- Meat Loaf
- Wang Wang and Funi
- SANFL umpires
- The Catholic Church
- Kevin Foley
- Ryan Smith and his grafitti mates
- Greg Chappell
- Indian Cricket Fans
- Port Adelaide
- Chad Cornes
- Adelaide Crows
- Heath Shaw
- Tony Dey
- Nicole Cornes
- Cricket Australia
- Stephen Rowe
- American Tourists
- John Farnham
- Michaelangelo Rucci
- Adrian Anderson
- Neil Craig
- The AFL
- Americans
- People Who Stink
- Bernard Finnigan
- Campbell Brown
- Warren Tredrea
- Andrew Hilditch
- Brendan Fevola
- Redbacks
- Charlie Sheen
- John Galliano
- Ricky Nixon
- Blokes who wax their bodies
- Mark Riley
- Kevin Muscat
What a complete bunch of fuckwits. All would be deserving of taking home the Studley. But there can only be one winner. So let's take a look at some of the contenders, starting with the most recent Chad Medallist, Meat Loaf. The AFL paid the Loaf $600,000 to take a dump before the start of the AFL grand final. But no matter how hard he tried and how many grunts he exerted, the Loaf just couldn't back one out. He almost succeeded during his rendition of I Would Do Anything For Love, but he left the stage exhausted and, unlike those unlucky enough to listen to him, still constipated. Best lay off the meat, Loaf.
And then there is Wang Wang and Funi. These two fuckers are sending the State broke. No wonder the Chinese off-loaded them to us - they are fat, lazy, dumb and can't even root when given the chance. Fuck off back to China. And while you are at it, take that other fat, lazy, dumb cunt, Roley Poley Foley with ya. Perhaps you three fuckers can start up a circus act - Wang Wang, Funi and Roley Poley, the three retarded dancing bears. Watch as Wang Wang and Funi do sweet fuck all while Roley Poley the Loudmouth Bear gets his lights punched out. Bye bye, Kevvy, ya cunt.
The SANFL umpires took white maggotry to a whole new level this year. Once again, the Eagles were given an armchair ride throughout the season, receiving more free kicks than any other club thanks to these white maggots. And the white maggots once again proved they have no fucking idea by awarding a fucking seagull, James "Peter" Allen, another Magarey Medal. The white maggots were ably led by that terminal fuckwit, Tony Dey. Dey is a regular nominee and past winner of the Chad and for good reason - he's a cheating cunt and bona fide fuckwit. And I can safely say that not one SANFL supporter shed a tear when Richard Williams announced his retirement. Thank fuck for that but why didn't you take Dey and that other pig Rowston with you? But white maggot abusers out there need not worry because there is a new up-and-coming maggot who will take over Williams' mantle as a deadset fucking cunt - and that is Curtis DeBoy. This little prick will be a shoe-in for a Chad Medal next year. And with a name like that, he'd be fucking popular in the Catholic Church.
Which is a nice segue into another Studley contender, Catholic Church, for continuing to deny years and years of child abuse and covering up for their fucking kiddy fiddling priests. Cunts. Malcolm Fox and Bernie Finnigan would make ideal Catholic priests.
Grafitti artists should have a perpetual Chad Medal awarded to them. Fair dinkum, these cunts are not artists, they are fucking vandals and contribute sweet diddly squat to society. Here is a tag for you idiots - Ryan Smith was a fuckwit.
The Crows and the Power exceeded everybody's expectations by performing even worse than we all hoped was possible. Fucking fantastic. The Crows finally realised that Neil Craig is nothing but an over-rated cunt with boofy grey hair, a squeaky voice and harry high pants and gave him the arse. How stupid are Melbourne for picking this prick up? The only success he has ever had was in playing for Norwood in the 1970s and that is because he was surrounded by a team of deadset champions. As for Port Adelaide, they can surround Matty Fuckarse with the world's greatest assistant coaches but you can't turn horse shit into ice cream. As long as they have cunts like Kane Cornes, Justin Jerkoff, Troy Chaplin, Steven Salopek and Robbie Gray on their list, they will be shit. Michaelangelo Rucci spent all fucking year coming up with excuses as to why Port are up shit creek, blaming everyone from the SANFL to the SANFL, but Rucci, it is quite simple really, noone gives a rat's arse about them. People will go to Adelaide Oval, not to watch Port, but to sink piss on the hill.
And speaking of fuckwits in football, Stephen "Rowey" Rowe. He is clearly a spastic - you can do it, you can do it, you can do it. No you fucking can't. Perhaps the icing on this year's Rowe cake was when he squealed like a fucking pig when Jack Gunston announced he wanted to leave the Crows and go back home to Melbourne, calling him shallow, a sooky sooky la la and to harden up. But Rowey didn't find it all hypocritical to totally support Brad Ebert's wish to leave West Coast and come back to Adelaide. Rowey, you fucking "balloon knot snoozer", you need to "ease up, turbo" and "pump the brakes", it is time you were "goneski" out the "doorski". And take Warren Tredrea with you. Who the fuck decided to give this fuckwit a job in the media? His articles appear to be written by either Lucy Cornes or a retarded chimp - or are they one and the same? And even though you can't see Warren's head on radio, the words are clearly coming from a dick with ears.
And what about cricket. Cricket Australia have completely fucked up the game in this country. OK, noone can argue with Teflon Tim, Cunt Chappell and Hooker Hilditch being boned, but how does the cunt in charge of all this, James Sutherland, survive? And now this toffy-nosed cunt has hired a fucking rugby goon to oversee the team - ya fucking what? So we'll be fucking great in a scrum but have no idea how to bowl line and length. Piss off.
So this takes us to the winner of the Studley Trophy. How apt that it is Studley's wife, Nicole. Yes, based on votes by Chad readers, Nicole Cornes is the winner of the second Studley Trophy as the fuckwit of the year. Sorry to disappoint you, Nicole, but there is no cash prize to go with this esteemed award. We all know how motivated you are by cash, you gold-digging slag, so we hope you can gratefully accept this award and don't sue us for recognising what a truly outstanding fuckwit you are. You should know exactly how prestigious the Studley Trophy is, given that you married the complete fuckwit who's name adorns the trophy. This trophy should perfectly complement the Chad Medal you won eariler this year - a win, I must say, was well over-Dew. I had asked Mick Molloy to present the Studley to you but his asking fee of $85,000 was way too much. I also asked your cunt of a step-son, Chad, to present the Studley to you, but I couldn't understand a fucking single word the dribbling idiot said and I assumed you wouldn't want your face drenched in his phlegm - but then again, I couldn't say the same thing about his jism. Kevin Foley put his hand up to present but the fucker got confused - when I told him I needed someone "to present the Studley to Nicole" he thought I said I needed "a Stud to present to Nicole". Good one, Kev, ya funny cunt, we know how close you and Nicole are, how else did she get a job as a Labor Party adviser? So the only person left to present the Studley to you is Studley himself. There is no actual trophy but apparently Studley has had a message for you engraved on his withered-up old cock - "Tony Symonds Was Here." Congratulations, Nicole, you really deserve this trophy.
No comments:
Post a Comment