• St Kilda Football Club - what a club, what a clusterfuck.  Rapists, stalkers and drug cheats. They trade one of their best midfielders and their only decent ruckman, they have more internal troubles than a cunt with 15 peptic ulcers and a bowel blockage. Oh how I want to be with St Kilda, pigs fucken arse. Oh how I want to be on the bookies, to find out the odds of them finishing bottom four next year. 

• Tony Hill - sheep rooting umpire whose insipid display in the recent Ashes series has resulted in his likely dismissal from the elite umpires group. The cockarse they are thinking of replacing him with - Billy fucking Bowden. That's like replacing herpes for AIDS. 

Return of The Chad

Yeah yeah we know we haven't produced anything for ya for a while.  We've been busy so get fucked. The Chad is back, albeit in a slightly different format. Instead of nominees and a weekly winner The Chad Editor and Laurie Holden will just tee off on any cunt we think is Chadlike and from time to time when we can be arsed we will announce a winner, be it for a week or a month. The reason? We're fucken lazy. Come to think of it it's not much different  to what it was. I would ramble more about how much better things will be but it would be a lie, and I'm getting bored. So keep your eye out, possibly tonight after I've had a few more beers

Round 29 Winner

Belated winners but better than nothing. The winner of The Eugene is Captain Hook, the Port River  dolphin who can't be rooted doing what normal dolphins do and catch his own tucker, he'd rather be a lazy mooching cunt and pinch it off fisherman's lines or beg for a fucken handout. It's ingrained down the Port, don't worry about earning your keep, wait for someone to give it to you. Well fuck you Captain Hook, catch your own or go and get stuffed, keep it up and you're gonna end up battered with a side of chips.
The Winner of The Chad is The Puma. Not known to many people, but trust me if you did know him like Laurie Holden and The Chad Editor do you would agree he is a more than worthy winner. He's packed his fair of fuckups into his few tender years. Thinks he knows a bit about footy but he's a fucken crows supporter so that's bollocks, once appeared in The Footy Budget with an Eagles supporter, has a head like a Houso Justin Beiber, and has destroyed his teeth after suffering from a TicTac addiction through most of his teenage years. Thinks he knows a bit about soccer too but his recent effort in prematurely calling the recent Arsenal v Reading League Cup tie shows otherwise. The Puma thought it prudent to start abusing Laurie Holden( which is fair enough granted ) when Reading were up 4-0 only to end up with half a fucken shed full of battery hen eggs on his face after Arsenal got up 7-5. Good call Puma, with premature celebrations like that you're gonna make some young lady very disappointed one day. Enjoy your Chad Medal, knowing that you are a reader of this blog, I daresay you'll be choking on your fucken tictacs as you read this. Gold.

Round 29 Nominees

• Russell Wortley - the fucking muppet had his shagpile snout well in truly in the trough  - $50,000 for a ten day jaunt around Europe on the Trans-Continental gravy train.  I though this state was fucking broke?  How is that Burnside Council Report going, Russ, ya dog turd?  And only a fuckhead would name their kid after Che Cockatoo-Collins.
• Jersey Boys - fair dinkum, if I fucking hear one more bar of "Sherry", every one of the squeaky-voiced cunts will definitely not be walking like a man. And big girls don't cry, they play for Sturt.  Or are the CEO of the Crows.
• Aaron Edwards - the serial fuck tard gets shickered at the Cox Plate a week after being signed by Richmond. A tiger can't change its spots.
• Richmond - fuck, they know how to pick em. 
• Jason Gram - arrested for breaching a restraining order.  The alleged victim, an AFL premiership, says Gram has been stalking him for his whole career but Gram refuses to accept she will never be his. 
• 5AA's John Keaneally - for playing fucking annoying music grabs everytime the station returns from an ad break.  John, you boring sack of shit, noone wants to hear 10 seconds of Billy Joel's "Piano Man" or ABBA's "Dancing Queen" every fucking morning.
• Tim Ginever - a radio star??  Fucking hell, whoever 5AA's talent scout is, he or she is a fucking minda.  First Stephen Rowe and now Chinever.  Who next?  Daryl Poole? 
• Rhonda and Ketut - for fucksake, Ketut, take ya fucking beer goggles off.  Rhonda must be giving you one big tip.  Or is that the other way round?
• Tanya Pilbersek - wants the threat of super bugs put on the Government's agenda.  Why not start with all the fucking white ants in the Labor Party.
• Bernard Tomic - the new Mark Phillipousiss of Australian tennis.  Both have ties to military - one is a Scud, the other is a Tank. And what were you really up to at 3am in a fucken hottub with a male friend? Bernard Tomic? More like Bernard fucken King by the sound of it.
• AFL players  - gambling has overtaken drugs and alcohol as their number one threat.  Wouldn't bet on it. I would have thought being drafted by Port would be far riskier.
• Foundation for Alcohol and Research and Education - for suggesting that taxes on alcohol should rise. All these fucking tax increases are driving me to drink.
• Gary Glitter - did the cunt ever do work experience at the Catholic Church?  Cut his nads off. 
• Ninemsn - for yet another insightful, ground-breaking headline, "Why Kate's hair is the most envied."  Can't wait for the follow-up, "Why Pippa's arse is sore."
• Israel Folau - the $6 million dollar man.  Worst sporting investment since Mike Rann used my taxes to suck off Lance Armstrong.
• Andrew Demetripoo - for trying to say that the Israel Folau experiment was a success.  Yeah, ya dumb fat wog, just like the Port Power experiment.
• Those fucking annoying family stick figure stickers on car windows - asifIgiveashit about how many fucking kids and pets you have.  It tells me one thing about ya though, you are a family of fucking Chads.
• Kris and Kendall Kardashian - they have arrived in Sydney no doubt already sucking kock.
• The USA - for allowing Imran Khan into the country.  But thank fuck they told that cheating fucker Sarfraz Nawaz to go fuck himself.
• A certain Liverpool supporter by the name of the Puma who sent Laurie Holden an abusive text message at half-time of the Arsenal v Reading game when the Gunners trailed 0-4 - stupid fuckwit was very quiet when the final score was 7-5 in favour of Arsenal.
• The Redbacks, again - for batting Kane Richardson at number 3 against Tasmania. Dickheads.  Why not fucking bring back Jim Higgs to open the batting. 
• Disney - after buying LucasFilms are threatening to make another Star Wars film.  Nothing like flogging a dead horse to death.
• Chrissie Swan - pregnant again.  Fucksake.  Wayne Swan is also pregnant after being fucked in the arse by the Mining Tax. 
• Redheads - genetic scientists are saying they could be extinct in 100 years.  Fucksake, we have to wait 100 years for Julia to cark it?  Why can't she just fucking die of shame? 
• BBC - not only have they been exposed for not outing serial paedo Jimmy Saville they've also got another 9 staff under investigation for the same thing. Didn't know the Catholic Church was involved in media ownership.
• Halloween - stick your American bullshit up your arse.I must confess though I saw what I thought was one kid with a ripper gargoyle outfit, turns out it was Jenny Williams out for a walk.
• Toblerone - was never a fan anyway but even less so know after the manufacturer has been busted stiffing customers by putting less chocolate in but still charging full tote odds. Mind you if you do eat that crap you get no fucken sympathy.
• Captain Hook - Port River dolphin who has been approaching fishing boats hoping for a free feed or pinching fish from their lines. Is there nothing down the port that doesn't ask for a fucken handout?

