Summer series - week 4 nominees

• New Zealand - NZ's state-run Accident Compensation Corporation recently released figures showing the cost of treatment, rehabilitation, and compensation for accidents recorded for 2010 Christmas Day topped $1.45 million. This included claims for several ham-related injuries - including carving mishaps and burns, neck and knee strains from heavy hams and a crushed finger after a ham fell off a stand ( this claimant was later discovered to be the husband of former PM Helen Clark ). Why the fuck would you run an insurance company in that joint? They are a deadset bunch of dumbfucks, you know what the NZ health body should be fucken subsidising - condoms and abortions. It's shit like that that makes you think when Charles Darwin was penning his thoughts he didn't have NZ in his thoughts cause they contravene everything he wrote.

• The Ramp Shot - Another marvellous innovation spurned from fucknuts like Ryan Campbell in one-dayers and now is more rife than a Cornes in a newspaper by virtue of 20 fucking 20. There's a good message to send out to the kiddies, fuck the straight drive, do this instead. Yep 20/20 is great for the game. If I was bowling to someone and the prick played the ramp shot you know where the next ball would be? Right at the cunts head, and it wouldn't fucken bounce. Fucken ramp that you cunt, if you're looking for your front teeth I just saw em flying down to fineleg.

• Moises Henriques - NSW cricketer who always has the look of a bloke who's dropped 10 bucks and found 10 cents. Always has a girly 'injury', acts like his shit doesn't stink but does fuck all. Played a couple of one-dayers for Australia, and did a heartstring, apparently his idol is Shaun Tait.

• Adelaide United - at the start of the season main sponsor Stratco offered them $2000 per goal towards a Burundi health and water project. The way those cunts are playing the poor Burundian buggers won't even have enough money for a pura tap

• Raymond Lahey - Canadian Catholic Bishop charged with importing kiddie porn has apologised in court. I'll bet you're sorry, sorry you got caught you filthy cunt.

• The arsehole who complained about the noise of the horn, bell and carols coming from the annual Father Christmas Lolly Run in Davoren Park - you shitbag, it's not as if you would have had a job to get up for in the morning anyway. Did it distract you from breaking into that Commodore you were trying to pinch?

• Archie Thompson - scored a goal against the Fiona Coote sponsored Melb Heart and proceeded to celebrate by trying to pull his shirt over his head twice, and both times fucked it up. This prick has got to be the most overrated striker ever to be produced by this country.

• Church Leaders - want the people of Sth Aus to share the joy and peace of Christmas and urged people not only to include their family and friends, but also to reach out to the lonely and socially isolated. Before you preach to me about how to conduct my life how about you fuckwits get your flock to stop touching up little kids first. Maybe then I might give your words some fucking credence.

• The shitbag who knocked down an 82yr old lady to steal her handbag - hopefully they catch this turd and string him up by his nards, fucken scumbag.

• Gerry Harvey - fucken piss and moan, you've made millions you miserable old bastard and you crack the shits because people you're not making enough, and that's what all your recent bleating amounts to - you're a greedy, piss stained old cunt. Go Harvey go, get fucked Gerry Harvey CUNT.

• The 26yr old bloke in Qld who badly burned his hands after using petrol to light his BBQ - his efforts at becoming the next Ian Hewittson resulted in two houses having blistered paint and a car torched. And of course a pair of hands that ended up looking like an overcooked BLT after he tried to pat out the flames with his hands. Qld fire commissioner Colin May warned people to use common sense when firing up the BBQ over the festive season. I think what Colin meant was we're busy enough at this time of year without having to waste our time dealing with fucking stupid ex-pat Port Adelaide supporters.

• Kevin Foley - And I quote " I'm out of pubs, out of clubs - not that I was doing that a lot, but I'm not going to be going to hotels. I've got a new life. I'm not going to do that anymore. It's just too difficult for me if I'm out ". Hahahahaha, it's only difficult for you because you're an egotistical, pissheaded, sleazy old meglomaniac who tries rooting other blokes women and doesn't like being rejected by women half your age. Women state wide would be happy if you actually followed through with that promise - but let's face it being a politician we've got about as much chance of that happening as The Chad doing an interview without drowning the interviewer. Remember this quote in a few weeks when Roly Poly gets his head punched in for trying to dry root a 22 year old blonde in a nightclub.

Summer Series Winner - Week 3

Tis the season to be a cunt, falalala go and get fucked. Now I've got the Christmas greetings out of the way I'll move on to the winner of this weeks award. Actually before I do it would be remiss of me not to give another cheerio to last weeks winner Jesus. Hope you had a top birthday , and thanks for not coming back, those poor bastards who got shot in the US or the bloke who lost his family in a house fire will be eternally grateful to you ya shaggy headed, lazy-arsed fucken twat.

And so to the winner of this weeks award. This bloke used to be someone who Australian kids could look at and go " I want to be like that when I grow up ", a fat, beer swilling, chain smoking, fast food munching, pants man who was one of the greatest sportsmen this country, nay this fucking world, has ever produced. I speak of course of none other than Shane Keith Warne.Warnie was a bloke who people could relate to, he liked the finer things in life and fuck anyone who told him he had to give them up. And the thing was whilst he was indulging himself with such gluttonous fervour, he still managed to be at the very top of his game in the greatest game of all - cricket. He could bowl 35 overs , have a packet of ciggies, drink 10 beers, eat 4 pizzas, and fuck some random strumpet, all in the course of one day, and still fucken rock up the next day and perform for his country. That is the Australian way my friend. That is the ideals this great country of ours was founded on - she'll be right, pass us a fucken beer, if ya don't like it blow it out your fucken arse ya wowser cunt.

That WAS Warnie. What the fuck has happened to the cunt now? He's dropped off the kilos, is moderating his diet ( fucken diet shakes, go and get fucked, icecream, full cream milk and a shitload of chocolate is the only sort of shake the old Warnie would have had ), has been to the panel beaters/tupperware/the fucken botox warehouse to 'fix' his melon, dresses like Molly Meldrum is picking his wardrobe, has a set of teeth that would provide more illumination than any fucken light tower in Australia, and is trying to act like a responsible citizen. Well fucken spew. The clincher for me was his recent dribble about the excessive amount of cricket being played being the reason for player injuries being on the increase, but fuck me don't can the 20/20 fucken dogshit. Now yes there is too much ONE-DAY AND FUCKEN 20/20 ( if you can call that insult to the game ) cricket being played. There is no such thing as too much test cricket, the truest, purest form of the game. As reticent as I am to agree with Indian cricketers, a recent speech by Indian cricketer Rahul Dravid was right on the money. Less one-dayers and make this 20/20 abortion only on a domestic level. You however Warnie have sold your arse like a ladyboy in downtown Bangkok ( or Unley ). The very game you made your name in, and were most revered for, TEST CRICKET, you seem to have abandoned to fleece your fucken pockets. Well fuck you, I was there at the MCG when you bowled Andrew Strauss to get your 700th test wicket, and I was as happy as a dog with two dicks. You know how many 20/20 games I've been to see you play - fucken none. And if I was to watch you play any game now I would fucken razz you, ya wanna know why? Because you're a fucken sellout, you've sold out everything that got you to where you are, the sight of you these days makes me wanna spew and that's why you win The Chad Medal this week.

Summer series - week 3 nominations

• Kim Jong-il - great to see the demise of another fucking despot. His biggest crime was bringing the beige zip-up safari suit back into vogue. Team America finally got the cunt. Fuck you Aric Baldrin ( if you haven't seen the Team America film that won't mean a lot to you, so fucken watch it - it's gold )


• Adelaide United - being aligned to the North Adelaide footy club has been a roaring success. If Kosmina fails, talk is that they will bring back Zoran Matic. And if he fails, Greg Griffin has a line direct through to Johnny Warren.


• Shaun Tait - the "Wild Thing" was anything but against the Adelaide Strikers. You know you are shit when Cam Borgas can hit you for two consecutive sixes with shots I wouldn't play in the backyard. To make matters worse, Taity cancelled a beer with Borgas after the game. Harden up, princess. Must have been distraught at the thought of missing out on his weekly pounding from Molly Meldrum.


• Bikies - for fucksake, rather than putting innocent people at risk in your fucking stupid war, just sort your differences out in a game of paintball or skirmish.


• The Beach Boys - have reformed to undertake a world tour. For fucksake, why? Two Wilsons are dead, Brian is not far away and Mike Love is still a fucking no talent cunt. For fucksake, help me Rhonda.


• The cost of living in South Australia - get fucked.


• Jack Snelling - see the cost of living in South Australia.


• Molly Meldrum - the old queen finally opened his eyes after being in a coma. All it took was for a doctor to say that a young boy band was in the hospital room.


• Prosecutors in the Fabian Francis case - they have asked for a jail term for Francis to send a message that society says no to violence. Fair call but why the fuck didn't they call for the same for that dog Eugene McGee. Cunts.


• Lily the stolen chihuahua - the fucking little bitch is trying to cut Harry's lunch. When Frank Pangello approached him for an interview, Harry said, "Lily is a slut, a fucking fame whore - she thinks she's fucking Lara Bingle". Harry then cocked his leg and signed his name on Frank's shoes.


• The dickhead who returned Lily - police are now questioning him in relation to the break-in that resulted in Lily's disappearance. This guy is so dumb that Port Adelaide have offered him a coaching role.


• The idiot from Fisherman's Bend who set fire to his house and was burnt in the process resulting in his arrest - he makes the dickhead who returned Lily the fame whore chihuahua seem like a Rhodes Scholar.


• William Smiley "Fritz" - the dirty cunt who has been caught once again "up-skirting". Gives a new meaning to "smile, you're on candid camera". The prick has escaped a jail term. He should have got life for that shot of Jenny Williams' crown jewels that he posted on eBay.


• Mary-Louise Hribal - the judge who didn't jail William Smiley for "up-skirting". Maybe old Fritz had some special photos of Mary-Louise?


