Julia Gillard - " There will be no carbon tax under the government I lead " - August 16 2010. " I rule out a carbon tax " - August 20 2010. " You're all a bunch of dumbfucks for believing that a politician would tell the truth " - February 25 2011. " Yes I will be starring in the stage production of Planet of the Apes " - March 1 2011. " Whilst I will admit it's an uncanny likeness, I am not a sloth " - March 2 2011. " No I am not related to ALF " - March 3 2011.
Mike Sheahan - no particular reason other than I don't want to hear the opinions of a cockhead who looks like a librarian. Have you seen the way he talks with his nose in the air like he's got a turd stuck on his lip? I reckon he's been Dirty Sanchezed and the dumbfuck hasn't washed it off. Rumour has it he was the model for the cartoon bloke in the reach toothbrush ad with the fliptop head.
James Hird - for his " I'm One " ad for Essendon. Yep you are one James, one massive lying cockhead.
David Koch - " Up since 3.20am yesterday ....... time to sleep like the dead ". Kochie actually made this comment whilst in Christchurch covering the earthquake and as a result has done more damage to Australia/New Zealand relations than Trevor Chappell. His excuse was he'd been up for 36 hours straight. How'd you manage that David? Been in contact with Ricky Nixon lately?
Andrew Demetriou - now pulls in 2.2 million dollars to fuck the game of football in the arse. Unlike any other CEO of a major sport he now earns more than any player in the game. How the fuck does that work? He's just a sleazier version of Mussolini, and do you remember how he ended up Andrew? Why don't you fuck off overseas with your mate Ricky Nixon and don't come back. And take your gimp Adrian Anderson with you.
Muammar Gaddafi - he's dead set fucken mad, the Charlie Sheen of the Middle East. Having ruled Libya with an iron fist since 1969 it seems that he's got as much control of Libya as Leigh Whicker does over the running of the SANFL ( see Andrew 'Benito' Demetriou). Not that it worries him, despite the rebels taking over most of the country, he's confident his 'people' will triumph and that the people of Libya still love him and are willing to die for him. Yes they're dying, but only because you're ordering them to be fucken shot.
John Galliano - Christian Dior designer who decided that after a few to many girly drinks at a Paris restaurant that it would be a good time to harass a couple of women nearby. A heated discussion ensued during which one of the women asked him " Are you blond with blue eyes? ". He responded with " No but I love Hitler, and people like you would be dead today. Your mothers, your forefathers, would be ..... gassed and ..... dead ". If you were truly a scholar of German history fuckwit you would also have realised that Hitler wasn't too fond of mincing poofters either, especially ones that dress like axel rose auditioning for Pirates of the Caribbean or David Spade in Joe Dirt. So how do you think you would have fared you fucking idiot? Must have been taking diplomacy lessons with Kochie.
Indian Media - for 2 reasons -
These budding Michelangelo Ruccis have decided that it would be an apt time to try to derail the Australian World Cup bid by accusing Shane Watson and Brad Haddin of spot fixing in the game against Zimbabwe. The joke's on you fuckwits, Andrew Hilditch has already done his best to fuck up our World Cup before it even started. And where the fuck do these dickheads get off accusing our blokes of corruption when India is the hub of cricket corruption and illegal gambling. Does the name Mohammed Azharuddin mean anything to you pricks? Haddin and Watson weren't spot fixing against Zimbabwe, they were just playing shit.
They decided that Ricky Ponting was satan incarnate because he got the shits after getting out and reputedly damaging a tv in the dressing room. He chucked his box which bounced up and hit the tv, now unless Ponting's got a tackle like Ron 'The Hedgehog' Jeremy, you wouldn't think that would've done too much damage. Apparently Ponting was petulent,childish blahablah fucken blah. But that permed primadonna Sreesanth is a fucken choirboy is he? And if the tv is anything like the standard of the Indian workforce, are we even sure the thing was working in the first place?
Justin Beiber - he had a haircut. So fucking what. Sad fucks around the world have aarked up because they don't like it. So fucking what. He goes on the Ellen Degenerate show and says " But I was like, I really don't care ". And then the little turd is donating the hair that was cut off which will be auctioned off for charity. How about you keep it and stick on your balls, if they've fucken dropped yet. And shut the fuck up, you look like a hamster, lets hope Richard Gere sees you and stuffs you up his poopshute as a public service.
Channel 7 - Football followers Australia wide will rejoice with the knowledge that they will be able to see Friday night footy at ......... 8.30. For the preceding hour you will be able to see rich cunts in homes you'll never be able to afford, a fat walrus laying bricks and an albino golliwog making an outdoor setting that doubles as a comode chair.
Nikolajs Zikovs - shot a fellow movie goer during the final credits of Black Swan for chewing popcorn too loudly. If he had any sense of decency he would have shot him during the opening credits and not let him sit through two hours of fucking ballet.
Kanye West - People are being warned to use caution when watching him on tv, apparently his latest film clip ' All of the Lights ' can cause epileptic seizures. Having seen him on tv, I don't know about seizures but I had an urge to park the tiger. Warning - watching this film clip may cause you to bring up your dinner.
McDonalds - " In the past 7 or 8 years we've made an effort to be more transparent and gain the trust of our customers ". Bullshit, if you were truly transparent you would admit that the BigMac has shrunk in size like Elton Johns' cock at a strip club, rename the Fillet o Fish the Fillet o Fishs' arsehole, and admit the Angry Angus is called that because customers gets the shits at being charged 6 bucks for something that looks like a fat, sweaty taxi driver has been sitting on it for a week. And while we're at it have a look at the characters you have as representatives of the company. Ronald McDonald - a creepy white Al Jolson , Grimace - a purple, morbidly obese Amanda Vanstone lookalike, and Hamburglar - a fucken thief.
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