Week 18 nominations

• Geelong - for hiring Matty Knights.  You fuckwits - everything that Matty touches turns to poo.  Get rid of him before it is too late.
• Tony Abbott - for being out-run by that mincing poodle, Christopher Pyne.
• Luke Jarrad - despite a wet day and a very muddy oval, left the field spot-less after the State game.  He played so fucking wide that he took a mark in the front bar of the Holdfast Hotel.
• Jenny Williams - for being mistaken as a yeti when presenting the Fos Williams Medal after the State game.
• Chris Bowen - for sucking Gina Rinehart's cock. 
• Adelaide City Council - for increasing parking fees in their U-cunt-Parks on Sundays from $5 to $30.  What a great fucking idea - let's turn Adelaide into a fucking ghost town.
• Michaelangelo Rucci - this fuck knuckle is always looking for an excuse for why Port Adelaide are tripe and why noone wants to turn up and watch them.  This time it is they need a reserves team.  You idiot.  You made a big song and dance about Steven Salopek not getting a game in Glenelg's League team.  Well, dickhead, that is because he was making Kane Tenace and Jordan "Sharelle" McMahon look hard. 
• The Crows - for being beaten by a half-strength Collingwood team.  Premiership side, my arse.
• The Crows - for re-signing Richard Douglas.
• Suicide bombers - for letting a golden opportunity go on Saturday night at Footy Park with 45,000 Crows and Collingwood supporters packed in the stadium (including that donk Joffa).
• 5AA - half the air-time is totally banal bullshit.  The half involves blowing Sir Patty Dangerfield.
• Stephen Rowe - isn't it time that he was sent back to James Nash House?
• Ross Lyon - why did anyone think he would do any good at Fremantle.  He led Saint Kilda to 3 grand final losses with a star-studded line-up.  He's an over-rated, balding cunt who should be Minister for Silly Walks.
• Pippa Savage - does anyone remember Lay-down Sally Robbins?
• Canberra United - for sacking Ellyse Perry.  You dumb bitches!  She's as hot as a freshly fucked fox in a forest fire.  Maybe that provides the reason - she wouldn't put out for those sticker lickers. 
• Lara Bingle - get a real job ya slut and stay off our TV screens. 
• Brad Scott - for saying that Lindsay Thomas is not playing for North Melbourne this week for "internal" reasons.  It's called "he can't kick for shit", ya punnethead.  And how is David Hille's groin inflammation  going, Brad?
• Hendra virus - it's back.  Tracey Grimshaw, I think you should be quarantined.
• Camilla Parker-Bowles - see Hendra Virus.
• Princess Anne - see Camilla Parker-Bowles.
• Grant Hackett - he should change his name to Can't Hackett.  Talk about a dummy spit. 
• Kieren Perkins - has split with his wife.  Kieren, I think Grant Hackett has a spare room, but it's a bit messy.  
• Keane - the musical equivalent of the Sturt Football Club.
• Neil Craig - the tight-lipped, squeaky-voiced cunt is doing a sterling job at Melbourne.  Good call in selecting James Sellar!  Hahahaha.
• Stephen Trigg - do you still think Craigy was a genius?  You fucking tosser.
• Mark Neeld - talk about a hypocritical cunt.  He was a pillow as a player but is demanding his players at Melbourne be hard at the ball.  A classic case of do as I say, not as I do.  And what is what that twitch?  You look like a fucking psycho.
• Jack Snelling - you are making Roley Poley Foley look competent.  Nah, I take that back.  Ya both cunts.
• Jack Snelling - this state is going so bad that he has to resort to raising cash through sneaky means like pinching people who were unaware that they are driving unregistered.
• The Girl Guides - obviously failed at getting their stock-keeping badge.
• Schapelle Corby - no doubt getting ready to appear on Dancing With The Stars when she gets released.
• Stephen Milne - has finally been cleared of rape charges after 8 years.  The victim, Nick Reiwoldt is appealing the decision.
• Thinkers In Residence - the Government is finally axing this complete waste of tax-payers' money.  Unfortunately, the Wankers In Residence, ie the Labor Government, will remain.
• Chris Sebastian - Guy's even less talented brother has vowed to remain a virgin until marriage.  Girls across Adelaide have breathed a collectively sigh of relief.
• Mitt Romney - if he become president then the US may as well just shut up shop.
• Zac Milbank - has taken leaps at bounds at the Shitvertiser, the cunt is now "Super Coach Editor".
• Tom Dougherty - the poor cunt is off to a rough start at the Shitvertiser - his editors have made him cover women's soft-ball.  The poor cunt even missed out on covering the Lingerie Football League.
• Serena Williams - knocked out of the French Open and had a massive sooky sooky la la.
• Meow the cat - at 18 kilograms he is not only the world's fattest cat but also has the world's dumbest name for a cat.
• Jerald Reiter - when the farmer from Dubuque, Iowa was pulled over in the carpark of his local pub on suspicion of drunk driving, police found a zebra and a macaw in the front seat of the car. 
• Federal Government - trumpted "due process" and "innocent until proven guilty" over the Craig Thomson affair but are silent when it comes to Julian Assange who's crime is to make the powers that be look stupid.
• Tina Reichelt, Garry Reichelt, and Kathleen Modystack - have pleaded guilty to one count each of bestiality, or more accurately, rooting a dog.  Tim Matheson should face similar charges.
• Umar Patek - the Bali bomber insists the attacks that killed 202 people were "against my conscience" and has begged for a light sentence.  Get fucked.    
• Luke Jarrad - had a kid. That ain't right, don't let that DNA spread for fucksake. It's gotta be a surrogate surely for Jarrad and his 'life partner' Lee Ryswyk. I know they say he's got a missus, but so did Peter Allan.
• Jake Melksham - has taken over from Brent Stanton as the arsonist of the Bombers.
• The house where Amy Winehouse lived and died is being sold by her dad Mitch for $4.2 million.  It comes with added extras - like a shitload of cocaine and heroin.