• The cockhead who spiked his own drink so he could have his way with himself - he now faces a 5 year sentence for spaking his monkey without consent. Take note other well known wankers out there, like Kyle Sandilands, Julia Gillard, Kevin Rudd, Jack Snelling, Keith Conlon, Mick Malthouse, Chad Kroeger, Chad Cornes, Graham Cornes, Lucy Cornes, Shaun Tait, Michael Clarke and Ken McGregor.


• Sally Pearson - for doing the usual thing for Aussie atheletes who are hot favourites to win Olympic gold and injuring herself.


• People who don't think cannabis does them any harm - really, then how do you explain when you've got the munchies and just gone up the servo for the eighth time in a night for a packet of chips, a frozen yiros and a bag of self raising flour to eat and forgotten you've already been there 7 times before you drugfucked wankers.


• Indian Booze Bootleggers - killed 102 people and sent dozens to hospital with bootleg leg liquor (thought to be XXXX beer) laced with chemicals to increase potency. It wasn't the chemicals they put in that killed em, it was the clean, uncontaminated water. On the plus side there are now 102 less fucking incompetent, shifty taxidrivers in the world.


• The captain and crew of a people smuggling vessel who jumped ship and left the 'passengers' to drown - a fan of illegals I ain't but that's a fair dinkum cunt act. Mind you, not a lot different to what Messrs Rann and Foley have done to this state.


• The Big Bash - bash it up your arse, it's a fucking disgrace. I watched two overs on Sunday night and turned over in disgust, there was Ricky Ponting batting at the WACA dressed in an outfit that made him look like a fucking Ribena berry. Who the fuck picked these uniforms, Molly Meldrum while he was still in a coma? The cricket is shit, and it's making a mockery of the game. I mean for fucksake Brad Hogg is playing.


• Cricket Australia - have proved they are mere dollar craving sluts (just like Nicole Cornes) by canning all first class cricket whilst the Big Bash (or as it shall be referred to from this day forward - The Newton/Foley) is on. No Shield cricket till February, go and get fucked. A big series coming up against the Indians and blokes are supposed to find test standard form bowling against 83yr olds like Matt Hayden and batting against Brad Hogg's fucken pies that Stuart MacGill looks like he has been tucking into.


• The Australian Cricket Team - quote former skipper Graham Yallop - "It is a matter of application and concentration. They all try to play too many balls away from their body, off stump and their front pad. They are paying the consequences of not getting in behind the ball." And so say all of us, it's that fucking blatant.


• Warnie - The gay Matt Hayden lookalike has proven that whilst he has managed to keep little Shane in his pants recently it hasn't increased his brain capacity. He has gone and complained that there is too much cricket being played, and that is responsible for the amount of injuries occurring, but then gone on and said there should be a separate part of the cricketing calendar set aside for the Newton/Foley. They're doing that now you fucking peroxide toothed sellout, what do want them to do - shitcan more test cricket - you know PROPER FUCKING CRICKET -in favour of more of this 20/20 fucking dogs breakfast pile of steaming fucking pigshit abortion of the game? Pull your fucking head in cunt, you should be fucking ashamed of yourself.


• Jon Bon Jovi - unfortunately, reports of his death were false. He's wanted, wanted, dead, not alive.


• Roger Graham Crawford - quite possibly the lowest cunt in Adelaide, even lower than Eugene McCunt. This bastard was charged with sexually abusing seven intellectually kids but the charges were dropped because the kids were deemed as "unreliable witnesses". I have come across some fucking bullshit before, but this has to be one of the biggest travesties of justice going around. Every dog has its day, you evil sick cunt.


• Xavier Doherty - the Tasmanian alleged spinner (noone has ever come forward to admit ever seeing this cunt turn the ball) is "looking forward to measuring himself up against Stuart MacGill" in the Newton/Foley match in Inbredsville. Xavier, I think you are going to fail on two counts - Stewie is fucking a lot fatter than you plus he can actually spin the ball, even at the age of 50.


• Meningie Football Club - for signing Daniel Motlop. There must be a shitload of blue green algae in the River Murray at Meningie. Jesus, not even Tailem Bend would contemplate signing this lazy cunt.


• Laurie O'Shea - the serial cunt/pedo has once again been found guilty of kiddy fiddling but has received only two years in jail. For fucksake - the minimum sentence for the cunt should be to have his fucking cock chopped off with a rusty blunt razor. Followed by a bullet in the head.


• Canberra bosses - as if working in that shithole is not bad enough, pollies have been rated as the nation's worst bosses, with employees rating the lost of them at best "cunts". No fucking shit, Sherlock. Imagine having to work for a deadset arsehole like Kevin Rudd.


• Azaria Chamberlain - what is the fucking point in a fourth inquest. We all know one of the Chamberlain boys did it. The dingo is fucking innocent!


• Westfield Marion - for advertising 36 hours of non-stop shopping. For fucksake, I'd rather go to Kerobokan Prison than spend 36 hours shopping in that fucking hell-hole.


• Adelaide Police - for fining people $130 for jaywalking outside places like the Casino. Dickheads. Wouldn't be about revenue raising for Mr Snelling, would it? How about you fuckwits do some real crime-work like stopping the bikies, putting pedos behind bars for life, and giving Eugene McGee an all expenses paid Christmas holiday in Yatala.


• Health Minister John Hill - smart move, fuckhead, building a hospital on the most contaminated piece of land in South Australia, apart from Unley Oval. At least the poor cunts who get affected by the toxic fumes won't have far to go to hospital. This State Government is completely fucked. What a great legacy, Rann and Foley - a fucking poisonious hospital, a tram that won't operate in summer and a fucking de-salination plant that will never get used. Good on ya.


• Auckland - not only are they home to the world's most retarded accent, but now they are home to the world's creepiest Santa. The Whitecoulls Santa has a sly winking left eye and a disturbing "come hither" moving index finger. This Santa was very popular with the local sheep.


• David Dopp - just six hours after winning a $350,000 Lamborghini, the dickhead crashed it. Very Dopey Dave Dopp. No surprises to find he's from the USA.


• Dennis Storm and Valerio Zeno - the Dutch tv hosts were filmed having their flesh removed by a top chef and then the two fucking weirdos ate each other's flesh live on telly. Not a lot different to Mel and Kochie who eat each other's arses every morning. Apparently, this has given Darren Simpson some new ideas for his "signature" KFC dishes.


• Kanye West - for chucking a hissy fit and kicking a fan out of his concert for throwing a business card on stage. Apparently, Kayne said the card was a security risk. What about the permanent brain damage those at the concert risked by having to listening to the shit that sprouts from this goon. Scott West would be a better rapper than Kanye and he is borderline mentally retarded and talks like he has a mouthful of Terry Wallace's cock n balls.


• California lifeguards - for saving the life of "actor" Gerard Butler who nearly drowned while surfing. They should have let the Scottish git drown for appearing in the movie, "P.S I Love You." P.S. Get Fucked.


• The Brazilian mother who gave birth to a two-headed baby - she called one "Ricky" and the other "Ponting".


• Kevin Sheedy - for suggesting that Chad Cornes will be able to offer the young GWS list "guidance and steel". Good one, Sheeds, ya senile cunt. The only guidance Chad will provide is on how to be a complete fuckwit and how to get a root from ya step-mom while the only steel that is associated with Broges is that the fucking chin-fucker steals oxygen.

Summer series - winner week 2

After careful consideration the winner of this weeks medal is Jesus. It's no surprise the cunt was a carpenter, typical fucken tradie, shows up for a while, says he's coming back, then fucken nothing. He died for our sins apparently, well fuck me the world's come along in leaps and bounds since hasn't it, genocide, violations of human rights, and the Cornes family just to name 3 examples of how he hasn't made fuck all difference. The only thing he started was a church that deemed it fine to be a pack of fucking paedophiles and profiteers who promote his word of doing the right thing, and then go and do the complete fucking opposite. Good work mate, your followers are doing a fucken great job. If you ever do decide to come back you might want to sort that lot out for a start before you start looking at anyone else.

Think about it, a bloke strolling round with twelve others who've got his back telling everyone how they should conduct their lives. Disciples my arse, they were his heavies and he was the leader of the gang. You know what they call that these days - a fucken crime syndicate, yep Jesus was the inspiration for the mafia. They only caught up with him when he was ratted out by one of his own and a hit was conducted by the Romans. And how about his demise, crucified with nails through him. Nails in that age were expensive so it's probably bullshit they wasted them on him - a hairy Neil from The Young Ones, and having watched Monty Pythons Meaning of Life it didn't look that bad anyway so why does everyone piss and moan about it so much.

The amount of suffering that has gone, and continues to go on in the world, and where are ya cunt? You'd reckon he might've come back by now and said " fucken ease up, knock that shit off or I'll get the the old man to send a bolt of lightning up your arse ". But no, fucken zip. I'll bet the poor cunts that perished in the Qld floods would send you a huge cheerio, you helped them out didn't you. '

So Jesus wins this week's Chad Medal. If he's improved the world, how fucken bad was it before? Have a good birthday next week ya cunt, ( must be a bastard having your birthday on Xmas, you'd only get one lot of pressies ) and don't rush back we know you must be a busy man doing .......................................

Summer series week 2 nominees

• Nick D'Arcy - declared himself bankrupt to avoid paying Simon Cowley $180,000 for caving his head in un-provoked attack. Pay up, shithead.




• Penny Wong - who is the father, Penny? Kevin Foley? Paul Keating? Gough Whitlam? Mark Latham? Or did you father the child yourself - I always suspected you had a cock and a pair of knackers.




• Mark Latham - for abusing his kids swimming teacher who happened to be Bev Waugh, the mum of Steve, Mark and that other cunt who noone remembers. And to think that this goon was almost Prime Minister of Australia. What a complete fuckwit.




• Australian cricket team - for losing to New Zealand for the first time on home soil in 26 years. Fucking embarrassing. The cunts fell 8 runs short. Where is Mike Whitney when you need him.




• Michael Clarke - nice shot dickhead.




• Phil Hughes - see Michael Clarke.




• Brad Haddin - see Phil Hughes.




