Round 21 Nominees

• Channel 7 - for thinking they have the right to stick a fucking microphone in a player/coaches' face at any stage of a football game. "So Rodney how do you think the boys are going ?"..."Well Tim it's the 2 minute mark of the first qtr and it's zero fucking zero so I'd say we're still in with a good show". Don't ya just want to see one player or coach say "if you don't get that fucking thing out of my face I'm going to ram it so far up your arse you're gonna end up sounding like Stephen Hawking you cunt."




• Neil Craig - had issues with Ben Hudson and Scott Welsh because they smoked cigarettes. Yet you condone someone like Bernie Vince who is a bona fide cocksmoker. Bernie is a six-packs-a-day guy too. Neil, double standards.




• Trudy Quinlivan - was found mentally unfit to stand trial for her role in the severe neglect of 5 young kids. Get fucked, you still know the difference between right and wrong. Being mentally unfit hasn't stopped Bob Katter from a long career in politics.




• Annette Hill - Yankee bag who is bringing the Universal Royalty Child Pageant to Australia. Yes let's do that, promote something that exploits young kids by dressing them up like a 17yr old streetwalker at the hands of pushy, lunatic parents who need a fucking bullet. They will be competing for the JonBenet trophy.




• Chad Cornes - well ya had a chance to prove to Primus you were next in line for a Powder spot and ya blew it ya fucken peanut. Chad's game against Centrals on Saturday could be best only described by the following words - absolutely fucking shithouse. The cunt ran himself that far into the pockets to get the ball he ran into the hotdog stand in the 3rd qtr. And those floating nothing passes were a treat, looked like you were kicking helium balloons. At least you gave the oval a good soaking. Retire fuckhead.




• James Sellar - hahahahahaha this prick is on an AFL list, mind you it's an AFL list run by Neil Craig. Note to James - if you're gonna indulge in planking like other fuckwits have done , it's done horizontally not vertically whilst standing in the middle of Elizabeth Oval wearing a Glenelg jumper you arsefuck.




• Holdfast Council - voted to spend $15000 of ratepayers money to take a couple to court because they put a shed in their yard. Wanna be politicians, fucken weasels. I wanna take Mike Rann to court for building that fucking desalination plant.




• Mark Mickan - coach of the year in the SANFL has finally paid the price for coaching a club that has built its reputation on being totally insipid. Poor old Rubbers, he's only carried on the tried and true traditions of the Glenelg Football Club - string your supporters along with some fairy bread footy players (eg Jordan McMahon, Mark Ruwoldt, Luke Pannozzo to name but a few) which manages to get you to the finals, then - to quote Heath Franklin's Chopper - FUCKEN BANG! Straight down the shitter, regular as clockwork, the metamucil of footy. Memo to Rowey who also got the chop - don't even think about returning to the Parade, ya fucking rock ape.




• New Zealanders - seriously, take some fucken elocution (or better still some electrocution) lessons, no bastard can understand you. At first, the accent is funny but then quickly becomes as annoying as listening to Julia Gillard recite poetry, "There was mooooovement at the staaaaaation, as the wooooord had got arooooooound..." Speaking of Gillard, her other half must be fair dinkum deaf.




• Adelaide Crows - I know it's getting repetitive, but it's still fucking funny, especially now that Craig Neil is using injuries as an excuse. Come one, Neil, you can't use the fact all of ya "exciting playing list" have pulled heart muscles as an exuse for them playing like busted arses.




• Andrew Chan - convicted heroin smuggler had his last appeal against the death sentence canned. You knew what the risks were, so fuck ya.




• The Bloke who got pissed on hand sanitiser - whilst in hospital for alcoholism drank 6 375ml bottles of hand sanitiser which had an ethanol content of 66% and gave him a blood alcohol reading of .271 . I thought Fev said he'd sorted himself out. At least his hands were fucking clean.




• Heidi Klum - Quote "I love it when the kids can go and eat sea urchin and the sea urchin is literally going like this (waving hands )". You might still be A-Grade bit of fluff but you might want to stay off the Cornelia Rau diet for a while ya nutter. I guess listening to Seal warble for 24/7 will do that to ya.




• Pakistan - After US intelligence ( there's an oxymoron for ya ) tipped off the Pakis about the locations of two bomb making factories in their country, the Pakis promptly tipped off the militants making the bombs, thereby allowing them to escape before the military arrived to apprehend them. Their excuse was they had to ask elders before entering tribal land. Any wonder why the Yanks didn't keep them in the loop when they went after Bin Laden?




• Patrick Dangerfield - for describing Neil Craig as a great football brain. Surely, you gest, Patty. If Craig is a great football brain then Bernard Finnigan is anorexic.




