those economies going just fucken dandy. Fair Dinkum, the cunt from Zimbabwe would've knocked off those pricks. Bravo Wayne, what a shitty competition, it's as prestigious a victory as winning Sturt's B&F this year, or Glenelg's player of the finals for any year. My vote was for Greece's Finance Minister - how embarrassment, can't wait for the new version of Wogs Out of Work.



• The Melbourne woman who got pinched DUI by the police at 8:45am whilst driving her kid to school - at least it gives her kid something to display at show and tell, he can present mum's loss of licence letter and tell the other kids it's because she smells like the fucken Smirnoff factory.



• Daniel Patrick "Eddie" Betts - got the shits up whilst playing a bad round of golf, chucked his club, and hit his mate in the head, causing serious injuries. And just to rub salt in the wound he has been given a 2 year jail term for it. How are ya feeling, Dan, a bit below par? Do ya reckon he'll be back on the driving range when he gets out?



• ABC - want to can the SANFL coverage but deem it fine to screen shit like 'At Home with Julia '. What fucken ganga are these cunts smoking in their meetings when they make these decisions. I can't wait for "At Home With Bernie Finnigan" or "Foley's Greatest Hits".



• Jamie Durie - from Backyard Blitz to Hungry Jacks drive thru blitz. Have you seen the cunt these days, he's inflating like the Hindenberg. Wouldn't it be funny if the fat pudger ended up the same way, he lights a bacon double cheeseburger deluxe meal (large of course) fart and explodes. Then ya see Scott Cam jumping off the cunt (and probably onto another shit renno show) whilst Shelly Craft screams "oh the humanity", and then screens it on Funniest Home Videos the next week.



• The FOX Network - have given that fucken gnome Rove McManus his own show. At least the cunt is in America, for fucksake someone stitch him up for a crime (murdering tv would be a good start) so he gets refused entry back here.



• Mainland Extra Tasty Cheese - have had to recall their product after some metal was found in a pack. In their defence it does say 'Extra' in the name doesn't it?



• Brenton Sanderson - had the chance to send Mark Bickley back to Ch9 weekend news and didn't take it. Fuckwit. That was ya second fuck-up in 24 hours, the first being to accept the position as Stephen Trigg's butt boy. And if you want to get those cunts playing physical footy you'd better give Bernie Vince his fucken pink slip now.



• The Aussie Tourism and Transport Forum - have proposed the tax for exiting Oz at the airport be halved for Kiwis. Ya not going far enough, make it free for the sheep defilers to leave, but make the entrance fee $10,000. And that's fucken Australian dollars, not the ones with a picture of a merino on one side and Ewen Chatfield on the other.



• SANFL umpires - any devotee of the local game would have to agree the standards of these pricks have taken a bigger nosedive than Julia Gillard (pardon the pun) in the newspolls this year, but their decision to giftwrap a Magarey Medal to North Adelaide seagull James Allan is a fucken blight on the game. The fact that a softcock wide receiver like Allan won again proves how little some of these cunts actually watch the football. How the fuck can you're team get soundly beaten in 4 games but you walk away with 12 votes?? Do you realise that this prick now sits level on medals with a true great like Barry Robran, the very thought of it makes me want to fucken spew.



• Michelle Marie Cheatham - Missouri mum for allowing her 5 year-old son to take her crack pipe and crystal meth in for show and tell. Children were asked to bring in "pictures of their family for show and tell" but the boy was spotted unpacking the drugs and pipe in a school hallway, no doubt from his school boogie board bag. Cheatham blamed Qantas baggage handlers.



• Australian androgynous model Andrej Pejic - for starving himself in order to model women's clothes on the catwalk. No need to starve yourself to do that, Andrej, you could just grab a Sturt or Woodville West Torrens guernsey.



• Roley Poley Foley - has done something extremely rare and apologised to a magistrate for interrupting the sentencing of his well justfied "attacker" with two loud vulgar outbursts.
  In the Adelaide Magistrates Court today, Mr Foley lost his composure and yelled "bullshit" twice in response to claims he harrassed a young woman in the minutes before he was assaulted last November. Bullshit, alright - funny how the witness who was gonna testify against you suddenly now has amnesia. Bullshit!



• Roley Poley Foley - for getting caught on camera walking into a fist. Absolute fucking gold!! Take a bow, Kevvy, that was outstanding!



• Daryl Somers - for looking to bring Hey Hey It's Fuckwitday back again. Fuck off, Daryl, and take Fucka Duck with you.



• Tim Nielsen - for quitting as Australian cricket coach because he was not happy he had to re-apply for his job, claiming he feels like he has been "kicked in the guts". Now you know Australian cricket followers have felt watching the crap the team you coached served up in recent years. St Kilda is looking for a coach, you would be a good fit at the turd of a club.



• Redbacks - for signing Nielsen as its High Performance Manager. For fucksake. That is like Danny Green signing Kevin Foley as his boxing coach, "Danny, this is how not to avoid a punch."


• St Kilda - the cunts couldn't even attract Tim Nielsen. Their coaching shortlist includes Jeff Giescen, Wayne Brittain, Bernie Quinlan, Robert Shaw, Gerard Neesham, Matty Knights, Tim Watson, Terry Wallace, Tony Shaw, Graham Cornes, and Matty Primus (well, he may as well apply now, because he'll be sacked by round 6 next season).



• Hayley Roberts - for twice turning down marriage proposals from David Hasselhoff. Come on, Hayley, don't hassle the Hoff!



• Shari-Lea Hitchcock - golddigger and Richard Pratt's ex-root has changed her surname by deedpoll to Suckscock.



• (C)Rapper, 50 Cent - for getting sued after one of his employees allegedly assaulted woman at his home. The prick should also be sued for inflicting his crap rap music on the world.



• Suzy Quatro - for fucksake, it is high time you canned the can and put those leather dacks away. Your arse has got nowhere to hide in those pants, luv.



• Shane Warne - no other reason this week other than he still looks like a fucking tool and denies he has had any work done. Bring back the winnie blues and toasted cheese sangas - we want the fat Warnie back.



• Liverpool supporters - the cunts keep giving Arsenal shit. Ok, so Arsenal are playing like a pack of arseholes but take a look in ya own backyard ya fucking scouse gits - you were awfully quiet after ya 4 zip loss to Tottenham.



• Arsenal Supporters - they're team is playing like their supporters, a pack of useless cunts. Take a look in your own backyard, a pissed Tony Adams just crashed through your back fence.



• Liverpool supporters - see Arsenal supporters and replace Tony Adams with any deadshit who hasn't won a Premier League title since fuck knows when.



• Clowns who run the city to bay - I'm specifically talking about The Chad Editor and B2. For fucksake, why would you two inflict that level of pain upon ya selves? If you wanted pain why not just barrack for Port Adelaide.



• Meatloaf - for contemplating living in Adelaide. For fucksake, we've already got talentless fat bastard here - Fat Pat Conlon. Perhaps we can do a swap - America can take Pat and we'll take Meat. With any luck, he'll drop dead stepping off the plane at Adelaide airport.



• AFL clubs - for chasing Neil Craig. I guess there is a shortage of stubborn, squeaky voiced cunts who over complicate the game.



• Julia Gillard - you silly fuckwit. It is no good trying to deflect the blame of your complete and utter fuck-up with the "Malaysian Solution" on to Tony Abbott. Noone is listening, Julia. The clock is ticking. Let's hope the faceless fucks of Labor are dumb enough to bring back Krudd.



• Kevin Rudd - talk about a massive case of FIGJAM.



• Khemmikka Na Songkhla - for spruiking a new, surgery-free solution in Thailand to beef up women's busts — breast-slapping. Tim Mathieson must have used a similar technique on Julia to beef up her big fat arse - the arse-slapping has worked a treat.



• Louie - the pig that thinks he's a dog. And then there is Kevin, the pig that think's he's a boxer. And Julia, the pig that thinks she's Prime Minister. And Media Mike, the pig that thinks he's god. And Rove, the pig that thinks he's funny. And Fev, the pig that thinks he's going to play AFL again. And Malcolm, the pig that thinks he's innocent but won't appeal his guilty verdict because he's fucking guilty.



• NZ rugby fans - for spitting on Australian fans. Rugby World Cup chief Martin Snedden described New Zealanders' treatment of Australian fans as "disappointing". I thought Llamas were spitters, not sheep.