• Ricky Ponting - see Brad Haddin.




• Nathan Bock - this guy has less brains than than a Shaw family picnic.




• Malcolm Fox - won't pay his victim the $10,000 he was awarded - pay up ya fucking pedo. Surely Mem can raise the funds with her new book, Malcolm the Cunt Wombat Likes Young Wombats.




• Kevin Foley - the boofhead quit politics at least a decade too late. And suck the fuck in, the bloke who snotted you got off, as even the judge thinks you deserved it, ya dickhead.




• Matthew Newton - up to his old tricks again by thumping a 66 year old cabdriver at 10:30am. When questioned by police Matthew was heard to say, "The cunt said my New Zealand accent in Underbelly was worse than Ian Smith's."




• Shane Warne - lucky the cunt didn't burn his face. The Kinks are re-releasing their song "Plastic Man" in Warnie's honour. Burnt your fingers cooking bacon did you Warnie, are you sure it wasn't through doing a bit of overtime on Liz's vertical bacon sandwich?




• XXXX brewery workers - for reneging on a threat to go on strike. For fucksake, do us all a favour and halt the production of that fucking pig swill you Queenslanders have the cheek to call beer.




• Dan Ewing - the "actor" from Home and Away is the new Mathew Newton by thumping his fiance. Not even JR Ewing did that.




• The seal who found his away into a NZ woman's home - when interviewed, the seal said, "fuck those cunts speak like retards".




• Jana Pitman - on to root number 1,963. She goes through blokes quicker than she jumps hurdles.




• Jessica Simpson - for signing a $3 million deal with Weight Watchers. One million for each tit and a million for her fat arse. Hopefully, they'll go one step further and the mole will disappear for good.




• Adelaide Strikers - what a wank, why don't they call them the Sturt Unley Oval Poofburgers. Their outfit looks like fucken Sturt 'Football Club' uniform, all they're missing is the skirt and the undies with the arse cut out of them. I cannot abide Sturt and I cannot abide these cunts, fucken spew. Shaun "Princess" Tait would have really suited the Sturt colours, though.




• Christmas - how's your bank account looking, a bit fucken light on I reckon. Fucken bollocks, it's a rort. Tis the season to go bankrupt, get fucked Christmas loving cunts. And does anyone remember what the day is about, some blokes birthday I reckon, not sure, possibly Boonie.




• Ausralian Politicians - while the world is going down the toilet, these dirty fuckarses have given themselves a massive pay-rise. You dogs. Julia, how fucking stupid do you think we are, saying that it was the decision of an independent tribunal. Fuck off, idiot - you could have knocked the fucking obscene pay-rise back. You are the worse fucking Prime Minister this country has ever had - and to rub salt into that wound you are the most highly paid leader. It is bullshit. Plain old bullshit. You suck.




• Jesus Christ - you can tell this cunt was a tradesman, he said he'd come back to finish the job and noone's seen the fucken hippy since.




• Justin Street - US (fucken where else) nimrod who wasn't happy with the size of his old fella so paid someone to inject silicone into it to supersize little Justin. Surprise surprise it all went arse up and now Justin's carked it. Shouldn't have used a cheap brand you tightarse, haven't you seen the ad on tv, if it's Selleys it works.




• The NZ Labor party - have appointed a bloke called David Shearer as their new leader. Fucken hell they just want people to take the piss don't they. Baaaaaaaaaaa




• Malaysia - have just appointed a new king who's 84 years old. Apparently the coronation had to be held early in the day as he didn't want to miss East Enders at 6:30.




• Bernard Tomic - being investigated for a number of alleged traffic offences, but claims he's not a hoon driver, he's the victim of a vendetta by a Gold Coast policeman. Hahaha don't make me laugh cunt, he wouldn't even know who the fuck you are, you deadshit nobody.




• The Advertiser - more ripping yarns from the Crapvertiser. This time an article on why men are last minute shoppers. I can tell you why in 6 words "because we fucking hate doing it".




• Burnside Council - have shitcanned Chelsea Cinema and told the current tenants to vacate. Fucken councilors, shithouse wanna be politicians, what are you going to put there instead, a fucken hellfire club?




• The AFL - for dry-rooting Norwood in the last two years - 14 players drafted. Cunts.




• Ninemsn - for the headline, "Watch Capper's best moments". Best moments at what - murdering the English language? Having a pair of footy shorts disappear up his Jatz Cracker?




• Bill Gates - for giving his tick of approval to the carbon tax. Who the fuck asked you, nerd? How about a "Pissed Off Tax" on Microsoft - a dollar for every time fucking Microsoft crashes without warning causing you to lose 2 hours of work.




• South Australian Parliament - lesbian mums who conceive through IVF can now both have their names of their baby's birth certificates. What next? Fair dinkum. Let's just re-write the facts of life and say that two women can conceive a baby without a bloke's jism.




• Chinese wine judges - for rating a Chinese wine better than a French one from Bordeaux. Bullshit. Ever tasted Chinese wine?? I'd rather drink fucking XXXX beer than that shit - it is paint stripper.




• Prince Charles and his stallion Camilla - for announcing they are going to visit Australia next year. Get fucked, big ears, can't ya visit Syria or Afghanistan instead?




• James Hardie - for making it as difficult as possible for asbestos victims to claim compensation. Pay up, cunts.




• Julia Gillard - for refusing to say if she likes Kevin Rudd or not. Come on, Julia, don't be shy, the rest of the world hates the cunt, so just admit you do too!




• Tamworth - a boys home in the town has produced some of Australia's most violent criminals, responsible for 35 deaths. The town has also produced some of the worst fucking music ever to come out of Australia, cunt-ry music. I suspect the two are linked - wouldn't you get fucking aggro having to listen to Lee fucking Kernaghan, Kasey Chambers and Troy Cassar-Daley every fucking day of ya life growing up?




• Craig Thomson - not only does the prick use tax-payers money to buy hookers but he's a fucking plagiariser too! The cunt took a $24,000 trip overseas and then plagiarised his official report on the trip using Wikipedia as his source. This wanker deserves a pay-rise, doesn't he. So does Peter "Golden" Slipper. Cunts, the lot of them.

Summer series - week 1 winner

After an extended break, the fuckwits were out in force with the return of the Chad. Some things don't change - Julia Gillard continues to be Bob Brown's lap dog humping his leg like a bitch in heat, the Redbacks are still an embarassment, Phil Hughes continues to get a gig for Australia but wouldn't make the Redbacks side, Jay Weatherill has carried on the Rann tradition of being a smarmy arrogant cunt who doesn't listen to the people, Port Power players excel at sweet fuck all except bitch-slapping each other and Kevin Foley has yet to fuck off out of here - ditto Kevin Rudd, ditto Greg Chappell, ditto Ricky Ponting and ditto Nickelback. All would be more than worthy winners of the Chad.

But there can only be one winner - and that winner is without doubt the biggest cunt in Adelaide, Eugene "Me and Bobby" McGee. This fucking coward, this fucking low-life, this yellow-backed dirty snake has walked away free, with not so much as a slap on the wrist for running down and killing an innocent man. Eugene was pissed and ran over a cycylist, Ian Humphrey. Instead of going to the bloke's aid, he fled the scene and left the poor bloke to die. This act of sheer human fuckery should have be enough to see Eugene share a cell with Peter Liddy for at least a couple of decades. But with the help of his mates from the police (Eugene was a former police prosecutor), his cunt brother, a brothel of devious fucking lawyers, the judiciary and a host of piss-weak politicians including Mike Rann and now John "Pigsy" Rau, Eugene has walked away scott free. No jail, no fine and the cunt can still practice law. The picture of him celebrating this with his cunt lawyer mates made me, in the words of Terry Wallace, spew my fucking guts up. This is justice South Australian style - no wonder Mike Rann did not want an ICAC. This case fucking stinks worse than Grace Portesli's arse after an expensive tax-payers funded Indian curry. Well, if Eugene and his smarmy, smug, bearded-twat, mullet-wearing lawyer mate, Grant Algie (he looks Barry Gibb's cunt brother that the rest of the Bee Gees dis-owned - same fucking beard, same fucking girlish hair), thinks that the public will ever forget this, they are sadly mistaken. One day, the karma bus, driven by a pissed fucking idiot, will pull out of the karma bus depot and plow straight through Eugene and hopefully, Grant Algie, and this drunk karma bus driver won't need a lawyer to get him off because he'll be supported by something that has been around since Adam groped Eve - good old karma - what comes around, goes around, shitheads. So Eugene, you fucking chicken-hearted cretin, you rotten fucking poltroon, you may have gotten away with murder, but you have not walked away entirely scott-free - please accept this thoroughly deserved Chad Medal. You bastard. You cunt.

The Chad Medal - Summer Series Week 1 Nominees

• Women who drink and smoke whilst pregnant - fair dinkum are you just fucking stupid, ignorant or have no concern for your unborn child? It's bad for the kid, it can seriously jeopardise its health, if you wanted to continue to piss on and smoke like a chimney DON'T GET UP THE FUCKEN DUFF YOU DIPSHITS. And for those who try the old "the stress I would go under giving up the ciggies would be more detrimental to the child's health than a few durries" line, you are full of fucking shit. If ya wanna continue to smoke something, try a cock ya moles.




• Peter Roebuck's family - want an investigation into his death because when he corresponded with them a few days before he topped himself he gave no indications that he might want to to some parachute-less skydiving. He also gave them no indication he was a fucking kiddy-fiddling cunt who liked young black arses either.




• Tim Cahill - Aussie and Everton player who hasn't scored in a league game for nearly a year. So how many weetbix do you do ya fucken nugget? Everton would be better off with Julie Cahill - she knows a thing or two about balls and scoring.




• Adelaide Confidential - in their DID YOU KNOW section gave mention to former accountant turned comedian Anthony Lehmann breaking the Guinness World Record for the most jokes told in an hour. What they forgot to mention was none of the fucken jokes were funny, ergo they're not fucken jokes, ergo it doesn't fucken count. What do people see in this cunt, he's about as funny as Hamish and Andy.




