Round 19 Nominees

• Essendon FC - named Mark McVeigh as captain for the game v Melbourne. Ya wouldn't have thought this was a wise choice as the cunt spends more time preening himself than a poodle with an itchy dick.. Any wonder they got rolled by 5 goals?

• Ita Buttrose - the female equivalent to Kenny Callender has put forward the suggestion that a quota of females be imposed upon the boardrooms of businesses. Quote Ita " it tells them that women will not go away, that women's voices in the boardroom have a right to be heard " . Of course they have a right to be heard - will that be white with two Mr. Chairman?

• Non Beer Drinkers - beer consumption is at its lowest in 62 years whilst wine consumption rose, pull ya fucken finger out cunts, order a fucken stubby, not a chardy.

• Umemployed bums - a recent survey determined that one reason people remain unemployed is a fear of failure. Get fucked, the main reason is they're bone idle, lazy, mooching cunts.

• Andrew Pearce - former radio producer who has been stung with sex offences charges against 12 and 13 year old boys dating back to the late 1970's. Ya filthy prick, and ya get an extra vote for being Cornesy and KKKKKKG's producer and helping keep the fuckers on air.

• People who put the wrong fuel in their cars - you are dumbfucks, if you're than stupid you can't put the right fuel in your car you shouldn't be allowed to own one. Hmm what do I put in my car today, I normally put in unleaded but this diesel stuff must be the same surely. Dickheads.

• The S.A.C.A. - they outright refuse to give locals a gig, the latest being a snub of Jason Gillespie as bowling coach. They've got more imports in their system than the English test team. Note to Jamie Cox - fuck off.

• Paris Hilton - " am I gonna be working with, like, convicts and, like prisoner people? Because of a little incident in Las Vegas last year, I have to do 200 hours of community service and it really sucks ". Well Paris, like, you were the one that fucked up, like, so you do the crime, like, you do the time you stupid mole. And having seen your home video it's not just community service that sucks,.

• Jyrah Muller - 14 year old kid punched an umpire, got 5 years suspension, and thinks the sentence is too harsh. He had already been reported 4 times this season and pleaded guilty this time to spitting, striking, and abusive language. Quote fuckwit - "not good work man haha hell regret it ay because now I can't play footy for about 5 to 10 years. I can't play till I'm 20, that's fucked " . I'm going to go out on a limb here and predict by the time you're 20 the only footy you'll be kicking will be inside fucking Yatala ya fucking little animal.

• Roger Richards - father of Jyrah Muller who said 5 years suspension for his kid was too harsh and wiped out his chance at a career. What fucking career, car jacker, burglar, or armed robber?

• The 30 year old woman who tried climbing over a high fence around a church in Melbourne at 2am and impaled herself - puts a new spin on the term pole dancing doesn't it?

• John Edwards - former US Presidential candidate is being indicted on conspiracy, illegal campaign contributions and making false statements charges, most of which coincided with him attempting to cover up an affair and resulting lovechild he had whilst his missus was battling with cancer. American pollies are class acts aren't they? The next scandal to come out will be a sex tape of Sarah Palin and the moose in the opening credits of Northern Exposure.

• The Sunday Mail - for giving a column to Lucy Cornes who gives us such social commentary as how much she loved her now dead dog. Fucking riveting.

• Anthony Weiner - US congressman and wanna be New York mayor has been busted lying about sending pictures of himself in various stages of undress to young females via twitter. He denied it, claimed his account had been hacked into, then realised he was fucked so admitted he fucked up via a press conference full of tearful dribble and remorse that seemed less believable than Bill Clinton's "I did not have sexual relations with that woman "speech.

• Mark Riccuito - conducted his own half yearly review of the Power today, and was about as hard hitting as a Danyle Pearce hip and shoulder. Also managed to give Chad Cornes an A for effort. For fucksake it's not year 6 footy where everyone gets a medal for playing. I'll give you an A for that article Roo, an A for Arsefuck.

• Steven Trigg - " we're not in denial ". hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha fuckwit.

