Summer series week 12 nominees

• The Sunday Mail - just when you think it can't get any worse than having Lucy Cornes as a regular contributor, they stoop to their lowest depths yet by giving Kevin "Roley Poley" Foley a column. You have got to be fucking joking. What the fuck can he contribute to the paper? Commentary on how to get ya fucking lights punched out? If I was editor, I'd say, "Kev, you punch drunk moron, write us the real story on how Mike Rann rooted Chantelois on his desk, including the pictures." Are there any real journalists out there anymore?
• Ricky Nixon - the boxhead was arrested for being drunk and disorderly in public. He was also charged with crimes against hair - no bloke in this day and age should be sporting a fucking perm.
• Johnny Letts - for comparing Black Caviar's possible race in Adelaide as being like a visit from the Queen. You dickhead, a visit from the Queen is as about as exciting as watching women's sport, unless the sport in question is mud wrestling.
• Geoff Stephens - the Aussie living in London who is taking a case to the European Court of Human Rights, claiming racism because his workmates greet him with, "g'day, sport". You are a complete fuckwit, sport.
• Mark Arbib - the faceless man has finally fucked off to spend time with his family. How the fuck can they recognise you without a fucking face?
• Rick Santorum - for this great pearl of wisdom, "President Obama once said he wants everybody in America to go to college. What a snob!" Yeah, Rick, you wouldn't want the American population to get educated because they might realise that blokes like you are fucking dickheads that shouldn't get within a million miles of public office. Yep, let's just keep the American population fat and stupid by super-sizing every meal and letting them watch crap TV shows like Two and a Half Men and How I Met Your Mother. I may be in the minority but I find it fucking impossible to accept that Doogie Howser is a womaniser on the show. It makes no fucking sense. The cunt rides the marmite motorway. He's gayer than Liberace. And he's fucking annoying. How the fuck can that piece of crap rate highly when a truly great show like Curb Your Enthusiam doesn't?
• The State of Wyoming - for trying to pass a bill to create its own armed force, including an aircraft carrier, in the event that the US went down the gurgler. An aircraft carrier, for fucksake? Wyoming is fucking land-locked!! Yeah, Rick, let's not encourage education in America.
• The Circle - for allowing Yumi Stynes and George Negus to ridicule Victoria Cross recipient, Corporal Ben Roberts-Smith. Fair dinkum, how stupid are those two, look at the size of the cunt, he'd test George's theory that he is a crap lover by splitting Yumi in half and then thump the living suitcase out of George.
• Celebrity chef, James Martin - for plagiarising Bruce McAvaney's standard description of Nick Riewoldt, when he said, "delicious looking dick" when trying to introduce a dish on a cooking show in Britain.
• The US - for planning to charge Julian Assange. What for - telling the truth? Making them look stupid? Fuck off, wankers. You can guaran-fucking-tee that the Australian Government won't do a damn thing to help Assange.
• Labor Senator Doug Cameron - fair dinkum, what a Scottish git. He sounds like fucking Begby from Trainspotting.
• Fabian Francis - wants to be released from gaol because his fiance is suffering from post-natal depression. Fair enough, but I don't think thumping her is going to help her, Fabian.
• UK Advertising Standards Agency - for banning an ad from furniture retailer the Sofa King which included the slogan, "Where the Prices are Sofa King low". I guess I'll have trouble with my new chain of convenience stores, Far Quick Mart.
