Week 26 Nominations

• Graham Cornes - once again displayed his class by his jibbering about completely unfounded allegations of salary cap rorting by Central District. Isn't it funny that someone makes a joke about his missus and he cries like a little bitch, but he thinks it's fine to constantly slander a club and its supporters. Fucking cockhead.


• Michelangelo Rucci - continues to peddle his filth in the guise of journalism. His latest effort has him suggesting that Centrals have rorted the salary cap. Funny how he doesn't have any actual proof, the vendetta he has for the dogs is as clear as the grease stains on the cunts face. Ya just can't stand that a team has dominated the comp for years and it's not Port can you cunt. Go and get fucked.


• Derryn Hinch - must have been taking acting classes from Mem Fox, cause seeing him doing the old " oh it's been so stressful, pity me "look in the back of the car after his court appearance stunk of Mem's efforts cuddling kiddy fiddling husband Malcolm outside court a while ago. Didn't think they awarded Logies for radio you fuckwit.


• Jennifer Hawkins - her diet involves low salt, low carb, no booze. Now an A-grade bit of fur she might be, but fucken hell what does she eat -air? She'd be a fucken riot out at the pub, "and for the lady?", "um, I think I'll have a lettuce leaf and some non-carbonated water and side of dust".


• The Catholic Church - have rejected a call for religious confessions of child abuse to be passed on to the police. For fucksake, name em, shame em, and string the cunts up.


• Father Brian Lucas - in response to calls for confessions of child abuse to passed on to the cops said - "(the) proposal does nothing to protect children and flies in the face of a fundamental right of people practise their religion". You're fucking kidding, so if one of these filthy cunts confesses that they're still molesting a poor kid, you don't think that by reporting it it could save that kid and potentially other kids from harm? Fuckwit. That flies in the face of the fundamental right of kids to grow up in a safe environment. I'm fucken sick of pricks like this using religion as an excuse to keep their dirty little secrets under wraps.


• Pregnant women who use nicotine patches - ya don't think any of that's going to be passed on to the unborn child? It's bad enough the kid is gonna come into the world with a mother who's a dumbfuck, don't poison the little bugger as well.


• Britney Spears - apparently isn't too keen on washing, brushing her teeth or using deodorant. Sounds like she's getting ready for her post music 'career' as a taxi driver.


• Mary Jo Fisher - SA Liberal MP who's facing theft and assault charges. She allegedly pinched $92.92 worth of groceries from a supermarket then assaulted a security guard in the car park who tried to stop her from fleeing. This is the same person who thought it apt to dance the fucken hokey pokey in parliament. Fit to stay as an elected official? You put your right hand in, you take some groceries out, ya try to scarper, but got caught ya dopey sow. You belt a security guard, then the cops are all about, ya busted ya fruitloop cow.


• Kurt Tippett - you don't reckon Gold Coast would be laughing their tits off. They offered this fucken plank huge money, dodged a bullet there Bluey. They've got Charlie Dixon up forward instead of David.


• Brad Moran - half a dozen shit touches in a full game and you can't make the distance from 45m out. Spending all that money on ya hair was a complete waste of time, wasn't it, shithead. That fucken peak of yours is getting further and further away you useless fucking muppett.


• Zaheer Khan - Indian swing bowler who again went off the field, this time in the test against the poms at Lords after getting a fucken booboo. What a weak cunt, he spends more time off the field with an 'injury' than on it. Apparently his teammates have given him the nickname tampon as a result.


• The bloke who dropped a shipping container with $1 million worth of wine in it - blamed it on a forklift malfunction. Righto mate, and Neil Craig's decision to resign was entirely his choice.


• Amy Winehouse - finally managed it, drank herself to death. What a fucken tragedy, another pissheaded drug addict has left us. With a surname like that it was on the cards. At least we won't have to put up with any more of her shithouse music. Apparently coroners found enough alcohol still in her body to preserve it for the next 50 years.


• Amy Winehouse fans who mourned outside her house - get a grip you fucking wankers, she was an alcoholic fucken junkie who looked like a retarded Morticia Addams. And the local bums said cheers for the tributes you left outside her house, booze and ciggies. For fucksake, fucken minda central.


