Round 23 Winner

Despite the best efforts of deadset fuckarses like James "I'm rather partial to the smell of my own farts" Magnussen and The Olympiczzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz, the winner of both The Eugene and The Chad is Port Power. What a fucken joke, they are $4 away from declaring bankruptcy, the board wouldn't know if their arses were on fire, the coach looks like a stroke victim, the fans are retards who've jumped ship faster than that spineless Italian cunt off the Costa Concordia, and the playing group has all the sporting talent of  a John Howard off spinner and heart of Fiona Coote mid operation. Brett Duncanson, want a tissue cunt? Primus, had no chance, it was like a legless Lt Dan with a club full of Forrest Gumps, Cassisi , as shite a skipper as Van Berlo is don't ya reckon he'd be sitting back saying "how the fuck can they say I'm a worse skipper than this prick? " How easy are they to take the piss out of? Check out their club song:
We've got the Power to win ( you cunts couldn't win a fucken chook raffle if you bought all the fucken tickets, how about that loss to GWS, half of em are that young they can't play night games cause it's after their bed time )
The Power to rule ( you have as much power to rule as "I'm a puppet of the unions and Greens" Julia Gillard )
Come on, Port Adelaide aggression ( bahahaha, pushing blokes in the chest with a limp wrist, hello Danyle Pearce, and whacking people when they're not watching, hello Hamish Hartlett,you're fucken scaring the shit out of me )
We are the Power from Port ( you are the soft,weak, insipid, spineless joke from Port )
It's more than a sport ( that part is true, it's also a fucken top laugh watching you pricks wallow in the shit you created )
It's the true Port Adelaide tradition ( which if I'm not mistaken is all of about 16 years in this comp, and a fair chunk of that your tradition has constituted rolling over like a Chinese badminton player whenever you had to actually show some business acumen, leadership,effort or spine )
We'll never stop,stop,stop ( it might pay you to fucken start first )
Till we're top,top,top ( the only thing you wankers are going to be top of is business retardation,clanger counts and bruise free footy )
There's history here in the making ( and by being the first club to lose to both new clubs GWS and Gold Coast in consecutive seasons you have created history that you can never erase, hehehehehe )
We've got the Power to win ( I think we've covered that part )
We'll never give in ( hahahahahahahaha, you give up quicker than an Italian infantryman )
Till the flag is ours for the taking ( that's the only way you're going to get a flag, by pinching it, now that's the TRUE Port Adelaide tradition ).

Round 23 Nominees

• Bruce McAvaney - we've had enough of delicious, special and the other drivel you spout, just admit you want to root messrs Reiwoldt, Rioli and Judd and shut the fuck up.

• Leroy Jetta - this cunt should be in the Olympics, he dives like Matthew Mitcham and bleeds like Greg Louganis.

• Adam Scott - the successor to Greg Norman has been ordained, blew an unassailable lead in the British Open by bogeying the last three holes. After consideration to follow on from the Great White shark marine themed nicknames the new king shall be named
  The Flounder.

• The SA Government - are contemplating moving the Clipsal 500 forward to avoid the mad march. How many more stupid fucking decisions do this mob want to make. Where the fuck is Isobel Redmond, surely it can't still be undergoing gender reassignment.

• Tony Dey - he's just a deadset incompetent, self indulgent cunt.

• Nicole Cornes - for her efforts at the Santos Adelaide mid-winter charity ball where she wore the same style of dress that Angelina Jolie wore to some wanky yank awards ceremony. The main problem is, it looks like she wore the same size dress as Jolie despite being shall we generously say a wee bit heavier. It fair dinkum looks like someone stuffed a sack with potatoes and chucked a fucken trout on top. Yeah, we really believe that Stewie Dew would've fucked that.

• America - for their belief that it is everyone's right to be armed, great idea that, how many more mass shootings do you dickheads need to prove that you are wrong? Let's face facts, Queen Liz ain't gonna come back to invade any time soon, the place is a shithole, even the Mexicans have built a tunnel under the border so they can get back away from the joint,so it's probably safe to say  that you don't really need a military AR-15 automatic rifle with a 100 round drum magazine, which you bought online to protect your home. Watched Red Dawn one too many times fucknut? Why do you need to let the fuckarses build up an arsenal when you've got a Navy, Air Force, Army, Marines, Navy Reserves, Air Force Reserves, Army Reserves, Air National Guard,, Army National Guard etc etc, is cletus mcsisterfuck's right to bear arms something that should be cornerstone of your way of life?

• The AFL match review panel - pinged Jack Ziebell for four weeks for contesting the footy. Pull your fucken heads in you wankers.

• Sam Stosur - shouldn't be surprised but Slamming Sam bombed out in the first round at The Olympics. Flounder Scott is shacked up with the wrong female tennis player.

• Bernard Tomich - did a Stosur.

• Casey Dellacqua - did a fatter version of Stosur.

• Anthony Mundine - stuck his nose into the Steffensen "I didn't get picked because of my colour" debate. There's a track history here, weren't you the same dickhead who made the same allegations after being overlooked for State of Origin? These wankers use the race card whenever they don't get their own way, it's fucken bullshit, you want people who had legitimate cases for arguing they were ostracised for their colour look at Jackie Robinson, Jessie Owens or David Kantilla, yet they still made it despite the obstacles. Cunts like you and Steffensen use the same excuse because you don't want to admit you weren't good enough.