• Former NSW Labor Government - for signing a contract that forces the running of its desalination plant despite dams in NSW over-flowing. Hey, Jay, care to check out the contract that Mike and Kevin signed for our de-sal plant? If ya can't find the contract, it was filed under, "Big Fucking Expensive White Elephant".
• Martin Srktel - Liverpool footballer who should have made enough money out of the game to hide the fucken horrid disfigurement he calls his ears. Deadset they look like a pair of dried pigs ears, it looks like someone has stuck Mr Spock in the fucken microwave for 20 mins.
• Cardiff City - had an opportunity to claim a piece of silverware in the League Cup final against Liverpool but displayed less composure under pressure than Bruce Reid bowling to Alan Lamb in the last over of a one-dayer and completely fucked it.
• Cardiff - it's a fucken shithole, the only thing for a tourist to go and see there is some little cunt trying to break into your car.
• Billy Crystal - will you fuck off already, I know he wasn't the first choice for hosting the Oscars but where did they dig the cunt up from? He's not fucken funny, yet they continue to make him the host, you'd reckon after 8 times they would have realised he's got all the wit and humour of Ivan Milat. I watched his City Slicker movies and the one thing I wanted to see was that cow he adopted stomp him to a fucken pulp then lay a steaming great Richard the Third on his head.
• Pope Benedict XVI - has told infertile couples that they should shun IVF as (it's) "the arrogance of taking the place of the creator". It's a tad ironic that a German Pope (who incidentally served in the Hitler youth if you don't mind - Ich bin ein Nazi kollaborator)should be telling people about how they should be able or not able to create life as it was his race of people that ended the lives of 6 million people and it was the Vatican that helped some of the perpetrators escape to Sth America.
• Lara Bingle - for appearing in her own reality tv show with the original title - Being Lara Bingle. Bingle was quoted as saying "I give my whole life away", which you would think would be her laying on her back getting a pounding whilst demolishing a bucket of KFC. Move along people nothing to see here.
• Brynne Edelsten - see Lara Bingle.
• Channel 10 - for giving Lara Bingle her own reality tv show. Did she fuck James Packer and this is to buy her silence? All you needed was some all you can eat vouchers to Hungry Jacks for fucksake, why should the rest of the viewing public have to suffer. Wonder if Michael Clarke will be watching.
• Blokes who have combovers - just give it up, you look like fucken clowns. You look fucken stupid and it's not fooling anyone.
• AFL - for giving Joel Bowden a job as "Game Analysis Manager". What the fuck? What is Joel gonna analyse - the number of players who get a shitload of soft, easy kicks by dropping behind the play and avoiding body contact at all costs? Well, the cunt has plenty experience in that department - 265 games and not one contested possession.
• Patrick Secker, Federal Liberal MP - Minister for Family Services.
• Cavan Training Centre - it is harder to get put in there than get out.
• INXS - for bringing in yet another new lead singer. For fucksake, when are you gonna realise that people stopped giving a shit about you when Hutchence wanked himself to death in 1997. Just fucking give it up.
• Sara Barnes - the 26 year-old model from Florida accidentally burned down one of the world's oldest trees because she needed a light to see the party drugs she was taking. The slag was allegedly using crystal meth inside a hollow 3500-year-old cypress tree in Florida's Big Tree Park and burnt the fucker down. She was also spotted a few weeks ago at the Avenues Shopping Centre.
• Snowy Carter - for threatening to sue Jon Blake over a comedy skit that poked fun at him. Get over it, cockhead. Did Nicole Cornes give you the idea when she was rooting you and Stewart Dew at the same time?

