Round 17 Nominees

• Judgement Day devotees - we're all still here you fuckwits, the sky is falling the sky is falling. No it's fucking not it's just your ballbag has fallen over your eyes.





• Matthew Lokan - the cunt is a giant fucking plank, he's gotta be Matthew Duldig's twin. A career as a Krusty the Clown impersonator awaits.





• The Labor MP charged with child porn offences - had your day in court you dirty cunt,enjoy your freedom, it ain't gonna last.





• Bernard Finnigan - haven't seen him on tv lately, wonder what he's been doing with himself?





• Neil Craig - still refuses to pick Taylor Walker. Yeh he's shithouse, kicked another bag for Norwood, persist with James Sellar instead you fuckwit





• Dancing with the Stars - fucking c-grade celebrities trying to keep in the public eye by prancing like an epileptic flamingo, get fucked.





• Ken Cunningham - after a career of slagging off everything to do with Centrals he comes out in his article in The Crapvertiser and kisses legendary coach Roy Laird's arse. What do you want you old cunt, senility kicking in.





• Michelangelo Rucci - had a go at Stephen Rowe in his roast for hanging shit on Jan Stirling and the great amount of sweet fuck all she has achieved at Port Power. Stop your fucking sooking you pillow, it's about the first thing the gibbering monkey has ever got right.





• South Adelaide - for having a 6:30 Saturday night game at Poolunga Oval. It's fucking freezing at the best of times so a night game is fucking lunacy. Plus it takes you three days to get there and back. And who the fuck is going to stand there and hold up the candles to illuminate the ground for a whole game?





• Kym Dillon - after Port kicked a goal in the third quarter to get within 40 points of Freo, Kym said Port were now going to go on and win. No wonder MMM shitcanned you, you're a fucking halfwit. And the other half is a cockhead.





• No.7 for Labrador in the Foxtel Cup - wore zinc cream on his snoz for the twilight game against North despite it being fucking freezing and most of the game being under lights.





• Foxtel Cup - for having Andrew Jarman and Bernie Vince as expert commentators. That's like having Karen Carpenter as a judge at a pie eating contest.





• Matthew Primus- dropped Brett Ebert for the game against Freo just before the bounce for 'tactical reasons' . You fucking knobhead, good idea dropping one of the few players you have that can actually play footy. What were the tactical reasons? Did you want to ensure that you had a forward line that would could guarantee you wouldn't kick a winning score?





• Zane Pitt - real estate scumbag who duped a mentally ill person into selling their house at way under market value to his brother who then on sold it for a tidy profit, thereby getting himself a nice commission. Filthy cunt.





• BESA FC fans - a group of about 8 of these fucking animals beat the shit out of the ref after their side was beaten in an amateur game. It is just a pity the ref wasn't one of the following - Tony Dey, Richard Williams, Colin Rowston or Ray Chamberlain.





• Plankers - fucking idiots. Already many are further showing their lack of intellect by posing at work in work uniforms, thereby getting themselves the sack. Apparently this Wednesday is going to be World Planking Day - a perfect opportunity for the police to round the fuckwits up and have some target practice. Apparently, there are a shitload lining up to plank on Julia Gillard's nose.





• Peter Goers - fucking dickhead who referred to z-grade celebrity tart Brynne Edelstein's performance on dancing with the stars as "no Ginger Rogers but she's a gorgeous trouper". You fuckwit, she's a gold digging slag who's only claim to fame is spreading her legs for that creepy little fucker who married her. And she ain't a fucking gorgeous trouper, the mole looks more like former NZ cricketer Gary Troup.





• Gerard Healy/Tony Shaw - had a big sook because Taylor Walker was seen the day after the Norwood game at Footy Park ............ having one beer with his mates from Broken Hill. How fucking dare he, put the cunt in the stocks and rip his balls off. What a pair of cockheads.





• Adelaide Crows - the best squad the club has ever had - what a pathetic bunch of arsewipes. Leading the reigning premier by 31 points and get rolled by 43 points. 11 unanswered goals in less than 15 minutes. You gutless pack of cunts.





• Neil Craig - the supercoach. Good move getting Johncock out of the backline, the cunt was playing shite, just your best player up till you moved him fuckwit. Show us your dvd's, pie charts and venn diagrams of how you fucked that game up in your press conference you fucking wanker. Lucky you didn't pick Taylor Walker today hey Neil, he would've been fucking useless to you today, Kurt Tippett was sensational you fuckarse, played 4 minutes of decent footy and spent the rest trying to work out what the numbers on the 50 metre arc added up to.





• Nathan van Berlo - Sheedy was right. You're best equipped to lead a pack of lemmings off a fucken cliff.





• Laurie Holden - for trailing his wife in the FAS footy tipping contest. Serves you right, idiot, for picking the Power to beat Freo.





• Rodney Eade - for not picking Barry Hall to play against West Coast and for allowing Brian Lake to spend the pre-season with Amanda Vanstone - all you can eat! all you can eat! No wonder West Coast pantsed the Bulldogs by 20 goals.





• James Hird - for continuing to give Brett Stanton a game. With the risk of upsetting Brent's sensitive partner (I think his partner is Chas Bono), he's a fucking pillow who has no right to call himself a footballer. He makes Craig Starcevich look hard.