• Martin Snedden - what the fuck is a bloody crap cricketer - and boy was he shit, the cunt made Sam Parkinson look dangerous - doing running the Rugby World Cup? I assume Ewan Chatfield wasn't available.



• Matthew Westhoff - finally given the arse by Port. Obviously, the in-bred hillbilly experiment was not as successful as the Irish experiment.



• John Hill - for apologising for the severely over-crowded hospitals in Adelaide. Don't fucking apologise, fuckwit - do something to fix it. "I am", he says. Yeah, like closing down Keith Hospital and Blackwood Hospital but spending millions building a fucking film studio on the site of a mental hospital that didn't have a cent spent on it for years and then spending $68,000 on a fucking party to open the studio which amazingly cooincides with Media Mike's farewell. Cunts. Bash it up ya arse.



• William Shatner - for saying that Star Trek is better than Star Wars. He also went on to say that TJ Hooker was better than Starsky and Hutch, which is just plain fucking ridiculous.

Winner - week 33

After last week's lengthy winner's post, I'll keep this week's post short and sweet. The winner of this week's Chad Medal is the Catholic Church. Why? Well, it is because they have been fair dinkum cunts since Jesus was in short pants. I'm sure if those bastard kiddy-fiddling Catholic priests had gotten hold of Jesus when he was in short pants then Jesus wouldn't have been so fucking forgiving. I'll probably go straight to hell for this post.

Week 33 Nominations

• Mohammed Bin Hammam - disgraced Asian football chief has claimed race was a factor in his lifetime ban from football over bribery charges. So being a shonky, dishonest, lying cunt wasn't the reason was it you fuckwit? I'd stop playing the race card and start trying to find a get out of jail free card if I was you, fucknut.


• Rafael Nadal - cried like a bitch because US Open officials wanted him to play on a slippery surface. Boo fucken hoo, ya get paid millions of dollars to play, stop ya fucken sooking. Take off the moulded soles and put on the spikes, wouldn't that make games more interesting, or should I say less fucken boring. Tennis has gone down the shitter, bring back McEnroe, Connors and that big fat cunt Bobo Zivionovic. And Rafa, it is about time you got a pair of Reg Grundys that don't ride up ya Jatz Cracker.


• Andy Roddick - see Nadal.


• Andy Murray - see Roddick. How long before Andy Murray does another Greg Norman impression?


• Muammar Gaddafi - this cunt is harder to find than that Wally prick in those kids books. Give you a clue, watch Before The Game on ch10, he's masquerading as Mick Molloy, the likeness is fucken uncanny.


• Bob Katter and Nick Xenophon - walked down Rundle Mall with aprons with their names emblazoned on them to protest at fresh produce prices. Why did you two dickheads think you'd need to put your fucken names on the aprons, everyone unfortunately knows who you are, unless you thought people were going to confuse you with Lionel Hutz and the Texan tycoon from The Simpsons.


• David George Simpson - fucken deviate who got a suspended sentence for possessing kiddie porn who co-authored kids books with renowned writer Colin Thiele. What fucken book did you help write - the BFG - the Baby Fiddling Grandpa? Suspended sentence - get fucked, they should suspend pricks like this up by their nads with barbed wire.


• Cameron Denbesten and Stewart Kift - got fired in May for planking at work and putting it up on Facebook (fucken Facebook, it's a bigger cancer than the fucken Cornes family). Now they've been fined $1500 each after Worksafe Victoria charged them under the OH&S Act which requires employees to take responsible care of their own safety on the workplace. Well done dumbfucks, fine the cunts another $10000 for being complete fuckwits while you're at it.


• GWS - Grogan Western Sydney have signed up The Chad on a 2 year contract, the second of which is to be as a strength and conditioning coach. Fucken hell, they're not looking real hard are they for coaches, the most strength The Chad has displayed recently is holding up his ego and the leaky 1000L rainwater tank he calls a fucking head.


• Mary Jo Fisher - Australia's answer to Ronnie Biggs has said the reason she left the supermarket without paying for her groceries was she realised she didn't have enough cash and went to call someone to bring her the money, on her Maxwell Smart shoe phone.When asked if she told any of the supermarket staff of her intentions she responded " no, I'm stupid ". Ah no, you're a fucken thief.


• Angus Graham - Richmond ruckman under investigation for allegedly slapping a woman at a pub on Mad Monday celebrations. Jack Reiwoldt has decided not to press charges.


• James Webber - for his response to The Crapvertiser streettalk question - "Should serial fine dodgers have their cars impounded" - fuckwit replied - "No. Because people that are serial offenders are normally serial offenders for a reason - they get themselves into debt". What? What the fuck has that got to do with the price of fucken tea in China you fuckhead. Serial offenders are serial offenders because they continue to be serial fuckwits, therefore take the cunts cars away and crush the fuckers, preferably with some of the wankers still in them.


• KG Cunningham - wants to move Brownlow night to ease distractions for Grand Final bound players and to curb the pissheads at the event. Go and get fucked you gibbering old monkey, stop trying to take away the remaining shreds of tradition left in the game and shut your porky pig sounding mouth up. And cut out those shithouse ads for solar panels, it's pronounced solar not fucken sowler you retard.


• The guy dressed as Gumby who tried to rob a convenience store - at first the clerk told him to fuck off as he thought he was taking the piss, but Gumby claimed he had a gun, which he then reached into his Gumby pants to produce. Unfortunately, his green gloves proved a bastard of an inconvenience as he fumbled like Brett Stanton under a high ball and proceeded to produce nothing but 26 cents which crashed to the ground as he bid a hasty retreat, one can only assume onto his Gumby horse. Brad Moran has been taken in for questioning.


• Paul Chapman - Geelong footballer who spends half his fucken time on the ground with arms outstretched pissing and moaning about getting frees. Unless you're advertising fucken Rexona, pull your fucken head in, put your fucken arms down, and concentrate on getting the ball ya cunt. [Laurie Holden - sounds like the Chad Editor has a dose of sour grapes. Suck the fuck in, you Hawthorn fucker. Funny, Buddy Franklin was also pissing and moaning on the ground too.]


• Serena Williams - for her less than gracious demeanour during her match against Sam Stosur. Quote bushpig to the central umpire "Don't look my way. If you ever see me walking down the hall, walk the other way". Well I don't even like looking at you on fucken tv, ya ape, it makes me want to fucken spew, ya look like Collingwood's Chris Dawes with a tin of kiwi boot polish on his fucken face. And if you're walking down a hall you'd have to walk the other way, with an arse the size of Port Power's debt no cunt could get past you could they you ugly mole. And thanks for nothing getting rolled by Stosur, how the fuck are we supposed to take the piss out of her now she's actually fucken won something?


• Roberta Williams - I just fucken shuddered even thinking about her, fuck she's a pig. She's had a shitload of plastic surgery done and still looks like Jeannie Pratt's ugly sister. She also claims ex-root Carl Williams was a placid person and wasn't aware of most of his "work" outside their house. He was a placid fellow, somewhat in the vein of Robert Mugabe. And if you expect anyone to believe you didn't know about his criminal life, you're dumber than you look, and that's fucken saying something. She actually looks a bit like Tracy Grimshaw, hope they smashed that fucken mould when they saw what it produced, the quicker they ban pitbulls the better.


• Mix 102.3 - you stupid fucks, we'd managed to run that slag Amber Petty out of town and you cunts have brought her back to replace Jodie Blewett (or whatever her fucken last name is these days, she of the Dean Brogan chin). Vomit bags at the ready. And watch out young blokes aged 18-25, the female Kevin Foley is back in town.


• al Saadi Gaddafi - Muammar's son has just scarpered over the border quicker than Alan/Wayne Stringer after sniping someone from behind, pissweak cunt.


• Tom Scully - "did not play footy for money". With the ability to lie like that whilst keeping a straight face you should be representing Mary Jo Fisher at her trial.


• Darren Berry - for squealing about losing Aiden Blizzard and Keiron Pollard to their Indian franchises for the upcoming IPL Champions League. What the fuck did you expect, it's a corrupted version of the game run by corrupt officials (dare I say scoundrels), it'd be like going to a dogfight and realising after you've put your bet on that your dog is fucken blind. Tough titties cunt, you sleep in the sewer you're gonna get covered in shit.


• Janet Hardt - 63 year-old Illinois woman who died shortly after injecting hot beef fat into her own face in a form of home cosmetic surgery. Jeez, normally chicks are supposed to enjoy receiving a hot beef injection.