Summer Series - Week 11 Winner

Fair dinkum there's some fuckwits in the world and this week has proven to be no different. Former Australian cricketers selling their integrity like a cheap whore down the bus station, fuckwits with the memory of goldfish wanting Kevin Rudd back as PM, Kevin Rudd ( hey Kev, with your extensive knowledge of the Chinese language you should be able to get the gist of this - wo cao you now tsan, qu si you Sha bi ), The Commonwealth Bank treating it's parasites to a gala dinner after they've sacked workers, and a dumbfuck who thought swimming the Torrens would be a good idea despite the fact he had all the swimming prowess of George Duncan, just to name a few.

But after careful consideration the leading contenders for the award this week came down to a field of two, Australian Politicians and Amber Halliday. Australian politicians put forward a very strong case, but Amber Halliday's recent column in The Sunday Mail really pissed me off, which in turn clinched her The Chad Medal by a short half head. Therefore Australian Politicians have been awarded the Eugene for their displays of whining bastardry, stupidity, churlish playground rhetoric,complete lack of integrity, and out and out fucking lying. Do we really deserve to call ourselves the lucky country with these fucking dipshits running it? They are a deadset pack of cunts, all of em. Julia Gillard - a two faced lying bitch, Kevin Rudd - a condescending meglomaniacal fucking womble, Tony Abbott - self confessed lying, nut crusher wearing jug eared monkey who only takes one foot out of his mouth to replace it with the other, Julie Bishop - a sour faced, evil troll, Peter Garrett - a complete and total sellout. A man who made his music career out of songs about slamming the government and protecting the environment, but then rolled over and joined the same scum he spent his career hanging shit on, Joe Hockey - a stammering, 35 pie a day buffoon who wouldn't know a policy if it bit him on the arse, Wilkie, Oakshott and Windsor - The three amigos of stupidity, Bob Katter - a strawberry nosed hillbilly redneck, Bob Brown - a butt-fucking clown who holds the country to ransom yet knows less about what it takes to run it than Nicole Cornes. Do ya reckon I've proved my point yet? These are the cunts we entrust to run our country, and all they do is lie, manipulate, argue like 5yr olds, stab their own party members between the shoulder blades, and treat the Australian public with complete contempt and disdain, the same people who they suck up the arse of to get their cushy little jobs. Fuck all of em.

So that leaves us with our winner, Amber Halliday. Amber chose to use her column in The Sunday Mail as a giant whinge about how she can't understand the publicity that surrounds super mare Black Caviar. As I have previously stated this horse is a once in generation phenomenon, it is as close to perfection as you will ever see. People flock to see it because it is that fucken good. It's not fucken Mr Ed you stupid arseclown.If it was a run of the mill animal, like yourself, it wouldn't get any of that publicity. And there entails the problem doesn't it, as you state further down, you are upset that you - who I will concede has been a decent athlete, who got comparatively fuck all coverage, has been upstaged by a horse. So all it comes down to is jealousy, and thankyou oh so much for letting us know how petty and sour you are about it. The most publicity you got was doing a fucken header off the bike that you were supposedly so good at riding. Now while we are glad you didn't peg it after going splat, it does make one wonder if you may still have some of the fucken road embedded in your head if you think you are going to get any sympathy for your media coverage drought through sprouting this sort of complete fucking tripe. I took the liberty of researching the comparative careers of the two combatants, so you the readers decide who you think is more deserving of more media coverage

• Black Caviar's results since 2009 - 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1. Amber Hallidays results since 2009 - 4 1 1 6 2 2 25 1 9 DNF

• Number of times Black Caviar attempted to eat bitumen after being an unco cunt and falling arse over - 0. Number of times Amber Halliday attempted to eat bitumen after being an unco cunt and falling arse over - 1

• Number of time Black Caviar has made a complete fucken dick out of herself by pissing and moaning because people don't give her enough attention - 0. Number of times Amber Halliday has made a complete dick out of herself by pissing and moaning because people don't give her enough attention - 1

I don't know about you but I reckon there's a pretty fucking compelling arguement to support the Black Caviar stable on this one. Amber, you were a good athlete, Black Caviar is great. End of fucken story. All you've done by whining like a little bitch is make a complete fucken fool out or yourself. Never fear though Amber for now you've now won something the mighty Cav will never win - The Chad Medal, for you madam are a fuckwit.

