The Chad Week 7 - nominations

• Neil Craig - for talking more shit than Kevin Rudd and for using the line “our playing group (its called the team you wanker) and our club must learn from this loss” for the 8 millionth time since he took over as coach
• Bruce McAvaney - For making a set shot from 25 metres out dead in front by Nick Riewoldt seem like the goal of the year. Clearly Bruce has, or wants to, bend over for St. Nick.
• Matty Knights - (second consecutive nomination) for trying to find an Essendon player that likes him after the game on Saturday night (there were none) and for not realising he has 5 games left in his coaching career before he disappears from the landscape to be never heard of again, other than in the dictionary under “greatest failure as a player and coach of all time”!
• The Crows recent form - for doing a Harry Houdini disappearing act. Quote from the nominator, "It just makes me even more pissed off that I actually wanted them to win after what they did to my great team (Geelong) last week. Well now I know that they their little bag of magic tricks only goes so far and for their last trick they will disappear into the bottom half of the ladder."
• Jack Button - the umpire (white maggot) for encouraging his wife and daughters to become white maggots. Surely, this is grounds for divorce and a parental neglect charge.
• The Hawthorn interchange steward - for not knowing that 18 + 1 = 19
• Jimmylik (blogger to the Sunday Mail) - for this ridiculous comment about Shane Watson, "is there nothing Watto can't do! He truly is the most talented cricketer to have played the game". Yeah, righto, Jimmylik. What is your next big statement? Perhaps, something like, "Is there nothing Jack Anthony can't do! He is truly the most talented footballer to have played the game."
• Andrew McLeod and Tyson Edwards - come on ladies, surely Ley Ley's arse can be kissed by more than one person at a time. Just ask Rowey and Cornsey.
• The Australian cricket team - jeez, you can't beat Pakistan even when they are doing their best to lose.
• Johnny Farnham - just what the world needs, another comeback by Farnesy. Yeah, I can't wait for another rendition of You're The Voice and a 12 minute bagpipe solo.
• Julia Gillard and Tony Abbott - for the great debate. Julia and Tony are brilliant debaters in front of a large audience, yep, they are great mass debaters.
• Julia Gillard and Tony Abbott - for the best ears in politics. Apparently, there will be a new version of Mr Potato released, with Julia's lobes and Tony's cauliflowers.
• Media Mike - welcome back King of Spin. Good to see you claiming credit for making it rain this year. If you can do that, why are you building a fricking de-sal plant?
• BP - for doctoring images of its command crisis centre AND for giving their CEO a $20m golden handshake.
• Oprah Winfrey - for giving Fergie her own talk show. Yeah, the world has been screaming for a talk-show hosted by an overweight, ranga, ex-Royal with a foot fetish and Russian mafia connections.
• Mel Gibson - for getting advice in his time of crisis from Britney Spears. Ah, yeah, that is like Hannibal Lector offering advice to Callum on Master Chef.
• Chad - for his broken finger.
• Kings of Leon - for leaving the stage after three songs after being shat on by pigeons. I'd say justice after the over-rated tripe they inflicted on the public from their last over-rated album.
• Julia Gillard (three nominations this week - a record) - for showing tremendous leadership on climate policy and introducing the citizen's assembly. Apparently, she is running for SRC president.
• Wunghnu Magpies full-back - for allowing the Deniliquin Rovers full forward to kick 31 goals last weekend
• Etihad Stadium surface - it moves more than Doug Bollinger's rug.
• Glenn Wheatley - for suggesting offshore bank accounts are sexy. I guess that is what happens after managing Johnny Farnham for 20 years.
• The clown in the US who left a peanut sandwich in the backseat of his car - a bear broke in, ate the sanga, laid some carpet in the front seat, and then destroyed the car. Sure that wasn't Kim Beazley.
• Colin Rowston (SANFL white maggot) - he's been over-shadowed by Tony Dey this season but returned to form on the weekend.
• Franceso Cener - Tour De France official who banned Lance Armstrong's team from wearing a jersey promoting cancer awareness on the final day of the race. We all know the French are c*nts and this just proves it.
• Clay "Bangers" Connolly - Australian air guitar winner who flew to Finland for the world air guitar championship and lost. Apparently, he broke a string in the middle of Sweet Child O' Mine.
• Adam Liaw -for winning Masterchef on a great attempt in making a scrotem in a bowl.
• The parents who let their kid get so fat they had to order a size 32 shirt. Sure that wasn't Kim Beazley?
• The Family First Party - for asking for preferences from the Australian Sex Party whose policies are exactly the opposite to what Family First stands for. No shame in being a bare-faced hypocrite, is there Steve Fielding?
• Barrack Obama - for being a traitor to men around the world by appearing the male-bashing show The View.
• The 3 Polish tourists who went for a hike in the Swiss Alps wearing only summer clothing and got lost.
• Ron Papps - for trying to give his wife a cuddle
• Hillsong Church - or is that the Church of Scientology?
• Sunday Mail - not only is full of absolute twaddle but now some bright spark has decided to that there will no longer be a separate sports section! Now I have to take the whole paper into the dunny to take a relaxing Sunday morning dump.
• Anthony Mundine - for being Anthony Mundine
• The Bondi Vet - for being the Bondi Vet. What is about Bondi? Bondi Vet. Bondi Rescue. What next? Hopefully, Bondi Cigars.
• Kevin Sheedy - for releasing a joke book. He is right up there with Rove and Hamish and Andy - just not funny. Perhaps he mixed up his joke book and his play book in his last few years at Essendon.
• Nickelback - their new song This Afternoon is an absolute disgrace. What kind of moron buys this shit?