Week 36 nominations

• Kevin Rudd - according to Kevvy, he's "a very happy little vegemite being Prime Minister". Ah, hate to break it to you, Kev, but you are not Prime Minister - yet. But you are definitely a deadset fuckwit.




• Michael Avon - white maggot extraordinnaire. The dirty cunt gifted 2 goals to Centrals against Norwood when the game was in the balance. Avon is calling alright - with a fucking 44 magnum. Prick.




• Brownlow Medal - what an absolute farce. They spend 4 hours counting the votes when all that anyone gives a shit about these days is seeing which mole is showing off the most cleavage. Just fucking get rid of the count and put the camera on Dane Swan's root's cans for 4 hours - that would be a ratings winner. And can Bruce McAvaney just fuck off - fair dinkum, he's a raving poofter, he nearly dry-rooted Dane Swan's hand. But it was great to see Tanya Buckley again, he's a top sort - a real credit to Nathan that he married a transvestite.




• AFL - complete bastards. They are more than happy to hand-out $10 million to North Melbourne but the cunts slap a $300,000 salary cap on SANFL clubs and want to reduce it even further. Demetriou would spend $300,000 on lasagne in any given week.




• Wang Wang and Funi - the fat cunts are even too fucking lazy to have a root when given their once a year chance. Roley Poley Foley stepped up to the plate and was seen leaving the zoo with his dacks half down.




• The Saudi woman who got 10 lashes for driving - they should bring that rule in here. And start with that bitch who nearly side-swiped me during the week when she was too busy doing her make-up.




• Jeff Kennett - the tosser has his snout right in the trough by flying business class using public money in his role in beyondblue. It is fucking beyond the joke. He'll probably need his own counselling after watching Hawthorn butcher the game against Collingwood.




• Greece PM, George Papandreou - reckons he is making a superhuman effort to slash Greece's debt. How? Selling ya purple valiant? There is a fat Greek bastard running the AFL that probably earns more than the entire Greek economy. Can't we send him back there?




• Greece - you are really fucking my super up.




• United States - see Greece.




• Pope Benedict XVI - he's thinking of retiring. In the words of John Kennedy, "don't think, do."




• Muammar Gaddafi - ready to die a martyr. More likely he'll die a fuckwit.




• Fadi Haddad - Qld hairdresser avoided jail for possessing cocaine. But couldn't avoid jail for being a mincing poof burger.




• Qantas baggage handlers - for going on strike again. What for, not enough boogie board bags coming your way these days?




• INXS - for revealing they have a new lead singer, some Irish cunt who sounds like Bono. For fucksake, just give it up. a) noone has given a rat's arse about you since Michael Hutchence died having a wank and b) the world does not need another fucking Bono - one is too many. Can't Bono find a hotel room and a belt too?




• Uniboob - the woman who went in for a boob job and came out with one giant boob. That is bullshit - how the fuck can her bloke go in for a "broooooooomski" now that she has one big boob. And what about the cleavage - she'd be fucked on Brownlow Medal night.




• Pink Floyd - for releasing a giant inflatable pig from the cover of their crap Animals album into the sky above London. Tracey Grimshaw is suing for using her likeness without her permission.




• Ken Cunningham - 1) the gibbering old cunt stated he can't fathom why North Adelaide seagull James Allan hasn't been given a shot in the AFL. You obviously haven't watched him play, he plays like Kane Cornes and kicks as far as Tim Weatherald. 2) Again mentioned Roy Laird putting his hand up for an AFL coaching job. Jesus you're fucking stupid, he's said he's not fucking interested, are you hearing impaired as well as braindead? 3) Had a whinge that Adelaide Crow Scott Thompson didn't get a spot in the All-
  Australian team. The cunt hits opposition players with disposals more than his own. He's an AFL version of Dean Terlich. Yeah he looked ok this year, but what fucken numpties did he have to compete with - Bernie Vince? David Mackay? Some real quality there.




• David Gulpilil - sentenced to 5 months jail for breaking his wife's arm. Mr Percival is recuperating in a Darwin animal hospital.




• Robert Farquharson - is appealing his life sentence for driving his kids into a dam , killing them all. I also think they should overturn the life sentence, string the cunt up instead.




• South Australian Media - you wonder why the eastern states take the piss, on the same day The Chadvertiser has those fucking pandas on the front page the tv has in its first couple of stories some crap about a cat that got caught in a wall and had to be rescued. Even fucking New Zealand can come up with better efforts than that.