• The dickhead in the Shitvertiser who when asked what his favourite song is answered, "American Pie".  No way, get fucked, fuck off.  If I ever hear that fucking song again I will do a Chopper Read and rip my own ears off.  Ditto, Hotel California and Piano Man.
• Dave Gilmour - the Pink Floyd guitarist had to evacuate his home when a bomb was discovered in the basement.  It was a false alarm as it turns out it was just the collection of records that Pink Floyd have released since their last decent album, The Wall, in 1980. A similar incident occurred at the home of Mick Jagger.
• The current state of the Australian music industry - if anyone can let me know when the last decent Australian rock n roll song was released, I'm all ears (subject to not hearing American Pie, Hotel California or Piano Man).
• Prince Charles - for releasing a range of souvenirs to celebrate his sour mum's diamond jubilee, including a stuffed corgi (which Prince Edward gladly stuffed from behind).
• Fairfax - for sending editing jobs at it's regional newspapers to NZ.  I'm sure people in Dubbo will love reading about Jeremy Coney and Ewan Chatfield.
• AFL football writers - what a bunch of deadshits.  Three weeks ago they were talking the Swans up as Premiership contenders.  A week ago it was the Crows.  Now it is Richmond.  Fair dinkum, Richmond?!?  Hasn't the last 30 years of ineptitude taught you clowns anything?  Craig Hutchison has to be to biggest dickhead of the lot of them, just ahead of Rucci and Robinson. 
• Julia Gillard - "mining wealth belongs to Australia".  Ah, so Julia, are you happy to fund the billions and billions of dollars that are required to invest in mining operations?  Are you willing to take the risk of failure?  And what the fuck are mining royalties and company taxes paid for?  Get fucked.  Let's make a deal - I'm happy for there to be a mining tax and carbon tax so long as you stop spending my fucking taxes on giving hand-outs to families of 12 lazy fuckarses that live on Maccas and Winnie Blues and cans of Jim Beam and coke and who don't want to fucking work but continue to breed lazy fucks like themselves and to stop paying the legal fees of a cunt like Craig Thomson and to stop giving yourself a fucking pay-rise and to ensure that your super-annuation follows the same market vagaries as mine,  etc fucking etc.  If not, then shut the fuck up.
• The Advertiser - christ is Patrick Dangerfield the new Chad? He signs a fucking contract with the camry cows and they have articles with his mum, how many times he took a shit as a kid, and how Mark Riccuito got a Graham Johncock out of it.
• Rachael Leahcar - the blind chick on The Voice, for fucksake will some cunt stick a chair in front of her next time she walks out onto stage.
• Grant Hackett - renovation rescue, here we come.
• Olivia Underwood - when asked in the Crapvertiser's streettalk " who is the greatest crows player" responded with Chris Knights. Granted he epitomises everything the club stands for - a piss weak front running pole smoker, but surely he can't have surpassed the great Clayton Lamb?
• The Advertiser - when publishing the best players from the recent SA v WA 'state'game put in all the bays players from their last game instead of the blokes who actually played. What a quality publication.
• Italian Football - 10 current or former players and the current manager of Juventus have been accused of match fixing. Surely not.
• Josh Gibson - Hawthorn defender who claimed that the hawks loss to Richmond boiled down to the hawks being the hunted not the hunter. Fuck off, the hawks lost because Richmond had a fair dinkum crack and Hawthorn were a pack of lazy cunts who ran up the white flag when it got too hard. Pure and simple cunt. The Chad Editor is a hawks supporter and I haven't seen a greater capitulation since the french in WW2. Pull ya fucken heads out.
• Schapelle Corby - rot in jail in Bali you bitch, we don't want you back.
• The SA state footy squad -  what a fucking abortion, Ryswyk and Jarrad on the wings, that alone was enough to keep me away, I will not support any team that has either of those two pillow biting fucking seagulls in their side.
• Matthew Westhoff - in the last game against North the dogs had 58 forward entries and the vertical plank had 2 kicks and 1 handball. He had as much impact as Vern Troyer fucking Serena Williams
• The bloke who was only the third person to go over  Niagara Falls without safety equipment and survive - he was trying to top himself. This cunt would have to be a bays supporter.
• Pippa Savage - shitcanned from the womens quad scull crrew just before the World Cup in Switzerland. Apparently Pippa is as mad as a fucken cut snake, but I did enjoy her press conference where she said she couldn't say fuck all and walked off. Attention seeker much? Funny, Jana Pitman canned running for rowing, she should fit right in.
• The Olympics - synchronised swimming, wrestling, wank wank. Get fucken darts in there, I want to see Simon ' The Wizard ' Whitlock playing for gold.
• Adelaide City Council - were going to charge people $15 to park in the Victoria Pk grounds for The Pedal Prix event, but after a backlash decided to only charge $7.50. You big hearted humanitarians you, salt of the earth you are Stephen Yarwood. What a pack of stingy, money-grabbing cunts. You ask people to pay for something that was, and should remain free, then think you're a fucken people's crusader for justice by halving the price. You're still ripping them off, you're just ripping them off half as much. The glass is only half full that way, but it's a fucken yard glass you pricks are drinking out of. Hey Stephen, this revenue raiser wouldn't be a way of raising funds to pay for some of the promises you made when elected Lord Mayor that you haven't delivered on would they? Fucken look out next time you go into town, there will be entrance fees on the Botanical Gardens, tolls on King William St, and a three drink minimum to stay more than an hour in Rundle Mall.

