It was truly an outstanding week for fuckwits. A record 38 Chad nominations were received. Gillard and Abbott set the standard for the week as they went ear to ear in the great debate. Soon after, Adam Liaw fashioned a delightful scrotum dessert to win Master Chef. Poor old Adam was worrried that his scrotum was going to crack - perhaps he should have brought Belinda Neal in to advise him as she is an expert ball breaker. One wonders if Callum would have won had Paris Hilton been guest judge - she has tasted many, many scrotums over the years. The Australian cricket team then lost to Pakistan. Pakistan are the Paul Briggs of world cricket yet we still couldn't beat them. And to top off the week, literary giant, Andrew McLeod, released his biography, "Crowback Mountain". It is a heart-breaking romance, up there with the best of Mills and Boon, telling the intriguing story of the McLeod, Hewitt, and Edwards love triangle. A movie version is already in the pipeline, with Serena Williams in her first acting role as McLeod, Justin Bieber as Ley Ley, and Bec Hewitt in her much anticipated comeback role as "sooky sooky la la" Edwards. Bea Arthur was originally slated to play Crows Football Manager John Reid but since she is dead the role will now go to Belinda Neal or Penny Wong, two really top blokes.
In the end, the list was narrowed down to three - Julia Gillard, Clay "Bangers" Connelly and Bruce McAvaney. Gillard was in rare form this week with three nominations - for her brilliant mass debating, for her ingenious strategic use of her ear lobes to plug her leaky cabinet, and for her visionary idea of a citizen's assembly idea to deal with climate change. With three more weeks of campaigning left, there will no doubt be more Chad-worthy performances to come from Gillard.
And what can you say about "Bangers" Connolly? He flew all the way to Finland for the World Air Guitar Championships but lost. Still, he has a chance to redeem himself in the Rock Paper Scissors World Championship in Toronto in November.
But in the end, we could not go past Bruce McAvaney for this week's Chad. This award has been a long time coming for Bruce. Nick Riewoldt is just the latest sporting identity on the end of Bruce's long conga line of suckholes that has included "King" Carey, Cathy Freeman, Roger Federer, Makybe Diva, Thorpedo, Nathan Buckley, Richo and more recently, the delicious Cyril Rioli. So congratulations, Bruce, I am pleased to annouce that you are this week's winner of the VEEEERY SPEEEECIAL Chad Medal. Congratulations and keep up the arse-licking.
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