Round 28 Winner

Adelaide Crows, you lucky pricks. Any other week and you would have stitched up at least one of the awards. First you recruit a fucken plank like Kurt Tippett, then you pay him a good quid despite him doing fuck all. Then as his contract nears an end you offer him a bucketload of cash to stay. But wait there's more. In order to sweeten the deal they make a ' secret agreement ' that lets him go to the club of his choice after his new contract expires. Only problem was they didn't keep it secret because some dumbfuck put the details in an email.Oops. So the cunts have been caught out trying to cheat the system there but it gets even funnier when we find out the cunts have been rorting the salary cap as well to pay for this giant turd who makes Randall Bone look like Royce Hart. It was jolly good of you to contact the AFL to confess your crimes, but I'll bet you wouldn't have said fucken boo if you hadn't been caught you fucken wankers.I hope they throw the book, the kitchen sink, and the whole fucken house at you. Make all the excuses you want, plea for mercy, you can get fucked, take what's coming, I and other footy followers are laughing our fucking tits off. Eat shit.
The Eugene goes to former host of Jim'll Fix It, pommie 'entertainer' Jimmy Saville. Rumours have been abound for years that he was a filthy cunt who liked touching up young kids, and now he's done the world a favour and pegged it, it's been revealed that there are over 300 allegations of him being a kiddy fiddler. 300 for fucksake. The poms generally turned a blind eye claiming he was just an eccentric, just a fucken pervert more like it. They even knighted the cunt for fucksake. Not surprisingly the Catholic Church also bestowed 'honours' upon him, giving him a Papal knighthood in 1990, not sure what for exactly but with the track record of that mob they probably knew what he was like and gave him his Papal pat on the head for services to child molestation. So why was this prick allowed to get away with these heinous crimes for the best part of 50 years? Did he have dirt on others involved in the same disgusting practices? Or did people just sweep it under the carpet and hope it would stop,well the arseholes that knew are guilty, they could've brought the fucker down and did nothing. Many may recall Jimmy Saville as a personality, an eccentric, a character. The truth is he is nothing but a repulsive child molesting rapist. He deserves nothing in death but the revulsion of all, fuck you Jimmy, rot in hell.
So that leaves us with the winner of The Chad Medal - Lance Armstrong. 7 time winner of the Tour de France, cancer survivor, lying drug cheat. Which do you reckon he will be most remembered for? In a sport that's known for being as dodgy as a Craig Thomson expense account he is the king. He shits on David Copperfield, he's pulled one of the greatest ruses you'd want to see. When he won all those Tour de France titles people lauded him as a magnificent athlete, a beacon to all those who have suffered that you can triumph through adversity. What a fucken sham that was, he was cooked. And not only that, he coerced, intimidated and threatened others into doing the same. When fellow riders, doctors etc made accusations of him being on more drugs than Keith Richards he continually pleaded innocence, and said he was being victimised.But the truth has emerged, you're a crook, right up with such luminaries as Marion Jones, Ben Johnson, and fellow one nard and rampant drug user Adolf Hitler. So you think saying nothing will convince people of your innocence? Get fucked uniball the only reason you have kept silent recently is you know you're fucked and if you admit the truth you're in line for a stint in the can. So take your Chad Medal cunt, it's the only award you've earned for a long fucken time.