Week 17 Winner

The winner of The Chad Medal this week came down to a field of two, the low scum who chucked a bag of live puppies in a garbage bin and The Wiggles. The piece of shit that went to the trouble of putting the puppies in a garbage bag, sealing it, then wrapping a blanket round the bag before chucking it in a bin wins the Eugene this week as that is a dirty fucken cunt act performed by someone who deserves to have their nards ( or lady nards ) lopped off with a rusty blade. What the fuck is wrong with some people, you can just dump the dogs off at the RSPCA and at least they stand a chance, or at worse get put down humanely. Only one dog survived, the others died in that bag, and that's better than you deserve you fucken scumbag cunt.
So that leaves us with The Wiggles as the winner of The Chad Medal for this week. If you are a parent you will be sick of seeing and hearing these arseholes 'singing' and dancing round like a middle aged creep trying to crack it for a root at grab a grannie night at The Arkaba. If you don't have kids and know as much about them you are fucked in the head. They started life as 80's band The Cockroaches, and they should've kept the name, it fucken suits em. They have made millions pandering to young kids and making parents lives miserable. If you've ever found yourself humming to Everybody Hop, Hot Potato or any of their other fucken songs, had to dance with your kid as they sing I'm Dorothy the fucken Dinosaur, or be forced to watch a fucken pasta cook off with the shittiest acting seen since Matthew Newton in Underbelly you know the pain that these cunts have inflicted on the world. And just when you think that's the end of them and hope and pray that they'll fuck off for good, they come out with a new album, cd or tour and it starts all over again, thereby fleecing your pockets and causing migraines and bleeding ears. FUUUUUUUUUCK.
Hopes were raised that retirement was imminent with the news that the yellow Wiggle ( or as he shall be known The Yellow Cuntle ) Greg got crook and had to hang up the boots. But ahh fuck they replaced him with Sam, not a bad idea in hindsight as they now had at least one member that was born before the Boer War and didn't piss his pants. So this Sam nugget kept helping The Cuntles peddle their wares to the kids, and bankrupting parents. Until one fine day Greg said " fuck me I'm a bit short of coin, how about shitcanning this young bloke and getting me back. I still can't stand and need a fucken guide dog to find the stage, but she's fucken apples lads ". And they did it, they took Sam in to a meeting one day and gave him the fucken pink slip with no warning. What a fucken dog cunt act. What then makes this worse is that about 18 months later three of the pricks, including the newly returned Greg, say it's time to pull up stumps, but not before we have a 12 month goodbye tour. Who are ya, John Farnham? As my contemporary Laurie Holden would say "if it walks like a duck and talks like a duck .....", this was a fucken stitch up, they knew when they shitcanned Sam that this was on the cards, it's as shifty as a Craig Thomson credit card bill.
So do you think we now get a break from them - FUCK NO,for they have chosen replacements to take over after they drive off in their big red car full of my fucken money. A gimp who looks like he should be in Sturt guernsey, a prick who looks like he should be advertising gotta getta gutters, and a big nosed ranga sheila. What the fuck? What colours are these wankers going to be, the Sturt poof would have to be the turquoise Cuntle, the gotta getta gutter gonad would be the shit brown Cuntle, and the ranga chick would have to be the new red Cuntle ( well, at least once a month anyway ). The only original cast member staying is the blue Cuntle Anthony. Cheesy grinned motherfucker he is, not surprising then that not long ago their choreographer was alleged to have been getting her hot potato mixed up with his mashed banana. So Murray, the red Cuntle is gone, back to working with his peers at Phoenix, Greg the yellow Cuntle is gone , until he pops up on A Current Affair again bemoaning how he's fucken broke, and ends up knifing the gotta getta gutter Cuntle to get his job back again, Jeff the purple Cuntle ( and while I'm at it you don't think that falling asleep business was part of his act, he is an old crone, he was genuinely asleep, the Abraham Simpson Cuntle )is gone, off to hold the ladder for Molly Meldrum. 
Goodbye to the Cuntles
A pity it's not all of you
You're back stabbing arseholes
And that you can't deny
Hooroo, fuck off, bye.

