Round 18 Nominees

• Woolworths deli staff - Woolworths are supposed to hang their hat on having decent customer service, well they might want to have a look at some of their staff in the deli department and think again. You go in and ask for a few roast chooks to be cut up and some sour faced silverback gives you a smarmy comment and a look like you just asked her to shave her back before serving you. Sorry to interrupt you from standing around scratching your fat arse.



• Australia Mint - have you seen the 20 cent piece they've brought out with Prince William and Princess Kate on it? It looks like Stevie fucken Wonder designed it. Kate looks like a porky middle aged housewife (ie Fergie) and William has got fucking hair. And why the fuck are they putting those arsewipes on our currency, he ain't the monarch yet. What next, Fergie's Makybe Diva lookalike daughter on one side and Harry wearing his Nazi uniform on the other?



• ABC - for refusing to release to the public what the wages are of it's radio/tv celebrities as its " not in the public interest ". Begging your fucking pardon but isn't the ABC funded by tax payer money? Well I believe it is, so get fucked, are you afraid to let the public find out how much you were paying that dirty kiddy porn peddling cunt from The Collectors?



• Serbians protesting against the arrest of Ratko Mladic - he's a fucking war criminal who ordered the execution of thousands of innocent people yet some fuckwits have chosen to protest at his arrest. No worries, how about we get the UN to drive you and your family out into the forest and shoot you in the back of the head, what's good for the goose is good for the gander surely you fuckwits.



• German fruit and veg importers - imported Spanish cucumbers which are tainted with E Coli and have resulted in the deaths of at least 10 people. Interestingly nearly all of the fatalities have been women so it does make one ponder whether the cucumbers were being used for their intended purpose as food. One also suspects that Steve the NZ truckie may have delivered the shipment of cucumbers and he had yet another buttock-first "accident".



• The two US women who were play wrestling in an apartment block, fell through a window, and plunged 5 storeys onto a slanted glass ceiling resulting in one of them dying and one being in a critical condition - Americans, jesus they're fuckwits.



• Iran - for banning the mullet. So where the fuck does ex-Collingwood back pocket and mullet extraordinaire Mick Gayfer go for holidays now? And Iran was also the last place that Sticks Kernahan could go and sing in a karaoke bar without being evicted.



• AFL Winners writers - came up with the sterling material that Harmichael Kunt's regulation shot for goal on the run should be goal of the year. Go and get fucked, stop blowing smoke up this cunt's arse. It makes me want to fucken spew listen to people crapping on about how well he's developing. He's not a footballer's arsehole, never was, never will be, end of fucking conversation you wankers.



• Gerard Healy - for saying Harmichael Kunt's goal should be goal of the year straight after AFL Winners sprouted the same shit.



• Mike Sheahan - see Gerard Healy. For fucksake Roosy fucken belt the cunts.



• Port Power - for saying Jan Stirling has held the club together over the last few weeks. Hahahahahaha fuck me they're rooted. Also for being in more financial shit than Steve Vizard and Christopher Skase combined. Never mind though the cunts are getting bailed out AGAIN, the AFL and SANFL are just a better paying version of Centrelink to these cunts.



• Adelaide Crows - the most exciting squad we've ever had proved once again they have less ticker than the Italian infantry by putting in a spineless but fucking hilarious display against a shithouse Brisbane team. "We're the pride of South Australia", get fucked ya arsewipes you're that soft you wouldn't even get a float in a gay pride parade.



• Josh Carr - I know it is great that Bedford Industries finds work for retards, but giving Josh a job as a radio commentator is deadset ridiculous. He sounds like he is gargling on Rowey's nurries.



• Kym Russell (West Adelaide CEO) - for having a crack at the old bloke who sells pasties out the front of Richmond Oval for not having a council permit. Fuck off, Kym, where is your permit to be a fuckwit?. For a start, those pasties are bloody great and are a fucking million times better than the two pieces of cardboard with nothing in between that is called a Balfours pasty that you bastards serve up at your canteen. And furthermore, he's been doing it for 20 years with no complaints before. So, Kym, on behalf of all footy supporters who make the effort to rock up to that shithole called Richmond Oval, shut the fuck up. I'd suggest your time would be better spent getting ya side to play some decent footy instead of the absolute tripe they served up against Norwood.



• Colin Rowston - it's been said before, but I'll say it again, Rowston is a cheating cunt. Despite his best efforts, Norwood still smashed Westies by 10 goals.



• Richard Williams - see Colin Rowston.



• Port Adelaide v Richmond game - no wonder only 11,000 dickheads turned up. The worst performance since Matt Newton attempted a kiwi accent.