• Ryan Giggs - not long after it came out that the married Giggs had rooted a former reality show contestant, the cunt has outdone himself after revelations he has been putting one in the back of the net of his brother's missus for the last 8 years.

• Mr. and Mrs. Giggs - they named their other son Rhodri, no wonder his missus went elsewhere for a root, she must've felt like she was banging something out of the Chelsea Flower Show.

• Cunts who are blaming the SANFL for everything going wrong - predominantly Port maggotts but I have heard a few Crow ponces having a crack at their stadium deals ( which they had no input into? ) and how much better the Victorian teams have things. Boo fucking hoo, when are these cunts going to accept the SANFL is not responsible for all the woes of the world and to take some fucking responsibility for their nest having a steaming great ostrich turd in it. What else do these fuckers want to blame the SANFL for - punching out Kevin Foley in the dunnies of a Gouger St nightclub? global warming? recruiting shit players like James Sellar, Brad Moran, Richard Tambling and Matthew Jaensch? reappointing choco then having to pay the fuckarse out when he didn't finish out his contract? shooting JFK? drowning Harold Holt? taking Azaria Chamberlain ? giving Shoaib Akhtar genital warts? instituting workchoices and the failed insulation scheme? selling tainted cucumbers? get a grip ya fucken wankers.

• Jesper Fjeldstadt - Time to put away the beads and upgrade to a fucking calculator dickhead, this 'journalist' tried to insinuate that if the AFL were to re-purchase Port Adelaide's licence back from the SANFL , that the AFL would need to pay 10 times the annual profit, or in Port's case $4 million. Pardon? You obviously put less time into maths at school than your parents did coming up with a name that would've gotten you numerous floggings as a kid, as unless I'm mistaken, 10 times an annual loss of $2.5 million does not equal $4 million. Your apprenticeship under that master of shite Rucci is nearly at an end, you are emerging as a fuckarse in your own right. The AFL should wind up the abortion that is the Port Adelaide Football Club, but not before they charge every Port supporter, all 300,000 of them, half of their fortnightly dole cheque to reimburse the non Port long suffering football followers who have had to put up with the tripe they play every week.

• Mark McVeigh - On top of being the biggest self promoting arsewipe since former Bulldogs captain Lucille Darcy, McFuckwit will now not only go down ( but that's another story ) as one of the worst players to have played 200 AFL games, but is a shoe-in for the worst captain in the history of the Essendon Football Club, and with the possible exception of Nathan Van Berlo, of any club anywhere. Many of the 53,000 crowd last friday night mistakenly believed McFuckwit was given the captaincy for the night as it was to be his last ever night of shame in an Essendon guernsey, but to the sheer horror of thousands of bomber fans and millions of football fans Australia wide, he signalled his intention to continue torturing everyone with his substandard, peroxide stained she-male performances. Apparently his brother Jarryd from the swans shaves his head and grows a beard in an attempt to convince people he is no relation to the Essendon pillow-biter. When quizzed about him having a brother, Jarryd now responds that he is the brother of US psychotic killer Timothy McVeigh as it is less embarrassing to the family.

• Kane Cornes - In the latest installment of the Port Adelaide goon show Matt Thomas was given the job of minding Chris Judd, leaving the younger of the 2 oral sprinkler brothers, aka the Saint Bernard, aka Beethoven, Kane Cornes to try to negate the influence of Marc Murphy. Murphy escaped the Beethoven drool and fleas, much like his brother Chad escaped ellocution lessons as a child, right from the opening bounce, gathering 32 disposals ( 14 contested, where the fuck were you then Kane, thought you were supposed to be sticking to him like shit to a blanket) , 6 clearances, 2 score assists and a goal to be one of the most damaging players on the ground. This rendered spittle boy as useful as stepmum Nicole as a contestant on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire, or as an ALP candidate in the Federal election. You've got to give it to him though, he's as least been consistent over 200 odd games of AFL footy, consistently shit. Unfortunately his legacy will not retire with him as his proteges - Brett 'ice skates'Stanton and Bernie 'how's my hair boys' Vince have carried on his seagullian traits ( otherwise known as Connell-Knights syndrome ) with great aplomb, together with their ability to run shrieking like a girl at the slightest hint of contact.