Week 17 nominations

• Adam O'Grady - when asked by the Advertiser what his favourite lamb dish is, he replied, "I don't like lamb at all."  You cockhead, what true blue Aussie doesn't like lamb?
• Port Power - after losing 6 straight and being smashed in contested possessions, they bring in serial hard-ball avoider, Danyle Pearce.
• Greece - for fucksake you lazy cunts, pull ya greasy heads in, pay ya bills and let us all move on.
• Jay Weatherill - the smarmy little cunt has taken off where Media Mike left off and has his snout firmly in the trough in London. 
• Phil Aspinall - SANFL commentator named his state team on 5RPH on Thursday night and named only two Norwood players - Zorzi and Batsanis both on the bench - despite Norwood being undefeated.  And what about his centre-line - Jarrad Allan Rsywyck - the Sydney Swifts centre-line would be licking their lips at the prospect of coming up against those three fuckarse.
• Michael Clarke - for having a secret wedding.  Yeah, it was so fucking secret that the wedding pictures were on the front page of every paper in Australia.  Dickhead.
• Kyly Clarke - for fucksake, learn to spell ya name, Kyly ya kunt.
• Julia Gillard - the lying cow has assured Aussie Rules fans that there will be no Federal election on AFL Grand Final Day in 2013.  She also assured her fellow Western Bulldogs fans that there will be no appearance by them on Grand Final Day also.
• Mark Griffin - did you ever work for the Health Services Union?
• Craig Thomson - did you lend your credit card to Mark Griffin?
• John Travolta - did Craig Thomson lend you his credit card?
• Mary Kennedy - carrying on the long line of dead Kennedys. 
• Liverpool - oh my god, they killed Kenny!
• Bill Shorten - the odds have shortened that he'll knife Julia.
• Miranda Kerr - broke down in tears after being named Australia's most stylish woman.  The runner-up - Luke Jarrad - also broke down in tears when she broke a finger nail.
• Whitney Houston's family - for getting their own reality tv show.  For fucksake, what is it going to be called, Crack Whores?
• Marc Murphy - Carlton's front-running little ponce.  When the going gets tough, Murphy goes missing. 
• Glen Boss - the cunt is going so bad that he has picked up a ride on Australia's worst racehorse, Vote For Lust.  This fuckwit of a horse has had 86 starts without a win. 
• Travis Cloke - for putting a $1 million price tag on his head.  That works out at $1 million per brain cell.  I suppose the punnet head wants to be paid in $5 notes?
• Wag Nation - easily the worst reality show ever aired on tv.  The slags and sluts of various footballers and rugby meatheads being slags and sluts on tv.  Rivetting.  Can't wait for Being Lara Bingle - how many blow-jobs can Lara give in a half an hour?
• The Wiggles - they are going to hire a female to be the yellow Wiggle.  Luke Jarrad is the front-runner.
• Jeff the Purple Wiggle - thank fuck the cunt has been put to sleep forever. 
• Murray the Red Wiggle - the poor cunt has been forced to retire after a sex tape featuring him, Dorothy the Dinosaur and Wags the Dog surfaced.
• Floyd Mayweather - for having Justin Bieber in his corner.  Baby, baby, baby - fucking bang!!
• Anthony Mundine - really stepping up big-time in the US.  His first fight in the US is against a 41 year-old journeyman, Bronco McKart.  For fucksake, the cunt sounds like he had a support part in Debbie Does Dallas.  Who will Mundine take on next - Joe Frazier?
• Hollywood's newly opened Pooch Hotel - the first guests included Lara Bingle and the stars of Wag Nation.
• Swimmers have killed about 500 fish in a northern Germany lake, with their urine causing algae that poisons marine life. That is piss funny. 
• Joseph W. Pointer - the 51 year-old from Florida arrested for stealing woman's ashes and threatening to snort them.  Well, give him a break, they were Whitney Houston's ashes, afterall.
• Thiago Klimeck - the 27 year-old Brazilian actor who accidentally almost hanged himself while playing the part of Judas in a Passion play.  Thank fuck he didn't have the role of Jesus, he might have ended up crucifying himself.
• The 51 year-old English clergyman who "fell on a potato" while hanging curtains in the nude.  Apparently, he is fond of chip buttys.

Week 16 winner

Two fuckwits stood out among the many fuckwit performances this week. 

Firstly, to the Chad runner-up, Peter "Golden" Slipper.  Where do you start with this arsehole?  Not only is he a fucking turn-coat who likes to dress up as a fucking ponce in Parliament, but it turns out the prick also likes to take a regular ride on the marmite motorway with his male advisers - wonder if his wife knew this when she married the sick fuck?  Order, will the member for Fisher please bend over.  Throw in in the fact that the cunt loves to pay for a taxi, even when he isn't catching one, adds up to the awarding of the Eugene to this sleazbag.   