• Triple M - didn't you fuckwits listen to SAFM when they told that pudgy golliwog fuckarse Cossie he was getting shitcanned because he wasn't funny? Obviously not because you've employed the dickhead, and he hasn't fucken changed.




• Triple M - after the Cossie debacle you would have hoped Triple M might have learned their lesson, but no they now plan to introduce former 5AA 'funnyman' Jon Blake to their breakfast shift. Yeah funnyman, you're fucking hilarious you pinhead, you do worse impressions of people than Julia Gillard does of being a Prime Minister. Who the fuck is making these retarded recruitments - James Fantasia? And 5AA management, it is about time you fucked off Conlon, Kenneally and that fucking mutton dressed up as mutton, Jane Doyle. For fucksake, Adelaide radio personalities give me the fucking shits. Just list them off - apart from the aforementioned fuckers, throw in Ali Carle, Jodie Blewett-Oddy-Fucking-Slag, Tredders, Dale Haley-Lewis, Mathew Abraham and that other no-name cunt he works with, Leon Byner, Amanda Blair-Witch-Project, Rowey and Studley, Bob Francis, etc fucking etc.




• Channel Nine - fucking Cossie, does that prick have pictures of people in high places or what? Ch9 go and can Postcards with Rolf Harris impersonator Keith Conlon, which was about places to go and see in Sth Aus, for a show with that Cossie turd which involves discussing places to go and see in Sth Aus. I'll bet he includes that little smart arse Harry cunt of a kid in his show too. Here's a place for you go, down a dirty great fucking mine shaft in Coober Pedy, oops was that a cave in? Kudos to channel 9, however, for shitcanning Keith Conlon - he's a fucking garden gnome who is more fucking boring than a Mike Rann impersonators conference. He's fucking more boring than listening to Isobel Redmond discuss her sex change operation that clearly didn't work.




• Port Power - even during the summer they can't stop being a complete clusterfuck of a football club. First they lose a major sponsor, putting them a further $350,000 in the hole, and at preseason training Charles Shultz and Jessica Trengrove have a punchup/bitchslap over whose turn it is to be on top in bed that night.




• Kapil Sibal - Indian Telecommunications minister who met with officials from facebook, google, and other internet companies demanding they keep derogatory material about the country's leaders off their websites. If they weren't so fucken useless and corrupt in the first place you wouldn't have anything to worry about would you dickhead. And what if the internet mobs tell you to get fucked, what then, you realise the ICC is only in charge of cricket don't you, they can't fucken help. Or are you going to provide worse taxi service, hahahahahahaha, cunts. Hey Kapil, your namesake Kapil Dev was a cheating dirty cunt. And for those Indian cricket fans out there, once again, go fuck yourselves!




• Chris Judd - reputedly did his shoulder in at home reaching for a doona. Fair dinkum, I'm all in favour of the occasional dutch oven, but if you've got an A-Grade bit of fur like he's got laying next to him each night the old "secrete the one cheek sneak" shouldn't be on the agenda.




• John Buchanan - former Australian cricket coach most famous for enforcing a gulag type fitness camp on the Aussie team which nearly killed Warnie and rooted Stewie MacGill's knee, has been Director of Cricket in NZ for a little while now. What's he achieved? Fuck all is the answer I'd be guessing as the kiwis are un absolute pile of shut bro. Just goes to show, if he don't have the cattle he's not worth a pinch of shit. Merry fucken Christmas sheepfuckers, consider this a payback for sending Russell Crowe over to Oz. Long may he reign. And while you are at it, take back Tim Finn too - that shithead has produced nothing of note since I See Red back in 1978.




• Adelaide United - jesus they're shit, any wonder they're affiliated with North Adelaide footy club? But that is what you get for hiring Dutch fuckwits. The Dutch have produced nothing decent in their history apart from a top fucking oven and clogs.




• Adelaide 36ers - the Washington Generals would smash these pussbags, I went to a game a couple of weeks ago and they were fucking abhorrent. I lost count the number of times a little Sydney Kings dwarf strolled through the key unopposed for an easy layup. They left a bigger hole in defence than the one residing in Georgie McGuinness' underdirts.




• Phil Hughes - the cunt bats like Steady Eddy on crystal meth and has the brains of Stephen Rowe. Lets reflect on his dismissal in the first test in Brisbane - pokes his bat out feebly at a ball, gets a nick and gets dropped at second slip. Righto Phil, head down mate, watch the next ball. A bit wider outside off stump, he slashes the ball straight to fucken gully. Go and get fucked you stupid dumbfuck. But as per usual because he's from NSW he has less accountability than Robert Mugabe. That fucken shits me.




• Michael Clarke - for publically supporting Phil Hughes, by referring to his first-class record. Fuck off pup - go advertise a pair of soiled jocks.




• The Fev - good to see last years nominees standing out early once again. If the rumour mill is true the Fev wanted around $100,000 to play in the SANFL next year and to have the club fly him in on Thursday and out on Sunday at their expense. If I only had a brain.




• Glenelg Football Club - what a super club to be associated with, hehehe gold, they're rooted already, the appointment of Kris Massie as coach certainly has made a difference, at least 10 blokes have chucked it in and the captain has relinquished his post. The advantage they may gain from this is they won't cause heartache to their supporters by choking in the finals next year, the cunts won't get there.




• Cricket Australia - pressured Greg Chappell into removing chapters from his recent book about his time as Indian coach for fear of upsetting the Indians. You pack of spineless pricks, didn't want em to hear that they're a bunch of sooky, excessive appealing, ball tampering, shifty arseholes? Indian cricket fans - once again, go fuck yourselves, you dodgy cunts.




• Greg Chappell - rolled over like Kim Duthie on Ricky Nixon's cock when asked by Cricket Australia to edit his book.




• Greg Chappell - no other reason that he is a fucking sour cunt with a golliwog hair-do.




• Trevor Grimwood - finallist for worst player to win a Magarey Medal has been sent to the can for rooting an underage girl in 1985-86. Uncanny that the same years he was committing these offences were the same ones that Glenelg actually had some success in, isn't it Fweddy? [L. Holden - other contenders for the worst Magarey Medallist include James Allen, James Allen and James Allen.]




• Ruben Arzu - 136kg bodybuilder, who when found naked on the porch of a Californian couples porch, proceeded to lay into the house's owners. It took two cops, two stun gun blasts,and four sets of handcuffs to restrain him. Surprise surprise he was off his face on a cocktail of drugs, including steroids. A tad over dramatic, that's just an average Saturday night out for The Fev.




• Michael Clarke - twittered this bullshit after using up more lives than 15 fucken cats "a bit of luck never hurt anybody - Haha looking forward to making the most of it tomorrow". Knobhead, how about playing straight and stop hitting the ball in the fucken air and you won't need luck. Or were you talking about your time with that terminal slut, Bingle.




• Lara Bingle - now that she is a fatty boom bah, noone gives a shit about her. Listen up, Lara, you have no talent. No amount of pages in the Who Magazine or Fatty Monthly will make you relevant.




• The SA Department of Transport, Energy and Infrastructure - they're going to prosecute a taxi driver for wearing the incorrect uniform to work - a pair of jeans. You must be kidding me, I don't give a tinkers shit what the cabbie wears as long as he knows where he's going and doesn't fucken stink like a five day old corpse, which doesn't happen too fucken often these days now does it.




• David Swift - 18 year-old Yank just got his motorbike licence and decided to celebrate by going for a ride with his brother. Half an hour later they're riding down the road, young David passes a car, waves to his brother to follow and .......... FUCKEN BANG. Young David has taken the old saying " look mum no hands " a smidge too literally. Now a case of, "look mum, no head."




• Jamie Cox - High Performance manager of the SA Deadbacks. Well, isn't that fucking in-bred dwarf earning his money. SA are a fucking disgrace, they keep importing b-grade interstate tripe, and they show as many signs of improvement as Phil Hughes. Even worse is when questioned about why SA are so shit, Jamie responds with "I don't know". You fucking minda, the grade system is fucked, the bigwigs in the SACA are NEVER held to account because they all went to Saint Peters College and were arse-fucked by Father John Mountford, b-grade interstate shit is played in front of local kids, the whole culture is one of deep-rooted seeming acceptance of failure as long as "the signs are there for the future ". How's that for a start, FUCK OFF BACK TO TASSIE AND DON'T COME BACK YOU OVERPAID, UNDERPERFORMING, BUMBLING FUCKWIT. How about your using your salary to save a decent Tasmanian - those poor fucking Tassie Devils.




• The SA Deadbacks - all out 93, lost by ten wickets v WA. Seriously these cunts are a sick joke. They're like Port Power, all piss and wind, no spine or substance. When are these weak arseholes going to show some backbone, just give us something for fucksake to show that there is light at the end of the tunnel that isn't an oncoming train. And don't bring out the "we're good at 20/20" argument, it is, was, and always will be a rancid abortion of the game, much like the Deadbacks now I think of it. As the great Hawthorn coach John Kennedy once said "don't think, DO ". They're building up the Adelaide Oval as an international showpiece and filling it with 11 giant fucking dogturds. Time to scrape up the dogturds, send em off to Unley Oval, and put some fucking cricketers on the ground, I'm fucking sick of these cunts making a mockery of our great game and our once proud cricketing team.




• Kyle Sandilands - I was seriously contemplating re-naming the Chad to the Kyle. There is no bigger fuckwit walking the earth currently than Kyle. Why the fuck people continue to listen to this arrogant fat piece of shit of beyond me. Seriously, people, why? He's not funny, he's not intelligent - he's a fucking highly paid moron.




• Jackie O - see Kyle.




• Mick Malthouse - now that I've stopped laughing at Mick's tears after Collingwood were pantsed by the Cats in the AFL granny, hehehe, fuck that was gold, Mick goes and puts his cock in his mouth by suggesting that Ted Whitten is not a legend of the game. Mick, you are a cockhead. Fair dinkum. No more needs to be said.




