Summer series week 2 nominees

• Nick D'Arcy - declared himself bankrupt to avoid paying Simon Cowley $180,000 for caving his head in un-provoked attack. Pay up, shithead.




• Penny Wong - who is the father, Penny? Kevin Foley? Paul Keating? Gough Whitlam? Mark Latham? Or did you father the child yourself - I always suspected you had a cock and a pair of knackers.




• Mark Latham - for abusing his kids swimming teacher who happened to be Bev Waugh, the mum of Steve, Mark and that other cunt who noone remembers. And to think that this goon was almost Prime Minister of Australia. What a complete fuckwit.




• Australian cricket team - for losing to New Zealand for the first time on home soil in 26 years. Fucking embarrassing. The cunts fell 8 runs short. Where is Mike Whitney when you need him.




• Michael Clarke - nice shot dickhead.




• Phil Hughes - see Michael Clarke.




• Brad Haddin - see Phil Hughes.




• Ricky Ponting - see Brad Haddin.




• Nathan Bock - this guy has less brains than than a Shaw family picnic.




• Malcolm Fox - won't pay his victim the $10,000 he was awarded - pay up ya fucking pedo. Surely Mem can raise the funds with her new book, Malcolm the Cunt Wombat Likes Young Wombats.




• Kevin Foley - the boofhead quit politics at least a decade too late. And suck the fuck in, the bloke who snotted you got off, as even the judge thinks you deserved it, ya dickhead.




• Matthew Newton - up to his old tricks again by thumping a 66 year old cabdriver at 10:30am. When questioned by police Matthew was heard to say, "The cunt said my New Zealand accent in Underbelly was worse than Ian Smith's."




• Shane Warne - lucky the cunt didn't burn his face. The Kinks are re-releasing their song "Plastic Man" in Warnie's honour. Burnt your fingers cooking bacon did you Warnie, are you sure it wasn't through doing a bit of overtime on Liz's vertical bacon sandwich?




• XXXX brewery workers - for reneging on a threat to go on strike. For fucksake, do us all a favour and halt the production of that fucking pig swill you Queenslanders have the cheek to call beer.




• Dan Ewing - the "actor" from Home and Away is the new Mathew Newton by thumping his fiance. Not even JR Ewing did that.




• The seal who found his away into a NZ woman's home - when interviewed, the seal said, "fuck those cunts speak like retards".




• Jana Pitman - on to root number 1,963. She goes through blokes quicker than she jumps hurdles.




• Jessica Simpson - for signing a $3 million deal with Weight Watchers. One million for each tit and a million for her fat arse. Hopefully, they'll go one step further and the mole will disappear for good.




• Adelaide Strikers - what a wank, why don't they call them the Sturt Unley Oval Poofburgers. Their outfit looks like fucken Sturt 'Football Club' uniform, all they're missing is the skirt and the undies with the arse cut out of them. I cannot abide Sturt and I cannot abide these cunts, fucken spew. Shaun "Princess" Tait would have really suited the Sturt colours, though.




• Christmas - how's your bank account looking, a bit fucken light on I reckon. Fucken bollocks, it's a rort. Tis the season to go bankrupt, get fucked Christmas loving cunts. And does anyone remember what the day is about, some blokes birthday I reckon, not sure, possibly Boonie.




• Ausralian Politicians - while the world is going down the toilet, these dirty fuckarses have given themselves a massive pay-rise. You dogs. Julia, how fucking stupid do you think we are, saying that it was the decision of an independent tribunal. Fuck off, idiot - you could have knocked the fucking obscene pay-rise back. You are the worse fucking Prime Minister this country has ever had - and to rub salt into that wound you are the most highly paid leader. It is bullshit. Plain old bullshit. You suck.




• Jesus Christ - you can tell this cunt was a tradesman, he said he'd come back to finish the job and noone's seen the fucken hippy since.




• Justin Street - US (fucken where else) nimrod who wasn't happy with the size of his old fella so paid someone to inject silicone into it to supersize little Justin. Surprise surprise it all went arse up and now Justin's carked it. Shouldn't have used a cheap brand you tightarse, haven't you seen the ad on tv, if it's Selleys it works.




• The NZ Labor party - have appointed a bloke called David Shearer as their new leader. Fucken hell they just want people to take the piss don't they. Baaaaaaaaaaa




• Malaysia - have just appointed a new king who's 84 years old. Apparently the coronation had to be held early in the day as he didn't want to miss East Enders at 6:30.




• Bernard Tomic - being investigated for a number of alleged traffic offences, but claims he's not a hoon driver, he's the victim of a vendetta by a Gold Coast policeman. Hahaha don't make me laugh cunt, he wouldn't even know who the fuck you are, you deadshit nobody.




• The Advertiser - more ripping yarns from the Crapvertiser. This time an article on why men are last minute shoppers. I can tell you why in 6 words "because we fucking hate doing it".




• Burnside Council - have shitcanned Chelsea Cinema and told the current tenants to vacate. Fucken councilors, shithouse wanna be politicians, what are you going to put there instead, a fucken hellfire club?




• The AFL - for dry-rooting Norwood in the last two years - 14 players drafted. Cunts.




• Ninemsn - for the headline, "Watch Capper's best moments". Best moments at what - murdering the English language? Having a pair of footy shorts disappear up his Jatz Cracker?




• Bill Gates - for giving his tick of approval to the carbon tax. Who the fuck asked you, nerd? How about a "Pissed Off Tax" on Microsoft - a dollar for every time fucking Microsoft crashes without warning causing you to lose 2 hours of work.




• South Australian Parliament - lesbian mums who conceive through IVF can now both have their names of their baby's birth certificates. What next? Fair dinkum. Let's just re-write the facts of life and say that two women can conceive a baby without a bloke's jism.




• Chinese wine judges - for rating a Chinese wine better than a French one from Bordeaux. Bullshit. Ever tasted Chinese wine?? I'd rather drink fucking XXXX beer than that shit - it is paint stripper.




• Prince Charles and his stallion Camilla - for announcing they are going to visit Australia next year. Get fucked, big ears, can't ya visit Syria or Afghanistan instead?




• James Hardie - for making it as difficult as possible for asbestos victims to claim compensation. Pay up, cunts.




• Julia Gillard - for refusing to say if she likes Kevin Rudd or not. Come on, Julia, don't be shy, the rest of the world hates the cunt, so just admit you do too!




• Tamworth - a boys home in the town has produced some of Australia's most violent criminals, responsible for 35 deaths. The town has also produced some of the worst fucking music ever to come out of Australia, cunt-ry music. I suspect the two are linked - wouldn't you get fucking aggro having to listen to Lee fucking Kernaghan, Kasey Chambers and Troy Cassar-Daley every fucking day of ya life growing up?




• Craig Thomson - not only does the prick use tax-payers money to buy hookers but he's a fucking plagiariser too! The cunt took a $24,000 trip overseas and then plagiarised his official report on the trip using Wikipedia as his source. This wanker deserves a pay-rise, doesn't he. So does Peter "Golden" Slipper. Cunts, the lot of them.