So now to the winner of this week's Chad - Mathew Newton.  The win should come as no surprise to anyone.  He is a past winner of the award and a genuine superstar in the fuckwit stakes.  He is the Black Caviar of the Chad, a complete fuckwit who just keeps on getting better and better as time goes on.  While other fuckwits come and go, like cocks in Bingle's gob, Matty Newton lifts his game to a whole new level. The dust had barely settled on his superb efforts in a Miami nightclub which saw him charged with various offences, when the dickhead spat at and then punched a hotel concierge all because his fucking mobile phone dropped out.  Poor, Matty - did you get cut off from your coke dealer?  All this was caught on camera and will surely take home first prize in this year's Funniest Home Video.  It was bloody hilarious to see the fucker barefoot and in a pair of tracky dacks, lying down on the floor next to his victim.  And even funnier when he got arrested.  Surely, Matty can't avoid time in the slammer this time.  Big Bubba awaits.  Obviously, dad Bert has sold his merkin to pay for court costs because when old Moonface appeared on camera soon after his son's arrest, his mostly bald head looked like it was sprouting a fucking weed on top -  a fair dinkum dick with ears. Matty's supporters will no doubt say he has an illness.  He has an illness alright - it's called punchy-fucking-itis.  When things don't go his way, Matty loves to sort things out with his dukes, but only with females, 60 year-old taxi drivers, and defenceless hotel workers.  Funny,  I have never heard of Matty thumping any blokes in his own weight and age division.  Oh, but he has an illness.  Yeah, right, an illness that only raises it's head when the person he is belting his weaker than himself.  A selected fucking illness.  So one can only hope all this bulllshit stops and he is shown for what he really is - a spoilt little rich cowardly cunt who goes the knuckle when he doesn't get his own way.  So Matty, please accept another Chad Medal, maybe you can do a Cher and put one of your medals on E-bay to raise some cash to pay for your upcoming court cases. 

Summer Series Week 16 Nominees

• The Chad Editor and Laurie Holden - it's autumn now, ya dickheads, and why has week 16 been going for 3 weeks?