Summer series - week 11 nominees

• Kevin Rudd - How do you say, "no way, get fucked, fuck off" in Mandarin?
• The Australian public - when asked who do they prefer as Prime Minister, Julia Gillard or Kevin Rudd, 83% said Rudd. Wrong answer, morons, the correct answer is neither. Fair dinkum, have the Australian people got collective fucking amnesia? What fucking drugs are these fuckwits on? Just 18 months ago when the fucker was PM, Rudd had an approval rating of 20%. So what has changed? He is still the same annoying, arrogant cunt he was back then. Fair dinkum, if he becomes PM, I'll pack up and move to fucking Afghanistan.
• Duck hunting season - for fucksake, do we live in the fucking middle ages? I can't wait for Paul Caica hunting season where we can all have loads of fun hunting down this bald dumbfuck.
• Brenton Stillgoe - when asked "who do you prefer, Rudd or Gillard?", Brenton replied, "Rudd, I feel I can relate to him more and he's more of an Aussie character." Good one, fuckstick. If by 'Aussie character' you mean a complete and total cunt like Kevin Foley or Mike Rann, then you are spot-on.
• Brian Stillgoe - when asked "who do you prefer, Rudd or Gillard?", Brian replied, "Rudd, because I feel he got done over." Good one, fuckstick. If by 'done over' you mean like Michelle Chantelois over Mike Rann's desk, then you are spot on.
• Mr and Mrs Stillgoe - for giving birth to two fucking morons. Stillgoe? More like fucking Stillborn, I'd say.
• John Rau - everything this piggy-nosed fucker touches turns to poo. What a great decision in handing the running of the SA Travel Centre over to the CEO's son-in-law. Dickhead.
• John McPake - more like McFuckwit. This dirty fucking rock spider is up on rock spider charges but asked the court for permission to live with his sister who has two kids aged under five years. Here's a better idea, how about you share a cell with 10 blokes named Bubba in Kerobokan Prison.
• Rick Santorum - for fucksake, if the yanks vote this fucking religious nutjob in as President then it is the final nail in the coffin for the US. There is no place in this world for christians. They are retarded. Any cunt that believes in something that does not exist is a fuckwit. End of fucking story.
• Ricky Ponting - come on, ya greedy prick, surely you are earning enough cash from those shithouse Swisse vitamin commercials? Do a Rudd and quit!
• Canadian couch surfers - a 22-year-old Canadian man/moron has died after riding on a couch tied to a van and towed down a road at high speed. Authorities said a group of friends placed the couch on a sled before hooking it up to the back of a truck and trying to drag it down a rural road in St Benjamin, south of Quebec City, late on Saturday night. The cunt quickly went from being a couch surfer to couch potato when a car plowed through him.
• Vijay Singh - the Brisbane father of three murdered children (not the cunt Fijian golfer) once beat his daughter so viciously with a pool cue for talking to a boy that she couldn't walk for three days.
• The 16-year-old cockhead from Canberra who has been charged for allegedly setting three dogs on fire before dismembering them. Let the punishment fit the crime.
• The 21-year-old idiot who drowned while trying to swim across the River Torrens near the University of Adelaide. For fucksake, there is a fucking footbridge right nearby, you moron? Or why not hitch a ride on Pope-eye? And with the amount of shit in the Torrens you could even fucking walk across it.
• SANFL - for putting the mini-league at risk for the sake of $40,000. Darren Chandler, pull ya fucking head out of your arse.
• Jana "The Drama" Pittman - her London Olympics campaign is in doubt because of a "foot injury". Foot injury, my arse, more like a fucking heart injury.
• Julia Gillard - for calling for a Labor leadership ballot. Talk about a fucking oxymoron.
• Bob Katter - for being mobbed by a group of excitable bingo ladies Bingo after he called them a bunch of good-looking sheilas. Bob's big fucking hat obviously obscured his view because bingo ladies are in the same category as tuckshop ladies and Australia's two top trannies, Isobel Redmond and Tracey Grimshaw.
• Commonwealth Bank - the bank is flying 200 of its "mobile (w)bankers and mortgage innovators" from throughout the country to Lorne for a gala dinner on a "treasure island".
  CBA staff are ordered to come dressed as a "pirate, wench, rascal, scoundrel or villain". All 200 are going as themselves.
• Gabe Watson - Yank who drowned his wife in Queensland by allegedly holding her under water and turning off the valve on her oxygen tank has been charged with murder by the yanks. His defense is that she had a heart condition that contributed to her death, if I had some cunt holding me down under the water drowning me I reckon my heart would be beating just a bit fucking irregularly too.
