Winner Chad Week 3

The annual Christmas Pageant was held last weekend. But what didn’t get publicised was the first ever Chad Christmas Pageant. There were some outstanding floats on display and an array of fantastic Chad clowns running around like fuckwits. The Greater Western Sydney float was a real crowd-pleaser, in the shape of its new mascot, a Giant orange turd fashioned out of the shit that flows from the mouth of Kevin Sheedy. The One Port Adelaide float was also scheduled to appear but it was car-jacked on the way to the pageant by some feral Port supporters and was last seen parked out the front of the Prince of Wales Hotel. Mark Webber started the pageant in pole position but finished last while the Qantas float broke down shortly after taking off. Portia DeGeneres was going to appear at the pageant but pulled out at the last minute when she realised her float was a giant penis. And a real highlight was the Australian cricket test team float – there was only room for 11 but they were able cram 17 on board. The Federal Parliament was going to have a float but the bastards were either on junkets around the world or refused to appear on the grounds that they were not getting paid enough.

It was a very close contest to decide the winner of the most outstanding performance at the Chad Christmas pageant. Sturt went very close to winning with their Fat Pink Pig float, a real sign of their recruiting strategy for the 2011 season. Unfortunately, Matthew Duldig couldn’t make it because he had just started his pre-season training by chowing down on his 12th schnitzel for the morning at the Cremorne Hotel. The Royal Engagement float probably would have won the Chad had it not crashed after being chased by the paparazzi float. There were also other dramas with the royals - Prince Edward was found sitting on top of the giant penis float while many kids though Fergie was the Sturt float. But the winner of the Chad for his brilliant effort as a clown is David Hussey – he had kids in stitches with his myriad of hilarious comments, such as suggesting that Mike Hussey was in superb form during his 18-ball duck against Victoria. And that Doug Bollinger wig he was wearing was a real hoot.