Round 14 Nominees

• Coopers - for selling their souls by using the Royal fucking wedding in one of their ads. Yeah I know you are in the business of making money and promote yourselves accordingly but that made we want to fucken spew. When I look at a grog ad I want to see what piss is on special, not that fucken bollocks.


• Liquorland - see Coopers.


• Masterchef - what a load of fucken plonk. Dumbfucks with nothing better to do dry rooting a shepherds pie just to win the approval of a fat pig with jowls like a morbidly obese bulldog.


• Channel Ten - for putting on shit shows like Masterchef which gets people eating cholesterol laden crap, then having the gall to put on The Biggest Loser to promote healthy eating. You know how these cunts got so fat? By eating from recipes off Masterchef that's fucking how.


• Marie Shaw - former District Court judge and current lawyer missed a hearing in the Court of Criminal Appeal because she missed her flight back from Melbourne with... drumroll ......... Tiger Fucking Airways. Why the fuck is someone who would be on the coin she is be flying with those fucken cowboys, open ya purse ya fucken scrooge and get on a carrier that might get you to your destination within 3 weeks of the designated time frame.Tight as a fishes arsehole, you make Monty Burns look like The Fev.


• Tiger Airways - left 150 people stranded at Adelaide Airport when they cancelled a scheduled flight due to an engine inspection. It was later revealed that the inspection never found an engine but 15 deceased hamsters in a fucking wheel.


• Wayne Chivell - SA judge who thought it appropriate to sentence filthy cunt Stuart Andrew Thomson to only 3 years jail with a non parole period of 18 months for punching, slapping, and breaking the arm of a 2 year old child. The judicial system is officially fucked.


• The weasel who robbed a 46 year old wheelchair bound man - you cunt, pulling this bloke out of his chair and leaving him on the ground whilst you rob him makes you a real tough man doesn't it, fucken shitball.


• Rod Campbell - ABC footy commentator who during last week's Sturt v North game compared Matthew Duldig to Jack Reiwoldt. Just one difference numbnut, Reiwoldt can play footy, Duldig is a fucking plank.


• Americans - fuck me they're wankers. To celebrate the death of Bin Laden the yanks decided to go off like Nicole Cornes at Stewie Dew's house and make complete fucknuts of themselves. Yeah it's good the fucker is dead but going on like that makes you look no better than the terrorist mobs when they celebrate bombing someone.


• Chris Dittmar - thought it would be a good idea to name the media centre at the newly refurbished Adelaide Oval after KKKKen Cuntingham. Why not name the disabled dunnies after Nugget Rees while your at it.


• NZ Teachers Council - sacked Auckland teacher Rachel Whitwell for appearing in Australian Penthouse and 'bringing the profession in to disrepute'. In the words of the great Jim Royle - my arse. It's good to see a female teacher that doesn't look like she wears Depends and shops at fucking Millers, more I say!


• NSW police - seized $450,000 worth of cannabis in a raid on a former nightclub and were so happy with their raid they started taking pictures of themselves with the stash. Unfortunately whilst they were busy taking happy snaps and pulling each others dicks a couple of people took the opportunity to liberate $23,000 worth of the seized drugs. Didn't see that shit on Underbelly did we?


• Port Power - another week another insipid display, this time against the might of the previously winless North Melbourne. Make no bones about it, North Melbourne are shit, so to lose to them by 10 goals in a manner which one could only describe as spineless and weak reflects how pathetic the club has become, and I fucken love it, wallow in your own shit cunts.


• Glenelg - once again Glenelg has shown as much stomach for a fight as an French Infantryman by losing to Centrals on Sunday by 75 points, this despite Centrals only having 17 fit men for half of the game. Still I suppose 17 fit men are still better than 21 fluttering fucking fairies.


• People who toot their car horn when they are leaving someone's house - you know you are leaving and they know you are leaving, so why fucking do it, to see if they died whilst you were getting in the car? Fuckwits. Cunts who do that should have their car horn shoved up their arse, or worse, be made to attend Glenelg/Port Power games as punishment.


• Treasurer Jack "Off" Snelling - for selling off yet another of this state's stable income streams (the forests in the South East) for a bag of magic beans. Remember the TAB that they sold for a packet of smarties? Jack be nimble, Jack be quick, Jack is a fair dinkum fuckwit.


• Health Minister John Hill - for saying that the financing cost of building the proposed new Royal Adelaide Hospital is not really part of the cost. Ah, so, John, if I borrow money to build a new home, I don't have to worry about paying any interest? With that logic, you could replace Jack Off as treasurer.


• Luke Jarrad (Woodville West Torrens pillow-biter) - for consistently avoiding the hard-ball against Norwood. He played so fucking wide that he spent 90% of the game in the Western Grandstand. The other 10% was spent shitting his panties.


• Warren Tredrea - no particular reason other than he is a fair dinkum dick with ears.


• Bieber Fever - the little runt looks like he could pull on a powder blue guernsey and play for Sturt.


• People who constantly say "at the end of the day" - shut the fuck up. At the end of the day comes night, fuckwits.


• The anti-alcohol lobby - these are the same fucking people who took the shirt-front out of football. Fuck off and watch some re-runs of The Collectors.


• Graham Cornes - for suggesting that Chad should not have been dropped from Port. Listen, Studley, both of your shithead sons are tripe. And they have fucking ridiculous lisps. Get am to go and watch the King's Speech. They are the main reason for the "cultural problem" at Port. And part of the cultural problem in this state. They are products of both you and Glenelg so that means they fell out of the fuckwit tree and hit every branch on the way down. Can't you and the rest of your family re-locate? I understand a nice mansion with really good security has just come on to the market in downtown Pakistan.


• Kym Dillon - for not understanding the meaning of "you're fired".


• 5aa - for hiring Kym Dillon. Jesus, you got rid of one turd in Dittmar and replaced him with another! What is it with you fuckwits? You've just added another to your conga line of suckholes. Conlon, Kenneally, Blakey, Doyle, Byner, Blair, Rowey, Studley, Josh Carr, Wog Boy Rucci, Daniel Norton, Fathead Francis. What a line-up of complete and utter fuckwits.


• ACCC - for having less balls than Luke Jarrad. Let's just all bend over and take it from Coles and Woolies.


• Julia Gillard - for a) going to the Royal Wedding b) wearing a satellite dish on the side of her head to the wedding and c) no matter what she wears, she can't hide that big fat ass of hers.


• The Logies - only winning a best and fairest at Port Adelaide has less merit.


• Pakistan - not only do the dodgy bastards cheat at cricket, but they also harbour fucking terrorists.


• Caroline Wilson - for being described as "the first lady of football". Luke Jarrad already has that title stitched up.


• Radio MMM - for only ever playing one song from artists. Eg the Doors (Light My Fire), Led Zep (Stairway To Heaven), The Who (My Generation), Cold Chisel (Khe Sahn), Pearl Jam (Better Man), Rolling Stones (It's Only Rock N Roll But I Like It), U2 (Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For), Green Day (Time Of Your Life), Guns N Roses (Patience). Open your ears, fuckwits, these artists have more than one song that is woth some airplay. They are also nominated for playing anything by Creed, Nickleback, Good Charlotte, Genesis and the most over-rated hippy cunt in the world, John Butler.