• The woman who kissed and cuddled her pet rat which in turn made her that ill she spent 17 days in intensive care - Therese Rein was eventually released from hospital and has said she will continue to share the marital bed with husband Kevin.
• Zialloh Abrahimzadeh - regularly abused his wife until she managed to leave him but then went to a function in Adelaide that she was attending and stabbed her 8 times, killing her at the scene. Despite there being 300 people at the event who saw him kill his wife he is pleading not guilty to murder. Ya fucken what? Make this cunt swim the Torrens with a couple of house bricks tied round his fucken ankles.
• Paul Smithson - dentist who took three hours to extract a tooth from a patient has been fined $8000, which is a third of what the dodgy prick probably charged for the extraction.
• Matthew Hayden - has made the fucking stupid statement that he believes Sheffield shield cricket should be moved to the winter months to accomodate the Newton/Foley season. You fucken cocksmoker that is one of the most fucking retarded decisions I've heard since the ALP made Julia Gillard PM. Yeah lets move the season away from when the game is played - summer you fuckwit. It is also interesting to note that Hayden has a stake in the Brisbane Heat team, so why do you really want to move the Shield season Matt, to fleece your own pockets at the expense of the game which made you you money grabbing fuckwit? Stick to doing your shithouse Jetstar ads and keep your fucking mouth shut about things you obviously have no fucking idea about you corrupt sellout. You are a disgrace to the game.
• Amber Halliday - In her column in The Sunday Mail she bagged the popularity of Black Caviar and Phar Lap by using the wise old "I don't get it" chestnut. Further down the column she went on to say about how she was a world class athlete but got little coverage whilst The Cav has got plenty. Firstly if you can't understand why people love watching an animal like Black Caviar run you are a fucking retard. It is a once in a generation animal, a freak which even those who don't follow horse racing enjoy watching. The main problem is jealousy though isn't it (which you yourself admit) , you can't stand that you have been upstaged by as horse, well boohoo get over yourself ya fucken sook, think about a poor cunt like Matthew Broderick, he's been upstaged by the horse he's been married to for years. Ya probably got the shits because you get no publicity, except for when you go belly-up on ya bike.
• Therese Rein - for calling on the Australian public to support her deadshit of a hubby. Fair suck of the sauce bottle, Therese, ya husband is a prick. So is ya daughter. So shut the fuck up. And that fucking perm of yours wants you to return it to the set of Sons and Daughters. It's Reining, it's pouring, ya old man is boring, he went to bed, and woke up a fuckhead, and he'll still be a cunt in the morning, Rein, Rein, go away, don't come back another day.
• US boxer Dereck Chisora - for bashing his fellow boxer David Hayes followig his loss to WBC heavyweight champion Vitali Klitschko. Hopefully, when Rudd loses on Monday, Simon Crean and Wayne Swan will do something similar to him.
• Jason Lees - for taking his own life and that of his two-year old son after jumping from Brisbane's Story Bridge. Cunt. Couldn't you have taken someone else, like Rudd and his family of fuckwits?
• Bobbi Kristina Brown - for getting high after her mum Whitney's funeral. Like mother like daughter, good to see she has a career as a fucking crack whore ahead of her.
• Australian politicians - the whole lot of them a bunch of whining cunts with zero integrity. Rudd, Gillard, Swan, Garrett, Abbott, Bishop, Hockey, Brown and his butt-munchers, Windsor, Oakeshott, the names roll off the tongue like a fucking great big steaming turd. For fucksake, just fuck this lot off and put Malcolm Turnbull in charge.
• Paris Hilton - for her new song, "Drunk Text". It has been pulled offline because she fucked the title up, it was meant to be, "Drunk Slut". Do us a favour an OD or just starve ya self to death.
• Zac Effron - for dropping a condom out of his pocket on the red carpet. Good to see him practice safe wanking.
• Joyce Hardin Gerrard and Jessica Mae Hardin - for making their 9 year-old granddaughter and step-daughter run for 3 hours non-stop for lying about eating a lolly resulting in the girl's death. The two bitches have been charged with homocide. Maybe Athletics Australia can try the same thing with Jana Pittman to get her moving.