• Carl Rackemann - for joining Bob Katter's Mad Hatter Party. Who is Bob going to sign up next? Dirk Tazelaar?


• Mike Rann and his cunt government - for charging farmers for using water from their own dams that they built and paid for. Fuck off, Mike. Jay, what have you got to say? Weak bastard.


• Naomi Pollard from Port Pirie - for this pearler in the Chadvertiser in response to the question, "Should euthanasia be legalised?" - "No. As a Christian I believe God is in control of life and death, not humans." Is that right? So, you are the result of a root between ya mum and God, hey? And God piloted the planes that crashed into the Twin Towers, did he? Fucking Christians.


• Fox 8 - for allowing fucking Rove back on air in his new show/piece of wank, Rove LA. Why don't you do us all a favour and join Hamish and Andy on the Qantas flight, "Buddy Holly".


• Kevin Rudd - for being the biggest twit in politics by having 1 million followers on his Twitter account. Get a fucking life, people.


• The people who want Krudd back as PM - ya fucking what? Are you people fucking retarded?


• Kevin Rudd - for racking up over $1 million in travel costs in under a year. Fair suck of the sauce bottle, ya cunt. Talk about snouts in the trough. I thought Labor were supposed to be the working man's party? What a load of shit.


• The Catholic Church - for wanting to improve it's image by improving the way it markets itself to the media. Get fucked. You can improve your image by stop being cunts and do the right thing and shoot all those fucking kiddy-fiddling priests. No surprises to find that advising the church on spin is none other than Mike Rann's brother, Chris. Chris told them "they should not try to hide negative issues but rather be open and transparent". Chris, have you ever given that advice to your cunt of a brother? And are Monsignor Cappo and Archcunt Philip Wilson listening?


• Miss Universe organisers - for blasting Australia's Sherri-Lee Biggs (she sounds like a someone who would shag Richard Pratt) for her overly revealing swimwear and evening gown. Fair dinkum, first they complain about Miss Colombia going commando and now this. Why not just fucking wheel Susan Boyle out.


• Niall "Celebral" Pawsey - the 20 year-old law student drowned while swimming across the Thames to celebrate winning a bet to stay sober for a month. He and his mates had earlier been kicked out of a pub for singing football songs - the straw that broke the camel's back was when they launched into "we're the pride of South Australia...."


• Fev - yep, AFL clubs are going to be lining up to sign Fev - not to play but to fertilize their pot plants around the club.


• Tiger Airways new CEO, Andrew David - both Craig David and Neil Craig are fucking spewing that they missed out on the job.


• Madison Ashton - slut.


• Watching SpongeBob - according to some nob jockeys, watching 9 minutes of SpongeBob can cause short-term attention and learning problems in 4 year-olds. The same applies to watching any of the following - Port Power, Rove, Hamish and Andy, The Renovators, Julia Gillard, Tracey Grimshaw, Better Homes and Gardens, Serena Williams, Liverpool (The Chad Editor - sounds like Laurie Holden has also got a dose of the old sour grapes after Liverpool knocked off his fairybread pack of cunts Arsenal earlier in the season. [Laurie Holden - you can go and fuck off, Chad Editor, I bet you were fucking "stoked" with Liverpool's shithouse performance against Stoke City] and the X Factor.


• HP sauce - Heinz have decided to change the taste of this traditional English sauce by reducing the salt content, resulting in the casts of East Enders and Coronation Street to start a riot.


• Kyle Reimers - this guy has to be the biggest dickhead playing football today. After Chris Yarran kicked the ball out of bounds on the full very early in the first quarter, Reimers thought it would be a clever thing to do to get in Yarran's face and give him a spray. You fuckwit. That might be passable if your team was 15 goals up against the Blues, but fucking dumb and unforgivable just minutes into the game. If James Hird's brain is as big as his ears (and lies) then he should give Reimers the arse. But really hope he stays though...


• Essendon - James Hird has really taken the Bombers to a whole new level - a whole new level of crapness. Despite the presence of "the world's greatest coaching panel" and their favourite jug-eared lying son of a bitch in charge, they still served up exactly the same shit they delivered under Matty Knights.


• Nickleback - for thinking that the record buying public would have the fucking poor taste to want to buy two of their singles/turds at the same time. They should give those singles away to people who are constipated, like Julia Gillard. Fair dinkum, the way she fucking waddles around you would think she had a stubborn brick waiting to back out.


• Mark Scott - head of the ABC for pulling the plug on SANFL coverage. You fuckwit. You'll pull the plug on footy but will keep crap like The Collectors and Tuesday Night Book Club on air. The cunt was quoted as saying the ratings for the Norwood v South game were as low as 5,000 - but the turd failed to mention the other end of the equation that as many as 44,000 tuned in to watch at some stage. How many fuckers watch The Collectors? I'd say about 3 - Bernie Finnigan, Malcolm Fox and Monsignor Dempsey. Give me my tax money back, you bitch.


• Monsignor Ian Dempsey - for denying he is an alleged fucking dirty fucking filthy cunt of a kiddy-fiddler. In his statement of denial he said he was going on holidays - let me guess the destination, fucking Thailand?


• Spokeswoman for the Catholic Church of SA - for saying they were "appalled at the use of parlimentary privilege" and "it was grossly unjust and unfair" in response to Nick Xenophon's outing of allegations surrounding Dempsey. Funny, I have never heard similar statements come out of the Catholic Church about the many kids that have been abused at the hands of Catholic fucking priests over hundreds and hundreds of years. I'm fucking appalled by the hypocrisy of the Catholic Church.


• Caius Veiovis - the triple murder suspect and Satanist (and probably a fan of Nickelback)fronted up to his police mugshot with horn implants, multiple piercings and '666' tattooed on his forehead. Fuck me, why is he a suspect?


• Tony Dey - for reporting Norwood's Bryce Campbell for rough conduct when all he did was have his eyes on the footy and make high contact with an opposition player also attacking the ball. You are a fucking deadshit Dey.


• Delta Goodrem - we know you are fucking fame whore but you've hit rock bottom by dating a fucking 12 year-old Justin Bieber wannabe.


• SA Dept of Transport - for suggesting that too many carparks and low cost of parking is responsible for people not catching public transport into town. Bullshit. Public transport in this town is a fucking joke and we have Fat Pat Conlon to thank for that. The cunt has been sitting on his fucking fat arse for a decade and done sweet diddly squat to improve the public transport system. What has the prick achieved - a fucking tram that can't run in summer and is bloody full before it leaves Glenelg (a bit like Mark Mickan) and then takes a fucking half an hour to go from South Terrace to North Terrace. Rod Hook, you should shut the fuck up. Can I smell another fee increase coming? Cunts.


• Spotless - the commercial manager of the new super school, Roma Lezzo Mitchell Secondary School, for making kids take off their shoes before they enter a classroom and for not allowing the display of the kids work on walls or hung from ceilings. Just re-name the fucking school, "Gulag". Super Jay Weatherill has come to the rescue saying he "would look into the teacher's concerns". In other words, he will do no such thing.


• Burnside Council - for quickly cutting down a tree that had killed Rebecca Jolly (and had been the subject of calls for its removal for sometime before the accident) and in doing so destroying evidence that would have gone before the Coroner's Court. This council is dodgier than the Indian Cricket Board.


• Pauline Hanson - for stripping on Celebrity Apprentice. I've just spewed in my mouth at the thought of that.


• McCain Foods - for standing down 300 production workers without pay after a strike by maintenance staff. Ah, McCain, you've done it again. Cunts.


• Paul McCartney - for getting married again. You silly fuckwit. What has this one got missing? A brain? Hope you have a decent pre-nup this time. Apparently, Heather Mills would give her right leg to be at the reception.


• Big Tobacco - for trying to use The Castle in its case against plain paper packaging. Fuck off. Tell em they're fucking dreamin'.


• Police are hunting two bandits who robbed a McDonald's store in Sydney's west armed with a firearm on Wednesday morning - one suspect looked like a fucking clown and the other is pictured below


• Bonny Nash - ignorant dumbfuck who responded to the Crapvertiser Street-talk question - "Do you think the ABC should still be broadcasting the SANFL?" - with this fuckwitted quote, "I don't really watch the SANFL, the AFL is more important". You are a bona fide fucking minda. The SANFL shits on the AFL as an example of how football should be played, Demetriou's shit has obviously hit home with you, which proves you know fucking nothing about football. Any football follower worth their salt knows damn well that the ABC should pull their heads out of their arse and keep the SANFL games on tv, it's fuckwits like you that just don't get it. It's people like this that are being pandered to by Demetriou and his gimps to the detriment of the game and its true followers.


