The Chad Week 11 Nominations

• White maggot Stuart Wenn - for sledging Richmond's Dan Connors. Hey, Wenn, you were too fucking weak to make it as a player, so shut ya cakehole and do your job.
• White maggot Scott McLaren - for holding a press conference to announce his retirement. You didn't need a press conference, Scott, I could have summed up your career with a few simple words - you were a cheating cunt for 17 years. End of story. Farewell and fuck off.
• Bob Katter - for wearing that stupid ten gallon cowboy hat. Put him together with Bob Brown and you have Canberra's Brokeback Mountain.
• Sturt Football Club supporters - for supporting a team of powder blue poofters.
• Mathew Newton - for bashing his girlfriend. Yeah, you've got the X factor, you fuckwit.
• Chad Fletcher - for being busted for possessing cocaine in a Kings Cross dunny. When is your doco coming out, dickhead?
• Paul Craig - for his letter to the editor in the Advertiser, "Thank heaven's for Bob Brown's policies. How on earth has this country survived so long without gay marriage?" Pretty fucking well is the answer, Paul.
• Mark Arbib - for being a weak little prick and not appearing on Q&A on Monday night. He was still wiping away his tears from Saturday night's debacle.
• The farewell for Goodwin, McLeod, Burton and Trent Potential - fair dinkum, instead of a motorcade around Footy Park, why not something far more appopriate like a float at the Gay Mardi Gras.
• Rachel McLeod - for her missing eyebrows. Did they get a farewell lap?
• The Who magazine - for the inspirational 4 page spread on Mathew Newton, called "Starting Over". I'm waiting for the follow-up, "Egg On My Face".
• Football commentators - for constantly saying "catch" - it's called a fucking mark, you fuckwits.
• The Russell Robertson Band - for having Russell Robertson in the band. The best Australian band since Craig McLachlan and Check 1-2.
• Mark Harvey - for doing his best to completely fuck up Fremantle's season.
• Matty Knights - he's an automatic selection.
• The idiot at a polling booth who thought putting his green House of Representatives ballot paper in the Green ballot box meant he was voting for the Greens.
• Norm from Norm's Coolies - for denying his dogs are not safe. After one of his dogs bit a bloke in July, he tried to prove his dog show is safe by inviting journalists from the Advertiser (that is an oxymoron) to the show and then one of the journos was bitten. Gold. You fuckwit, Norm. A coolie stole my baby.
• Anyone who voted informal - for being fucking stupid enough to listen to that punnethead, Mark Latham. Perhaps you should all move to Zimbabwe - you don't need to vote there.
• Sophie Monk - for having a Tupperware face.
• The Advertiser - for many, many reasons but this week for doing an article on Sturt's Toby Thurstans and Ben Nelson and calling them "greats". Yeah, if not putting ya body on the line and playing for a pack of soft-cocks means you are a "great" then those cunts would be Legends in the Hall of Shame.
• Anyone who voted for the Greens - for putting us through the current crap we are going through.
• Amber Petty - for inviting Andrew Demetriou to her 4oth. Surely it was a game of "who can bring the biggest idiot to the party". Apparently, the faceless men of Labor were there too.
• The faceless men of Labor - for not only being faceless, but also brainless.
• Barnaby Joyce - Tony Windsor was wrong, you are not a bloody idiot, you are a fuckwit!
• The coach of the Flasharama AFL Supercoach team - for mouthing off about being top of the ladder all year and then losing in the preliminary final. Well, you are Dutch, so it is no surprise that you choked at the final hurdle.
• Wyatt Roy - 20 year-old MP. Given he's from Queenslandm perhaps they confused him with Wyatt Earp from the Gunfight At the OK Corral.
• Ricky Nixon - for being Ben Cousin's manager since 1996 and not knowing he was on drugs. Yeah, righto. Plus he gets an additional nomination for that fucking poodle glued to his head.
• James Hird - for not putting his balls on the line and coaching Essendon.
• Neil Craig - for being the choke king. He found new and improved ways to get his "playing group" to lose the unlosable - this time against Collingwood.
• Harry Kewell and Robbie Slater - two soccer pillow munchers who are both a waste of space. Take ya soccer balls and go home, ya squealers.
• Laurie Oakes - for doing a brilliant impersonation of a walrus. I am the walrus, I am the egg man.
• Walruses - for doing brilliant impersonations of Laurie Oakes.
• South Adelaide's Michael Handby - for doing a brilliant impersonation of Lawrie Oakes impersonating a walrus impersonating Lawrie Oakes. The fat sook quit after 150 games of crap football. The fattest pig to grace a football field since the Plugger pig was released onto the SCG in the late 80s.
• Sunday Mail's Scott Walsh - he makes Michaelangelo Rucci look like a genius.
• Essendon FC - for the fact that they are going to have to pay $800k to get rid of perennial fuckwit, Matty Knights.
• The 25 year-old fuckwit for doing burn-outs in a stolen car in a hotel carpark. He later returned to the hotel and checked in for the night - and was arrested soon after.
• A Current Affair - this time for doing a story on the colour of mince meat. Yeah, floods in Pakistan, the Federal election, war in Afghanistan, but some dodgy butcher has put sulphur in mince is far more important.
• Wayne Swan - for making a fool of himself every time he opens his mouth by continuing to claim that Labor's stimulus package saved us from the GFC. He is favoured to take over from Hamish and Andy.