Summer series - week 10 winner

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The Chad Medal Summer Series Week 10 Nominees

• Dr (Ricky?) Gervase Chaney - leading paediatric in an Aussie children's hospital has called for a ban to smacking kids as it is tantamount to "child abuse". Fucken bullshit, if your kid is being a right little shit and has done something which they know they shouldn't have done, the occasional smack on the hand or arse ain't gonna hurt them. It's called punishment and a deterrent. Don't get me wrong, people who belt their kids for the sake of it and do it so it injures the kid are way out of line, but there can be times when a smack is an appropriate form of discipline. It fucken shits me these so called experts think they have the right to tell us how we should raise our kids. They ain't yours cunt, don't tell me how to raise my child. I personally have never smacked my child, I've had the urge to chuck her out on the back lawn on occasions ( don't judge me, any parent being honest has had those moments ), but I'm not going to say it will never happen. The smack not the chucking her out on the lawn. There's a time and a place, as long as you are reasonable and consistent in your discipline your kid won't be emotionally damaged. So keep your fucken "expert" opinions to yourself fuckwit, we're not fucken interested.


• James Trevor Birmingham - multiple sex offender who was nearing parole has been nailed by DNA testing for the rape of a young woman in 1997 and will now hopefully do the world a favour and fucken rot in hell.


• Judge Gordon Barrett - sentenced Birmingham to 16yrs jail, reduced to 12 yrs on account of his contrition, then reduced it further to 10yrs on the legally binding totality principle. This piece of bullshit legislation states that no sentence or combination of sentences should be 'crushing' to the felon. The legal system is fucked, all this animal deserves is to be taken to the edge of a cliff and chucked off, he deserves no clemency, the crushing he deserves is when he goes head first into the rocks below.


• The England Cricket Team - the apparent no.1 team in the world lost 3-0 to the Pakis, the last test they rolled the Pakis for 99 and still got done by about 60 runs. Fucken shonky.


• Zoot - advertising mob you see on the tv flogging off gear from the supermarket who keep using talentless b-grade celebs to promote their gear. The last one I saw was Cameron Daddo selling Kelloggs Just Right. Cameron Daddo, for fucksake even his acting in a poxy ad like that was shite, having this dropkick try to explain the virtues of the product made me want to kick my fucken tv in. Watch out for the next ad, they're gonna find that fat little cunt from Hey Dad to explain why sorbent dunny paper is softer on his ringhole than other brands.


• Bargain (C)Hunt - there's nothing like watching Poms make dickheads of themselves. They get a tv show with two teams, each is provided an 'expert' to help them, and they try to buy crap they can make a quid out of at auction. Or as they pronounce it oarkshun. Well I saw an episode a recently and even I could tell the tripe they bought was as much chance of making money as a male prostitute at Penny Wong's joint. Surprise surprise both teams went down the shitter. Fucken experts my arse, just because you peer down over the top of your glasses at a petrified dog turd and say it's a masterpiece don't make you an expert, it makes you a wanker.


• Channel 9 - shitcanned the recent one-dayer between Sri Lanka and India to their Gem Channel in favour of the regular garbage they usually put on. Yep I'd much rather watch bulldog Grimshaw, fat cunts wobbling on a beach and a fucking horrid chick flick Iin fact all of which are the same thing) than the cricket. Fuckwits.


• David Hussey - still harbours ambitions to play test cricket. One small problem David, you're not fucken good enough.


• The Redbacks - tried their best to fuck up what should have been an unloseable game against the Vics. Bowled them out for 123 then were 0/48 in reply. Next thing you know they realise they might win and shit their daks, losing 6 for about 15. They managed to scrape over the line by one wicket. Now a wins a win but to fall apart like that AGAIN shows they're still as weak as piss when any pressure is applied. The fucken SA arrowroot biscuits, what a fucken joke. But the biggest joke is they're in the one-day final, so how much have the other sides been drinking when they've been playing em.


• Alberto Contador - 2010 Tour de France winner has been stripped of his title and banned for two years for doping offences but claims he is innocent. Of course you are, so were Goebbels, Goering and Salman Butt.


• US politics - an excellent example of the fucking stupidity of the nation is their system of choosing a Republican candidate to run against Obama. It's been going on for fucken months and still hasn't finished, it's more fucken dull and pointless than a Crows game.


• Saeed Ajmal - Paki offspinner who has apparently outdone Murali for having the most bent arm in cricket by admitting he flexes his elbow by 23.5 degrees, 8.5 degrees above the allowed amount. Ajmal has said that "my arm is not good because of an accident, that is why a problem ". Yeah I know what sort of fucken accident, hyperextending your elbow from carrying a heavy briefcase full of cash from a shonky bookie. The dodgy prick also said " otherwise no problem, straightaway cleared by the ICC ". This wouldn't be the same ICC that is run by the sub continent would it? The cunts arm is that bent that you could fit a set square in the crease of his elbow and it would fit as snug as a rolled up magazine around Mike Ranns head.