• AFL match review panel - fair dinkum it's gonna be illegal to sneeze soon, it's a joke that blokes like Mumford, Koschitzke and Kelly got reported for laying a fucking tackle.




• Essendon - how's that April flag sitting with ya know ya smarmy turds, as predicted the gloss has worn off and down ya go. I hope ya ears are burning Hirdy, we could all do with some extra heat at present.




• Patrick Ryder - Winona would go harder at the ball than you, ya lazy prick.




• Shafied Ullah - Afghani 'rogue' soldier who killed Aussie digger Lance-Corporal Andrew Jones got his comeuppance when he was killed in a firefight. On behalf of all Aussies we say - fuck you.




• Sri Lankan cricket team - allowed Ian Bell-end to score two centuries in three tests against them. They must have been bowling fucking pies for that gingernut to score a ton, let alone two.




• Josh Francou - quote "in leaving Chad Cornes in the SANFL, the Power is wasting a golden opportunity of using an impact player who can help change games in the blink of an eye. Cut him loose and reap the rewards." You're fucking kidding, have you been on the Ben Cousins diet? If you'd seen any of Chad's game on the weekend and blinked you would've missed his total contribution to the game. And the only thing he has an impact on is the state of the turf underneath him when he floods it trying to call for a cheap kick. I agree with the last sentence about cutting him loose and reaping the rewards, if Port cut him loose from their list they will reap the rewards of not having the cunt mooching around taking money under false pretences. 5aa is going to claim Chad under the father-son rule.




• Kitty Flanagan - she's hilarious, as funny as a Fred Basset cartoon. Her material is as thin as a Balfour's pasty. She has taken over the mantle as the least funny Flanagan from Dave.




• Airline food - serving a four day old cag on a plate does not constitute food you fuckwits.




• Male flight attendants - these cretins wouldn't get a game for Sturt.




• Restaurant buffets - for serving up oysters that have been sitting opened in a heated room for a couple of hours, yeah that's fucking appetising, I'd rather eat airline food.




• Greg Chappell - ya sacked Katich and kept Clarke, top move ya sour faced albino golliwog. I still remember 1981 prick and you still have the same level of integrity.




• Andrew Hilditch - see Chappell. How does this prick keep his job?? Katich has performed in a crap team yet he gets the arse and Hilditch has been as useful as a game of scrabble at Warren Tredrea's house yet keeps his job.




• Sam Stosur - the number one ranked Aussie women's tennis player proved again that the dearth of talent in Aussie women's tennis is as barren as Margaret Thatcher's iron curtains by her sensational effort in losing to a competitor ranked about 250 places lower then her. It is about time Sammy stopped taking advice from Glenelg.




• Jelena Dokic - who ate all the pies? Fair dinkum, she looked like she was better suited to grazing on the grass court than playing tennis on it. If Sam Stosur had displayed the same amount of guts that Jelena had falling out of her shirt then she might've won.




• Scott Stevens - expects the headaches, vomiting, nausea and poor vision to finish now he's retired. Funny, all the people who put up with watching you play footy feel the same way.




• Adelaide Zoo Pandas - fucken Jackie Chan and Hong Kong Phooey have cost the zoo millions and put them into more debt than Port Power. Time to learn some tricks - besides sleeping, eating and shitting to recover some of the money you've cost us, you mooching cunts. Given that they are black and white, is Rucci going to blame the SANFL for their financial woes?




• Glenelg Football Club - Kitty Flanagan might want to get material from them as they're a fucking riot to watch. They employ coaching goons like Choco, giggle Pat Mickan, hehe Stephen Rowe, hohohoho Peter Caven and haha Ken hahaha McGregor, better stop it I nearly pissed myself. Pick fairies and mercenaries like heehee Turd Grima, hehehehe Jordan McMahon, Kane "Give me space" Tenace, Luke Pannozzo hahahahahaha, ah fuck just made a mess. They crumble under pressure like a soggy sao, their supporters give up quicker than the French Army, they've had less success than Warren Tredrea's speech therapist, they produced 3 Cornes'. Seriously do ya need any more reason why they got nominated?




• Mark "Robbo" Robinson - for having the temerity to tell Dane Swan not to be a smart-arse. Jesus, talk about the pot calling the kettle a cunt. Robbo, your whole career as an alleged journalist has been based on being a smart arse!




• Stephen Rowe - for saying that as a coach, Nathan Bassett wouldn't blow wind up Neil Craig's arse. Yeah, Rowey, you are spot on - it is impossible to blow wind up Craigy's arse because Stephen Trigg is chocka block up him.




• Martin Crowe - for contemplating a return to first class cricket. Just because you can still smack a Ewan Chatfield short-ball for six in a game of backyard cricket does not mean you should make a comeback.




