Round 9 Nominees

Matthew Knights - Even now, having thankfully disappeared from the footballing landscape, old Kath Day has vowed to " break his silence "about his departure from Essendon. What is there to tell fuckwit? You were a shithouse coach, everyone hated your guts, the players wanted you gone ( how the fuck did you expect them to listen to you tell them to go for the hard ball when you yourself earned less hard ball gets than Scott Bamford and Matthew Connell combined? ) , and your assistant coaches were as good as coaching as they were at playing - fucking tripe. Retreat back into whatever fucking hole you have emerged from and stay there.

And by the way, thanks for the laughs you gave the footballing world when you stated that you would like to get back into coaching. Gave me the best laugh I had since watching Glenelg in last years final series and listening to Fev say he was off the punt and piss.

Indian Taxi Drivers - seriously if you cunts have no fucking idea where Adelaide Airport is you deserve to cop a mouthful. How the hell can you fuck that up, you can't even work a GPS? Bet you could drop me off on Sachin Tendulkar's frontdoorstep though couldn't you you dumbfucks.

Warren Tredrea - How can you be considered a media personality when you don't fucken have one? He's a fucken bright spark too, this morning he referred to socceroos Luke Wiltshire as Luke Woltshire and David Carney as Luke Carney. Very professional.

Mark Riccuito - Mr. Monotone, he's pretty exciting to listen to isn't he, the Elliot Goblet of footy commentators. Must have gone to the same media training school as Kelli Underwood.

Daniel Motlop - Mr. disciplined did it again last week after getting dropped for Port's first game for "being tardy at training sessions and treatment on an ankle injury " on the recommendation of the 27 man leadership group at the Powder.

Andrew Hilditch - Chairman of Selectors who should be strung up by his fucken nads after Australia got chucked out of the World Cup quicker than Fev at Crown Casino. So how will you wash your hands of that effort Andrew? Will you claim that like after the Ashes debacle that the selection committee did a good job? Every other team who has been successful at the tournament has relied on spin,spin and spin backed up by the odd seamer. So what did Australia select, pace pace, and fucking pace. How many times has that worked on the sub continent before dickhead? Were your selections vindicated? The selections in this World Cup were based on arrogance, bloody mindedness and outright stupidity. They still select teams on the belief that we can dictate terms to the rest of the cricketing world and the players will carry it through, well guess what Andrew we're not the best and we don't have the cattle anymore to be able to carry your fucking stupid decisions. You still don't think that you have to adapt your selections to certain situations or change the attitude of we'll be right and think that maybe the selection committee thought process may have to change as the cricketing world changes. Otherwise we're gonna get left behind ya nugget. And now I see you've shitcanned Jason Krejza, you dumbfuck, so it's his fault you left him to carry the spin attack with basically no support? Do everyone a favour and fuck off, and take your little helper monkey Jamie Cox with ya.

Sth Africa - you've got to laugh at these blokes, they are fair dinkum the Glenelg of world cricket. Again they looked a million dollars up till the qtr final against the sheep rooters when they imploded again and went down like a sack of shit. Fucken gold.

Graham Cornes - Skeletor has once again outdone himself in being a total knob by proposing a 'salary cap' on AFL teams because Essendon and Collingwood have gone out and paid for the best possible talent because "they have the money to do it ". Somehow this fuckwit still gets a gig writing for the worst newspaper in the western world, but to try and prevent business and sporting clubs using shareholder and member money to recruit the best possible people further illustrates why he is a cancer to Sth Australia and always will be. This pinhead is enforcing on the people of Sth Aust his misguided political beliefs and false sense of self worth with his bullshit about the AFL and so called Victorian bias ( 2 things cockface- 1: there are 10 teams in Victoria so why wouldn't they get a large chunk of the money, attention and focus paid to them and 2: You were born in fucking Victoria so you're shitting on your own ) . Did you run Nicole's shithouse political campaign as well? It wouldn't surprise, and isn't it funny that you blamed the media for her losing what should have been an absolute monty. Why don't you run yourself cunt, the ALP ( or as one Chad Medal contributor called them 'the communist green party' ) are kingpins in endorsing oxygen thieves and self indulgent fucking idiots.

Skeletor continues to ensure that Adelaide is the laughing stock of the nation by his constant 'everyone is picking on us, nobody likes us' fucking drivel. Newsflash arsefuck - the rest of Australia don't give as tinker's arsehole about Adelaide and never will. Only when they demolish that godforsaken Crow shithole called AAMI Stadium ( preferably with their monotone fucknut supporters still in it ) and move footy back to civilisation at the Adelaide Oval will anyone outside this state take footy seriously.