• Occupy Adelaide protestors - for fucksake, as if we need any other fuckwits in town. We've got drunken black fellas, loudmouth fuckwit preachers, Johnny Haysman and that shit-head wog who spruiks for Harris Scarfe - is that not enough?




• Occupy Melbourne woman - who complained when she had her tent dress ripped off by police. Well, Amanda Vanstone, that will teach you to fucking protest then, won't it.




• Bali Drug Boy - what the fuck has gone wrong with the Indonesian Justice System? There was a time when any Aussie who got caught with drugs would serve at least 20 years. Where the fuck is Bang Bang Whatshisfuckingface when you need him? For christsake, the little fucker was carrying a goddamn boogie board with him at the time - what more evidence do you need to convict the prick? And what is with that fucking balaklava - he clearly is a fucking armed robber too. Fair dinkum, if that little cunt ends up on A Current Affair with Tracey "I Fucked Black Caviar" Grimshaw, I will do my fucking cruit!




• Nickelback - for releasing a new album. Why? For fucksake. Chad Kroeger - if that cunt Mark Chapman ever gets parole, part of his parole conditions will be to pay you a visit.




• Jay Weatherill - just what we need, an even smarmier and smoother cunt than Mike Rann.




• Kevin Foley - will you just fuck off already.




• Grace Portelesi - so you can see anything wrong in this scenario: taxpayers can pay $7,000 for your kid to fly business class to India to sample a curry and visit a slum but the State Government cannot find $7,000 to keep the Goodwood Toy Library afloat. You fucking cunt.




• Fosters CEO John Pollaers - after just 8 months in the job has walked away with $4.66 million in shares. There is someting really fucked in this world.




• Federal Labor Party - so Gay Marriage is going to save the world? Bob Brown really has you cunts bent over, hasn't he?




• Julia Gillard - still full after sucking off Barack Obama for a week.




• Julia Gillard - for fucksake, will you give Daffy Duck back his walk.




• WA Country Fire Service - you dickheads, you are supposed to put out fires, not start them.




• Marion Swimming Centre - another $3 million of taxpayers money needs to be spent on it. Did you forget to fill the pool with water, ya dickheads? Christ, the water from the de-salination plant is fucking expensive.




• Greece - you lazy fucking cunts are fucking with my super. Stop feeding ya faces with souvlaki and get a job. And while you are at, can you take back Andrew Demetriou, George Kapanaris, Tom Koutsantonis and Rove McManus. OK, so Rove isn't Greek, but he really gives me the fucking shits.




• Andrew Symonds - for appearing on an Indian Reality TV show. Apparently, it is a new version of Monkey hosted by Harbijan Singh.




• Twitter - yeah, so I need to let everyone know I just scratched my nuts and then dropped an air biscuit. Asifigiveashit




• Facebook - see Twitter.




• Movember - it's for a fucking good cause but fuck, couldn't there be something better like Beervember where blokes get sponsored to get shitfaced for a month? A whole month of cunts walking around looking like the lovechildren of Ron Jeremy and Jenny Willliams is just too much a price to pay. Still, what a top effort by Tracey Grimshaw.



• Eugene McGee - one day the karma bus is going to plow into this cunt.

The Chad Medal in hiatus week 5

For week five of The Chad Medal in hiatus I give a you Peter Roebuck and his recent 'encounters' to the tune of Van Halen's Jump. And before you say that's in poor taste, I'm aware of it and respond by saying when has this blog been anything but? So if you don't like it, get fucked.






Laptop's up, then Peter scrolled down
Met on facebook, then invited him round
Then Roebuck, yeah, he went for a feel
He tried some poo punches, and tried to make the guy squeal
The cops have got him standing here
He's shit his pants and his face has gone green
His rep's gone down the latrine
So he thinks good night Irene
Eh, might as well jump, jump!
Might as well jump
Go ahead and jump, jump!
Go ahead and jump
Hey cops, see that?
Time to intervene
Watch out below, watch below
Air Roebuck taxiing in
The cops can't see him standing where
He and his guilty conscience have been
If he knew his wrapsheet was clean
He wouldn't have fled the scene
Instead he went jump, jump!
A vertical long jump
Tried an air ski jump
That's gotta leave a bump
Peter went jump, jump!
Then he went thump
Six stories down clump, clump!
Bowled middle stump

Chad in hiatus week 4 - part 2

As a follow-up to the Chad Editor's superb effort on Port Adelaide, this song is for Nicole Cornes, sung to the tune of Denis Leary's "Asshole".

(Spoken)
Folks, I'd like to sing a song about the Nicole Cornes.
About her, about Studley, about the way the Cornes family beat themselves off way down
in the bottom of their chests. About the special feeling they get about themselves in the
cockles of their hearts, maybe below the cockles, maybe in the subcockle
area. Maybe in the liver. Maybe in the kidneys. Maybe even in the
colon, we don't know.
(Sung)
She’s just a regular mole and a regular mutt.
She’s your average white suburbanite slut.
She likes Holloway and Foley and books about whores.
And how to suck cocks without getting cold sores.
Her husband, her job, her kids and Josh Carr.
She learnt from Lewinsky how to give blow jobs and use a cuban cigar.
But sometimes that just ain't enough to keep a slag like her interested
(oh no) no way (uh-uh)
So, Mick Molloy went out and made fun at Nicole Cornes’ expense
(oh yeah) Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
Her brain’s really slow, even slower than Kane,
While people in Adelaide are going insane.
She’s an asshole (She’s an asshole, what an asshole)
She’s an asshole (She's an asshole, such an asshole)
She stood for Labor but didn’t win the seat,
She walked around the electorate saying "I'll win if I cheat!"
She’s an asshole (She's an asshole, what an asshole)
She’s an asshole (She's the world's biggest asshole)
Sometimes she parks in handicapped spaces,
While old handicapped Chad makes handicapped faces.
She’s an asshole (She's an asshole, what an asshole)
She’s an asshole (She's a real fucking asshole)
Maybe she shouldn't be breathing in air
With her vacuous looks and her dyed dumb blonde hair
Maybe it’s time for the electric chair
YEEEAH!
She’s an asshole (she's an asshole, what an asshole)
She’s an asshole (she's the world's biggest asshole)
(Spoken)
Know what she’s gonna do? She’s gonna get herself an expensive fucking lawyer,
hot-fuckin'-stuff, with whaleskin boots and all-cunt interior and big
expense account for the dodgy prick... yeah! And she’s gonna sue Mick Molloy
that bastard making fun of her, saying she rooted Stewie Dew, suckin' down
on his big fat one in the old-fashioned non-
choke swallow style... yeah! And when she’s done suing Mick
she’s gonna walk away with nearly a hundred grand,
and there ain't a goddamn thing anybody can do about it. You know why?
Because she’s Nicole Cornes, that's why... yeah! Two words-dumb fuckin'
slut, OK? Studley, Chad, Kane, they can have all the pleghm
they want...they can have a phlegm cakewalk right through the middle of
Victoria Square and it won't make a lick of fuckin' difference, because she is
a Cornes, OK? Eddy Jack's not dead-he's retarded! And when we find a cure for
Nicole, we're gonna bring out Mick Molloy and he's gonna be pretty pissed off. You
know why? You ever taken a cold shower? Well, multiply that by 15 million
times-that's how pissed off Mick’s gonna be. I'm gonna get Mick Molloy and
Lehmo and Dave Hughes and a case of fuckin' explosives and drive...
(Hey, hey, hey, hey, you know she really is an asshole)
Why don't you shut up and take a hike, Nicole. I thought Studley was the
asshole... all the time it was her... what an asshole!
(Sung)
She’ an asshole (She’s an asshole, she's an asshole)
She’ an asshole (She's the world's biggest asshole)
A S-S H-O L-E
Everybody, A S-S H-O L-E
Ay Ay-Ay Ay-Ay Ay-Ay
A-thoom A-thoom-thoom A-thoom-thoom A-thoom-thoom
Oooooooo
(Spoken)
She’s an asshole and she’s proud of it!

The Chad Medal in hiatus week 4

For week four of The Chad Medal in hiatus I give you Port Power/Magpies?( have the fucknuts decided who they are these days, they've got more multiple personality issues than Michael Slater) to the tune of AC/DC's Thunderstruck.

Knobs from Port

Cling to memories of glory way back ( Magpies )

Now their bound

For the shitheap there's no turning back ( Bankrupt )

Club disgraced

Who's to blame, no surely not you ( Scapegoat )

And we knew

There'd be excuses, fucken boohoo ( Get Fucked )

Rucci's bumchums

You hear his bleeding heart

Someone get some guns

Blow that prick apart

Rucci's an arsefuck

Port travelled the highway

To meet with that Demetriou clown

The meetings nexus, the nexus

Was you cunts are done

Sooky lala girls

You can't blame the SANFL this time

Your fans are all tools, admin are fools

Players are shit, time, to shut the blinds

Now the club's on its knees

Tredders won't give you monies

To the scrapheap you're consigned

Port's shit, out of luck, out of luck

Hehehe out of luck

Shit out of luck

Don't wanna hear your pleas

You wharfie feral disease

Chad arsefuck, Kane arsefuck

Choco yeah a dumbfuck

Haysman arsefuck, hehehe

If you'd run your club right

You still would be fine

Now we'll take delight

In your club's decline

( No spine )

Port you suck, hehehe

Fuck a duck, football upchuck, lame fucken duck

Port your club has come unstuck

We don't give a fuck, give a fuck

Wallow in your muck, tough luck

Port you're a clusterfuck

The Chad Medal in hiatus Week 3 and a half

Continuing on the musical parodies I give you this tribute serial pisshead and bonafide fuckwit Brendan Fevola, sung to the tune of The Kinks "Lola".