• Jordan Lewis - balding, mouthy, little fucking sniper. A typical Hawthorn "hard-man" - good had a throwing an elbow at a bloke who has his eyes on the ball but never puts his own fucking head over the ball. Weak as piss.


• Campbell Brown - ex-Hawthorn and now Gold Coast "hard-man". This time arrested for throwing punches at an off-duty Thai police officer. The fact that Brown was nude when arrested suggests the victim wasn't a copper but a lady-boy.


• Edward White - arsonist and dumbfuck. After setting fire to Unley High School he texted his mates and posted that he did it on Facebook. Run, Forrest, Run.


• Ruth Angelica Gomez - US teenager who took $17,000 in donations after claiming that she had terminal leukemia. The bitch is facing theft charges after police determined she was not sick. Her initials sum it for me - fucking RAG.


• Mike Tindall - England rugby skipper and recently married to Zara Phillips, granddaughter of Britain's Queen Elizabeth II, is in strife following allegations he'd behaved inappropriately on a night out during the World Cup in New Zealand, saying he was just "relaxing" when he "kissed and groped" a blonde while watching a dwarf-throwing contest. The dwarf in question, Grant Denyer, had no comment but the blonde, Lara Bingle, said she enjoyed every second of the groping.


• R U Ok day - with the amount of fuckwits wandering about, the answer is, "no, no I'm fucking not!!!"

Winner - week 32

There were some absolute stand-out fuckwits this week. Dean Wallis was the early favourite to claim the Chad after not only being dumb enough to get caught betting on footy but making Heath Shaw look like Albert fucking Einstein by lying about it when confronted by the AFL. You are a dickhead, Dean.

A late bolter in the Chad stakes was Joan Lloyd, the 65 year-old Welsh slapper who had a boob job and claims that she has since had a string of dates with blokes aged from 24 to 50 and that they have no idea how old she is. Look, Joan, all blokes are a sucker for a big set of norks – we are fucking blinded by them, so if you’ve gone out and spent $7,000 on a nice brand new pair of happy sacks, of course you are going to get some attention from the fellas, especially Welsh blokes, 90% of whom are stonkered 100% of the time. The other 10% are Tom Jones. But once these blokes sober up and finish fiddling with ya fun bags, I’m sure they all receive a fucking horrible shock when ya drop ya Granny poo catchers - a bit like that poor cunt in the Crying Game who didn’t realise he was snogging a tranny (aka Jane Lomax-Smith) until she/he dropped his/her strides to reveal his/her meat and two veg and the fella proceeded to spew his guts up in the dunny. Anyway, Joan, despite ya expensive big, fake boobs, you didn’t win the Chad. No, this week’s Chad goes to one of the most deserving winners ever, Kevin “Roley Poley” Foley.

Has there ever been a bigger cunt than Foley? The answer is crystal clear - fuck no! Kevin Owen Foley. Just take a look at his initials – K.O.F (pronounced “cough”). Quite apt really, isn’t it, because now it’s time for Kevvy to far-KOF. His departure from politics, like his cunt mate Mike Rann-Chantelois, is long overdue. Since being elected to Parliament by a bunch of fucking wharfies in 1993, Roley Poley has excelled at being a deadset, arrogant fuckwit, with one act of pure human fuckery after another. From sprouting off his big fat mouth in Parliament to dating teenage girls to getting his big fat fucking head punched in, Kevin Foley defines the term “fuckwit”. It is no surprise that he is a Port supporter – and a fucking shit Treasurer as well. He is going to be hard to replace, as he himself said on announcing his departure, “You are going to have to find someone else to hate.” That is going to be difficult, Kevvy, but I’m sure the likes of Snelling and Koutsantonis will give it a red-hot go.

You would think that despite being an a-grade arsehole during his entire tenure in Parliament that he might leave the scene with some dignity and grace. Yeah, no fucking chance of that happening. Only last week he texted The Australian to say he and Rann-Chantelois, as Premier and Treasurer, had been a fucking great team and warned the Premier-in-waiting Jay “Fair” Weatherill to keep his hands off their legacy. What fucking legacy, Kevvy? The sale of the TAB for $23.49? The sell-off of the South-East? Ignoring rural communities? Mt Barker? St Clair? Crap public service? But Kevvy showed some remorse for his comments, “I just realised then and there, once I had done that, that I hadn’t gotten over the changes to the make-up of the cabinet and to the fact that I’m no longer treasurer, so the best thing I can do for Jay, the government and me, Kevin Foley, is get out,” he told ABC Adelaide radio. It’s the also best thing for the rest of us too, ya fuckwit. Good fucking riddance.

Despite being a bona fide shithead in Parliament, Kevvy’s best work was reserved for the bars and nightclubs of Adelaide, as “Kevvy the ladies’ man” strutted his stuff, dating a string of young fame whores (well, how else can you explain these moles going out with him?) and on many occasions getting thumped for being a loud-mouth prick with loose hands. Foley’s reaction to these incidents was usually to squeal “I’m the victim” and to cry about his lack of privacy. Well, if you play with fire, boofhead, you get burned. There is another saying too – once a fuckwit, always a fuckwit.

Never one not to big-note himself, Kevvy has claimed the AFL crowd of 30,000 at Adelaide Oval last Sunday was down to him, which was a brilliant back-flip on his position in 2008 when he put $100 million on the table and declared Football Park was the eternal home of AFL. The cunt rolled-over quicker than one of his fame whores.

According to Kevvy, aka FIGJIM, he was a fantastic Treasurer, claiming credit for the return and retention of the State’s AAA credit rating. That might be true if AAA means Argumentative Angry Arsehole. But the wanker had nothing to do with our financial AAA rating - Standard and Poor’s made it clear in its 2003 statement that the return of the rating was due to debt reductions from the sale of electricity assets - a legacy of the Olsen Liberal government.

Kevvy, let’s just call him Roley from here on in, has said one of the reasons why he was jumping ship was he was sick of “the conflict business”. “I’m really tired of arguing,” he said. "People might find that strange but I am tired of having to argue.” Well, fuckhead, if you had anything remotely intelligent to say and weren’t such a massive cockhead, we wouldn’t have to argue with you, it’s quite simple, dickhead, you really should have learnt to shut ya fucking cakehole.

But shutting the fuck up is not your style, Roley, no matter who it affects. Take, for example, the incident at this year’s Clipsal 500 when Kevvy abused a female attendant because several business people had been refused readmission to his “snouts in the trough” suite – the girl left the suite in tears and went on stress leave for the remainder of the weekend. Roley did not comment on the matter, except to say: "We all work under a lot of pressure at Clipsal." Nice one, Roley. By the looks of your 12 chins, your cholesterol works under a lot of pressure too.

Roley also has a really, really shit memory. He actually apologised once, to parliament for an "oversight" that caused him to mislead the house on the cost of the Adelaide Oval redevelopment. Roley admitted he had not recalled a briefing, a month before the state election, in which he was told the costs were well in excess of the government's $450 million funding commitment. He had previously told parliament that, "I was not made aware in any way, shape or form prior to the election that the $450m would not be sufficient". But the cunt lied. Roley told parliament that, "it was my honest and genuine belief that I provided the most accurate information possible. Madam Speaker, when I provided my answers to questions from the opposition during the last week of sitting, I did not recall this meeting and the discussions that occurred," Roley told parliament. Is that because you were a) pissed b) had just been punched out c) too busy trying to get a root or d) all of the above?

When Roley, from here on in known as Fat Boy, got the arse as Treasurer and Deputy Premier, he took on the role as Minister for Police and Motorsport. Controversy followed in both portfolios. When allegations were raised in court about his behaviour in the lead-up to getting his lights punched out in front of the Marble Bar, Fat Boy called a press conference to call the allegations “outrageous” and said he “immediately sought legal counsel to sue for defamation” after the Advertiser reported details aired during the court hearing. Very dumb, Fat Boy. If something is said in court, then it is not defamatory and cannot result in a lawsuit. It is how the court operates, and Fat Boy, as Police Minister should have been well aware of this. But according to Fat Boy, it was important that he made a “definitive statement to ensure my good character is preserved in this.” Hahahaha. Good character? Don’t make me fucking laugh. If you call being a blubbering goose with a “punch-me” sign tattooed on his forehead “good character” then, yeah, go ahead and preserve it.