• Peter Slipper - for wanting to "sink the slipper" into one of his young male advisers.  The cunt gives new meaning to "Golden Slipper".
• Julia Gillard and Wayne Swan - for sayng it is too early to judge Peter Slipper.  Bullshit, it's not too early to decide that he's a cunt.
• Adelaide petrol prices - at record levels despite the price of oil being lower than when the previous record was set.  Fuck you, Coles and Woolies.
• Shannon - the 20 year-old woman from the US who is addicted to drinking petrol.  Thank fuck for her sake she doesn't live in Adelaide.
• Adelaide Oval bridge - fair dinkum, ya reckon they might be able to go a few metres more and have the bridge cross War Memorial Drive.  A fucking typical half-arsed Adelaide development.
• The Voice, Dancing With The Stars, Australia's Got Talent, Celebrity Apprentice - all are vehicles for c-grade Australian celebrities and talent-less, washed-up overseas cunts like Seal (where is a Canadian hunter with a dirty great big club when you need one). 
• One Direction - where is a Canadian hunter with a dirty great big club when you need one.
• Anthony Lee - the Brisbane father of six broke down in tears when his daughter met One Direction.  For fuck sake, you cockhead, I broke down in tears when my daughter asked me to download the One Direction album. 
•  New Zealand journalists, Jock Anderson and Josie McNaught - for describing Australian soldiers as "lazy bludgers".  Fuck off, wankers.  While our blokes were in the trenches yours would have been too busy fucking sheep.  And talking like deadset retards.  Jock, you are a cock and Josie, fuck off back to the Pussycats.
• Adelaide food outlets - for serving up such culinary delights as "glass in a sandwich", "maggots in a bread roll", and a "rats in the kitchen".  Fries with that, anyone?
• SANFL umpires - for continuing to give charity to the Woodville Spastic Centre Eagles.  Despite both Norwood and North Adelaide thrashing the cunts by 15 goals, the umpires still gave the arseholes more free kicks. 
• Spicks and Specks - if it wasn't for you, Greg Ham would still be singing Down Under rather than Six Feet Under.
• Robin Gibb - the whiny cunt is having trouble, uh, uh, uh, uh, Stayin Alive, Stayin Alive.
• Anders Breivik - the voices in his head told him "don't do it".  Listen to those voices next time, fuckhead.  Do you reckon you might hear the voices of the firing squad when they say,"fire"?
• Eddie McGuire - do you want ya dummy back, ya tripled chinned cunt?
• The Logies - winning the NAB cup has more relevance
• Mathew Newton - how many chances, dickhead?
• Ben Cousins - see Mathew Newton.
• The Crows - it is all going to come unstuck very shortly.  You have beaten GWS, Gold Coast and Western Bulldogs and Mypolonga B-grade.
• Carlton - obviously started listening to their own hype.  Don't believe the hype.
• Michael Clarke - for his article in the Sunday Mail, "Why I am a gambler".  Can't wait for part 2 next, "Why I am a cockhead".
• Li - the Chinese father who buried his son alive for not doing his homework.  Jesus, what would he do if his daughter refused to wash the dishes??
• Mike Tyson - has alleged that he got a female prison guard pregnant while he was in jail.  The guard in question, Joan "The Freak" Ferguson ( who incidentally looks a dead ringer for Peter Slippers missus ), has denied the claims.
• BrettC16flags - Adelaide's most vocal Bombers supporter failed to pick them in this week's footy tipping competition against Carlton.  Chad!!
• Ninmsn - for their enlightening question, "who is the richest - Jay Z or P Diddy?"  Or more apt question would be, "who is the biggest cockhead?"
• A-League - who gives a shit?
• Apple, Google and Pixar - for being sued for colluding to keep staff salaries low.  I googled "cunt" and Google was the top search result.  I can't wait for the new ICunt from Apple and Pixar's new film, Cunt Story 4.
• Marie Harris - 30 year-old mother of 8 who died from a heart attack.  Her partner is blaming  Coca Cola for her death because she regularly drank 10 litres of Coke per day.  No shit sherlock.  But I'd say it was her absolute stupity that caused her death.  She was consuming the equivalent of a kilogram of sugar per day.  No surprises to find she is from New Zealand.
• Anders Holmdahl - is going to court to appeal against compulsory voting. Anders ( Jarryd) said that of the 8 countries he's lived in he's only had to vote in two. Funny how this fuckwit has lived in 8 different countries, they findout you're a fuckwit and deport you? We've already exceeded our quota, Gillard, Abbot, Swan, Hockey just to name a few. If you don't like the way we run our country FUCK OFF. Ok fuckhead, whilst we're at it lets hold a voluntary referendum - who thinks Anders Holmdahl should be sent to Afghanistan wearing a tshirt saying 'The Taliban love cock'?
• Coronation Street - yeah it's still going, it's older than Susan Boyle's beef curtains. Apparently a 14yr old girl bashed her mum to death after seeing it on Corro. I think the most disturbing thing about this story is that a 14 yr old is watching that shit, Coronation Street is designed to appeal to one demographic only - grizzled, piss stained old cunts who think Sir Alf Ramsey should still be England manager and that Paul McCartney fellow is nothing but a scruffy scallywag.
• Andrew Demetriou - what's good for the goose is good for the gander right? Dead fucken wrong, after hanging Matt Rendell out by his nuts for a misinterpreted quote Wogboy has defended his useless cunt of a sidekick Jason "deepthroat" Mifsud for letting his mate Grant Thomas know about some supposed info he was told in confidence by a Melbourne player relating to racial discrimination at the club. Isn't this the same prick that squealed on Rendell and got that wrong too? But this prick keeps his job, ya want to know why he survived and Rendell got the chop - check out their skin colour.
• Alcoholics Anonymous - At their recent National Conference Gala Dinner served piss. Coincidentally on the same night the Annual Sexpo Conference Gala Dinner was held with Georgie McGuinness as MC.
• The Australian Federal Govt - have still not paid up entitlements to Aussie diggers who formed part of the occupying force in Hiroshima post WW2. 90% of the poor cunts that have died have died of cancer. Now ya don't have to be a fucken rocket surgeon to work out what caused that so why have Government after Government, both Labor and Liberal, not paid them their dues? Pay up you cunts.
• Mitchell Johnson - ya wonder why he can't get a gig in the Aussie cricket team, check out the recent Betts and Betts catalogue, he's spending more time dressing up like Tom Hanks in 'Philadelphia' than learning how to get the ball on the fucken pitch. The only cunt that thought there wasn't anything wrong with him dressing up like an AIDS riddled poof was Molly Meldrum, and even he stuck Nick Reiwoldts head over Johnsons whilst having a few 'Tom Hanks'.
• The Property Council of Australia - have encouraged the Adelaide City Council to promote vibrant laneways in the city at night.. Get fucked, laneways in the city after dark are designed for spewing up 23 beers and a yiros, taking a piss, or getting a gobbie from that fat sheila you just picked up in a nightclub and don't want to take back to your joint.
• Reverend Martin McVeigh - Catholic Priest ( wonder where this is fucken going hey? ) who, whilst making presentations to parents on their kids upcoming first confession ended up showing a computer slideshow of gay porn. Martin said a mistake had been made and apologised to the parents and nephew Mark, who was featured in the video wearing nothing but his Essendon jumper.  
• Pakistani Courts - have sentenced Osama Bin Ladens three widows and two daughters to 45 days in jail for living illegally there and then plan to deport them after they get out. Lucky the yanks blew the old mans head off or they never would've found them.
• The Foxtel Cup - after watching a bit of West Perth trounce the Ken fucking McGregor led Ainslie in front on 14 people, I have come to the conclusion that it is indeed a wonderful competition that in no way makes you want to go to AFL house and club Andrew Demetriou like ( a baby) seal.
•  The Logies - If you ever needed confirmation that it's a bigger farce than a Cornes paternity test, that Hamish fucker won, he's as funny as the fucken carbon tax.
• The female Jabba the Hut impersonator at Etihad Stadium last week's game between St Kilda and the Western Bulldogs - they're trying to encourage the younger generation to get to the footy and this fucken horror ( picture this - 5ft nothing tall and ya couldn't tell where her guts ended and her tits started ) starts calling out to a young bloke 20 rows in front on her to turn around ( in hindsight The Chad Editor may not have helped when he yelled out "hey you in the beanie, I reckon that fat sheila back there wants to fuck ya, actually I'm not sure if she wants to fuck ya or eat ya but either way you're fucked mate ), forcing him to leave before the end of the game.
• The Suburb of Collingwood - if you're in Melbourne take the No.86 tram ( don't pay for the cunt though, no bastard does ) down Smith St in Collingwood. Take a stroll down the street and you'll see why some people should be drowned like kittens at birth. Cunts getting off trams and talking to shop windows and every third doorstep smelling like piss, that's gene's we don't need in the community.

