Tis the season to be a cunt, falalala go and get fucked. Now I've got the Christmas greetings out of the way I'll move on to the winner of this weeks award. Actually before I do it would be remiss of me not to give another cheerio to last weeks winner Jesus. Hope you had a top birthday , and thanks for not coming back, those poor bastards who got shot in the US or the bloke who lost his family in a house fire will be eternally grateful to you ya shaggy headed, lazy-arsed fucken twat.
And so to the winner of this weeks award. This bloke used to be someone who Australian kids could look at and go " I want to be like that when I grow up ", a fat, beer swilling, chain smoking, fast food munching, pants man who was one of the greatest sportsmen this country, nay this fucking world, has ever produced. I speak of course of none other than Shane Keith Warne.Warnie was a bloke who people could relate to, he liked the finer things in life and fuck anyone who told him he had to give them up. And the thing was whilst he was indulging himself with such gluttonous fervour, he still managed to be at the very top of his game in the greatest game of all - cricket. He could bowl 35 overs , have a packet of ciggies, drink 10 beers, eat 4 pizzas, and fuck some random strumpet, all in the course of one day, and still fucken rock up the next day and perform for his country. That is the Australian way my friend. That is the ideals this great country of ours was founded on - she'll be right, pass us a fucken beer, if ya don't like it blow it out your fucken arse ya wowser cunt.
That WAS Warnie. What the fuck has happened to the cunt now? He's dropped off the kilos, is moderating his diet ( fucken diet shakes, go and get fucked, icecream, full cream milk and a shitload of chocolate is the only sort of shake the old Warnie would have had ), has been to the panel beaters/tupperware/the fucken botox warehouse to 'fix' his melon, dresses like Molly Meldrum is picking his wardrobe, has a set of teeth that would provide more illumination than any fucken light tower in Australia, and is trying to act like a responsible citizen. Well fucken spew. The clincher for me was his recent dribble about the excessive amount of cricket being played being the reason for player injuries being on the increase, but fuck me don't can the 20/20 fucken dogshit. Now yes there is too much ONE-DAY AND FUCKEN 20/20 ( if you can call that insult to the game ) cricket being played. There is no such thing as too much test cricket, the truest, purest form of the game. As reticent as I am to agree with Indian cricketers, a recent speech by Indian cricketer Rahul Dravid was right on the money. Less one-dayers and make this 20/20 abortion only on a domestic level. You however Warnie have sold your arse like a ladyboy in downtown Bangkok ( or Unley ). The very game you made your name in, and were most revered for, TEST CRICKET, you seem to have abandoned to fleece your fucken pockets. Well fuck you, I was there at the MCG when you bowled Andrew Strauss to get your 700th test wicket, and I was as happy as a dog with two dicks. You know how many 20/20 games I've been to see you play - fucken none. And if I was to watch you play any game now I would fucken razz you, ya wanna know why? Because you're a fucken sellout, you've sold out everything that got you to where you are, the sight of you these days makes me wanna spew and that's why you win The Chad Medal this week.
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