He got pissed as a cunt at the Chaz Brownlow

When he drank his weight in beer, bourbon and cola

Beer bourbon and cola

He walked up to Judd and he asked him to dance

Judd looked at him and in a pissed off voice said Fevola

Go get fucked Fevola

He's far from the world's most intelligent guy

Makes Steven Rowe look like A.Einstein

Yep Fevola, what a dumbfuck Fevola

Always pissed and thinks with his gland

He's got all the charm of the Klu Klux Klan

It's Fevola, on the punt at Penola

He drank like a fish and punted all night

But then to Carlton's great delight

A phone call came from the Lions Vossy

He said hey you pissed cunt come and play for me

He thought a flag could result with this guy

The Fev fucked up, but seriously he's Fevola

A total zoccolla

Signs X with Crayola

Fucked up again, then tried to implore

For a chance more, got down on his knees

Voss said you've a better chance at AR race 3

Ya should've known he was going astray

Predictable as fucken night and day, he's Fevola

A fuckup Fevola

He assaulted the cops and molested the girls

Then nude pictures of Bingle's tits unfurled

Hey Fevola,a cunt act Fevola

Brisbane finally showed him the door

No shock that David Schwarz is his mentor

He's fucked up his life, now he travels the land

Less future prospects than Collette Mann

He's now just a wasted flash in the pan

Still acts like a retarded orangutan

Yep Fevola

You've fucked up Fevola, Crown Cas highroller

Hehehe Fevola, now drives a Corolla

The Chad Medal In Hiatus Week 3

Here is a special song for those cheating cunts from Pakistan, sung to the tune of Wacko Jacko's "Beat It".

[1st Verse]
They told Salman Butt and Mohammad Amir
Don't wanna see your faces, you better disappear
You’re going to jail, for about 10 years
You Cheaters, You Cheaters

[2nd Verse]
You didn’t catch, didn’t do what You Can
Didn’t score runs, or try hard for Pakistan
Uhh...
You wanna be rich, better do what you can
You Cheaters, but you wanna be bad

[Chorus]
You Cheaters, Cheaters
Pakistan wants to be defeated
Showin' how little you care for a fight and
It doesn't matter who's wrong or right
You Cheaters, Cheaters
You Cheaters, Cheaters
You Cheaters, Cheaters
You Cheaters, Cheaters
Uhh...

[3rd Verse]
You always get out, drop slip catches when you can
Don't wanna be a winner, when playing for Pakistan
Uhh...
You wanna make cash, better do what you can
You Cheaters, You Cheaters

[4th Verse]
You tell the bookies that you're really not scared
You're playin' for the cash, and you’ll get out for a pair
Uhh...
They'll drop you, and no-ball you,
Then they'll tell you it's fair
You Cheaters, but you wanna be bad

[Chorus]
You Cheaters, Cheaters, Cheaters, Cheaters
Pakistan wants to be defeated
Showin' how little you care for a fight and
It doesn't matter who's wrong or right

[Chorus]
You Cheaters, Cheaters
Pakistan wants to be defeated
Showin' how little you care for a fight and
It doesn't matter who's wrong or right
You Cheaters, Cheaters, Cheaters, Cheaters, Cheaters

[Chorus]
Cheaters, Cheaters
Salman Butt wants to be defeated
Showin' how little you care for a fight and
It doesn't matter who's wrong or right

[Chorus]
You Cheaters, Cheaters
Asif wants to be defeated
But when you’re in battin' not puttin' up a fight and
You’d even get out to a cunt like Cameron White

[Chorus]
You Cheaters, Cheaters, Cheaters, Cheaters
Majeed wants to be defeated
Showin' how easy its to not put up a fight
And just bend over and serve up your shite

[Chorus]
You Cheaters, Cheaters, Cheaters, Cheaters
Mohammad wants to be defeated
Showin' that none of you cunts put up a fight
Whether you're playing at day or at night
You Cheaters, Cheaters

The Chad Medal in hiatus week 2

For week 2 of The Chad Medal in hiatus The Chad Editor brings you Stephen Rowe, minda extraordinaire,hypocrite, and general all-round fuckwit to the tune of 'This old Man'. I chose a children's song for Rowey as he is of a similar mental age to a grade 3 child and wouldn't be able to comprehend anything any more advanced.

Stephen Rowe, count to one?

Fat fucking chance the cunt's too dumb

When preggers his mum must've smoked a cone

Fuck off Snoozer fuck off home

Stephen Rowe, count to two?

He still can't tie his fucking shoe

He thought the world of fucking Randall Bone

Fuck off balloon knot fuck off home

Stephen Rowe, count to three?

He's a bigger dumbfuck than KG

He's as entertaining as a fucken dial tone

Ease up turbo fuck off home

Stephen Rowe, count to four?

Plays second fiddle to skeletor

He gets outwitted by a fucken old crone

Pump the brakes big fella fuck off home

Stephen Rowe, count to five?

Still waiting for his brain to arrive

That fucken thick he still can't operate a phone

Gonski cunt go fuck off home

Stephen Rowe, count to six?

Rubbers beat him at pick up sticks

IQ 14 is all Rowey would own

Out the doorski fuck off home

Stephen Rowe, count to seven?

Was still grade two aged eleven

Hypocritical chimpanzee clone

Wooly woofter fuck off home

Stephen Rowe, count to eight?

The fuckwit thinks Neil Craig is great

Not just Neil's tires that the cunt has blown

Sooky lala fuck off home

Stephen Rowe, count to nine?

Hey fucknut paid Eddie that fine?

Did Nathan Bock's mum give you a loan?

Go back to Perth fuck off home

Stephen Rowe, count to ten?

The cunt still can't read Mr Men

We sick and tired of your bullshit, piss and moan

We serious Rowey FUCK OFF HOME

The Chad Medal in hiatus

With The Studley Trophy being announced and another season over, The Chad Medal is taking a break for a few weeks so that Laurie Holden can attempt to find a Plan B for Norwood coach Nathan Bassett and The Chad Editor can clear up the dose of the shits he's had since his beloved Bulldogs got rolled by the fucken eagles in the SANFL GF this year. Until The Chad Medal resumes The Chad Editor thought he might fill in the weeks by composing some musical tributes to some of the weekly winners. This week, Ricky Nixon is the target with a slight rewording of the Redgum song "I was only 19"

The Saints, the Swans and half of Melbourne had all seen their morals buckle
It was a long line of regrets
Ricky Nixon was the next in line, Kim made Little Ricky hard
He really wanted, to pound her furry cleft
He showered her with booze and drugs and got her hotel key
The picture in the paper showed him pissed and stoned and mean
There's Ricky, in his undies, and his hair all stained with Preen
Hey Ricky, we all know where you've been
As much as you denied it we know where the truth was at
You were rooting that tart ragged cunt for months
You made her room a home, VB and snow, on her knockers
Whilst you poked your fucken pecker through her scrub
And can you tell me Ricky why your head looks like a sheep
You pissed away your family for a slutty drama queen
That cheese under your foreskin, I don't think it should be green
Hey Ricky, her spadge ain't real clean
Ok she was a dirty slag who loved to spread her legs
But Ricky, take a good look at yourself
Was it really fucken worth it just to shoot your cookies off
Ya shoulda just gone and rooted someone else
The Herald Sun said gotcha, and Ricky fucken swore
They waited there for hours, till he'd finished with his whore
Splashed all over page 1, he looked like a fucken goon
Watch out cunt, karmas coming round soon
I can still see Ricky in his undies in young Kim's hotel
When he tried to ride her hard as Might and Power
And I can still see Ricky, on that fucked up tv bungle
How fucken funny, was it to watch him cower
And hearing his excuses fucken shat me right to tears
And his pissweak fucken half truths that we never thought were real
You stabbed your missus in the back, how do you fucken feel
You cunt, you're morally unclean
No cunt believes you Ricky, you're a slimy lying creep
You spent your fucken spare time up a scraggy, skanky teen
She was polishing your wood just like a can of Mr Sheen
Hey Ricky, she was aged 17.


L. Holden - fucking gold. This has inspired me to write one for Mike Rann, to the tune of John Cougar Mellencamp's "Jack and Diane".

Little ditty about Media Mike Rann
A fucking smarmy cunt that noone could stand
When Mikey was the premier
He met Michelle Chantelois he and rooted her

Suckin on his tiny cock in a car outside the Par 3
Michelle's sittin' on Mikey's lap
He's got his hands between her knees
Mikey say, "Hey Michelle wanna have a root on the desk in my office with me
Dribble off that waitress dress, let me do what I please"
Michelle say uh

"Oh yeah life goes on
Long after Media Mike has fucked off and is gone"
Say, "Oh yeah life goes on
Long after Media Mike has fucked off and is gone, now rock on"

Mikey sits back reflects his thoughts for the moment
Scratches his nuts and does his best Foley
"Well you know Sasha, we oughta fuck off to Italy"
Sasha says,"Baby, you can fuck off and take Chantelois instead of me"
Sasha say a

"Oh yeah life goes on
Long after you fucked Chantelois and now she is gone"
Say, "Oh yeah life goes on
Long after you and cunts like Foley are gone"

Gonna let it rock
Let it roll
Let the rolled up magazine come down
For rooting that mole
Hold on as premier as long as you can
Changes come around real soon
You're a deadset cunt, Mike Rann

"Oh yeah life goes on
Long after you fucked up the State and are gone"
Say, "Oh yeah life goes on
Long after you and Wang Wang and fucking Funi are gone"

Little ditty about Media Mike Rann
A dirty lying cunt that noone could stand

The Studley Trophy Winner

Well, the footy season is over and so it is time to announce the winner of the second Studley Trophy, for the fuckwit of the year. The winner is drawn from the outstanding list of weekly Chad Medallists:

• Meat Loaf



• Wang Wang and Funi



• SANFL umpires



• The Catholic Church



• Kevin Foley



• Ryan Smith and his grafitti mates



• Greg Chappell



• Indian Cricket Fans



• Port Adelaide



• Chad Cornes



• Adelaide Crows



• Heath Shaw



• Tony Dey



• Nicole Cornes



• Cricket Australia



• Stephen Rowe



• American Tourists



• John Farnham



• Michaelangelo Rucci



• Adrian Anderson



• Neil Craig



• The AFL



• Americans



• People Who Stink



• Bernard Finnigan



• Campbell Brown



• Warren Tredrea



• Andrew Hilditch



• Brendan Fevola



• Redbacks



• Charlie Sheen



• John Galliano



• Ricky Nixon



• Blokes who wax their bodies



• Mark Riley



• Kevin Muscat

What a complete bunch of fuckwits. All would be deserving of taking home the Studley. But there can only be one winner. So let's take a look at some of the contenders, starting with the most recent Chad Medallist, Meat Loaf. The AFL paid the Loaf $600,000 to take a dump before the start of the AFL grand final. But no matter how hard he tried and how many grunts he exerted, the Loaf just couldn't back one out. He almost succeeded during his rendition of I Would Do Anything For Love, but he left the stage exhausted and, unlike those unlucky enough to listen to him, still constipated. Best lay off the meat, Loaf.