Renae Lawrence - convicted drug peddling bushpig Renae Lawrence has made a new life for herself in prison by embracing Balinese language and customs. She has earned the title 'daddy' from the other inmates supposedly for her guidance, leadership blahblah bullshit. More likely she has been called this because the other inmates probably think she's a fucken bloke. And Renae, embracing Balinese custom doesn't mean you have to dress up like an Asian Ronald McDonald.

Guinness - anyone with an ounce of a taste bud knows this is the nectar of the gods but the cheeky cunts have started changing their product. The 400ml can now only contains 4.1 standard drinks whereas its predecessor contained 4.2 standard drinks. Through extensive and exhausting research I have discovered that the 'new' Guinness does not have quite the same taste and provides 10-15ml less head after it has settled in the glass. Cunts.

Essendon - too toot the bandwagon is leaving, all aboard. They've won one game against a team that had half its defence missing and they're crapping on like they're on the road to a flag. Sound like fucken crows supporters. Not to burst your bubble Dons fans but if memory serves correct Essendon won their first game under Matthew Knights ( can't rid ourselves of that fucken name can we ? ) by 55 points against a team that finished top 4 the year before. Enjoy your March flag, it's as close as you pricks are going to get for the season.

Round 8 Winner

The winner of Round 8 of The Chad Medal is Brendan Fevola. It's been an award that's been overdue for Fev, as he's been making a complete arse of himself for a long time. Here's a quick rundown on the events that have influenced the panel of judges this week:

• 
  
  - On March 8 2004 Fev was invovlved in an incident at the Crown Casino but no charges were laid


• 
  
  - In 2006 Fev was sent home from the Australian Rules tour of Ireland for getting pissed, making an arse of himself, and putting a bartender in a headlock


• 
  
  - In March 2008 Fev was fined $10,000 and stood down from the leadership group by then club Carlton for taking a piss on a window outside a Melbourne nightclub. Carlton didn't delist or suspend him saying that such an action would not assist Fev in addressing his problems. Fucked up there didn't they?


• 
  
  - In September 2009 Fev was fined $10,000 ( must be a lucky number, sounds like a game of fucken deal or no deal) and banned from appearing on the Grand Final footy show ( which I would think he would have been happy about, it's a stinking pile of dogshite of a show) for getting absolutely maggotted and making a cunt of himself at the Brownlow Medal ceremony. He then withdrew from the traditional lap of honour for the Coleman Medallist at the 2009 Grand Final and didn't attend the Carlton B & F. Alcohol consumption at both events were down 25% as a result and cleaning bills for both were down 75%.


• 
  
  - On March 2 2010 Lara Bingle sued Fev for breach of privacy, defamation, and misuse of her image after a picture he took of her in the buff ended up in Womens Day on March 1 2010. On April 9 the case was dropped. By this stage the cunt's already had more lives than Ricky Nixon.


• 
  
  - In September 2010 Qld police announced there would be a formal investigation ( what's the story with a 'formal investigation'? Does that mean they had to wear a black tie? ) into claims that Fev flashed a woman at a Brisbane park. The new suckers on the block the Brisbane Lions suspended him indefinitely pending further investigation. Again the matter was not pursued and the cunt got away scott-free.


• 
  
  - On January 1 2011 Fev was arrested in Brisbane on charges of public nuisance and obstructing police. ie he got pissed again and made a dickhead of himself again. You'll never guess but the matter again was dropped and Fev once again walked away, whistling to himself as he downed another bottle of XXXX at Albion Park trots. Fair dinkum what cunts investigated all these events - the fucken keystone cops? But some of the mud finally started to stick to old teflon balls and the Lions decided they had had enough of his shit and granted him indefinite leave and then terminated his contract after medical advice, which said he's a fucken pisspot who specialises in making a total cunt of himself, he's thick as pigshit, and has a gambling addiction that makes David Schwarz look like Nick Xenophon.


• 
  
  - After announcing on the Footy Show ( the cunts are quick to forgive and forget when there's a quid to be made aren't they? ) in March 2011 he had gambling issues and had spent 65 days in rehab, he was seen on March 9 2011 gambling at the poker tables at Crown Casino and on March 24 2011 he was seen playing the pokies at the Berwick Inn at 9:30 in the morning. Thankyou Jesus I am saved, for fucksake maybe Gary Ablett Snr should have given some spiritual advice, just stay away from the dodgy motels and young chicks though.

