Chad Nominations - Cricket Season Week 2

• Bomber Thompson – for an absolute classic case of hypocrisy. After having a crack at Gary Ablett all season for being disloyal to Geelong, Bomber quit as coach of the Cats with a year of his contract remaining claiming he was burnt-out. A month later he has signed on as Senior Assistant Coach of Essendon, with evidence now emerging that he started negotiating with the Bombers as early as July. Frank Costa is sending his boys around to have a chat with him…
• James Hird – for becoming football’s Pinocchio. For months he denied he wanted to coach the Bombers – and then he signed on as coach. He then consistently denied any knowledge of any negotiations with Bomber Thompson, even as late as the day before Bomber signed on. Hirdy, you belong in politics, not in football, you lying, smug ponce.
• Essendon – for not realising that spending their entire salary cap on putting together a high profile coaching panel will not make a lick of difference to a playing squad that is so bad that it would make even Jack Anthony look like a superstar.
• Stuart Broad – for his comment that “all bowlers have a certain number of balls in their body.” Ah, yeah, most blokes generally have two, ya fuckwit, unless they are members of the ICC, in which case they have none.
• ICC – for consistently denying the Pakistan cricket is corrupt. They are still in denial, even though Pakistan wicketkeeper Zulqarnain Haider has had to retire from international cricket and is seeking political asylum in Britain because of threats from Pakistani match-fixers.
• Tiger Woods – for suggesting that he is playing the Australian Masters because he wants to defend his title, not because of the appearance money is getting paid. If that is the case, Tiger, then why don’t you hand back the $3 million you are getting paid? Or do you need the money to pay off another slapper that you have rooted?
• Mike Rann – can his credibility go any lower? The pizzas in Puglia must be fantastic.
• Messenger Newspaper - for putting Simon Tregenza on the front cover of this week's edition because of his outstanding form with the bat in Division 17 of the Blind Cricket Competition. To make it worse, in the accompanying article they described Trigger as an AFL footballer who thrilled crowds with his dashing runs down the wing for the Crows. What they failed to add is that in all cases he was dashing quickly away from a contest.
• The English Cricket Team – for hiring a “Yip Doctor” to help stop the team from choking during the upcoming Ashes series. Apparently, while the Poms are in Adelaide, the Yip Doctor will be making a housecall to Glenelg Oval.
• North Adelaide – for signing Brett Backwell. Another front-running little umpires pet is just what they need.
• Adelaide United – for planning to merge with North Adelaide. Smart move, Rob Gerard, ya fat tub of lard, you’ve just alienated 99.99% of Adelaide United supporters.
• Jessica Mauboy - for mis-pronouncing debut as “de-butt”, not once, but twice at the ARIA awards show. Mauboy, try pronouncing fuckwit. Struggling a bit? Ok, try this: FUCK-WIT.
• Kevin Roley Poley Foley - for claiming one of his sons as a spouse for overseas travel. Shit, Big Kev, you’ve taken the old Tasmanian saying of “nothin says lovin like marryin ya cousin” way too far.
• Packed to the Rafters – for not doing the right thing and killing off the entire cast.
• Rupert Grint – for not understanding that being in the Harry Potter movies does not guarantee you a root when you look like a ruptured genital wart.
• Grant Denyer – for taking over from Daryl Somers and Rove as the most annoying little fuckwit on Australian TV.
• The Jacksons - for creating a new Michael Jackson themed clothing line. Apparently, they are about to open the new Michael Jackson Child Care Centre too.
• The Advertiser - for describing Muttiah Muralitharan as a "spin wizard". Cheating fuckwit is a more accurate description.
• Muttiah Muralitharan - for commenting on whether Steve Smith is up to playing test cricket. "Smith does not have much control and he must learn more about bowling spin before he plays Test cricket again," Muralitharan said. Not knowing a thing about spin bowling never stopped you from playing test cricket, ya fuckwit. You spent your entire Test career chucking the ball, not bowling it.
• Fremantle - for agreeing to draft John Anthony. He may go down as their worst recruit since they traded Andrew McLeod for Chris Groom.