• Melbourne Spring Fashion Week Organisers - have employed Dannii Minogue as the ambassador. Fuckwits, why didn't you go to Ikea and buy a fucken tupperware set for $10. They're made of the same stuff, and the tupperware would be more fucken intelligent.


• Jason Derulo - ex-root of Lara Bingle who said " he hearts were not in line, something was rotten in the cotton". You fucking space cadet, the Amy Winehouse diet certainly doesn't agree with you does it.


• David Wu - US Congressman who's under pressure to resign after allegations of sexual impropriety emerged. What is it with these yank pollies, they make Warnie look like a catholic priest. Hmmm, maybe not the best comparison. Mr. Wu also proved he was a complete fuckwit before this by dressing up in the shittiest tiger costume you've ever seen and posing for cameras. If you could imagine the asian bloke from 'The Hangover' dressed up in a mardi gra costume, you'll understand how fucking ridiculous this peckerhead looked.


• Sarah Ferguson - old porky has continued her reign as the Queen of royal fuckarses by taking part in a 6 part documentary called 'Finding Sarah'. Christ, by the size of her that shouldn't be too fucking hard! In this riveting pile of shite she pours out her heart to psychologists in an attempt to cure her 'poisonous spending '. Finding Sarah, give me a fucken break, you want to know how to save a bit of coin - stop fucking eating so much you wobblearsed gibbon.


• Bernie Vince - tontine boy out-did himself with a fucking soft, insipid, error riddled game against the Saints. To make matters worse, he gave an interview at half-time (after getting 3 touches, of which only 2 were effective) and laughed and giggled his way through it. You'd think by now he would've reached the peak of shitness, but he raised the bar with the tripe he turned out. Fair dinkum, if GWS offered a bag of fucken chicken shit for this fuckarse the Crows would be mad not to take it, they'd be at least breaking even, it's a like for like swap. He;s just another dud to come out of the much-vaunted Woodville West Torrens AFL player factory - hope they offer money-back guarantees because the products are faulty!


• Adelaide Crows - hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. That was fucken gold against the Saints. They showed less spine than a fucken jellyfish. Then we're expected to believe it was all Neil Craig's doing regarding his ending his tenure as coach? Why don't you smell what you're shovelling Triggy, ya fuckwit. This week's showdown is going to be a fucken blockbuster, 24,000 fuckwits watching a pack of fucken pissweak retards run around in circles trying to find their own arses.


• Chris Dittmar - won't shut the fuck up about how he thinks the Camry Cows should throw a shitload at Malthouse or Roos to get them in as senior coach. They won't come to Adelaide you fuckwit, get used to it. They won't come to Adelaide you fuckwit, get used to it. They won't come to Adelaide you fuckwit, get used to it. Are ya catching this Shitmar, or do I have to fucking repeat myself again.


• The Australian Navy - purchased an amphibious ship for $100 million from the poms which has proved to be as reliable as Zaheer Khan. First the Ashes now this, remember when we used to laugh at the poms, what the fuck is going on?


• The woman who claimed compo after a light fitting fell on her head whilst rooting in a motel on a business trip - initially her claim was rejected, so she's taken her fight to the Federal Court. Her lawyer claims sex was "an ordinary incident of life" commonly undertaken in a motel room at night, just like sleeping or showering. That maybe the case if you are Kevin Foley on a business trip or Mike Rann in his office, but I'm taking a stab in the dark by saying her boss would expect her to be well rested and clean on a business trip, but not necessarily to have a bloke choc a block up her with enough force to have a light fitting fall on her fucking head.


• Anthony Clarke - climate change activist selling patches of air over landmarks such as the Sydney Opera House. Does that mean if I climb to the top of the Harbour Bridge and fart I'm comtaminating someone's land? Apparently he also organised the drafting of Bernie Vince claiming he had a heart.


• The 63 year old Californian fuckwit who tried to perform a hernia operation on himself with a 15cm butter knife - self surgery with a butter knife, for fucksake, is there anything dumber than an aged American? Maybe a Port supporter. Or maybe Russell Wortley.


• The NSW Teachers' Federation - wants the Federal Government to scrap the written citizenship test because it is too hard for migrants who cannot understand the questions - fucking dickheads, that's exactly why we should keep it, if you can't read and write the language, fuck off.