So as you can see from this compelling evidence that a) the police that were investigating his misdemeanours didn't give a rats arse, were fucking hopeless, or were the same cops investigating the Stephen Milne case and b) Fev is a complete fuckwit. Time after time Fev made a fuckwit of himself, and time after time old teflon balls kept getting away with it. Well your times up cunt, nowhere to run, nowhere to hide. Everyone has problems in their life, not everyone continues to make a complete cunt of themselves. So Brendan Fevola, you are a worthy winner of this weeks Chad Medal. Now you've been shitcanned from the AFL there's only one organisation dumb enough to give you another go - the NRL.

Round 8 Nominees

• 
  
  Myles Pierce - tried to avert being declared bankrupt by supplying forged documents to the court. The cunt should be declared a fucken nutjob for marrying that gold digging trollop Cathy Jane. Paid back the bikies yet Myles?


• 
  
  Etihad Stadium/MCG - $5 for a bucket of hot chips, up 10c at the MCG and 20c at Etihad. Are you still going to charge the same for stone cold fucken chips because the ones I had last year at Etihad were as cold as Elizabeth Taylor. Heavy beer $6.50 at Etihad up 30c and $6.40 at the G up 20c. You money grabbing cunts. Salad rolls, pita wraps and some gluten free items remaining the same price - who the fuck goes to the footy to eat healthy.


• 
  
  Kevin Sheedy - recently seen at Adelaide Airport sporting a bandaged wrist. Reputed to have incurred the injury giving Danyle Pearce a reach around whilst trying to sign him to Bogan Western Sydney.


• 
  
  Tony Gillard/ Julia Abbott - remember why these cunts are employed, to represent their electorates and improve the country. All these two cunts do is bitch and moan like a pair of three year olds and try to say how bad the other one is. We are in a sorry fucken state if this is the best two candidates to run the country. " You're a cunt " "no you're a cunt ". You're both right.


• 
  
  Brendan Fevola - the hits just keep on coming. Now Fev has parted company with his management company and has made sure we know he was the one who sacked them not the other way round. I'm sure they would be shitting broken glass Fev, losing the services of a washed up fucknut who's got less marketable value than 'bulldog chewing on a wasp' Angela Bishop in the modelling world. And to top it off Fev was seen playing the pokies recently. Not bad for a recovering gambler, that's like a recovering drug addict saying I'm off heroin but I'm going to keep taking ice and choofing.


• 
  
  Ricky Nixon - dumb cunt dumb cunt what ya gonna do, what ya gonna do now they've deregistered you.


• 
  
  Bernie Ecclestone - F1 boss not bothering to turn up to the Australian Grand Prix. Apparently his missus wanted a root last night but he was too busy so he just her sent a dildo as a substitute, which turned out to be Ricky Nixon.


• 
  
  Liberal Party Senators - got the shits at having to sit ONE unsheduled day in parliament. You poor cunts.


• 
  
  Arthur Freeman - the fucken animal who threw his kid of a bridge and has claimed he was mentally impaired at the time. The jury are deliberating and your time is coming you prick, your not mentally impaired, you're gonna get reemed like Paris Hilton in Long Bay.


• 
  
  QLD Liberal/National coalition - Brisbane Lord Mayor Campbell Newman is running for the leadership once he gets preselection for the state seat of Ashgrove which the LNP don't hold. Current leader Jeff Seeney is the interim leader but doesn't want the job. So you have an unelected arsenut running the opposition and telling an elected official what the party is supposed to tell their electors how the state should be run?.Why don't we just call them Jim Henson and fucking kermit.


• 
  
  US Army - obviously they haven't fucken learned after Iraq because the fuckwits are at it again, taking photos of Afghanis that they have killed. How fucken scary is it that these hillbillies are one of the most powerful countries in the world?


• 
  
  QANTAS - raising ticket prices for the second time this year. Must be the same cunts who run Etihad Stadium.


• 
  
  The Indian Media - After hanging shit on Ricky Ponting for ' damaging ' one of their dodgy tv's, some Indian fucknut then has the stupidity to try and suck up his arse by asking him if he felt like the tragic hero after he hit a ton but the Aussies crashed out of the World Cup. How about asking yourself why millions of your own people live in abject poverty whilst a lucky few live off their misery? Or why you keep sending your countrymen to Australia to take on jobs as taxi drivers when the cunts need help directing them out of their own driveway?