• Hung Hoi-wai - Hong Kong schoolgirl who was banned by her parents from going out with her friends to celebrate her 16th birthday tried to sneak out by tying string around her waist and lowering herself down from her 3rd floor flat. The string broke and she became a pavement pizza. You fuckwit the saying is "how LONG is a piece of string" not "how strong is a piece of string".




• Dave Hughes - during an interview with yank actor Willem Dafoe on The 7PM Project Hughesy had his face that firmly up Dafoe's arse the cunt looked like he had two tongues in his mouth.




• Ryan Schoenmakers - Hawthorn defender who I cannot fathom why is not a ruckman, he makes that many fucken dumb mistakes. On Friday at a crucial moment he dropped an uncontested chest mark that Collingwood then scored a goal from. If they drug test this kid he's gotta test positive to dope, he plays like the bloke in the movie 'The Club' who misses a mark because he's stoned and is too busy looking at the fucken seagulls.




• Chance Bateman - well, you did your best to fuck up Hawthorn's chance of winning in that last qtr didn't you, dickhead. Running round like Fev at a Brownlow kicking the ball straight down Collingwood players fucken throats, it got that bad they didn't bother chasing you, why waste the energy when you're gonna get the ball straight back. Forget pre-season, a fucken bullet is what's needed.




• Mick Malthouse - to quote that shit song from Fergie "Big Girls Don't Cry", but apparently they do coach Collingwood. Fucken hell, pull yourself together you senile old cunt, at your age it's expected to dribble uncontrollably out of little Mick not your fucken eyes. Pity they didn't pan to FIGJAM Buckley, he would've been crying too, thinking "fuck, another week under this old cunt".




• Stuart MacDonald - not content with giving AIDS to multiple human partners, the dirty prick apparently expanded his contamination before imprisonment to the animal kingdom with an estimated 40% of Kangaroo Island koalas suffering from the disease. You cunt, you killed Blinky Bill.




• Jack Belle - thinks it's clever to jump from the 5m Festival Theatre sculpture onto 2m concrete stacks below. This bullshit even has an official name, 'parkour' , which is French for fucking wanker. Just hope the city council grease up the sculpture before his next attempt. Jack be nimble, Jack be quick, Jack is a fair dinkum fuckwit.




• The pissed NT woman who was seen swimming in croc infested waters, rescued by the cops, then proceeded to get back in the water - when questioned later she said she'd only had six stubbies, Darwin stubbies.




• The 36yr old West Beach pisshead who was walking along the footpath along Burbridge Rd with his 3 legged dog at 3am and stumbled onto the road, where he was hit by a car. His injuries were not life threatening, a CT scan coming back clear for damage, or a fucken brain. To top off a great night he was issued an on the spot fine for moving in the path of a moving vehicle, the dog died from laughter.




• Zoos SA - the pandas are a great success. Yep, paying shitloads for a fat cunt which does fuck all but sit on it's arse, eat, sleep and shit, they could've got Bernard Finnigan to do that. Actually, we've been paying Pat Conlon to do that for a decade.




• Le Van - 57yr old Vietnamese father of 7 dug up his dead wife in 2004 and has been sleeping next to her body every day since. The authorities have pleaded with him to re-bury her saying it is polluting the environment. A similar thing happened recently when police burst in to Nicole Cornes' bedroom and found her laying next to what they thought was a decomposing corpse, it ultimately proved to be her crusty husband, Graham.




• Nathan Buckley - for taking the first steps towards a Collingwood slide down the ladder when he takes over by appointing Ben Hart to his coaching panel. Hehehe, you dumbfuck.




• Melbourne - for appointing Neil Craig as their Football Director. You fuckwits. Craig Neil or whatever the fuck his name is knows sweet fuck all about football. Look what he did at Norwood. Look what he did at the Crows. Melbourne, don't say you were not warned about this grey-haired, tight-lipped, harry-high-pants, squeaky-voiced fuck knuckle.




• Fev - for giving advice to the male Nicki Webster, Jack Figden. What was the advice, Fev - race 5, no 7 at Randwick?




• Adelaide Uni researchers - for suggesting that alcohol abuse can be controlled by our brain cells. What, the few fucking brain cells that are left after getting shickered? And what about piss-heads like Fev that have no brain cells in the first place?




• Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher - fuck, what a fucking surprise that they split-up. Apparently, Ashton has his eyes set on Betty White and Demi on Justin Bieber.




• The Anti-Alcohol Lobby - fuck off.




• McDonalds - for serving up a used condom which apparently a kid chewed on. The poor kid now knows exactly how Lara Bingle feels after every meal.




• Cuba - has just legalised car sales. And Craig Ricciuto has just bought a one-way ticket to Cuba.