• Virgin Airlines - have ordered cabin staff to undergo etiquette , posture, and language classes in order to change their 'sexualised image'. They can't even call someone mate unless the passenger is a frequent flyer who must go online and specifically request they are addressed that way. What a load of wank, next time I fly I might have to get on the website and ask them to refer to me as the cunt with a 12 inch trouser snake ( it ain't true but it would liven up the flight )

• London Olympic Chiefs - whilst I agree with some of the things they've banned - frisbees, vuvuzelas ( anyone seen with these should have them rammed up their arses ), oversized hats - they've also banned flags and will chuck out anyone wearing a Pepsi shirt as it's not an accredited sponsor. You want to ban something, ban the Mexican wave, it's the worst export those tostada munching cunts have produced including swine flu. I fucken hate it but I have a solution, shoot the first person who tries it, I'm fairly sure that would deter any other pinheads from trying it.

• Kermode St residents - more than a dozen have chucked the toys out of the cot and are opposing nearby pub The Queens Head's application for a new function area arguing it  would be a "threat to the whole ambiance of  the ( St Peters ) Cathedral precinct ". Stuck up pack of cunts, want to know the biggest threat to the ambiance of the area? The church and it's paedo mates.

• The Indian reporter who asked Steve Waugh whether there was a role for sledging at The Olympics. - Waugh replied with "there is always a role for sledging mate", closely followed by "by the way I heard Sachin Tendulkar likes the taste of cock".

• Christopher Nolan - director of the latest Batman film who said after the cinema shooting at the Batman midnight screening "Movies are one of the great American art forms. That someone would violate that innocent and hopeful place in such an unbearably savage way is devastating ". Now whilst this is a tragedy you're laying it on a bit fucken thick, is this the same art form that produced such shit as Showgirls, and anything with Meg Ryan or Billy Crystal in it?

• Natalie Cook - threatened a protest if a woman wasn't the Aussie flagbearer at the openeing ceremony. Why's that Nat, want a good fucken perve?

• Le Bangkok - Melbourne  restaurant who activated 10 roach bombs after close Saturday night, somehow they ignited and blew the back door off its hinges, destroyed a wall and shattered a second storey window - the upside is their supply of appetisers for the following night trebled in one bang. That's what you get when you use an ACME company sponsored Wiley Coyote as your suicide roach bomber.

• Pakistani Taliban - one mob of Taliban fruitloops got the shits with another mob of Taliban fruitloops and suicide car bombed their compound. Hehe I think we've found the place for the Dumb and Dumber sequel.

• Peter Goers - stated that Nicole Cornes was a "true glamour". Get some new glasses cockhead.

• Wallace Weatherbolt - Florida airboat captain who had his hand bitten off by a 2.7m alligator in the everglades whilst taking some tourists on a ride may face charges for feeding it. Graham Cornes has been threatened with similar charges in regards to his missus.

• WWT Eagles - hehehehehe still going shit.

• Port Power - for their sterling effort against Freo. Even their own supporters ( all 8 of them ) booed them off. One person was chucked out for allegedly flashing a browneye but this was later revealed to be Jenny Williams' head.

• Warren Tredrea - when questioned by Chris Dittmar if the Power were a soft club remarked "that's your opinion ". And the opinion of everyone else, take your head out of the sand ya fucken ostrich.

• James  Magnussen - you big mouthed fuckwit, worked out well for you didn't it, and nice to see your team first ethos after you fucked up the relay and showed no interest in the rest of the team. Who are you sponsored by - Glenelg? There's no I in team but there sure as hell is in FUCKWIT.

• The Olympics - I thought the idea of the Olympics was to promote the best athletes in the world, yet watching the swimming I saw some cunt with floaties on who nearly fucken drowned. Fair dinkum this prick swam slower than Jack Newton with an itchy ball, apparently you don't have to reach an Olympic qualifying standard if your country is run by despots who shoot people for sneezing. What a hypocritical load of shit.( and yes I'm aware of the irony of me saying that despite continuing to watch so don't fucken start )

• Badminton - for fucksake, tanking in badminton. 8 of em got chucked out for it, thereby allowing Australia to get eliminated one round further along. I must take umbrage with the crowd who booed them though, why the fuck would you want to go and watch that crap in the firstplace, you deserve what you get.

• The two Canadian rowing coaches who, whilst riding on the path near the river next to their charges during a race collided and fell in - good to Canadian sporting prowess hasn't changed.

• Seen Lee - female Aussie weightlifter who obviously hasn't seen an epilady for a while judging by the two squashed badgers she had stuffed under her armpits.

• Arrogant Aussie athletes - the thing that shits me off most about the Olympics is the amount of Aussie athletes who are being arrogant cunts. They sound like everything we hate about Americans and look like wankers when they fall on their arses ( which most have ), but they are representing their country and making us look like shit too. It's  un Australian acting like that, Aussies quietly bide their time and then deliver a giant fuck you after the event.