Round 7 Winner

The winner of week 7 of The Chad Medal is the SA Redbacks, or deadbacks as they have become known by those SA cricket followers who have been subjected to their constant shithouse performances.

There are significant problems in SA cricket and have been for many years.The grade system is a joke, with too many A-Grade teams which means that some substandard cricketers are diluting the competition. The response to non performance for far too long has been to recruit rejects from interstate in the hope of a miracle that they will attain heights with SA that they were not able to with their original state. And shock, horror, most of the time IT DOESN'T FUCKING WORK. Since the 1995-96 shield win, SA has finished dead last on SEVEN occasions and has done no better than third twice in that time. Have a look at just a few of the recruits that SA have gone after and tell me how many have made a significant impact to SA cricket :

Aiden Blizzard

Rob Cassell

Mark Cleary

John Davison

Ben Edmonson

Peter McIntyre

Shane Deitz

Matthew Elliott

Damien Fleming

David Fitzgerald

Mark Higgs

Michael Klinger

Tim Lang

Tim Ludeman

Nathan Lyon

Daniel Marsh

Aaron O'Brien

Shannon Tubb

Dean Waugh

Paul Wilson

Alan Wise

Not too fucken many is there?

Here are four prime examples of the blind ignorance of the SACA in recent times

1) Young quickie Chadd Sayers has been a consistent wicket taker in grade cricket for a few years but only made his debut in the last game of this season. This after taking 58 wickets for the year. Is he good enough? We don't know yet, but how will we find out if he doesn't get a fucking go?

2) Mark Cosgrove is a fat pig granted, but he has also been one of the state's leading runscorers in recent times. Yet he was shitcanned and went to Tassie, where he has this season been the 2nd highest runscorer in shield cricket and is playing in a shield final

3)Ryan Harris came off a career best year and wanted an extended contract, but the SACA thought " fuck me we can't have a local succeeding, he'll make our imports look bad " and would not give him this so he went to Qld where he succeeded and went on to win Australian selection.

4) Graham Manou has been a loyal and consistent performer for the state and not long ago played a test match, and had a few years left in him, but he has been pushed out in favour of another interstate reject.

One cunt that should bear some of the brunt for the recent shambles that is SA cricket is Director of Cricket Jamie Cox. How has this fuckarse improved SA cricket since he got the gig?
Quote a letter from Jamie in June 2010 " SACA will continue supporting the excellent work in participation growth, particularly through the in2CRICKET program, however it is equally important that we also focus on participation retention and advancement ". How do you and your fellow fucken drones on the the SACA board explain your pursuit of advancement when you leave young talent to stagnate in the grade system behind a second rate import ? Why are these kids going to stay in the sport if they aren't going to get a go? How do you expect to build a successful and professional culture when your taking cunts from every point of the country and expecting them to gell as if they've grown up together? Get ya fucken head out of the sand ya fucken ostrich. I am sick and fucking tired of watching a team that is laughed at around the country and crumbles like a fucken arnotts biscuit at the slightest sign of pressure.

So the SA Deadbacks are worthy winners of this weeks Chad Medal. I leave you with this snippet from the SACA constitution: Section 3 Paragraph 3.1 states

" The objects of the Association are : 1) To promote and develop the game of cricket in South Australia ". Pity they don't practice what they fucken preach.

Round 7 Nominees

Kyle Sandilands - proclaimed that he is Australia's answer to Charlie Sheen. There are some similarities, they're both ego driven, self indulgent, complete and utter fuckwits.

Fat Pat Conlon - Has done for the SA transport system what Terry Wallace did for Richmond Football Club. As someone that looks a dead ringer for the fatcuntfatcuntfatcuntroller from Thomas the Tank Engine you'd think he'd have some insight into running transport. How fucken hard is it to get a couple of trams running ya fucken kranski in a suit. And get a fucken neck.

The 'St Kilda Girl ' - here's an idea you fucking troll, instead of just showing us some footy players making dickheads of themselves whilst they're ploughing you, show us some really startling footage - for instance James Hird telling the truth or Danyle Pearce going for a hardball. And close your fucken legs , keep rooting this many blokes at this rate and you're going to have Sid Waddell by your bedside shouting ONE HUNDRED AND EIGHTY.