• David Beckham - for announcing his thoughts/intentions of getting a tattoo on his dick. The vain cunt will probably get the tatt of himself, but if he had any sense of history he'd get wife Victoria's name inked on little David and follow it up with an accompanying Prince Albert.

• Justin Beiber - compared himself with Kurt Cobain. Well you're both fuckwits granted, but that's where the comparison ends junior. However, if you decide to do the world a favour and blow your head off like Kurt did, I would be gracious enough to admit the similarity.

• Bob Katter - announced he was starting his own political party, and at the launch stated " he will keep the bastards honest ". Well done Bob, very original, the estate of Don Chipp will be in contact soon to sue for copyright infringement. As will the producers of 'Dallas' as you've ripped your image off Larry Hagman's JR Ewing ya thieving old prick.

• Sonny Bill Williams - wants to be regarded as a serious boxer, but the lardarse he pummelled in his latest fight looked like he'd done his pre-fight training in KFC. Right out of the Anthony Mundine book of fighting duds to make your career record look better than it should.

• John Farnham - fuck me the old prick is making another comeback. You're a cunt try and understand it, shut the fuck up, is that real clear, ohohohoh, you bleeeeating mulleted old cuuuunt.

• New Zealanders - your accent is shut bro, you're generally retarded beyond comprehension, and you keep coming over here to try and pinch our jobs. Stop rooting kiwis, sheep and your rellies and you might improve your gene pool, maybe not the Snedden family, but the rest of you can't get any fucken worse.

• The Linear Park flasher - this fat pig rode his bike past a young woman 4 times on Monday arvo, flashing her each time. Your a filthy cockroach for a start, but how did ya manage to hold your fat gut up for long enough to whip down your trackies whilst still riding your bike? One slip and you're a soprano flubberguts, mind you it's probably best for all a fuckwit like you doesn't ever get the chance to breed.

• Dale Lewis - remarked in his column in The Crapvertiser ( fuck me they have dickheads writing for them ) that North Melbourne young gun Andrew Swallow wouldn't be in the top 100 players in the AFL. To all you young kiddies, take a good look, if you ever wanted to see an example of how brain cells are damaged by long term excessive alcohol consumption, there's the poster boy.

• David Bleby - retiring Supreme Court Justice and former lawyer has stated that he believes lawyers should focus on serving their clients, not purely earning money. You fucking hypocrite.

• Jake O'Dell - set fire to his neighbour's dog and got off the charges in court. You cunt, the karma train is coming and will be stopping off at your station you fucking shitball.

• Warren Tredrea - quote fuckarse " It is time our AFL clubs bit the bullet and fielded teams in the SANFL ". " We are proud of our local competition, the SANFL. That has been the best state league since the VFL became the AFL but the question has to be asked - what does this mean if it's hurting the development of our AFL clubs'youngsters? Given what is at stake, the SANFL clubs have to accept change and do what's best for SA footy. Far from hurting the state league competition, it will add a new interest level. More SANFL curtain-raisers can be programmed before AFL matches and more fans will go, meaning more money ". " Having their own teams in the SANFL would also enhance the development of our AFL and SANFL coaches ". Quote me " go fuck yourself you giant ignorant, arrogant dick with ears. You wouldn't know if your arse was on fire so don't try to lecture the SANFL clubs about what they should or shouldn't do. Go and get fucked".

• The woman who gave methodone to her 5 year old son resulting in his death - you are fucking scum.

• Bernard Finnigan - thanks for showing up to parliament for a few minutes fatso, where have you been? Got something to hide porky?

• Ricky Nixon - don't think that anyone's been fooled by that stupid mole retracting her story, you're still a liar,a deviate and a wanker, and as dishonest as a Robert Mugabe run election. Quote rockband The Choirboys " guilty, guilty as charged ".