Winner - week 21

Fair dinkum. Professor Ross Garnaut and the rest of his boofhead mates can bang on about climate change until the cows come home but the far bigger environmental issue facing the world today is the increasing number of oxygen thieves out there. These fuckwits are putting a massive hole in the ozone layer by stealing our valuable oxygen. The evidence is irrefutable - just take a look at the number of nominations for the Chad each week. There are fuckwits everywhere - in politics, on football fields, on radio, on tv - their reach is boundless. So instead of a carbon tax, I'm advocating a fuckwit tax. Imagine the changes at 5aa or the Shitvertiser if they were both slapped with a fuckwit tax? And the AFL would have no choice but to sack Adrian Anderson and Demetripoo. So Julia, if you can take your nose out of your ears for a second and listen up - axe the carbon tax, and introduce the fuckwit tax - you know it makes sense.


There a quite a few fuckwits that would be heavily taxed this week. Greg Anderson is one. The ex-Essendon and Crows joke has been spruiking financial advice. Jesus christ, he's the Billy Ray Cyrus of financial planning. Fuck off, Ando, the only thing you are qualified to offer advice on is preening mullets. Then there are Canadian ice hockey fans rioting - it is just like the old joke, I once went to a fight and an ice hockey game broke out. Go and root a moose. And a fuckwit tax on Pakistan would solve most of the world's environmental problems - it is just one fuckwit act after another with the Pakis.


But the bloke who would be most heavily taxed this week is Stephen "Rowey" Rowe. This should come as no surprise to anyone. Rarely has a week gone by since the Chad was introduced that Rowey hasn't been nominated. He should receive a star on the Fuckwit Walk of Fame. I would argue that noone has been a more consistent cockhead than Rowey over the last couple of years. It is amazing that so much crap can come out of one person's gob. He makes Ryan Fitzgerald seem only mildly retarded in comparison. I guess that is why Glenelg gave him an assistant coaching role and 5aa gave him a plum spot on drive-time radio. Where do you start with this arseclown and the tripe that he sprouts off on a regular basis? Here are just a few examples of his outstanding fuckwit acts:

• thought there were 362 days in a year


• threatened to resign as assistant coach at Glenelg if Rubbers was sacked - that worked a treat, didn't it, ya dickwad


• wants to boof Neil Craig but on the other hand says the Crows gameplan is crap


• confused Juliet banjoes with Duelling banjoes


• works with Studley Cornes


• continues to blow wind up Chad's arse


• makes up fucking annoying sayings like "ease up turbo" and "pump the brakes, big fella". Try this one Rowey, "shut ya fucking piehole, wanker"


• makes up stupid fucking nicknames for players like "The Big Sauce" Sam Jacobs. You aint no Rex Hunt, Rowey. Try this nickname on for size, "Fuckhead"


• when interviewing players he obsessively uses their nicknames. Prime example was his intreview last year with Glen Jakovich when he said "Jacko" at least 48 times in a 1 minute interview


• asks guests on his show the most boring, stupid and cliched questions. I would have loved to have heard his interview with Jonathon Brown after he had his faced caved in earlier this season, "Jeez, Browny, it must have really hurt to have ya faced caved in, Browny, how did it feel, Browny? Did it hurt, Browny?" Brown's response, "Fuckwit".


• Squealed like a stuck pig when Sheeds rated Van Berlo as the AFL's worst captain. Good call, Rowey, Van Berlo has been outstanding.


• gave Derryn Hinch a spray about spreading rumours about Eddie McGuire - you dickhead, this comes after Rowey was sued once for spreading rumours about Eddie.


• squealed like a stuck pig when the ABC was given first rights to interview players after the SANFL grand final after 5aa did a Port Adelaide supporter and only turned up for the grand final after ignoring the SANFL for the rest of the year

These are just the tip of the Rowe iceberg - there are many more examples of what a fucking goose he is. Surely, it is time for 5aa to admit that they fucked up big time in hiring him and "pump the brakes" on Rowey's radio career. The prick has plenty of other career options, such as working in an Indonesian abbattoir or being Mike Rann's media adviser. Just stay the fuck off air. In the meantime, Rowey, you terminal fuckwit, please accept this week's Chad Medal, it is well deserved. And for fuck's sake, can you please remove your head from Chad's arse.