Kamran Akmal - fucking cheating Paki keeper who let NZ's Ross Taylor off the hook twice in one over by firstly leaving a catch that even Geraint Jones would have caught and by then dropping a catch that was going slower than a Julia Gillard speech. Taylor was on 0 and 4 when this happened and went on to hit 130. We might believe that you just had a shit day if you didn't have a track record of being an out and out fucking cheat. Yeah we still remember Sydney you little genital wart. And the fact the stump microphone overheard you singing " we're in the money, we're in the money ". And the cunt looks like the twin of Predator.

Umar Akmal - feigned a finger injury so brother Kamran wouldn't get shitcanned from the Paki team. Again past history sinks this little fucker just like his brother as he had a sook on the last Aussie tour because Kamran was going to get the chop.

Abu Bakar Bashir - radical Muslim cleric who has said about his impending trial " my trial is a political trial. I've been blamed ( for terrorism offences ) because I insist on upholding Islam ".
No cunt it's because you insist on telling your cronies to uphold bombs in crowded areas. And because you look like Rocky from Rocky and Bullwinkle.

The Advertiser - for promoting an ' allstar football team ' that includes Michaelangelo Rucci, Graham Cornes, Ali Carle, Warren Tredrea and Rebekah Devlin. If that's the best you could get, what fucken mongs missed the cut?

Christine Beans - wrote in to the Herald Sun with the following complaint - "last November I purchased two tickets for Michael Buble. The price of the unallocated silver tickets was $129.50 each. When I received the tickets in January they were only for $90 tickets. I have been charged $39.50 per ticket for service fees. This seems excessive. Can I get a refund ? ". Dear Christine, if you are that fucking retarded you would initially pay $129.50 to go and sit through two hours of that warbling cockmuncher you are not entitled to any fucking refund. The additional $39.50 should serve as form of punishment and a reminder not to make such a stupid decision in the future.

Troy West - has been dressing up as 'Catman' at Geelong games and is now fearful of going to future games as there are other cats fans starting up a facebook page wanting to belt him. What the fuck is people's obsession with dressing like a knob to go the footy? You're not clever, you're just an attention seeking fucking idiot. If you want them to stop having a crack 'Catman', go as Troy in normal footy garb, not dressed like Tim Curry in Rocky Horror Picture Show.

Twitter - "I just took a shit. Can't believe I used 8 squares of toilet paper to clean my ring ". Get a fucken grip for fucksake.

Facebook - see Twitter.

Peter Goers - two bob snob who likes to think he's the person who should be giving society advice on what is socially and culturally acceptable, but supports Port Power. Talk about a fucken oxymoron.

Lindsay Lohan - getting rumbled for knocking off a $2500 necklace from a jewelry store. In her defence, she was probably that cooked you could have wrapped an elephant turd around her neck and she would't have noticed.

Brendan Fevola - having just left rehab and admitting he has blown over a million dollars through gambling Fev decided the best way to celebrate his return to Melbourne and a fresh start was ........ to hit the poker tables at Crown Casino.

Victoria - going to host 4000 Indian Amway delegates in December next year. Isn't it bad enough hearing the cunts on the phone?

Tom Kenyon - SA state Road Safety Minister has said speed cameras are used by the goverment not to raise revenue but to lower speed. Yep, and The Fev is off the punt for good ya fucken numpty.

Mel Gibson - pleaded no contest to spousal battery charges in his latest appearance in court. He must have known he was going to get a slap on the wrist, because he looked that relaxed the faces he was making looked like he was halfway through taking a crap.

The SA Redbacks - another shield season over, another fucking embarrassing example of the disgrace that is South Australian cricket. They finished last, they imported 2nd rate tripe from other states, and let some of their few reasonable players go to other states. Fat boy Cosgrove might be a fat pig but he's also the 2nd leading runscorer in the shield comp this year. Ryan Harris made his test debut after fucking off to Queensland, and now Graham Manou has reputedly been given the nudge with Victorian reject Adam Crosthwaite to take his spot. And the second keeper in line is Tim Ludeman, another Victorian reject. At one stage they played 8 recruits in their team, and still kept getting beaten. Hey Jamie Cox you fucknut, how do you know there are no potential future first class cricketers playing in this state if you won't give any of them a go? Why don't you fuck off back to Tassie you ignorant blind cunt.

