The Chad - Week 9 nominations

• Matthew Knights – standard nomination each week for crimes against the EFC and football in general. He also had the temerity to state to Big Richo in an interview that he (Knights) once got a contested possession. Clearly that is a blatant lie as there is no known footage of Knights ever going near a contest or gaining a worthwhile possession without some team mate busting his arse getting the hard ball first.
• Riley Luettgerodt – Forestville Eagles American 6 foot 5 inch import basketballer who beat Norwood Flames with a buzzer beater two weeks ago but then proceeded to showboat to the crowd after the game only to be told off by his own team mates. If that wasn’t bad enough and sufficient grounds for a Chad nomination, on Saturday night in a knock-out final, Norwood gun Andrew Webber (at only 6 foot) defensively suffocated the smart-arse Yank and rendered him a comedy act as Norwood eliminated Forestville again – third time in 3 years. A Chad nomination highlight was Luettgerodt sooking after David Cooper blocked yet another feeble attempted shot of his directly to Webber who stuck the dagger in with a 3 pointer at the other end to seal victory and a one-way ticket back to the USA for ol’ Showboat Riley. No wonder the world hates Yanks!
• the Gillard/Rudd reunion: they looked about as comfortable as Matty Knights going for a contested possession.
• Laurie Holden – for selecting Essendon to beat Carlton. You idiot.
• Vladimir Ladyzgneskiy - the 60 year old Russian who died during the World Sauna Championships - he was the "red hot" favourite....
• The debate about who should be the next Crows captain - I have only one word - asifigiveashit
• Daniel Motlop - for celebrating like a school girl for kicking his first goal for North Adelaide late in the last quarter when Norwood were already 11 goals up.
• Any dickhead who entered the Mr Right Now contest in Adelaide - bunch of metrosexual tossbags - or is that the Crows starting 18?
• Ralph Clarke - Adelaide Lord Mayor nominee - he was spotted at the Norwood v North game with a man bag on his shoulder - perhaps he was off to the Mr Right Now contest.
• Channel 9 - for apologising for Mark Latham confronting Julia Gillard. Latham is a tool but at least he is entertaining.
• Tiger Woods - for shooting 18 over - ever since he put his "9 iron" away, his game has gone downhill.
• Port Power - a return to form with a 94 point loss to the Saints - "it’s true Port Adelaide tradition".
• The groom in Turkey who fired celebratory shots into the air with an AK-47 during his wedding and killed his father and two aunties by mistake.
• Cameron White (Victorian captain) - for choosing to play for Bangalore over Victoria in the 20/20 Champion’s League. Actually, that is not a bad call, I’d rather chew my own arm off than play for Victoria.
• Ryan Fitzgerald – he is now rivalling Dave Flanagan as the most unfunny South Adelaide comedian.
• Balfours – for calling cardboard filled with one cube of carrot a “pasty”.
• Kellie Underwood – for her awesome commentating and in particular, her calling of Lewis Jetta’s first goal in AFL. She’s the Tracey Grimshaw of football.
• Adelaide Crows – for charging their members to tour their own club! Yeah, good one, the team for all South Australians my arse.
• Mikey Carroll – for blowing £9.7 million ($17 million) he won in X-lotto in less than eight years. He’s completely broke and working as a garbo, having blown the lot on luxury cars (which he drove in demolition derbies), a mansion (which he destroyed and is now condemned), and allegedly loads and loads of drugs.
• AFL Goal umpires – if the ball goes through the two big white sticks, it is a goal, you idiots.
  Jeff Giescen – for employing the blind, deaf and dumb society as goal umpires.
• Michael Doughty – for being an inspirational Crows captain. The clown couldn’t even toss the coin at the start of the Bulldogs game, leaving that to another inspirational leader, Scott “Shakin” Stevens.
• Ian McLachlan – for selling the SACA’s soul to Andrew Demetriou and fucking up everything that made the Adelaide Oval the best cricket ground in the world.
• Daniel Healy – for naming football whore Cain Ackland as the Roosters best player against Norwood after Ackland played like a busted arse.
• Finland – for hosting the World Air Guitar Championships and the World Sauna Championships. What next? The World Knitting Championships?
• Adrian Anderson and the AFL rules committee – for changing the rules for no reason other than to look like they are doing something to justify their big salaries.
• Stephen “Rowey” Rowe – for saying for the one millionth time this year, “pump the brakes, big fella.” Try this one, Rowey, “shut the fuck up”.
• Gerard Whately – the snivelling little ponce is better suited to commentating on netball. He is the Christopher Pyne of AFL commentators.
• Tracey Grimshaw – Gordon Ramsey was spot on. She’s the Kellie Underwood of current affairs.
• Mark Waugh – for criticising players for throwing away an innings and not looking professional on the field. Pot Kettle Black, Mark.
• England – for being Glenelg supporters by saying they are going to easily win the Ashes 3 months before the tour starts.
• Angela Bishop – for making her mother Bronwyn look appealing by comparison.