And then there is Wang Wang and Funi. These two fuckers are sending the State broke. No wonder the Chinese off-loaded them to us - they are fat, lazy, dumb and can't even root when given the chance. Fuck off back to China. And while you are at it, take that other fat, lazy, dumb cunt, Roley Poley Foley with ya. Perhaps you three fuckers can start up a circus act - Wang Wang, Funi and Roley Poley, the three retarded dancing bears. Watch as Wang Wang and Funi do sweet fuck all while Roley Poley the Loudmouth Bear gets his lights punched out. Bye bye, Kevvy, ya cunt.

The SANFL umpires took white maggotry to a whole new level this year. Once again, the Eagles were given an armchair ride throughout the season, receiving more free kicks than any other club thanks to these white maggots. And the white maggots once again proved they have no fucking idea by awarding a fucking seagull, James "Peter" Allen, another Magarey Medal. The white maggots were ably led by that terminal fuckwit, Tony Dey. Dey is a regular nominee and past winner of the Chad and for good reason - he's a cheating cunt and bona fide fuckwit. And I can safely say that not one SANFL supporter shed a tear when Richard Williams announced his retirement. Thank fuck for that but why didn't you take Dey and that other pig Rowston with you? But white maggot abusers out there need not worry because there is a new up-and-coming maggot who will take over Williams' mantle as a deadset fucking cunt - and that is Curtis DeBoy. This little prick will be a shoe-in for a Chad Medal next year. And with a name like that, he'd be fucking popular in the Catholic Church.

Which is a nice segue into another Studley contender, Catholic Church, for continuing to deny years and years of child abuse and covering up for their fucking kiddy fiddling priests. Cunts. Malcolm Fox and Bernie Finnigan would make ideal Catholic priests.

Grafitti artists should have a perpetual Chad Medal awarded to them. Fair dinkum, these cunts are not artists, they are fucking vandals and contribute sweet diddly squat to society. Here is a tag for you idiots - Ryan Smith was a fuckwit.

The Crows and the Power exceeded everybody's expectations by performing even worse than we all hoped was possible. Fucking fantastic. The Crows finally realised that Neil Craig is nothing but an over-rated cunt with boofy grey hair, a squeaky voice and harry high pants and gave him the arse. How stupid are Melbourne for picking this prick up? The only success he has ever had was in playing for Norwood in the 1970s and that is because he was surrounded by a team of deadset champions. As for Port Adelaide, they can surround Matty Fuckarse with the world's greatest assistant coaches but you can't turn horse shit into ice cream. As long as they have cunts like Kane Cornes, Justin Jerkoff, Troy Chaplin, Steven Salopek and Robbie Gray on their list, they will be shit. Michaelangelo Rucci spent all fucking year coming up with excuses as to why Port are up shit creek, blaming everyone from the SANFL to the SANFL, but Rucci, it is quite simple really, noone gives a rat's arse about them. People will go to Adelaide Oval, not to watch Port, but to sink piss on the hill.

And speaking of fuckwits in football, Stephen "Rowey" Rowe. He is clearly a spastic - you can do it, you can do it, you can do it. No you fucking can't. Perhaps the icing on this year's Rowe cake was when he squealed like a fucking pig when Jack Gunston announced he wanted to leave the Crows and go back home to Melbourne, calling him shallow, a sooky sooky la la and to harden up. But Rowey didn't find it all hypocritical to totally support Brad Ebert's wish to leave West Coast and come back to Adelaide. Rowey, you fucking "balloon knot snoozer", you need to "ease up, turbo" and "pump the brakes", it is time you were "goneski" out the "doorski". And take Warren Tredrea with you. Who the fuck decided to give this fuckwit a job in the media? His articles appear to be written by either Lucy Cornes or a retarded chimp - or are they one and the same? And even though you can't see Warren's head on radio, the words are clearly coming from a dick with ears.

And what about cricket. Cricket Australia have completely fucked up the game in this country. OK, noone can argue with Teflon Tim, Cunt Chappell and Hooker Hilditch being boned, but how does the cunt in charge of all this, James Sutherland, survive? And now this toffy-nosed cunt has hired a fucking rugby goon to oversee the team - ya fucking what? So we'll be fucking great in a scrum but have no idea how to bowl line and length. Piss off.

So this takes us to the winner of the Studley Trophy. How apt that it is Studley's wife, Nicole. Yes, based on votes by Chad readers, Nicole Cornes is the winner of the second Studley Trophy as the fuckwit of the year. Sorry to disappoint you, Nicole, but there is no cash prize to go with this esteemed award. We all know how motivated you are by cash, you gold-digging slag, so we hope you can gratefully accept this award and don't sue us for recognising what a truly outstanding fuckwit you are. You should know exactly how prestigious the Studley Trophy is, given that you married the complete fuckwit who's name adorns the trophy. This trophy should perfectly complement the Chad Medal you won eariler this year - a win, I must say, was well over-Dew. I had asked Mick Molloy to present the Studley to you but his asking fee of $85,000 was way too much. I also asked your cunt of a step-son, Chad, to present the Studley to you, but I couldn't understand a fucking single word the dribbling idiot said and I assumed you wouldn't want your face drenched in his phlegm - but then again, I couldn't say the same thing about his jism. Kevin Foley put his hand up to present but the fucker got confused - when I told him I needed someone "to present the Studley to Nicole" he thought I said I needed "a Stud to present to Nicole". Good one, Kev, ya funny cunt, we know how close you and Nicole are, how else did she get a job as a Labor Party adviser? So the only person left to present the Studley to you is Studley himself. There is no actual trophy but apparently Studley has had a message for you engraved on his withered-up old cock - "Tony Symonds Was Here." Congratulations, Nicole, you really deserve this trophy.

Week 37 Winner

The winner of The Chad Medal is that big,fat, tonedeaf cunt Meatloaf. Anyone that saw his 'performance' at the AFL GF would agree that it made Angry Anderson look like the fucken Rolling Stones. So as a tribute to the fucken turd I have concocted a new version of "You took the words right out of my mouth".

It was the AFL Grand Final and the fans were yearning

For the game to start all over the land

Then they heard that fat porker their stomachs were churning

A few shit bars sung

And came the urge to spew through their hands

Demetriou, what the fuck's this whining

$600,000 dollars just for a taste

Of a fat old cunt getting a pocket lining

Cause of you you dago spoon

And for another fucken moment

Another fucken moment

You again laid our great game to waste

The cunt couldn't sing, he was pissfucking weak

The urge to kill rose right around the ground

All he did was shriek, Meatloaf fuck you

Stay the fuck away from our hallowed footy mound

Hey fat cunt shut your pie munching mouth

Listening to you fucken shit me

You made us all want to fucken ralph

And I swear it's true

If I had a harpoon I'd shoot you, fuck you

Meatloaf shut your tonedeaf dribbling mouth

Of this great day you made a mockery

You're that inbred you surely come from the south

So when rellies screw

The results are two toed fuckers just like you, fuck you

You were wobbling and shaking like a whale on the water

And much to supporters chagrin

You just kept going, dogshit you were akin to

Worse than Johnny Young

Worse than Malcolm Fox too

Finding blood in your poo

Even worse than that Amorosi bint

You were licking your lips and the grease was shining

Four and Twenty pies all over your face

You even demolished the fucken paper lining

You fat fucking goon

I was hoping you would drop dead

Hoping you would drop dead

Go right arseup you're a fucking disgrace

So Meatloaf shut your lard slurping mouth

You won the Chad you made us all ralph

You were that shit you must surely support South

Ah fuck I've run out of words that rhyme with mouth

( repeat until the old cunt has one too many pies and collapses like a Sth African scrum)

Week 37 Nominees

• Kenrick "Sophie" Monk - Aussie swimmer who claimed he was the victim of a deliberate hit and run whilst riding his bike fracturing his elbow has changed his story and admitted he fucked up whilst skateboarding. Tony Hawk or Bart Simpson this cunt ain't. On top of making a complete fuckwit of himself and putting himself out of the sport for a few weeks (and thereby jeopardising his spot for the London Olympics) he faces potential charges for making a false statement to the police. And what did he do when facing the press to admit he told a porky pie, he did a Mick Malthouse and cried. You fucken softcock.


• Kenrick Monk's parents - what a shit of a name to give to a kid, mind you they may have had a premonition when he was a youngun that he was going to be a fuckup later on in life and so gave him a name to match.


• The goal ump who called a goal when the ball hit the post in the AFL GF - what fucken game were you watching numnut, the ball clearly deflected off the post.


• Collingwood - hehehehehe eat a shitburger with the lot ya cunts. Fuck you Collingwood forever, none of you fucknuts have a brain, side by side they lost together, who are the cunts now gonna blame. See the barrackers crying, as we were hoping they would, oh the premiership's Geelong's, you fuckwits Collingwood.


• Nick Maxwell - the worst player ever to play in an AFL premiership, even worse than Aaron Keating. His loser's speech at the after-match presentation was gold, "Life is like a box of chocolates." Fucking retard.


• Mick Malthouse - super effort, Mick, ya dickhead. Great move to leave Ben Reid on Hawkins all day. And did someone forget to tell you that the club is bigger than the individual? It's all about Mick. Obviously, Mick's favourite song is the Skyhooks, "Ego Is Not A Dirty Word." Here is another Skyhooks song for ya, Mick and the rest of your soft-cock players, "Why don't you all, why don't you all, why don't you all get fucked."