Round 6 Winner

Like round 4 there was no need for any other nominees for this weeks Chad Medal. Charlie Sheen has romped it in with his series of nonsensical tirades that make Tony Abbott look like Sir Robert Menzies. Here are some of his greatest hits.

- " High treason has occurred. The scales of justice are in a state of radical disarray. Together we must right this infantile wrong.

- " My Violent Torpedo of Truth/Defeat is Not an Option Show is coming to you. This is where you will hear the real story from the warlock. Bring it I dare you " .

- " It's a drug called Charlie Sheen, if you take it your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body " .

- " This is not a bowl, it's a cauldron for awesomeness " .

- " Like I said, you're with me, or your with the trolls. Jon ( Cryer ) has not called me. He's a turncoat, a traitor, a troll " .

- " Put yourself in my shoes for one warlock nanosecond. At some point there is nothing to say. Only war to wage ..... The winds are howling tonight. The gods are hungry. The beast is alive. And awake. And deadly " .

- This is very good news. They continue to be in breach, like so many whales. It is a big day of gladness at the Sober Valley Lodge because now I can take all of the bazillions, never have to look at whatshiscock again and I never have to put on those silly shirts for as long as this warlock exists " .

- " I'm not bipolar, I'm bi-winning. I win here and I win there " .

- " I closed my eyes and made it so with the power of my mind, and unlearned 22 years of fiction ..... the fiction of AA. It's a silly book written by a broken-down fool " .

- " I'm tired of pretending I'm not a total bitchin' rockstar from Mars " .

- " I have a different constitution. I have a different brain. I have a different heart. I got tiger blood, man. Dying's for fools, dying's for amateurs " .

- " My fangs are dripping tiger blood " .

- " My brain ..... fires in a way that is ..... I don't know, maybe not from this particular terrestrial realm " .


Now seriously, do I need to explain any further why this fucken nutbag gets the award this week?

Round 5 Winner

The winner of week 5 of the Chad Medal is fashion weirdo, anti-semite and bona fide fuckwit John Galliano. John made a complete fucknut of himself by having one too many Watermelon Bacardi Breezers at a French restaurant and launching into an anti semetic hissy fit at two nearby women diners. He stated that he loved Hitler and that the women's forefathers would have been murdered. Obviously John is not a particularly avid scholar of the tenets of the Third Reich because if he was he would realise that whilst Hitler was certainly no fan of Jewish people he was also not too keen on homosexuals. They also suffered persecution and were sent to concentration camps to be murdered. 1934, Night of The Long Knives, does the name Ernst Rohm ring a bell cunt? No? Fucken look it up. The Nazis had no time for poofs so how do you reckon they would have responded to a dildo who looks like Daniel Johns with hair extensions and who's job entails putting a dog turd on a Karen Carpenter lookalike and calling it fashion? And why the fuck would you love Hitler? He was a mad, weasely, drugfucked meglomaniac with one nut and little mans syndrome. Hmmm, now that I think of it there are some similarities. None the less you are a fucken pillock and a worthy winner of this weeks Chad Medal. Stick it with your World War 2 runners up medal you cunt.

Round 5 Nominees

Julia Gillard - " There will be no carbon tax under the government I lead " - August 16 2010. " I rule out a carbon tax " - August 20 2010. " You're all a bunch of dumbfucks for believing that a politician would tell the truth " - February 25 2011. " Yes I will be starring in the stage production of Planet of the Apes " - March 1 2011. " Whilst I will admit it's an uncanny likeness, I am not a sloth " - March 2 2011. " No I am not related to ALF " - March 3 2011.

Mike Sheahan - no particular reason other than I don't want to hear the opinions of a cockhead who looks like a librarian. Have you seen the way he talks with his nose in the air like he's got a turd stuck on his lip? I reckon he's been Dirty Sanchezed and the dumbfuck hasn't washed it off. Rumour has it he was the model for the cartoon bloke in the reach toothbrush ad with the fliptop head.

James Hird - for his " I'm One " ad for Essendon. Yep you are one James, one massive lying cockhead.

David Koch - " Up since 3.20am yesterday ....... time to sleep like the dead ". Kochie actually made this comment whilst in Christchurch covering the earthquake and as a result has done more damage to Australia/New Zealand relations than Trevor Chappell. His excuse was he'd been up for 36 hours straight. How'd you manage that David? Been in contact with Ricky Nixon lately?