Lawyers for Fat Boy's alleged attacker, Ante Grgich, said Fat Boy had "confronted, accosted and attempted to force himself" on two young women before he was allegedly assaulted outside the Marble Bar. Of course, Fat Boy has denied it.

Now, sticking to the same case, security footage of Fat Boy walking down Hindley Street on the night of the incident has been mysteriously erased. Is that because Fat Boy was a) pissed b) had just been punched out c) busy trying to get a root or d) all of the above?

When the shit hit the fan, old Fat Boy tried on a nice sob story in the Advertiser in a futile attempt at getting some sympathy. In an absolute piece of dribble, Fat Boy described himself as "a bit of a lost soul" and "a lonely guy" and had been "to hell and back" over the past two years. “Hell and Back” must be a nightclub on Hindley Street.

"There were occasions when the public scrutiny on me, and being in a fairly down place, I thought about chucking it in and running away to where nobody knows me," he said in the interview. Well, why the fuck didn’t you do us all a favour and do it?

"But that was a dumb idea and common sense kicks in fairly quickly. And certainly I haven't thought about that in recent times at all but, there is an emptiness in my life that I haven't been able to fill." Well, you certainly had no trouble in filling that emptiness in your guts though, Fat Boy.

Fat Boy, from here on in known as Blubber Boy, became choked up and teary during the interview. He said he believed his troubles were a delayed reaction to a mutual decision with ex-wife Cathy to divorce in 2003. Cathy, on the other hand, I'm sure, would think it was the best fucking move she ever made.

While he had several relationships following the break-up, it was the split with regular root Emma Forster in 2007 that he said sent him spiralling down into "dark places". He sought counselling to help overcome the despair. I didn’t know they offered counselling services at the Marble Bar.

The normally loud mouth wanker admitted his public behaviour in the past few years hadn't always been good. He offered himself to colleagues as an alternative leader to Mike Rann one night when pissed at Parliament House. No doubt his colleagues pissed themselves laughing at that suggestion.

In the interview, Blubber Boy said he “didn't like people thinking he was a bully”. Nah, we don’t think you are a bully - we think you are a complete fucking bastard. He said the personal trauma of trying to find a partner and relationship to replace his marriage of more than two decades had put enormous stress on him and continued to trouble him. "I'm a lonely guy, but I can't be in a relationship for the sake of it. I want to find a partner that I can settle down with, and have a long-term relationship, a loving relationship, like I had with Cath," he said. Is that why you keep chasing blonde teenage fame whores, Blubber Boy?

"I do not enjoy being a single guy any more. I don't like the sort of stuff you do as a single guy in terms of having to meet people." That probably explains why you keep getting bashed up, fatty.

Blubber Boy said he despaired of finding the right woman because "once they know what I do for a living, they run a million miles an hour". It is not so much what you do for a living that makes them run a million miles an hour, dickwad, it is your fucking pig-headed arrogance, not to mention those 12 fucking chins.

"But make no mistake. I don't like my personal life now. I am lonely. And that has affected my work," he said. How could you be lonely with all those fame whores, and not to mention those 12 fucking chinny chin chins. It didn’t appear to have affected your off-field performances though. Just check-out the footage on You Tube of Blubber Boy, from here on in known as Kenny Kockhead, singing at a late-night karaoke bar in Adelaide one weekend. It was a superb rendition of the Kenny Rogers classic "The Gambler".

The mobile phone footage was taken by 23-year-old bookshop assistant Romi Graham, who was in the La Sing Karaoke Restaurant, located in a popular city entertainment strip, when Kenny Kockead took to the stage.

You've gotta know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em
know when to walk away, know when to run
You don't count your money when you're sitting at the table
There'll be time enough for counting when the dealing's done.

Prophetic words, indeed.

When Kenny Kockhead resigned as Treasurer and Deputy Premier not long after, he stated,"I'm quite relaxed, quite comfortable and excited about my future and that of this Labor Government," Kenny Kockhead said. He said there was no one thing which had made him decide to step down. "It is time for Kevin Foley to give way to younger, talented people who will take this Labor government to the next election and win, and win beyond that," he said. "I am a realist. I know that for a lot of South Australians they thought that I was too arrogant, that I was too much of a bully boy, too outspoken, too direct, too strong in my approach. I apologise for that if that's upset people." Too late for apologies, fuckface. And that apology was about as sincere as Dean Wallis saying he has only had 3 punts on the footy.

"It's not been easy," he said. Yeah, not easy on the general public, fuckwit, or on the fists of those blokes who have stepped up to give you a well-deserved hiding. "I have enjoyed being this state's deputy premier and treasurer", said Kenny Kockhead, from here on in known as Wang Wang.

You would think that after Wang Wang stepped down as Treasurer and Deputy Premier, that he might have settled down a bit? Nup, wrong again. Soon after becoming Police Minister, Wang Wang was grabbed by the throat and thrown against a toilet wall in a city nightspot. A teary Wang Wang walked out of a press conference about the incident and said intense public scrutiny directed at him made it often difficult to do his job. How fucking hard is it to sit in the zoo and eat bamboo all day, ya lazy fat cunt? Wang Wang said he was in an Adelaide restaurant around 9.30pm on the Saturday night in question when a man yelled at him from across the room and challenged him to meet him in the toilet. Wang Wang said he ignored the incident and went to the toilet about 20 minutes later believing the threat had passed. He said he was then confronted by three large men. One burst in and grabbed Wang Wang around the throat and shoved him against the wall, he said. Others then stepped in to pull the man away. Wang Wang left the press conference with tears welling in his eyes (obviously those 12 chins were cutting off circulation to his brain). Questioned about why he continued to go out late at night unprotected by security staff, an emotional Wang Wang said "I've got to have a life. I wasn't so much involved as was the victim," he said. Wang Wang, you are a fucking panda, your life is eating, shitting and sleeping and not necessarily always in that order.

"I felt extremely threatened and scared. I took it upon myself to call the police. I was concerned about my safety and that of my guest." No surprises to find that Wang Wang never pressed charges. Is that because Wang Wang was a) pissed b) had just been punched out c) busy trying to get a root or d) all of the above?

Channel 10 aired claims by a friend of an 18-year-old woman that Wang Wang would not leave her alone inside the bar. The woman's friend accused Wang Wang of being "sleazy and inappropriate". "He came over and approached my friend and asked her if she wanted to dance," the woman claimed. "She said 'No', and he kind of stood there and wouldn't leave us alone. "So I said to him, 'She said no, so you need to leave', and he told me that I wasn't a very nice person and walked off. To me, he did seem as though he had been drinking quite a bit. I just don't feel like he would put himself in that kind of position if he hadn't been drinking quite a lot. Regardless if it was . . . a politician or anything like that, for someone of his age to be asking younger girls to dance and not leaving it go, that to me is quite sleazy and inappropriate." Fucking spot on.

As a result of this incident, Wang Wang did his nut during a radio interview with the ABC’s Matthew Abraham and David Bevan. "People like you ..., and others in this town, like to fan the flames of hate and ridicule and a poisonous attitude that has clearly developed in Adelaide when it comes to Kevin Foley, I have to go out an live with that. I cry from time to time, that's the emotional side of Kevin Foley. It doesn't mean I am a bad or weak person. It doesn't mean I am incapable of doing my job. I'm not going to let the Liberals get to me, I'm not going to let the bikies get to me, I'm not going to let thugs and mugs and nasty vicious people drive me out of the job." Nah, dickhead, you did that all by yourself.

Wang Wang insisted he was doing nothing wrong when he was verbally abused by three men and then attacked by a "very strong, very tall, very mean-looking guy" in the toilet on that fateful Saturday night. "I was very scared Saturday night, I was thumped ... months ago within an inch of my life (and) all you guys can be worried about is all the salacious gossip and all the reasons that might have been behind me getting hit which were all complete bullshit. I am the victim here." Victim, my arse.

Wang Wang likes dishing it out but clearly does not like taking it. He has launched a defamation action against Port Adelaide Enfield Mayor Johanson, after claiming the Mayor was maliciously spreading false rumours to reporters, MPs and others that he had taken an underage girl to a cocktail party aboard the HMAS Arunta. After publicly confronting Mr Johanson at the Clipsal 500 (as well as abusing female staff), Wang Wang has said his companion was a 31-year-old former Polish naval lieutenant named Funi.