• The wanker pictured in the Shitvertiser flying a Port flag at half-mast in Malvern - jesus, I wouldn't want to advertise the fact that I'm a Port supporter, particularly in Malvern. Expect a knock on the door by a posse of riled-up Sturt supporters - they'll threaten to give you a real good thrashing, ol' boy, before running away meekly like a pack of soft-cocks.



• Fat people who insist on wearing trackie dacks in public - noone wants to see ya muffin-top or ya bike rack. Don't take it personally, Pat Conlon.



• Footy commentators who dye their hair - you look fucking stupid, David King, Brad Johnson, Hamish McLachlan, Garry Lyon, and Troy Gray et al. Boot polish is for ya boots, ya fuckwits.



• Brian Lake - as professional a footballer as Josh Carr is a commentator. How about you try getting fit and playing footy instead of going on holidays when you're injured and staring at your washed turd of a hairdo on the big screen at Etihad. Rumour has it Brianna, as he likes to be known in Kings Cross at the yearly parade, is considering a boycott of all games bar those at Etihad for fear of his maybelline eyeliner running.



• Mothers who smoke over their babies - the fuckwits should hand in their Port memberships. And stop wearing those fucking trackie dacks in public. It would also help if ya stopped rooting ya cousins too.



• Daniel Giansiracusa - for playing 200 games without once getting a contested possession. He's been an inspiration to Brent Stanton.



• Port Power "supporters" - so it's entirely the SANFL's fault that Port are financially rooted, well you'd think so if you've heard the fucking drivel coming from between the two remaining teeth of their supporters. Remember their so called supporters? They're the cunts who say they're Port people but won't contribute to the club financially or even turn up to watch the cunts then go and blame everyone bar themselves for their toilet of a club being on the bones of its arse.



• Almahde Ahmad Atagore - ya wanna to buy a vowel ? No thanks Burgo think I'll have a c for cunt. This prick is a Libyan student who, within 1 month of being in the country sexually assaulted 7 women in 4 days because he was upset and sexually aroused by the way Aussie women dressed and behaved. Get fucked you stinky, fellafel eating grease stain, just because the only part of a Libyan woman that is left exposed is their fucking moustache doesn't give you the right to put the blame on women wearing normal, non terrorist clothing and rejecting you because you're a stinky fellafel eating grease stain. Stick your fedora up your arse, have a wash and fuck off back to Gaddafiland you rancid little fuck.



• The English Cricket Team - the team for the second test v Sri Lanka was named yesterday with the Poms naming another fucking Sth African in the team. So for this test you've got 5 Sth Africans, 1 Irishman and only 5 poms in their national side, and one of them is Ian Bell-end, so 4 Englishmen and Fergie's daughter. They're team is more contaminated with foreign imports than a German cucumber salesman.



• Umpires Avon, Fila and Fleer - what is the story with North, are the cunts sponsored by St. Vincent De fucking Paul? You'd think so if you'd seen the game on the weekend, they were given the greatest armchair ride since Bob 'fatty, light fingers' Francis conned posture care chairs into giving the thieving ( yeah thieving, why aren't you allowed in Bunnings stores anymore Bob? ) old cunt a gig on their ads by sitting his fat arse on a recliner and talking shit. If you were a Centrals player you would've been reported for breaking wind on the weekend but North got away with blue fucking murder. Didn't work though, the Dogs still got up despite your efforts, better luck next time you fuckheads.



• Michaelangelo Rucci - for being the world's most deceitful and biased "journalist". How about you put some balance in your "stories" on Port Adelaide's financial fuck-ups instead of blaming the SANFL. Well, Rucci, you bloody fuckwit, here is some balance - Port have noone else but themselves to blame for the fact they are broke. Did the SANFL make the dumbfuck decision to re-sign Choco Williams and have to pay out Choco's contract when they realised that a drunken chimp could do a better job than him? Answer - no - it was the Port Board. Did the SANFL decide to pay out David Arnfield's claim for superannuation that was backdated to when he started out as Port Magppies junior janitor in 1980? No - it was the Port Board. Did the SANFL decide it was a great idea to bring back Josh Carr last year and then realise that he had less pace than snail born into the Duldig family? No - it was Port. Did the SANFL recruit the Cornes cunts? No - it was Port. Did the SANFL make Danyle Pearce softer than a bag of fairy floss wrapped in a marshmallow and laid out on a tontine pillow? No. His fucking parents did - that is why Sturt signed him. Did the SANFL make Steven Salopek play like Danyle Pearce? No. Is it the SANFL's fault that Port play like a bunch of monkeys trying to fuck a football. No. Did the SANFL make all Port supporters a bunch of front-running, fickle fuckwits? No. Is it the SANFL's fault that the majority of Port's supporter base is either in Yatala Prison or on the run? No. Rucci, you are a bona fide fuckwit. You called for One Club. Yeah, that has worked a treat, hasn't it? Two fuckarse clubs and not a brain between them. Rucci, when are you going to write the story that the SANFL bailed Port Adelaide out of bankruptcy in 1983? Yep, the cunts were bankrupt back then. Port may have won flags in the SANFL but they were and still are, financially inept. They have no fucking idea how to make money but are fucking brilliant at losing it. If they could write, which we all know they can't, they could write the Dummies Guide To Losing Money. And Rucci, I can't wait for your new book, the Dummies Guide To Being A Fuckwit.