Summer Series Week 15 Winner

The runner-up in the Chad and therefore recipient of this week's Eugene goes to Jason Akermanis for being an obnoxious cockhead. Here is an ode to Aker -

There once was a cunt called Aker

With dyed hair like a fucking fudge packer

He 's a fucking nob

And when he opens his gob

Shit flows like a steaming turd from a horse's clacker

The winner of The Chad Medal Summer Series this week is Ben Cousins. Fair dinkum what a peckerhead. Won a Brownlow, made shitloads of dough, had a lifestyle most of us could only dream of, and pissed it all away by becoming a fucking drug addict. Who can forget the pictures of Ben getting arrested by the coppers, funny stuff. Yet at the same time we were all thinking you fuckwit. And then he comes out in a docu(mocku?)mentary describing his battles with drugs and being a bonafide fuckwit. I never watched it but saw snippets on the news and my response was - yawn, isn't he dead or in jail yet, when does Family Guy start? Yet we were supposed to have sympathy for this cunt, because the demons had taken over him. Boo fucken hoo, everyone has choices in life, he chose to be a drug-fucked wanker. So be it, you made your choice, but don't expect my sympathy when your world comes crashing down around your fucking ears, which fuck me it did. But apparently I am in the minority because most people seemed to say "poor bugger, lets rally round him". Funny that if the same people saw some cunt that wasn't as well known as him in the same condition they'd turn their noses up at them isn't it? So most people believed that Ben had turned the corner, not fucken me, but most people. Then shock,horror, he fucked up again. Who could've seen that coming? But he wasn't just doing drugs, he was smuggling them up his arse for christsake to sell on to others. So now he's not just a druggie but a fucken dealer. Does he still deserve sympathy? Fuck no, he's nothing but a deadshit, and therefore the winner of the Chad Medal for this week. Ben, maybe you should change that tattoo you've got from "Such is Life" to "Such a Chad". As a tribute to the fallen star, The Chad Editor presents to you a slight rewording of the song 'Ben' by dead kiddy fiddler Michael Jackson -

Ben, time to show you the door

The juries in, you're just a dumb crack whore

Be it ice or methadone, just a Whitney Houston clone

And Ben it's plain to see, you're a bitch of the bikies

Ben, you've burnt bridges here and there (here and there)

Dumbcunt, you're not wanted anywhere (anywhere)

Look there's cops behind, to a paddywagon you're consigned

It's time for you to go, to a jail cell cheerio ( to get butt fucked cheerio)

You were a gun, once at footy

Now your cooked, on methamphetamine

(You don't get no sympathy)

(You're just a, fucken junkie)

Ben you had it all but threw it away (threw it away)

You stuffed some ice, up your fucken bombay (hershey highway)

Everyone sees you, as I do, know what you're gonna do

It's Mainwaring all over again, you're as good as toast Ben

Bye Ben

Bye Ben

Bye Ben

Week 15 nominees

• NAB Cup - it has as much meaning as winning a game of bingo at the Enfield RSL.


• Michaelangelo Rucci - for more anti-SANFL drivel. His article with the headline "SANFL paints the town red" was a crock of shit - the reason the SANFL lost money last year is because they had to bail out those terminal fuckwits, Port Power. You're a dickhead, Rucci, plain and simple.


• The Redbacks - failed to win a game during the Sheffield Shield season yet still insist on playing never-was-beens from interstate like Aiden Blizzard, Adam Crosthwaite and Theo Alphabet.


• Thorpey - next time you make a comeback it might help if you didn't wear those fucking gay FMBs in the pool.


• Lady Ga Ga - is thinking about having a long media hiatus. Don't think, do!


• Huuge Bosse - the cunt has not stopped laughing since getting a hip replacement three years ago. After the operation, his wife gave him a video, Luke Jarrad's greatest hits.


• Don McLean - the inspid prick is considering retiring. For fucksake, hurry up, will ya. Fucking bye bye American Pie, do us all a favour and keel over a die.


• Electricity prices - SA's will soon be the most expensive in the world. That is right - number one in the world. Hey, Paul Keating and John Bannon, you dogs, you forced privatisation upon us. Got anything to say? Arseholes.


• John Kenneally - fair dinkum, no wonder Blakey quit 5aa. You are the most boring cunt I have ever heard on radio. Do you really think anyone wants to hear another fucking bar of Billy Joel's Piano Man or anything by fucking ABBA? Fuck me. Throw into the mix Keith Cockhead and Jane Doyle and you have got the aural equivalent of constipation. And who's idea was it to give Tim "The Chin" Ginever a gig on radio - he's fucking worse than that golliwog Tim Noonan.


• Warren Tredrea - could become the new John Kenneally. Fucking boring dick with ears.


• Andrew Demetriou, Jason Mifsud, Stephen Trigg, the Media - don't let the facts get in the way of a good story, fuckwits.


• Michelangelo Rucci - when are you and The Chad having your civil ceremony to marry, you two cunts. Fucken hell, the way Rucci still promotes the fucken human sprinkler makes you wonder if he spends as much time on Chad's dick as Molly Meldrum does on Jeff the purple Wiggle's.