Mr Johanson told the Portside Messenger he had raised his concern about the woman’s age with bar staff on the ship but had since mentioned it to only one senior Labor MP about two months ago. “If I’ve offended Kevin in any way I’d be most happy to make a public apology,” he said. “I didn’t mean anything derogatory at all. At no point did I suggest anything untoward, sexual or otherwise. I’ve always got on really well with Kevin. I’m his biggest supporter in Port Adelaide.”

Mr Johanson said the altercation at the Clipsal 500 was mostly about Wang Wang’s anger over an open letter to residents from Port Enfield CEO Harry Wierda, published as an advertisement in the Portside Messenger. The letter attacked Wang Wang for not doing enough to revitalise the Port town centre, after Wang Wang had made the same criticism of the council. Mr Johanson said he was “the innocent party” because he had no part in writing the letter and was only told of it by Mr Wierda shortly before it was published. Fair dinkum, what a joke, trying to revitalise Port is like revitalising Amy Winehouse.

Wang Wang, from here on in known as Fucking Foley, also has been known to love a phonecall. In 2009, Fucking Foley racked up a $22,000 taxpayer-funded mobile phone bill in 12 months while planning a horror budget which slashed public service jobs, increased rent for Housing Trust pensioners and condemned The Parks Community Centre. Staff in Fucking Foley's office also tallied up phone costs of $18,000 with one former adviser, Daniel Romero, ringing up nearly $10,000 on the taxpayer tab. Throughout 2009, Fucking Foley was warning South Australians they needed to be frugal and expect the pain of cutbacks in light of the global financial crisis. However, that call for prudent management did not seem to extend to his BlackBerry. His 2009 mega mobile bill easily outpaced his boss Media Mike Rann-Chantelois's known bills and was double the amount former prime minister Kevin Krudd spent during his globe-trotting year in 2008. The bill outstripped any federal minister, including Treasurer Wayne Swan-Lake in 2008. Fucking Foley's bill was the most celebrated since Labor MLC Russell “Dumb Cunt” Wortley ran up a $10,000 bill in just one month after his son used his official phone to download free sports games but was charged for the download time. Fucking Foley had spent $84,363 on his mobile since coming to power in 2002. That is a lot of fucking phonecalls to get a root.

A spokeswoman for Fucking Foley said the size of the bill was largely due to international calls, but declined to say what type of phone plan he used. Perhaps these calls were following his trip to New York when he claimed for cocktails he purchased at a New York bar as an expense to taxpayers. Receipts obtained under freedom of information laws by opposition finance spokesman Rob Lucas show Fucking Foley paid $68 and $63 respectively at the Whiskey Blue bar on two nights in August that year. He claimed half of each night's bill as an expense. It appears Fucking Foley did not leave the bar, at the W Hotel where he was staying, until late, as his bills were finalised at 12.53am and 1.33am. Funny, I wonder what sort of ministerial business he was conducting at 1.30am? Was he a) getting pissed b) getting punched out c) busy trying to get a root or d) all of the above?

In London finishing a business trip that took in Hawaii, Spain and Switzerland, Fucking Foley rang to defend himself on morning radio at the time. "I'm a very, very frugal person, very conscious of taxpayers' expense," Fucking Foley said. "If I've been in the lobby bar at midnight or half past 12 in the morning with my staff, we've had a couple of drinks at the end of a long day. I've been incredibly cautious and careful in what I've done, in ensuring the taxpayer does not pick up a bill in excess of what the taxpayer should be paying." I’d say we shouldn’t be paying one fucking cent for you getting on the turps, ya pisshead. The victim again, I suppose?

Fucking Foley's spokesman said he did not have details of who the Treasurer was drinking with on the New York trip. Let me guess, wouldn’t have been some filthy fame-seeking skank, would it?

Fucking Foley also claimed $133 in drinks - including five mojitos at $18 a pop - from an evening at Escobar, a nightspot on Adelaide's Gouger Street. His spokesman said those drinks had been with VIPs after a state dinner. Another drinks bill for a $90 bottle of wine from Alphutte restaurant in Adelaide is described on Fucking Foley's expenses list as an "after-dinner drink - business dinner". In other words, a piss-up at the taxpayers' expense. All this came after a credit card bearing his name was used to run up a $152 drinks bill at the Mile High Club bar. It turned out the card had been stolen months before. How the fuck didn’t he know the card was missing? Was it because he was a) pissed b) had just been punched out c) busy trying to get a root or d) all of the above? Fucking Foley never did explain what ministerial business he was conducting in the Adelaide CBD which justified South Australian taxpayers paying for taxi expenses home at 5am.

Even as recently as last Saturday night, old Fucking Foley was at it again, allegedly sleazing on to some young birds at a pub in the city. When the said young birds tried to take a photo of him, Fucking Foley spat the dummy big time and cracked the shits at them. Yep, he's just a lonely guy.

So as you can see, Fucking Foley has had a stellar career and it is only fitting that he be awarded the coveted Chad Medal as a parting gift. I think all South Australians will join with me in congratulating him on the win and sincerely hoping that we never have to hear another fucking peep out of this fuckwit ever again. Kevin Owen Foley – thanks for sweet fuck all and we'll all miss you like a fucking cold sore. Good-bye and farewell, fuckwit.

Week 32 Nominations

• Port Power supporters - went off like a frog in a fucken sock after beating Melbourne. Yeah fantastic, you finished 16th, and you narrowly beat a shithouse team with nothing to play for, you must be so proud you fuckwits. And still only 29,000 of the cunts turned up which means they just broke even on the game. And while we're at it, what was with the fuckheads wearing Port Magpies jumpers, they played against the Bays the day before, cunts.


• Mark Bickley - after getting appointed interim coach of the Cows Bickley made the comment "it will not be an indictment on the players if they play really well". Well you were safe on Saturday night against West Coast, the fuckarses were as useful as a Kane Cornes skills clinic. Back to reading sport on the weekends cunt.


• Tom Matthews - won a class clown competition at the recent Melbourne International Comedy Festival and has been compared to a young Charlie Pickering. Which means he's not fucken funny.


• South Australian Councils - plan to charge personal training groups for using public parks, gardens, and reserves. You stingy pricks, how about concentrating on enforcing the regulations you have in already before fucking people over for more coin, for instance dog registrations and leash laws, I've lost count of the amount of times I've seen Anne Moran walking round with no tag or leash on, and shitting on the footpath.


• Keith Thomas - former Norwood stalwart has sold his soul by joining Port Power as chief executive. Money ain't everything Keith, no matter how hard you wash the filth won't come off now ya fucken traitor. Apparently Keith tried to get them to take on brother Greg as well but were refused as Port already has already exceeded their quota of dumbfuck brothers at the club.


• Keith Thomas - had the chance to fuck Kane Cornes off but overruled Matthew Primus and told the dribbling sheepdog he was required at the club for the remainder of his contract. As fucken what, a sprinkler for Alberton?


• Adelaide Crows - gave their supporters something to look forward to in 2012 with another spineless display against West Coast. Apparently John Worsfold was overheard saying it was the worst pumping he'd seen since former Eagle Ben Cousins' last trip to the emergency room.


• Rebekah Devlin - wants to ban Mad Monday for footy players. Go and get fucked, Mad Monday is a tradition of the game, as much a part of the game as the drop punt, the coat hanger, or the squirrel grip. What's wrong with teammates getting together, writing themselves off, pissing on a police station wall, spewing up a souvlaki on someone's front lawn and doing a runner from a taxi at 3am after their season has finished, it's just a regular weekend for fucken NRL players.


• Catherine Howard - pommie tourist who did a naked pole dance on a busy street in Cairns, has now claimed her privacy was invaded because a nearby neighbour took video of her making a complete arse of herself because he was sick of the racket coming from the nearby hostel she was staying at and wanted to provide the police with evidence, after making a copy for his ' private collection '. What a fucken mole, your privacy was invaded was it, what about the poor fucken pole that was left smelling like an expired can of tuna.


• Fatties from The Biggest Loser who are fucken elephants again - some of them have blamed the show for abandoning them after production finished and not supporting them in the outside world, and that's why they cast a shadow bigger than a fucken Boeing. So it has nothing to do with the fact you have no fucken willpower and can't make the choice between eating a fruit salad or a fucken Jack's Pack from Hungry Jacks is it. Get a grip you lardarses ( and not onto a rack of lamb ), you shouldn't need someone to sit by your side and have to tell you " I don't think it's a good idea for you to eat those five roast pigs ". Fucken pissweak excuses, they must be Port supporters, I'm surprised they haven't blamed the SANFL for it.