• Alan Didak -the time is about right for this fuckwit to join the Finks.


• Chris Dawes - sooky sooky la la. The cunt was sobbing because he had just discovered he has no talent.


• Leigh Brown - for fucksake. He's not a coach's arsehole. He's just an arsehole. What the fuck are you going to teach Jack Watts?


• Meatloaf - $600,000 for 12 minutes of absolute shit. The highlight was his moving tribute to Nick Maxwell and Mick Malthouse, "You Took His Cock Right Out Of Your Mouth".


• Vanessa Amorosi - "Absolutely Everybody" can come and plough you apparently because the fucken gear you were wearing made you look like a Hanson Road Whore. Even Meatloaf said "I won't do that" - but by the looks of him, the Loaf is too old and too fucking fat to get it up and keep it up. And cheers, Vanessa, for fucking up the end of the national anthem, it sounded like two mating cats had just been run over. Or Mick Malthouse squealing.


• Norwood - fucking 7 goals in 8 quarters of football. To quote a gutted Legs supporter (not L. Holden) in the last quarter - "Pure and simple we were soft and trying to play an AFL style game and don't have the talent". Bit hard to argue with that after the shit display they put up.


• Nathan Bassett - might be a good idea to try and find a Plan B over the summer cause when Plan A didn't work over the last two weeks - you were fucked. It was like watching Neil Craig all over again.


• Dieter Brummer - former Home and Away acting genius got into some strife at the Crown Casino and has been charged with assaulting security. Home and Away, you're going to fucking Long Bay.


• Richard Williams - after years of attempting to murder SANFL football the prick has finally given it up. On behalf of all SANFL supporters I say thank fuck, don't come back you cunt.


• Matthew Lokan - has followed Tricky Dicky Williams' lead and announced his retirement from football on the grounds that he can't fit between the goalposts to pick up the footy to kick the ball back in. Watch this space, the bald headed chicken fucker will be on The Biggest Loser within two years, he's a fat fucken pig now, imagine what he's gonna be like after footy has ceased for the lardarse. A career as a Meatloaf impersonator awaits - so long as you can't sing for shit.


• Fuckwits who drive 10km under the speed limit in an 80km zone then drive at 75km in a 70km zone - drive into a fucken stobie pole, you give me the fucken shits.


• Anyone who got pinged DUI or speeding over the long weekend - fucken Port supporters just won't learn.


• Japanese Whalers - fuck off, no cunt believes that scientific research bullshit, the only thing you're researching is how much you can charge for whale in a fucken sushi bar. Fuck off out of our waters or we're gonna re-enact Hiroshima on ya, instead this time we're not gonna drop a "Little Boy" bomb, we're gonna drop Julia Gillard "the fat arsed Ranga sheila".


• The Crapvertiser SANFL team of the Year selectors - for selecting Nick "Vince" Gill and Ben Kane "Cornes". Are you cunts fucking kidding me? Gill looks like, and plays like, an epileptic one legged stork, and Ben Kane does more circle work than an Indy Car, but fuck all of it is near where the ball is.


• Mark Riccuito - in his AFL top 50 in The Crapvertiser, Roo(ted) named Scott "Dean Terlich" Thompson at number 22. You honestly think he was the 22nd best player in the league do you fucknut, you're obviously already an expert fertilizer salesman, you'll be selling dodgy cars without a licence next like your brother in no time.


• Cameron White - still says he harbours ambitions of playing in the Aussie One-Day side. Hahahahahahahaha, oh fuck, you mean he was serious? You really want to get back in the side? Then move to NSW, you can keep playing shit like you have been and you'll get a spot easy, worked for a fucken shithouse piechucker in Nathan Hauritz.


• Greek Civil Servants - went on a 24hr strike in protest over deeper austerity measures applied as the government struggles to avoid a default. How did anyone notice the fucken difference, souvlaki street vendor sales down? The Greeks need to start re-cycling to save cash - take a cue from Nick Giannopolous, he has been re-cycling the same wog jokes for 20 years.


• Craig Dean Raneberg - former Minter Ellison employee who reputedly pinched a shitload of dough from them did the scarper in July to Thailand but returned this week to Sydney to renew his Thai visa. Not surprisingly he was nabbed at Sydney airport and is in custody awaiting trial. Geez who would've thought, you fucken dickhead you could've at least tried wearing some of those shitty disguises Matthew Newton was wearing in Underbelly.


• Redbacks - for another choke. After posting a record 214 runs from their 20 overs, the Redbacks had the game in the bag, with one ball left, the currymunchers required a six to win. So what happened - you guessed right - bang, a fucking six!


• Ron Barassi - for whinging like a senile old cunt because Jimmy Bartel and Mitch Duncan dressed up as the Saint Kilda school girl slut and Ricky Nixon at the Cats' Mad Monday celebrations. Fuck off, Ron, get a sense a humour, it was deadset fucking funny.


• Sarah Palin - has announced that she won't run for President in 2012. Thank fuck she will be too busy hunting moose. Bullwinkle better watch out.


• Kyle Sandilands - the cunt has a lovechild. So which one is it, Kyle - Wang Wang or Funi?


• Mike Sheahan - you idiot. The dork named Dale Thomas (15) ahead of Stevie J (18) in his top 50 footballers. Even with a fucked up knee, Stevie J is better than Thomas. And how the fuck is Jimmy Bartel ranked number 20, just one spot in front of Heath Scotland??


• Minter Ellison - whinging that that their CFO, Craig Raneberg, had been ripping millions off them for years. Stiff shit, now you know how your clients feel.


• High Court - for ruling that Australian men don't have to have a penis. No shit, there were 22 dick-less blokes playing for Collingwood on the weekend.


• Michael Jackson - the freak told his doctor that he planned to build a children's hospital. No wonder his doctor killed the bastard.


• The goat that was filmed screaming like a man - what about that fat, old man at the MCG on Saturday that was filmed screaming like a goat.


• Stephen Conroy - dismissed talks of a leadership coup in the Federal Labor Party as "squeaky noise." Sure that wasn't Julia Gillard lifting up one of her big fat arse cheeks and squeezing out an air biscuit?


• Jason Biggs - turns out he and his wife hired a hooker. The AFL hired the same hooker to sing the national anthem at the grand final.


• Curry-eating contest in Scotland - two of the fucking weak Scottish bastards had to be rushed off to hospital. Send get well cards to Kenny Dalgleish and Andy Murray to the St Andrews Hospital For Scottish Cunts.


• Essendon's Josh Jenkins and Heath Hocking - for getting caught on-selling their AFL Grand Final tickets. You dickheads, that will be about as close as you ever get to playing in one.


• Ray Harries - the bloke from Utah who ate a live rat - how the fuck did you get through all of Kyle Sandilands, Ray?


• Luis Reveredo - the Peruvian soccer fan who has offered tickets to the Peru-Paraguay game as a reward for the return of his stolen dog. For fucksake, will Harry the fucking Chihuahua just give it up already. The little cunt would do anything for publicity, just like that other fame whore dog, Lara Bingle.


• Evangeline Lilly - the Lost actress admitted that when she was an air hostess she saved up all the gas she could and farted in the face of a passenger. This probably explains why Qantas air hostesses look like constipated, poe-faced fucking bitches - just let em rip ladies.


• Mick Malthouse - he's now offered his services to Cricket Australia. Fuck off, Cricket Australia already has enough egotistical cunts on its books.


• Frank and Louie - the American cat born with two faces. Australia has its own two-faced bitch - Julia Gillard.


• Liuz Costa de Oliveira - the 90 year-old farmer has 50 kids with four different wives. This is one fucking farmer that doesn't need a wife.


• David Miller - the 30 year-old New Yorker who robbed his father to buy pain-killing drugs to give him relief from "painful erections". The poor cunt has a disease called "priapism" which results him cracking a fat for 5 to 6 hours at a time - and has also resulted in him taking out countless eyes. Time to stop surfing porn sites, ya dumb cunt.


• The Big Day Out - for hiring Kanye West as its headliner. He was the only West available after Scott, Jim and Mae knocked back the gig.


• Laurie Holden - sold out his beloved Redlegs by refusing to make the effort to get back and watch them the day after the AFL GF. To quote a fellow Legs follower who he normally sits with at the footy "He is cunty the fuckarse Ewok ", "He's a cunt, a fuckin ankle". [L. Holden - the fellow Legs supporter and Chad Editor can each select one of two options: a) get fucked or b) fuck off. I am fucking deadset glad I wasn't there to witness that big steaming fucking turd that the Legs served up on Sunday. The fellow Legs supporter in question, aka Grenville, or using the Star Wars vernacular, Jabba the Cunt, has no fucking leg to stand on as he abandoned the Legs when Trevor "Benny" Hill was coaching the Legs - yep, he jumped ship like a fucking dirty rat when the going got too tough and spent the rest of the season in hibernation, playing scrabble with his fellow pandas, Wang Wang and Funi - there are double points to be had if you can complete the following - WEAK _UNT. The prick still owes me a fucking schnitzel from when Hill was finally sacked. So Jabba, stick another pie in ya fucking cakehole! As for the Chad Editor, aka The Bald Headed Chicken Fucker, or using the Star Wars vernacular, Handjob Solo, he should get himself a merkin and stop fucking chickens. And it is time to stop being Warren Partland's doppelganger - trying to emulate Warren's win from 20 years ago in the City to Bay a few weeks back was just plain stupid. You are not Warren - sure, you are bald, have a goatee and support beastiality like Warren, but that is where the similarity ends. And there is no need to get the shits just because Hawthorn choked against Collingwood like Harry O'Brien running scared out of defence.]


• West Adelaide - for even pondering the idea of enticing Brendan Fevola to play for them next year. That's just what Westies need, another pissheaded compulsive gambler, at least the pokies and bar takings should improve. Still, they have been looking for someone to bleed the club dry since Doug Thomas got the arse.