• Jeff the Wiggle - Wake Up, Jeff, Molly wants a crack at your feather sword.


• The Chad - whilst being interviewed in The Chadvertiser spoke of how he enjoys being at GWS because "It's great to come somewhere where you're actually wanted and respected". Excuse me while I fucken get a tissue, I'm sure the same thing applies when you walk down Oxford St in Sydney with your arseless chaps on. He also said about his sheepdog brother Kane " I think he deserves a lot more respect than he's getting here at the moment", he might get respect if he wasn't such a self-indulgent cunt, somewhat like yourself.


• Bernard Finnigan - where are you fatboy? You'd have to be happy, these days you can also buy pizza, grog and groceries online. Isn't it amazing what you can find online if you want to look?


• The State MP charged with accessing child pornography - the number and severity of the charges have tripled. Wonder if he also orders pizza, grog, and groceries online?


• Ben Cousins - Benny, when the doctor in rehab told you to give drugs the arse, he didn't mean to shove them up ya jatz cracker!


• Jack Snelling - apparently the hobbit is a keen amateur boxer. He is also a keen amateur treasurer too.


• Kevin Foley - just another reason to turn off 5aa.


• Jason Downie - a couple of bullets will fix this evil little fucker.


• Animal activists - for being outraged that a pig was given breast implants. The pig in question, Lara Bingle, hasn't complained.


• Labor party focus groups - fair dinkum fuckwits. The latest group was paid $370,000 to suggest that we should not celebrate the centenary of ANZAC Day in 2015 because it might offend immigrants. Let's see how offended these immigrants would be if the Nazis ruled the world and the cunts ended up in a gas chamber. Donate that $370,000 to the families of soldiers lost in Afghanistan, you fuckwits.


• Peter Slipper - the cunt loves to don a robe but rocked up to an official function at the Coulandra RSL in jeans. Show some respect, fuckwit.


• The Hunger Games - what is all the fuss about? Isn't it a movie about Karen Carpenter?


• John Tomic - ejected from the tennis for heckling his son. Sure his last name isn't Dokic?


• Glenelg Traders - for calling for a new cinema to be built at Glenelg. You fuckwits, ya just knocked one down to build more fucking useless shops. Dickheads.


• Donna Cooper - the "law expert" has suggested that divorces don't need to be nasty. What the fuck is the point of getting a fucking divorce then?


• Tom Kenyon - stupid is as Kenyon does. What a fucking plonker. Minister of Science? Pig's arse, more like Minister for Silly Walks.


• The Gay and Lesbian Christian Conference - fuck, that conference ticks all the boxes.


• John Keneally - jesus, I really have to stop listening to 5aa. The retard has suggested that Adelaide should build a monorail from the airport to the city and that an flat escalator should be built between Victoria Square and Adelaide Oval. For fucksake, isn't that an episode of the Simpsons?


• Former US President Dick Cheney - the cunt had a heart transplant. Didn't know he had one in the first place.


• GWS v Sydney - zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Great Waste of Space.


• Kelly Vincent - for suggesting that taxpayers fund sex workers for people with disabilities. I know Wayne Swan is a fucking mongo but I'm pretty sure the cunt is married and doesn't need a taxpayer funded root. Ironic though because the cunt is going to fair dinkum root taxpayers with the carbon tax.


• People who refer to "sex workers" - they are called fucking whores, for fucksake.


• Monique Jeffrey - the poor bitch sneezed and broke her neck. Shit, that is bad luck. When I sneeze the only thing I normally break is wind.


• Advertiser - for putting up Studley Cornes as a potential celebrity premier. That would certainly guaran-fucking-tee that I would leave this fucking state. He does has one good suggestion though, to save the Murray he'll get his sons to recite, "she sells sea shells by the sea shore".


• George Mancini - lawyer for serial kiddy fiddler, Laurence O'Shea. For arguing that the "harshness" of his client's harrassment in prison should have led to a suspended sentence. Fuck off, the "harshness" of his crime should have led to him being suspended from a fucking tree.


• The Pope - pictured in a fucking sombrero. A different look to his usual ku klux klan outfit.


• AFL - for allowing James McDonald to get rubbed out for 2 weeks for a beautiful shirt front.


• Anna Bligh/Qld Labor - FUBAR. Very funny. They should keep playing that surfing song, "Wipeout".


• Demetriou - in the words of one reader, for just being a cunt. Can't argue with that.


• Jason Akermanis - he has become so irrelevant that he needs to make poorly timed comments about Jim Stynes. You are a dickhead, Aker.


• Dermott Brereton - picked Hawthorn to win the flag. That is a big surprise. Give that cunt a line in the sand, or preferably a hole to bury him in. The fucker has had more work done on his face than Mount fucking Rushmore.


• God - either he is a fucking cunt or he doesn't exist. The death of Jim Stynes proves that. Any Christians out there care to debate me on this?


• Cancer - what a cunt. It knocks on Jim Stynes' door but has left cunts like Jason Downie, Eugene McGee and Laurence O'Shea alone. There is no justice.


• Queensland surfers - for fucksake, you would think they would learn to swim before trying to surf. Ok, that was a bit below the belt...


• Titanic 3D - does that mean it will be as three times as crap as the first time it was released?