Andrew Demetriou - now pulls in 2.2 million dollars to fuck the game of football in the arse. Unlike any other CEO of a major sport he now earns more than any player in the game. How the fuck does that work? He's just a sleazier version of Mussolini, and do you remember how he ended up Andrew? Why don't you fuck off overseas with your mate Ricky Nixon and don't come back. And take your gimp Adrian Anderson with you.

Muammar Gaddafi - he's dead set fucken mad, the Charlie Sheen of the Middle East. Having ruled Libya with an iron fist since 1969 it seems that he's got as much control of Libya as Leigh Whicker does over the running of the SANFL ( see Andrew 'Benito' Demetriou). Not that it worries him, despite the rebels taking over most of the country, he's confident his 'people' will triumph and that the people of Libya still love him and are willing to die for him. Yes they're dying, but only because you're ordering them to be fucken shot.

John Galliano - Christian Dior designer who decided that after a few to many girly drinks at a Paris restaurant that it would be a good time to harass a couple of women nearby. A heated discussion ensued during which one of the women asked him " Are you blond with blue eyes? ". He responded with " No but I love Hitler, and people like you would be dead today. Your mothers, your forefathers, would be ..... gassed and ..... dead ". If you were truly a scholar of German history fuckwit you would also have realised that Hitler wasn't too fond of mincing poofters either, especially ones that dress like axel rose auditioning for Pirates of the Caribbean or David Spade in Joe Dirt. So how do you think you would have fared you fucking idiot? Must have been taking diplomacy lessons with Kochie.

Indian Media - for 2 reasons -
These budding Michelangelo Ruccis have decided that it would be an apt time to try to derail the Australian World Cup bid by accusing Shane Watson and Brad Haddin of spot fixing in the game against Zimbabwe. The joke's on you fuckwits, Andrew Hilditch has already done his best to fuck up our World Cup before it even started. And where the fuck do these dickheads get off accusing our blokes of corruption when India is the hub of cricket corruption and illegal gambling. Does the name Mohammed Azharuddin mean anything to you pricks? Haddin and Watson weren't spot fixing against Zimbabwe, they were just playing shit.
They decided that Ricky Ponting was satan incarnate because he got the shits after getting out and reputedly damaging a tv in the dressing room. He chucked his box which bounced up and hit the tv, now unless Ponting's got a tackle like Ron 'The Hedgehog' Jeremy, you wouldn't think that would've done too much damage. Apparently Ponting was petulent,childish blahablah fucken blah. But that permed primadonna Sreesanth is a fucken choirboy is he? And if the tv is anything like the standard of the Indian workforce, are we even sure the thing was working in the first place?

Justin Beiber - he had a haircut. So fucking what. Sad fucks around the world have aarked up because they don't like it. So fucking what. He goes on the Ellen Degenerate show and says " But I was like, I really don't care ". And then the little turd is donating the hair that was cut off which will be auctioned off for charity. How about you keep it and stick on your balls, if they've fucken dropped yet. And shut the fuck up, you look like a hamster, lets hope Richard Gere sees you and stuffs you up his poopshute as a public service.

Channel 7 - Football followers Australia wide will rejoice with the knowledge that they will be able to see Friday night footy at ......... 8.30. For the preceding hour you will be able to see rich cunts in homes you'll never be able to afford, a fat walrus laying bricks and an albino golliwog making an outdoor setting that doubles as a comode chair.

Nikolajs Zikovs - shot a fellow movie goer during the final credits of Black Swan for chewing popcorn too loudly. If he had any sense of decency he would have shot him during the opening credits and not let him sit through two hours of fucking ballet.

Kanye West - People are being warned to use caution when watching him on tv, apparently his latest film clip ' All of the Lights ' can cause epileptic seizures. Having seen him on tv, I don't know about seizures but I had an urge to park the tiger. Warning - watching this film clip may cause you to bring up your dinner.

McDonalds - " In the past 7 or 8 years we've made an effort to be more transparent and gain the trust of our customers ". Bullshit, if you were truly transparent you would admit that the BigMac has shrunk in size like Elton Johns' cock at a strip club, rename the Fillet o Fish the Fillet o Fishs' arsehole, and admit the Angry Angus is called that because customers gets the shits at being charged 6 bucks for something that looks like a fat, sweaty taxi driver has been sitting on it for a week. And while we're at it have a look at the characters you have as representatives of the company. Ronald McDonald - a creepy white Al Jolson , Grimace - a purple, morbidly obese Amanda Vanstone lookalike, and Hamburglar - a fucken thief.