• Carl Bitar - the Labor Party nob jockey responsible for Julia Gillard's rise to power. Thanks a lot, fuckwit, for leaving that big-nosed, fat-assed ranga in charge. He's now quit the party and has gone to work as "Government Relations Manager" for Crown Casino!! Good to see you sticking to your Labor ideals, you cunt.



• Stephen Rowe - for saying "Juliet Banjos" instead of "Duelling Banjos". You fucking imbecile - you make the hillbillys you were trying describe seem intelligent. Squeal like a pig, Rowey, ya fuckwit.



• The Shitvertiser - for crap maths in their story on describing Adelaide as Australia's cheapest city. Yep, that might be right, our costs are 6% cheaper than elsewhere but in the same story they also mentioned that the average salary in Adelaide is 10% lower than elsewhere. Umm, did you get Robbie Gray to do your math? I'd say with our costs 6% lower but our incomes 10% lower, that makes us fucking 4% worse off. Fuckwits.



• Sam Stosur - for yet another choke. This time losing to an armless sloth from the rainforests of Peru. Stosur or Scosa?



• Foxtel Cup - what a waste of fucking time. The shittiest footy clubs in the land playing off for the first prize of a meat-tray, direct from Indonesia's finest butchers.



• The Clairvoyant of the year - for being surprised at her win. If you were that bloody good you would have known you were going to win, ya dickhead! Read my mind (you are a f....)



• Chad Cornes - Chad, ever heard the saying, the team is bigger than the individual? Cockhead.



• Neil Craig - for describing the Crows hilarious loss to Brisbane as "immature". You fuckwit, how about saying "we were fucking pathetic. And I'm a pig-headed squeaky-voiced cunt with NFI."



• Sepp Blatter - "crisis? what crisis? football is not in a crisis". That is like saying, "fuckwit? what fuckwit? Rucci is not a fuckwit." You cunt. To quote Ben Folds, give us our money back, you bitch.



• FIFA - for re-appointing Sepp Blatter as FIFA president. What a fucking joke. Still, it is no surprise given the other candidate was Graham Arnold.



• McDonalds - for apologising to their customers for serving up shit coffee. While you are at it, how about apologising for the rest of the tripe you serve up like the McTurdburger with the lot, you McFuckwits.



• Caroline Wilson - the first tranny of football gets a nomination for a really crap job at impersonating a female and for listening to Rucci in blaming the SANFL for Port's current position. The mole then went on to suggest that the SANFL competition is in serious trouble. You fucking stupid shemale, get ya facts straight before sprouting off this Rucci propaganda. Crowds and memberships are on the rise in the SANFL because people are sick of the absolute tripe that is served up by the Crows and the Power. Caro, pass this message onto to ya mate, Demetripoo -keep ya fucking greasy hands off our competition.



• Penny Wong - for complaining that some bloke in parliament "meowed" at her. I'm surprised that she was offended by the sound that a pussy makes because she chows down on enough of it.



• Robbie Williams - for taking hormones to fight ageing. You fuckwit. Here is a tip for ya Robbie, if ya don't want to get any older - find a cliff, take ya back catalogue with ya, and take a giant leap.



• Sarah Palin - for fuck's sake. If she becomes the next US President then the yanks are even more fucking stupid than we give them credit for. Surely, endorsment from that wanker with a squirrel permanently planking on his head, Donald Trump, is enough to convince voters to avoid her like a cucumber in a German salad.



• Danni and Kylie Minogue - they have had more facial work done than Mt Rushmore and have about as much personality as Mt Rushmore too. Give us a break and fuck off back to England where you belong. Here is an idea for a new tv show for the pair of you fuckwits - The Minogue's Have Got Fuck All Talent.



• Bob Hawke - for thinking that anyone gives a rat's arse about his opinion on the carbon tax. Bob, does the statement, "ya silly old bugger" ring a bell? And stay out of the solarium, fuckwit, ya look like an orange roughie that has its head stuck up a baby polar bear's arse.