Winner week 25

Centrebet has released the market for this week’s Chad Medallist –

$1.00 Heath Shaw
$1.10 The Maxwell Family
$1.35 Rupert Murdoch
$1.50 Julia Gillard
$1.75 AFL/SANFL umpires
$1.80 Richmond, Port Adelaide, the Crows
$2.05 Jason Hampton
$2.35 The Forklift Thief
$2.75 Mathew Lloyd, Troy Chaplin, Hamish Hartlett
$3.30 Luke Jarrad
$4.00 Betty Walker
$5.20 Qantas Engineers, Jessica Lodge
$6.80 Brett Reilly, Rowey, Nathan Lovett
$9.00 The Chap Olympics
$12.30 Fucking Chihuahuas
$18.00 The cost of movies
$25.00 The Emmys
$100.00 the rest of the fuckwits nominated

Heath Shaw gave himself some inside information and put $10 on himself. Nick Maxwell told his mum/sister/cousin that Heath Shaw is a fuckwit so the Maxwell Smart Family has also decided to put a few shekels on Heath. Rupert Murdoch has denied having any knowledge about anything so he doesn’t know what the fuck a bet is. Julia Gillard has decided the best bet is to slap a tax on the Chad. While AFL and SANFL umpires are doing their very best to influence the result by being fair dinkum fucking cheating bastards. Richmond has sold another home game so they can place a bet while the Power and the Crows are betting on Adelaide Oval and have asked Andrew “The Pig” Demetriou to underwrite their bet. Jason Hampton should place a bet on getting a regular rogering from Big Bubba while he’s in jail. The Forklift Thief just rang Centrebet to say that someone just shot him in an attempt to divert betting away from himself. I’m betting on Mathew Lloyd’s book being even more boring and tedious than listening to the cunt drone on about how Matty Knights is a fuckwit. Here is a newsflash for ya, Lloydy - we already fucking know that Matty Knights is a bloody fuckwit - we don’t need a fucking chapter in your book to tell us that. When Troy Chaplin found out he was nominated for the Chad he started pointing his finger while Hamish Hartlett fucked up his shoulder filling out a TAB ticket. Luke Jarrad placed a bet that he could play the rest of this season without soiling his dacks – fucking dumb bet, Luke, the odds on that happening are a million to one.

The market has closed and all bets have been laid. So who wins? Well, it is fucking obvious as the nose on Julia’s face – Heath Shaw. He’s dumber than a box of nails. Enough has already been said about his $10 bet on Nick Maxwell. Stupidity comes naturally to Heath. This is not the first time he has fucked up. Late in 2007, Shaw was charged with drink driving after crashing into a parked car and reportedly registering a blood alcohol reading of 0.144. To make matters worse he denied, in front of his team-mates and the media, that fellow fuckwit, Alan Didak, was a passenger in the car at the time. He was backed up by captain Scott Burns. However, after eyewitnesses identified Didak, he and Didak admitted to lying to their team-mates and club officials, and were banned until the end of the season. Good one, dickhead. But to add even more weight to his Chad victory, just check out his website - www.heathshaw.com.au. Yes, it’s true, the cunt has a website. It is hilarious. You can actually book the idiot - to do what, who the fuck knows? Maybe to put bets on for ya? He also has a blog. Among the classics on his blog are “60 seconds of my life”, which gives you a snapshot into his life – all 60 seconds were filmed at his local TAB. And prior to the Ashes series, he named his test team – those included were Cameron White and Dirk Nannes. Of White he said, "consistent preformer [great spelling, Heath] in all forms of the game, the best slips catcher in the business which is essential in test matches.” Heath, what is even more essential in test matches is having two skills called “scoring runs” and “taking wickets”, neither of which White can do. And Heath has sponsors on his website. They are National Patient Transport (I assume Heath uses them when he has yet another brain fade or crashes his car when pissed) and Talent2 (surely, an ironic joke). So Heath, even though you did not win that bet on Maxwell, you walk away with this week’s Chad Medal. Congratulations, and try staying away from the TAB on your 8 weeks off.