• Maggie Wortman - US woman who has pleaded guilty to voluntary manslaughter after the death of her six month old son after she breastfed him whilst being high as Molly Meldrum trying to climb a ladder on methamphetamines.


• Mimi Alford - former White House employee has released a book detailing how she lost her virginity to then US President JFK. So fucken what, if every tart that he deflowered or skewered wrote a book about it there's be no fucken trees left. A bit the same as if every bird Fweddy McGuinness knocked off did it. Speaking of Fweddy, anyone seen him lately? Wonder what sort of speeches Georgie will write for the Liberals in reference to Bikie Laws now that she has a vested interest in the topic.


• Madam Tussauds - made a model of 'singer' Dannii Minogue. The statue has less plastic in it than the real thing. I thought they only made models of famous or talented people?


• Eugene McGee - watching his appearance on the Australian Story only confirmed what I already knew - he is the sucker of satan's cock. What a complete and utter cunt. According to Eugene, being pissed, driving like a fuckwit, knocking over and killing an innocent cyclist, fleeing the scene and then conspiring with your cunt lawyer and copper mates to avoid being caught makes him a "victim". Fuck off you evil deluded fucker. You were drunk and killed a husband and father of 2 young children, left him to die and did everything to avoid punishment. You are a scumbag and a scatmuncher. And to ensure that you get the recognition that you deserve, I am now introducing the "Eugene Medal " for the runner-up in the weekly Chad.


• Grant "Blue Green" Algie - Eugene's fucking lawyer. Another sucker of satan's cock. You preening Barry Gibb wannabe - the fact that you are well-spoken does not change the fact that whatever drops out of your mouth (normally satan's jism) in relation to Eugene is crap. I hope you sleep well at night knowing that your buddy is a drunken coward with no morals - or is that you too? Your suggestion on the show that Eugene's fine of $3,100 was more than adequate proves that you are not only sucking satan's cock but he is taking you from behind too.


• SA Police who handled the Eugene case - joined the congo line of cunts sucking satan's cock. Nup, no ICAC is required in SA. Nup, there is no corruption in SA. Cunts.


• Professor Sandy McFarlane - see SA Police. The prick testified that Eugene was suffering from post-traumatic syndrome. Sandy, ya dickhead, is that a fancy name for "driving pissed"?


• The Grammys - for dropping a tribute to the "Big Man" Clarence Clemons in favour of a tribute to that crack-whore, Whitney Houston. Disgraceful.


• Julia Gillard - liar, liar, pants on fire.


• Jay Weatherill - the fucker should change his name to Mike Jr. What a cunt.


• Isobel Redmond - what the fuck are doing? You are letting these deadshits get away with murder. For fucksake, do something! And I don't mean getting that sex-change operation that you always dreamed of.


• Graham Cornes - for suggesting Hamish Hartlett can win the Brownlow. Good one, Skeletor, ya dickhead. Ya argument is flawed on two counts - 1) the cunt is like a fucking tampon - he's only in every four weeks and 2) he plays for a mob that polled worse than the opposition leader in the last election in Zimbabwe.


• Cunts with a "it can't be done" attitude - shut the fuck up and get out of my way.


• Bobby Brown - why the fuck didn't you get Whitney onto smoking crack before she released the worst fucking song of all-time, I Will Always Love You. How ironic, because I Will Always Hate That Fucking Song.


• Wes Welker - New England Patriots wide “receiver”. I use the term receiver loosely. (by "receiver" I think the nominator was referring to the cunt's George Michael tendancies).This little fuckwit belongs on the back of a horse running down the straight at Flemington as opposed to playing the toughest game of all. In the biggest game of the year being the Super Bowl, Welker (why the fuck is it not Walker??) dropped a perfect pass from Tom Brady that would have won the Super Bowl. But he tripped on a piece of artificial turf that didn’t exist and took choking to an art form not seen since Jana Novotna choked in front of millions at Wimbledon. Welker than manned up and “took the blame” for the loss? Didn’t have to admit it, every person on Earth who saw him drop a sitter knew the little cunt was the cause of the loss. Hopefully now he reverts to his more suited career, as a receiver in an Gay strip joint in Vegas.