Round 27 Nominees

• Elizabeth Escalona - was recently jailed for 99 years for glueing her two year old daughter's hands to a wall and beating her so severely she ended up in a coma because she had problems with her toilet training. Fuck the 99 years shoot her in the head, she is filth.
• Sherrin - had to recall 450000 Auskick footys because they were made by child labour in India and some had needles in them. How to make a young kids day memorable, tell him 8 kids died making his footy and take him to the emergency department for a tetanus shot
• Elderly drivers - get off the road for fucksake, how many more times do the old fuckers need to plough through a shop front because they accidentally hit the accelerator before we say enough is enough. The latest effort resulted in the driver cleaning up their neighbours inside a doctors surgery. Fucken old people, they can't even control their bladder let alone a motor car.
• Parramatta Local Court - threatened a bloke with contempt of court because he represented himself dressed as a clown. What's wrong with that, Bernard Finnigan went to court dressed as a respectable member of society and he's a kiddy porn watching lardarse.
• Roxanne Allan - produced a series of completely fucking stupid ideas for publication in The Crapvertiser about what to do with your kids on their school holidays. Her best effort was painting with your feet, which consisted of putting full paint trays on your a driveway and let kids go wild on bits of paper. Obviously she ain't got kids, that's the dumbest idea I've heard since Freo picked up Danyle Pearce.
• Stewart Dew - his missus recently gave birth to a baby girl and he didn't name it Nicole. You bastard. 
• Tammy Franks - Greens MLC who got pinched for not filing tax returns for 10 years. She claimed she forgot due to the stress of her marriage breaking down. For 10 years? Bullshit, that's as pissweak an excuse as Mary Jo Fisher's last excuse for pilfering.
• Troy Chaplin - one of the reasons he used for his decision to leave Port was that he wanted to escape the fishbowl environment. Funny how the cunt spent half his life on the radio,tv or twitter then. Just like his efforts on the paddock, pointing fingers at others ( he's a monty for the role of ET if they do a stage production )when the only fuckarse he didn't but should've been looking at was himself. 
• Federal Liberal Party - have proved politics is littered with hypocrisy after they got busted canvassing the vote of Labor MP Craig Thomson.
• The Taliban - shot a 14 year old girl because she dared to promote female education and criticised Islamic extremism. Congratulations on confirming the stereotype others have of you as being a COMPLETE BUNCH OF BACKWARD, SCUMBAG CUNTS.
• Jimmy Saville - thankfully now dead, but the truth has come out about the arsehole. He makes Bernard Finnigan look like a clean skin, once said to have claimed he didn't have a computer because he didn't want anyone to think he was downloading child pornography. Didn't need to, as the over 100 kids he molested would testify he did enough damage in person. Rot in hell you cunt.
• Lance Armstrong - busted cunt, nowhere to run nowhere to hide. 
• Iraq soccer team - claimed before the recent World Cup qualifier that the Aussie team were scared. Fucken oath they were, of some nut job towelhead blowing them up.
• Daniel Worrall - recent SA Deadbacks debutant who obviously hasn't been in the system for too long as he claimed they have a ' steely resolve '. Hehehe good one champ I think you'll find it's more of a alfoil resolve. And good to see another SA lad making his debut, the cunt comes from Victoria.
• The AFL Rules Committee - here's an idea, fuck off. When you have a complete knobhead like Kevin Bartlett making decisions impacting on the fabric of the game you know it's a sick joke. What's the latest changes - you aren't allowed to approach an opposition player under lights on their right hand side without a formal application countersigned by a special Justice of the Peace? You aren't allowed to kick a ball with your left foot on a Sunday if the player you are kicking it to is allergic to gluten and has a urinary tract infection?  Stop fucking with the game you bunch of dildos.
• Channel 9 - are in a world of financial shit, and no wonder, when two of your high priced ' stars ' are Tracy ' I 've got a head like a bulldog chucked in a blender and no I'm  a lezzo, mainly because not even a thunderous diesel dyke would fuck me ' Grimshaw and Sonia ' I've sucked some serious cock to get on tv ' Kruger.
• French people - they're like Eagles supporters, arrogant cockheads. Accordin g to a recent survey one in five French people admitted that they don't shower daily ( the other four are obviously liars ),some only shower once a week ( some? ), hand washing is ' not always a priority for the French ' ( somewhat like displaying bravery in combat ), 1 in 8 admit they don't wash their hands after using the dunny ( possibly because they think their shit doesn't stink ), yet claim that buses and trains are ' the dirtiest objects in daily life ). No fucken wonder, they're full of dirty, stinking French fuckers who don't shower, and have fingers that stink of piss and shit.