• Bernard Finnigan - hello. where are you? If you happen to see Bernard about let Laurie Holden or The Editor know and we'll put it up.


• Bernard Finnigan - has apparently been seen at an auction of all the old A&R Computer stock buying up big on hard drives.


• Kevin Foley - so you're quitting are you, bout fucken time you sleazy old prick. I'm sure they'll miss you in your electorate, the 20 - 30 yr old females especially. I'm sure the one's you tried to 'converse with' last weekend down near Semaphore will be especially chuffed. Just two questions Kev 1) Why wouldn't you let them know your surname (which they already knew anyway) when introducing yourself and 2) Why did you get a bit snaky when some of them started taking pictures of you? Got something to hide cunt?


• Roley Poley Foley - now that he's quit he wants to be "an ordinary citizen". Yeah, instead of a complete fuckwit who gets his lights punched out on a regular basis. Au revior, shithead.


• Kym Dillon - for saying that "Mark Bickley is a model citizen". Check with his ex-wife on that point, Kymbo.


• Kym Dillon - for another dumb statement, "Neil Craig is a world-class coach". Let's check the facts, Kymbo - zero flags in his two coaching gigs at Norwood and the Crows. And when involved in cycling, completely fucked up Shane Kelly's chance of a gold medal. He's a world-class cockhead.


• Sean Edwards - yet another pollie with his snout in the trough. Hey, fuckwit, we pay you to do a job, not to ferry ya family around from restaurant to restaurant. A job on the Burnside Council awaits you, ya dodgy prick.


• Daniel Jackson - for ensuring that North Melbourne would defeat Richmond. Are you ever gonna learn, Daniel, ya dumb ranga?? In the last quarter, the dickwad gave away two stupid free kicks (a coat-hanger and a blatant push in the back) that directly resulted in North Melbourne goals. Then to top it off, he had a chance to partially redeem himself when he took a mark (one that was actually meant for Dustin Martin) in front of goal but missed.


• Dane Swan - when asked for a comment about the Collywobbles 96 point thrashing to Geelong he said, "we wanted to lose by 100". I was hoping the same thing too, Dane, ya feral fuckwit. Get a tattoo "fuckwit" on ya forehead.


• Harry the Chihuahua - the little fucking runt is back at the Royal Show. For fucksake, can someone fucking finish the job this year and ensure he ends up in a fucking dim sim. By the looks of his owner, I reckon she breeds Chihuahuas to eat, and this is not the real Harry but an imposter, as she polished the real Harry off for last year's Christmas dinner.


• Norwood - for a fucking shithouse display against a depleted Dogs outfit (the Dogs were so under-manned that Harry the fucking Chihuahua lined up in a forward pocket). And for continuing to select Dean Terlich - for fucksake, he takes short steps when going for the ball.


• Warnie - according to Liz Hurley, the reason he now looks like Virgil from the Thunderbirds is that he's been using her beauty products. Yeah, he's been getting stuck into Liz's cache of botox every fucking morning by the looks.


• Victorian pidgeons - for getting the flu. It's all Bill Lawry's fault - time for Wendy to get a bullet, Phanto.


• The 14 year-old skateboarder who was holding on to his mother's car as she towed him along a road in Sydney's south - the dumbfuck was taken to hospital after falling off. According to reports the fucking imbecile was taken to St George Hospital for facial bruising, lacerations and soft tissue damage. Doctors also found brain damage but said it was not caused by the fall.


• The Gang of 49 - for fucksake. Get them all to do some grafitti on a ledge on the Southern Expressway.


• Monsignor Cappo - on the gang of 49, "there are answers". Yep, it's called a bullet. You will be perfectly suited to Cuntberra, Monsignor.


• Harbor - the black-and-tan coonhound from Boulder, Colorado who was awarded the 2012 Guinness World Records title for the "longest ears on a living dog." Harbor just beat out Tony Abbott and James Hird for the title. Julia Gillard is a shoe-in for the "biggest nose on a fucking shithouse living-but-soon-to-be-gone Prime Minister."


• The Scientists who have discovered that laziness is all in the genes - the pecker-heads studied the three laziest pricks on earth - Robbie Gray, Alipate Carlisle and Troy Chaplin - and discovered all three cunts wear Levis.


• Phil Broughton - the 50 year-old Kiwi who indecently assaulted a woman in a public library in New Brighton, a suburb in the South Island city of Christchurch. Broughton, who has a long history of indecent behavior and drunk driving, had denied the incident happened and claimed that he had been in the library "looking for books of scientific interest," but was found guilty of indecent assault. "Scientific interest"? Is that what you call sheep porn, Phil? Judge Stephen Erber, who described the incident as "disgusting, bizarre, and humiliating for the victim," said she was looking for a book in the parenting section when she felt something pressing on her bottom. She found Broughton on his knees with his face pressed into her bottom. "He made no attempt to move, or apologize, and nothing was said," the judge said. I'm sure the cunt would have moved quick smart if she dropped a well-timed air biscuit.


• Adelaide Now - for their "Talk to Tredders" feature. I've got a question for him, "Why do you look like a fucking dick with ears?"


• People complaining about the latest road safety ads such as 'don't be a "W" pictured next to an anchor' - these ads are designed to save lives, you "picture of a penis" next to a "picture of a head".


• Mayawati - the Indian politician accused in US cables of sending her private jet to pick up a pair of sandals. She has often been criticised in the past for extravagance, erecting huge statues of herself in public parks and being greeted at rallies with garlands made out of 1000-rupee ($20) bank notes. She has furiously denied the claims and said the man behind the disclosures should be put in a mental asylum. Ah, pot kettle black, fuckwit. If it looks like a duck....


• Miss Universe pageant organisers - for complaining that Miss Colombia was wearing short frocks and no jocks. Bloody party poopers. The poor girl recieved complaints from Miss Australia for stealing her "map of Tassie" while Miss Brazil was bloody unhappy she pinched her "Brazilian".


• Soulja Boy - the rapper (with a silent c) for his lyrics "fuck the army troops" in his new single Let's Be Real. No Soulja Boy, fuck you. No matter what you think of the war in Afghanistan, the troops are putting their lives on the line. Compare that to what Soulja Boy does, which is to release nothing but crap and try to call it music.


• The two Thai men who tried to smuggle 120 dogs to Vietnam to be sold for human consumption - acting on a tip (from Underdog, no doubt), local officials and police officers stopped two pickup trucks carrying the dogs stuffed into bags in Nakhon Phanom province in northern Thailand near Laos. Un-fucking-fortunately, Harry the fucking Chihuahua was not among the 120. For fucksake.


• Dean Wallis - for allegedly betting on Essendon to lead at every change against Port. Not only did he lose the bet but he got caught doing it! And then tried to lie about it. He reckons he put a bet on for one of his mates - was it Simon Goodwin, fuckwit? Heard of security cameras, Dean? Stupid is as Deano does.


• Nathan Bock - for allegedly telling his family that he was going to start at full-forward against the Hawks. His family then allegedly put money on Nathan to kick the first goal, causing his odds to plummet from $101 to $21. They allegedly did this despite the recent crackdown on gambling in the AFL. It is allegedly odds on that the Bock family is in-bred. Wonder if mum took any bets in jail?


• Madonna - for being a bitch when a fan presented her with a flower. A fan went up to Madonna and presented her with a perfect branch of blossoming purple hydrangea. After a fairly curt thank you, Madonna stowed the flower under the table and then pulled a face. She leans over to her right to tell a person obscured from camera and said: "I absolutely loathe hydrangeas. He obviously doesn't know that." Well, Madonna, he also obviously doesn't know that you are a talentless fuckwit who can't act and can't sing. And by the way, all that plastic surgery you have had aint working.


• The 4 fuckwits who robbed a partially paralysed man on a Sydney train - I'm sure all those do-gooders out there will want the poor buggers to get a slap on the wrist and some rehabilitation. Get fucked. It is time to bring back public floggings.


• Austrian scientists - for keeping lab chimps in darkness for 30 years and then being surprised that the poor cunts hugged each other after being released into daylight for the first time. Keeper Renate Foidl said: "The chimps are incredibly happy. This is amazing, I have been waiting for this moment for so long." Well, Renee, ya fucking stupid Austrian, why keep them in darkness in the first place? Let's fucking lock you away for 30 years in the dark and see how you react? I personally would have loved to have seen those chimps beat the crap out of her. Fair dinkum, what is the fucking deal with Austrians??


