Albert Contador - for continuing on the fine tradition of cycling by claiming a Tour de France,then getting pinged for drug taking.The clincher comes with Albert's excuse - he ate contaminated meat.What a shit excuse,about as believable as a Mike Rann press conference.
The Spanish Cycling Federation - for only suspending Contador for one year.Now we know what the yellow signifies on the Spanish flag.
The Malawian Government - for planning to make farting illegal.What's wrong with the old one cheek sneek?This could open up a can of worms,could this result in the old faithful dutch oven resulting in potential attempted murder charges?
Ms A Hodges - in an editorial comment in The CornesDay Mail Ms Hodges remarked that she thinks the Mt Compass Cup is cruel to the participating cows.Get a fucken grip,as you yourself said later in your stinking cowpat of a waste of print the cows in question usually end up getting the chop anyway so what's your problem.Are you truly upset about the plight of the cows or are you just upset that you failed to qualify for the final field?
Ryan Seacrest - for having a production company that provides us with such sterling TV shows as The Kardashians.Cut it out cunt,everyone's sick of seeing shows about people who's only claim to fame is necking down some blokes knob and posting it on the net.
Charlie Sheen - for being rushed to hospital after taking enough drugs to kill Courtney Love then saying you were in there for a hernia.Any truth the next episode of two and a half men is going to be titled two and a half kilos?
Channel Nine - after subjecting the viewing public to such excrement as the farmer wants a wife,they have now gone one step further by signing Hamish and Andy to a 3 year deal.In the words of a CH9 spokesperson "The boys like that 9 is backing comedy".In the words of this editor "Channel 9 is backing out another steaming great fucking cag of a programme".
Channel Nine - for leaving the last over of the Aus v Eng onedayer to go to - the news? the cyclone update? - no, Who wants to be a Millionare with the Ch9 fucking bullfrog Eddie McGuire.
The Sunday Mail - for giving Lucy Cornes a column in the paper.Fair dinkum just because you have a name Cornes should not entitle you to sprout shit in the media.In fact it should result in the complete opposite.After being subjected to many years of Graham Cornes' drivel the government should ban the cunts from anything to do with radio,tv or the print media.What's next - Eddy Jack doing the kids corner for fucksake.
Kevin Muscat - after spending over a decade shaming Australian sport by playing soccer like Jeffrey Dahlmer Kevin Muscat once again proved he is a filthy animal by attempting to sever the legs of a Melbourne Heart opponent via a double footed challenge that shits on anything I've seen lately from Jackie Chan.Kevin then proceeded to further enhance his credibility by showing the most insincere attempt at remorse since Bill Clinton after he got caught poking Monica Lewinsky.
The View - fucking mouthy,whiny,man hating trogladites dribbling shit.Shut the fuck up,get back to the kitchen, and cook me a steak.
Toys R Us - for underpaying their employees just under a million dollars. They charge a small fortune for a doll that can take a piss but can't pay a decent wage.
Womens Tennis - fair dinkum how woeful is it?You've got a world number one who has never won a major and an Aus Open winner who won whilst having a kid hanging off her tit.And Sam Stosur still can't get a gong amongst all that 'quality'.
Trevor Chappell - for refusing to comment recently when asked for his thoughts on the underarm incident.Why not,you did fuck all else that was noteworthy.
Andy Murray - Andy efforts in the Aus Open final have again demonstrated he has less heart than a Fiona Coote meeting held at Glenelg Oval hosted by Sam Stosur.
Australian One Day Selectors - you're picking a team for the World Cup.In the subcontinent the most successful bowlers have been medium/fast bowlers who swing the ball and have good changes of pace and spinners.So Hilditch and his merry band of fuckwits decide to buck the trend by selecting a litany of pace bowlers who leak runs like a busted shithouse.All the brains and forward thinking of A Trevor Hill match address.
Zac Dawson - poor old Zac,when they were handing out brains he was definitely stuck in the dunny.His latest indiscretion was in New Zealand where Zac broke team rules by being out past curfew and having a drink.Oh yes, and taking enough sleeping pills to kill a fucking elephant.
St Kilda Football Club - what a fantastic club,comprised of pisspots,druggies,perverts,defilers of minors,and pillows.No wonder they lost the last 2 Grand Finals, half of them were showing less heart than Andy Murray in a tennis final and the other half kept looking over their shoulder waiting for the cops to come on the ground and arrest them.