• Rob Gronkowski – New England Patriots Tight EndUseless brain-dead record breaking dickwad who failed to show up in the biggest game of all because of a sore ankle, only to subsequently not rove the ball off the pack on the final play of the Super Bowl that would have won it for them. My 9 year old son could have made the catch yet the Gronk couldn’t. He was then seen after the game smiling happily on the sidelines like he was at a teddy Bear picnic eating fairy floss, and then that night caught on file dancing like a homosexual Grizzly Bear at a party in Indianapolis - what sore ankle you might ask, along with 8 million other people? This guy has the intestinal fortitude of a Crows footballer or 36ers basketballer, and similar intelligence (or lack thereof). He’s nothin’ but a cunt.


• Whitney Houston - can’t sing, can’t dance, can’t swim. Did the world a favour and died as punishment for giving us that Bodyguard song that has made us all sick for 20 fucking years! Rest in Peace – yes we will now! And I-I-I-I-I-I-I Will Always Be Dead.


• The bus-driver who installed cameras on the floor of his bus so he could "upskirt" passengers - Port Adelaide are now looking for a new driver of their team bus.


• Meryl Streep - she fears that she may be over-rated. Your fears are well-founded, Meryl, because you couldn't act your way out of a paper bag. Ya fucked-up the Aussie accent as Lindy Chamberlain and a fucking block of concrete could play Maggie Thatcher. I've seen better acting in the Italian soccer team.


• The Bulldogs Bob Murphy - for saying that gay players in the AFL is no big deal. Spot-on, Bob, there are 44 playing for the Crows and Port Adelaide.


• The NRL - has joined forces to promote organ donation. First to step up was Ian Roberts who donated his organ to referee Matt Cecchin.


• Cessnock - should be re-named "Cesspool". Fair dinkum, what a shithole. Mick Atkinson and Damian Squire would be right at home there as it is the world capital of wife-bashers.


• The man who became Britain's first "male mother" by giving birth despite his sex change operation - while the man's name has not been published, his first name is believed to be "Isobel".


• Tim Minchin - talk about fucking over-rated. The prick looks like death warmed up and that is exactly how I feel after listening to the cunt.


• The prominent SA lawyer who has been charged with possessing child pornography - no doubt Grant Algie will step-up and get the cunt off. Did the filthy prick have post-traumatic syndrome, Grant? Is he a victim, Grant? SA lawyers are evil fucks. End of story.


• The Chinese mother who gave birth to a 7kg baby boy - what a fat little fucker. The parents are having trouble naming him. Here are a few suggestions - Scott Cummings, Lance Whitnall, Bernard Finnigan, Kevin Foley, or Amanda Vanstone.


• Hans Feldmeier - the 87 year-old German who kept a tub of lard in his kitchen cupboard for 64 years and it turns out the lard is still edible. Amanda Vanstone has sent him a dinner invitation.

Summer Series Week 9 Winner

Despite the usual bounty of complete fuckwits competing for The Chad Medal this week, both The Chad Editor and Laurie Holden have decided to bestow the award on you the readers. Why you may ask. Well how about you read the intro to the award, it mentions people are free to nominate anyone they think worthy of a nomination, ie any cunt that is giving you the shits or you think is a total fuckwit you can nominate. How many of you have bothered to contribute lately? Fuck all is the answer. It takes us hours ( well minutes ) to collate all the information to and distribute the expletive laden vitriol to the masses, how about you cunts pull your fingers out of your arses and contribute something. It is not compulsory but it gives you a chance to vent your spleen and give others a good laugh in the process. It's a victimless blog, try arguing that any of the nominees we have given a gong to haven't deserved it. So say nothing if you want, be the informal voter, the James Allan felching on the outside of a pack, but if you get the shits one day and end up with a fucking ruptured aneurysm because you really have the shits about something or someone and haven't vented that in an appropriate forum such as this, we don't give a fuck. It's your choice.