• Michael Brown - acting Aussie cricket chairman said in response to questions about changing the current contract list system - " he only form of the game it (the contract list) absolutely favours is test cricket". Bingo, cunt, and that's the way it should stay, you shouldn't be rewarding fucking softcocks like Shauna Tait for shunning the true form of the game to sell their arse in the mickey mouse versions of the game. Reward the blokes who want to play test cricket, it was, is, and will always be the purest and best form of the game.


• Mark Harvey - coach of the Dockers is fast getting a reputation of being a whiny bitch after his complaint about players such as Buddy Franklin not being called to play on when he shoots for goal because they run in on an arc. Last week he was pissing on about information being leaked before last year's derby against the Eagles. What ya got next week Harvs - Damien Hardwick took your fucking bagel on an interstate trip once when you were both playing for the Bombers?


• Tom Harley – for his Suisse vitamins ad, wearing his little brother’s cardigan - you look like a dickhead, Tom.


• Kym Dillon – for saying that the Crows shithouse form is not Neil Craig’s fault and that he should be re-appointed. No wonder you got sacked from Triple M, you nob jockey.


• Lara Bingle – for whinging about lack of privacy but then allowing a magazine to cover her holiday in Tahiti. Let’s face it, Lara, you are a fucking fame whore.


• Indian Call Centres – for having a crack at Aussies. I can’t fucking wait until I get the next call from one of you fuckers, Currymuncher, "hello, is Mr Holden there please". Holden, "Yeah and he has a message for ya - fuck off Ganguly".


• Kid’s obesity – 10 year-olds weighing 84 kilos. Parents, please stop fucking feeding your kids the Scotty Cummings diet.


• Central District – for losing to bottom side, North Adelaide. Thanks, cunts, you’ve opened the door for the Legs to finish top!


• Shane Warne – jesus, Warney, that plastic surgery you had makes you look like a fucking cockhead! Is Liz Hurley really that great a root? Get back on the toasted sangas, baked beans and Winnie Blues.


• 20/20 – for not giving young blokes a chance but extending the careers of retired fat rich cunts like Hayden. Cricket in this country is fucked.


• Rob Chapman - for his comment on Craig Neil's sacking: "Despite the disappointing results of late, Neil led us to five finals series, and re-established the list and the team to a strong and respected position." Strong and respected? Surely you gest, Rob - your midfield resembles the McLovin family and you have about as much respect as Russell Wortley has in Burnside.


• SANFL - for reducing the suspension of that 14 year-old Andrew Krakouer-Lovett wannabe from 5 years to 3 years for punching an umpire. Ok, so the kid would have got a knighthood if he gave Ray Chamberlain or Tony Dey or Colin Rowston a smack.


• Russell Wortley - just when you think the Labor Party's minda factory has run out of stock, up jumps good old Russell Wortley. The fucker looks like a refugee from Woodstock - stay off the gunja, Russ.


• Qantas stewardess - is there a bunch of more snooty and unhelpful bunch of moles in the world? Fuck me, from the reaction of one slag when I asked for some water you would have thought I asked the cow to turn the fucking plane around and drop me off at the local pub.


• Bruce McAvaney - it is time to pull the plug, Bruce. Your commentary is fucked. And when are you gonna realise that Saint Nick will not let you see him in the buff, unless you are a 15 year old school girl.


• Wayne Swan -now calling for a traffic tax. Fuck off, Wayne. I'd call for a tax on your IQ but that would yield zero revenue.


• Hamish and Andy - caught about one minute of the show last night and good to see nothing has changed, you two pricks are still about as funny a stubbed toe. Mick Molloy gets fined $80k for making a gag (and a fucking funny one) about Mrs Skeletor - well, you two should get sued for a shitload more than that. Here is a gag for you, Andy - did you hear the one about the Super Model who dumped an unfunny cunt and she's now shagging an ordinary Carlton player?


• Channel 9 - for billing itself as the "home of comedy". Now that is the funniest thing to ever come out of Channel 9.


• Organisers of the child beauty pagaent in Melbourne - the poor buggers are playing off for the much coveted Jon-Benet trophy.


• Drew Petrie - for saying the bleeding obvious that the Kangaroos need a big scalp - how about starting with Russell Wortley's shagpile.