• Rocco Leo followers - a couple of these dumbfucks are still involved in court proceedings to recoup some of the cash he liberated from them in return for the promise of saving them from doomsday, which involved poisoned microchips, gassing, beheadings and government run concentration camps. Fucken wankers, you don't deserve to get your money back, give it to someone who has more in their head than just a sleepy fucken mouse on a wheel. That ain't gonna happen if you're an Aussie citizen fuckwits, if you happen to be an illegal immigrant however there may be cause to worry.


• Bury Council - Pommie council that has recently been forced to find $27 million in savings has ordered 22 $620 iPads for their garbos to help guide them round their new routes. Ever heard of a fucken street directory cunts, $620 so some grubby fucker can run over people because he's too busy spanking the fucken monkey over porn instead of driving. Eh oop, look at the fooken melons on that, FUCKEN BANG, what the fook was that, ooh shite sorry about rooning over young 'Arold Jim but have a fookin look at this.


• Producers of Britain's Got Talent - sacked judge David Hasselhoff because he was too boring. Firstly, a pointless show because they fucken don't have talent, if one of your best success stories is Susan Doyle your talent pool is about as shallow as Tom Scully's club loyalty. Secondly, if they'd let him sink piss before and during the show it would make him more entertaining, I'd fucken watch if you were going to see him call contestants talentless cunts, scarf down burgers and piss on stage. Thirdly, how's the poms calling someone boring, fucken hell how dark are you pot, 11.59 black. From a country that has produced such inspirational leaders recently as John Major, Gordon Brown, Tony Blair and David Cameron I wouldn't go chucking too many fucken stones cunts.


• Cricket Australia - for contemplating appointing Neil Craig as their "high performance manager". Fuck off. Neil Craig couldn't get a high performance out of Cheech and Chong.


• Adelaide Zoo - received another $500,000 hand-out. For fucksake, just re-name it Port Adelaide. They have already got their version of Alipate Carlisle and Robbie Gray - Wang Wang and Fuckhead. And check-out the Bolovian three-toed sloth, Justin Westhoff.


• Grace Portolesi - the Aboriginal Affairs Minister made a superb fuck-up on radio with her "talk about the pot calling the kettle black, pardon the pun" statement. You are pardoned, fuckwit!


• Joan Lloyd - 65 year-old Welsh great-mother who spent $7,000 on a boob job to go from an A cup to an F cup - that is F for fuckwit. She said, "Older people don't have to sit back and live like an old spinster any more. I have had a few dates, with men from 24 to 50. Some don't even know how old I am". That is, until they get past ya fun bags.


• Bronwyn Bishop - for starting up a campaign to keep lawn bowls on the ABC. "Getting rid of bowls off the ABC will mean that the ABC won't be fulfilling its charter in relation to a very important sport in Australia," Mrs Bishop said in a statement today. Fair dinkum, only 65 year-old Welsh women with fake tits like to watch lawn bowls on telly.


• The drunk moose in Sweden that was desperate for juice and became stuck in a tree as it tried to reach for alcoholic apples - the moose, known as Tracey Grimshaw, was severely intoxicated after gorging on the fermented fruit, and became tangled in branches in a garden on Wednesday.


• Todd Carney - finally sacked by the Sydney Roosters after he was discovered getting boozed with a drunk Swedish moose.


• Adam Cooney - the feral has had some work done on his knees post-season. Fair enough. But by the looks of him on the Footy Show, he also had a fair bit of work done on his fucking eyebrows too. For fucksake, what the fuck is going on with Aussie sporting blokes at present? Botox, eyebrows waxed, dyed hair, manicures - ya fucking paid to play sport not to look like fucking Ken the fucking barbie doll. What happened to blokes with fucking mutton chops and monobrows? Imagine if Dom Cassisi decided to get his eyebrows waxed - they would have to wheel out big Dave Foster and his axe for that job.


• Ivan Maric - for telling Port Magpies that he is not available to play finals for them. The odds on Port winning a final have just improved dramatically.


• Tom Scully - stop fucking stretching it out ya cunt and just admit that you are going to the GWS (Giant Wanker Sheedy). And if you fucking don't come clean and say you went for the money then you will have less fucking credibility than if Dean Wallis joined the No Pokies Party.


• One in five MPs is depressed - boo fucking hoo, that must be the same one in five MPs that can't get their snout in the fucking trough.


• Russell Robertson - he is such a shit musician that he has teamed up with Phil Ceberano, Kate's less fat and even less talented brother.


• The 36 year-old goose who broke into Celine Dion's house, raided her fridge and then took a bath - when police arrived, they found him chucking his guts up in the toilet after the cupid stunt foolishly played one of her CDs.


• The British Advertising Standards Authority - for banning a mobile phone ad depicting Jesus winking and giving the thumbs-up gesture. However, they had no problems with the Bunnings Warehouse ad which showed Jesus spruiking a hammer, nails and two planks of wood.

Week 31 Winner

Graffiti as defined by graffiti.org is as follows - " term applied to an an arrangement of institutionally illicit marks in which there has been an attempt to establish some sort of coherent composition: such marks are made by an individual or individuals ( not generally professional artists ) on a wall or other surface that is usually visually accessible to the public.

Graffiti as defined by The Editor of The Chad Medal is as follows - a term that can be applied to a collection of generally illegible fucking scribble in which there has been an attempt to establish that the offending fuckwit is a complete cockhead with no consideration for others or their property. Such marks are made by a fuckhead or fuckheads ( not generally with more than two fucking brain cells ) on a wall or any other surface which they deem perfectly fine to deface and is usually done to be visible to the public to prove what a fucking dildo the author is.

And so on to our winner of this weeks Chad Medal. It was impossible to separate two nominees, Ryan Smith and his deadshit mates. In case you've been living under a rock ( which coincidentally is where young Ryan came from and returned to ) Ryan Smith is the 17 year old dumbfuck who thought it would be a cracking idea to climb along a narrow ledge on a bridge over the southern expressway and attempt to leave his mark, or tag. Unfortunately for the pinhead in question he slipped like Julia Gillard answering a carbon tax question and went fucken splat onto the rocks 15m below. His mates, who make two short planks look like a fucken computer, then decided it would be an even better idea to pay tribute to the dumbfuck by tagging the exact same spot he went FUCKEN BANG attempting to deface the day before. Now these little cunts can argue till they're blue in the face about the merits of graffiti and how it is an art, you're full of fucken shit it's nothing but vandalism.

This graffiti bullshit costs local councils Australia wide around $260 million each year. Yeah that's right, $260 million. Whenever you're having a look round your local area thinking " jesus this looks like it could do with a coat of paint " or " fuck me that pothole is big enough to fit Scott Cummings in it " have a fucken think that these cockheads are taking away the money that could be fixing such problems by trying to prove themselves a hero to a bunch of fucking shitheads by putting their mark on our fucking property. Yeah that's right, OUR FUCKING PROPERTY. Do you pay council rates, I fucken do and the cunts aren't decreasing, it pisses me off, and it fucken should everyone else to walk down the street and and see that some feral little cunt has thought it's cool to spray paint some fucking crap on a wall, street sign or fence. They might argue that it's art, or they're trying to express themselves, well fuck you, it's not art to paint 'remark' or 'pig' or whatever fucken code names these cock heads decide to use to blow smoke up their own arses on public or private property. You are deadshit scum, if you really wanted to show that you're an artist, pick up a paint brush and put something on a canvas, not on my local fucken library.

So people may weep for this little cunt, not me. I feel sorry for his family for having to deal with this tragedy, but for Ryan himself I say fuck you. Call me heartless if you like, I don't give a tinkers shit, this little prick pegged it trying to cause more grief for thousands of other people just to get a cheap thrill. What grief you may say, how about increased taxes and council rates for those people who work hard and are on the bones of their arse trying to make ends meet, cunts like this kid and his fucking retarded mates are just making it harder. And don't give me the old "it was peer pressure that made him do it", grow a fucken backbone and tell them to get fucked. You know what the cops should've done, greased up the ledge he fell off so when his dropkick mates went to 'pay their respects' by further defacing public property, they would've met the same fate, FUCKEN BANG, there's your tax dollars at work.

So Ryan Smith and his cronies have won this weeks Chad Medal, cry for him all you want but he knew the risks, take the penalty. And for his mates who thought it wise to re-enact his attempt, he's no hero, he's a fuckwit who went splat because he was a dickhead,grow up you fucken wankers.