• Bernard Finnigan - can you please explain your absence from Parliament in recent months? By the looks of ya, you've done no exercise and have spent too much time in front of a computer.




• Shane Bond - the ex-New Zealand fast bowler has released a book. I didn't know that fast bowlers could write. And really, who gives a shit about a bloke who played test cricket for NZ. Maybe this is the first in a series. Personally, I can't wait for Martin Sneddon's autobiography, titled, "I Couldn't Bowl For Shit But I Could Sure Shag A Sheep Off A Short Run" or Brian McKechnie's long-awaited memoir, "Greg Chappell Was A Cheating Cunt and Other Assorted Stories."




• Brent Harvey - for denying that Dermott Brereton's recent comments had no bearing on him hand-balling to a team-mate for the first time in his 300-plus game career when he was on the run, just 20 metres out from goal. Yeah, Boomer, ya just suddenly became unselfish. Good one dickhead.




• Richard Wilkins - for touting himself as a movie critic. You fucking peacock, you have no credibility. It is like Jordan McMahon touting himself as a footballer.




• Amy Winehouse - so the re-hab worked a treat, did it, luv?




• Ryan Dunn - can't wait for the next episode of Jackass...




• The Antarctic penguin that took a wrong turn and ended up in NZ - you poor bastard, I hope you have ear-plugs.




• Canadian hockey fans - for rioting after the Vancouver Kanucks lost 4-0 in the Stanley Cup to the Boston Bruins. Understandable given that the referees were Richard Williams and Colin Rowston. Just imagine if Crows supporters had the same passion!




• NME readers - for voting Wacko Jacko as the greatest singer of all-time. He just pipped Stephen Kernahan, who was nominated for his outstanding version of Stand By Your Man, recorded the morning after the 1987 VFL grand final.




• Fuckwits calling for AFL players to wear grid-iron helmets - if Adrian Anderson starts talking about then we know it's gonna happen.




• Greg Anderson - apparently he's a financial expert now. Any idiot that takes financial advice from this mulleted numbskull deserves to go broke.




• Luke Jericho - the Norwood player tweeted that he was annoyed about having to play footy on a public holiday. The first person to respond was his coach, Nathan Bassett, who promptly told him to "harden the fuck up". You fuckwit, Jericho, I'd say that with some of of your soft efforts in the past that you would take every opportunity to cement your spot.




• John Farnham - for not only being a fat cunt who bleats like a sheep and has a long-running mullet competition with Greg Anderson, but for being really, really shit at maths. When asked about his age he said, "I'm 63, I was born in 1949." Ah, Whispering Jack, you fuckwit, that would make you 62, at most. I guess ya memory is fucked and explains why you keep wheeling out farewell tours that noone wants except senile old grannies.




• Gary Fila, Colin Rowston and Richard Williams - anyone present at you're fucking display of ineptitude at the recent game between Centrals and Glenelg could only describe you in one word - cunts.




• Monsignor David Cappo - for flying business class on overseas trips in his position as Social Inclusion Commissioner and Mike Rann Travel Buddy. His excuse is that he is 185 cm tall. Have you heard of the exit seats, fuckwit? You're a man of the people, Monsignor Cunt.




• Stephen Rowe - for saying there are a 362 days in a year. Wanker. You are a fuckwit 362 days a year - the other 3 days you are a cockhead.




• Caro Wilson - please refrain from discussing anything about the SANFL, a subject you know absolutely nothing about - so shut ya cakehole. Why is it that the less you know, the more you say, you scrag?




• Daniel Motlop - Dropped from the Powder hahahahahahahaha. Motlop, Motlop, what ya gonna do, what ya gonna do when they de-list you.




• The bloke who hid in a shithouse tank - American (fuck me who would've thought) sicko hid in the tank of a portable dunny at a yoga festival. He eventually emerged covered in human waste and slipped away. Well would you try and stop the cunt?




• Yoga - it is such a fuckwit of an activity that a bloke would rather hide in a dunny full of shit than than sit through a whole festival of this fair dinkum hippy crap.



• Bernie Vince - for his tweet "They rate me." in reference to the Bulldogs using Liam Picken as his tagger. Yeah, Bernie, we rate you too - as an a-grade fuckwit.



• Brett Ebert - for being pictured in the Shitvertiser holding a copy of a book on Albert Einstein. That is fucking ridiculous - the best of Specky Magee would have been a more appropriate book.


• Eilish De'Avalon - the self-proclaimed witch who after being sentenced to jail for two months said, "I decline your offer, your honour." Well, Eilish, I'd like to offer you a nomination in this week's Chad Medal - you truly are an outstanding fuckwit.