• Aaron Davey - for squibbing from a contested mark against St Kilda. Ya can run but ya can't hide out there, Aaron. That was a fucking pathetic effort and one that I would expect from Brent Stanton.





• Port Power supporters - 16,000 of the fuckers turned up to watch the Power surrender to Freo. That dickhead Rucci reckons there are 300,000 Port people out there! Does that mean that there are 284,000 Port supporters in Yatala?





• AFL recruiters - for waiting 8 years to recruit ex-Norwood champ, Nick Duigan. He's dominating for Carlton after just 8 games. How many other mature-age blokes are out there that can actually play football instead of the raft of "athletes" soiling AFL grounds with insipid displays week after week? I betcha Nathan Van Berlo can run 15 kilometres faster than Leigh Mathews ever could - but who would you rather have in ya side?





• Tim Noonan (channel 7 guest weather presenter) - how hard is it to read the weather, you fucking gollywog? "It's gonna be fucking cold and wet tomorrow" - end of fucking story. We don't need a fuckwit who looks like he should be singing in an Air Supply covers band to be reading the weather.





• Andrew Jarman - there's a clear and distinct line between being a larrikin and a complete and total fuckwit and Andrew has been on the fuckwit side of the line for a long time. How the fuck do you expect to get another gig in coaching when you act like a year 9 class idiot who's gone off his ritalin? You're smacking of desperation Jars, just think, if you were able to inspire the teams you 'coached' to act with the same desperation as you have been displaying whilst attempting to prostitute yourself to any cunt to hire you, you may not be in the situation you currently find yourself. Fuck off back to WA, you're as funny as Joseph Goebbels at a Bar Mitzvah you fat cunt.





• Adrian Anderson - for his comment on the new substitute rule - "there is a lot of premature evaluation floating around". Adrian, in your case, there is a lot of premature ejaculation floating around. Fuckwit.





• Kevin Rudd - for a bad case of snout's in the trough. The fuckwit has flown 384,000km since becoming the Foreign Affairs Minister - that is the equivalent of flying to the moon. Fair suck of the sauce bottle, Kev. I know you can't stand Julia but ya don't have to fly to the moon to avoid her! You could probably spot her fat ass from the moon.





• Oprah Winfrey - for inflicting 25 years of absolutely crap televison on the world. Thanks for nothing, Oprah, ya fuckwit. Can you convince Dr Phil to give it up too? The only decent thing you ever aired was showing Hugh Jackoff plow head first into a pole. Now that was great television!





• James Magnussen - the swimmer slagged off Adelaide being awarded the hosting of the London Olympic swimming trials, saying it is a "joke" and "only 10 people will turn up". Umm, who the fuck is James Magnussen anyway? Sounds like a fucking gay Swedish masseur. We'll make sure you get a nice welcome, James - I'll leave a nice, fresh Bondi Cigar in the pool for ya - wanker.





• Andrew Demetriou - for slamming Paul Roos for running onto the field to help one of his junior players who was injured during a violent clash, saying it "was unacceptable, you absolutely cannot do that". You are a fuckwit, Demetriou. You were a squib as a player and never once helped one of your team mates in trouble so making those sort of statements does not come as a surprise. Have another souvlaki.





• Steve McCormack - the NZ truckie who "accidently" fell buttocks-first onto a compressed air nozzle and blew up like a balloon. So I suppose, Steve, that you also accidently fell buttocks-first onto that gerbil that was found up ya clacker too?





• Chas Bono - she's a top bloke. Pity ya mum can't sing or act - neither could ya dad. And he was a shit downhill skier too.





• Justin Lawther - for strapping his pet parrot to the windscreen wipers of his car, filming it and then posting it on youtube. He's now complaining because the RSPCA took his parrot away. How about we strap your dick to the windscreen wipers in the middle of a thunderstorm and see how you fare, you fucking ankle.





• The people who are whinging about the increase in electricity transmission prices - these are the same fuckwits who complain about power blackouts in the middle of summer. You idiots - the power blackouts are caused by punnet heads like yourselves putting ya air-conditioners on full bore everyday over summer and by lack of transmission infrastructure - and if you want more infrastructure, it costs this little thing called money. Do you think wires grow on stobie poles, you dickheads?





• Dean Brogan - for saying that good things are just around the corner for Port. Spot on, Broges, good things like your imminent retirement. Au revior, ya big-chinned fuckwit.




• State Labor Government - for signing off on the Seaford Heights housing development. You utter fuckwits. This development is right on the doorstep of one of the world's great wine and tourist regions. And you are about to completely fuck it up forever because you are in the pocket of rich developers. And adding insult to injury is there is no fucking infrastructure down there to support such a massive development. Are you listening to the people?? Does Mt Barker and St Clair ring a bell?? You bastards are fucking shonky beyond belief. No wonder you don't want an Independent Commission for Corruption in South Australia. How much is filthy lucre is going into your backpockets? Fuck off to Puglia, Rann, and take Rau, Foley, Conlon, Finnigan and Snelling with ya.



• Token Bimbo from an un-named financial advisor - whilst running a superannuation board meeting this week, with 3 senior staff in the room, one on the phone and a fund manager representative, we were going through the report, and noticed that one member was in capital guaranteed. After a lengthy discussion around ‘uneducated’, ‘misinformed’ people who get scared and make stupid decisions that cost them a lot of money, it was agreed that she would find out who the person was, and contact them to educate them…..she thought the guy on the phone was quiet……