The Chad Medal in hiatus week 2

For week 2 of The Chad Medal in hiatus The Chad Editor brings you Stephen Rowe, minda extraordinaire,hypocrite, and general all-round fuckwit to the tune of 'This old Man'. I chose a children's song for Rowey as he is of a similar mental age to a grade 3 child and wouldn't be able to comprehend anything any more advanced.

Stephen Rowe, count to one?

Fat fucking chance the cunt's too dumb

When preggers his mum must've smoked a cone

Fuck off Snoozer fuck off home

Stephen Rowe, count to two?

He still can't tie his fucking shoe

He thought the world of fucking Randall Bone

Fuck off balloon knot fuck off home

Stephen Rowe, count to three?

He's a bigger dumbfuck than KG

He's as entertaining as a fucken dial tone

Ease up turbo fuck off home

Stephen Rowe, count to four?

Plays second fiddle to skeletor

He gets outwitted by a fucken old crone

Pump the brakes big fella fuck off home

Stephen Rowe, count to five?

Still waiting for his brain to arrive

That fucken thick he still can't operate a phone

Gonski cunt go fuck off home

Stephen Rowe, count to six?

Rubbers beat him at pick up sticks

IQ 14 is all Rowey would own

Out the doorski fuck off home

Stephen Rowe, count to seven?

Was still grade two aged eleven

Hypocritical chimpanzee clone

Wooly woofter fuck off home

Stephen Rowe, count to eight?

The fuckwit thinks Neil Craig is great

Not just Neil's tires that the cunt has blown

Sooky lala fuck off home

Stephen Rowe, count to nine?

Hey fucknut paid Eddie that fine?

Did Nathan Bock's mum give you a loan?

Go back to Perth fuck off home

Stephen Rowe, count to ten?

The cunt still can't read Mr Men

We sick and tired of your bullshit, piss and moan

We serious Rowey FUCK OFF HOME

The Chad Medal in hiatus

With The Studley Trophy being announced and another season over, The Chad Medal is taking a break for a few weeks so that Laurie Holden can attempt to find a Plan B for Norwood coach Nathan Bassett and The Chad Editor can clear up the dose of the shits he's had since his beloved Bulldogs got rolled by the fucken eagles in the SANFL GF this year. Until The Chad Medal resumes The Chad Editor thought he might fill in the weeks by composing some musical tributes to some of the weekly winners. This week, Ricky Nixon is the target with a slight rewording of the Redgum song "I was only 19"

The Saints, the Swans and half of Melbourne had all seen their morals buckle
It was a long line of regrets
Ricky Nixon was the next in line, Kim made Little Ricky hard
He really wanted, to pound her furry cleft
He showered her with booze and drugs and got her hotel key
The picture in the paper showed him pissed and stoned and mean
There's Ricky, in his undies, and his hair all stained with Preen
Hey Ricky, we all know where you've been
As much as you denied it we know where the truth was at
You were rooting that tart ragged cunt for months
You made her room a home, VB and snow, on her knockers
Whilst you poked your fucken pecker through her scrub
And can you tell me Ricky why your head looks like a sheep
You pissed away your family for a slutty drama queen
That cheese under your foreskin, I don't think it should be green
Hey Ricky, her spadge ain't real clean
Ok she was a dirty slag who loved to spread her legs
But Ricky, take a good look at yourself
Was it really fucken worth it just to shoot your cookies off
Ya shoulda just gone and rooted someone else
The Herald Sun said gotcha, and Ricky fucken swore
They waited there for hours, till he'd finished with his whore
Splashed all over page 1, he looked like a fucken goon
Watch out cunt, karmas coming round soon
I can still see Ricky in his undies in young Kim's hotel
When he tried to ride her hard as Might and Power
And I can still see Ricky, on that fucked up tv bungle
How fucken funny, was it to watch him cower
And hearing his excuses fucken shat me right to tears
And his pissweak fucken half truths that we never thought were real
You stabbed your missus in the back, how do you fucken feel
You cunt, you're morally unclean
No cunt believes you Ricky, you're a slimy lying creep
You spent your fucken spare time up a scraggy, skanky teen
She was polishing your wood just like a can of Mr Sheen
Hey Ricky, she was aged 17.


L. Holden - fucking gold. This has inspired me to write one for Mike Rann, to the tune of John Cougar Mellencamp's "Jack and Diane".

Little ditty about Media Mike Rann
A fucking smarmy cunt that noone could stand
When Mikey was the premier
He met Michelle Chantelois he and rooted her

Suckin on his tiny cock in a car outside the Par 3
Michelle's sittin' on Mikey's lap
He's got his hands between her knees
Mikey say, "Hey Michelle wanna have a root on the desk in my office with me
Dribble off that waitress dress, let me do what I please"
Michelle say uh

"Oh yeah life goes on
Long after Media Mike has fucked off and is gone"
Say, "Oh yeah life goes on
Long after Media Mike has fucked off and is gone, now rock on"

Mikey sits back reflects his thoughts for the moment
Scratches his nuts and does his best Foley
"Well you know Sasha, we oughta fuck off to Italy"
Sasha says,"Baby, you can fuck off and take Chantelois instead of me"
Sasha say a

"Oh yeah life goes on
Long after you fucked Chantelois and now she is gone"
Say, "Oh yeah life goes on
Long after you and cunts like Foley are gone"

Gonna let it rock
Let it roll
Let the rolled up magazine come down
For rooting that mole
Hold on as premier as long as you can
Changes come around real soon
You're a deadset cunt, Mike Rann

"Oh yeah life goes on
Long after you fucked up the State and are gone"
Say, "Oh yeah life goes on
Long after you and Wang Wang and fucking Funi are gone"

Little ditty about Media Mike Rann
A dirty lying cunt that noone could stand

The Studley Trophy Winner

Well, the footy season is over and so it is time to announce the winner of the second Studley Trophy, for the fuckwit of the year. The winner is drawn from the outstanding list of weekly Chad Medallists:

• Meat Loaf



• Wang Wang and Funi



• SANFL umpires



• The Catholic Church



• Kevin Foley



• Ryan Smith and his grafitti mates



• Greg Chappell



• Indian Cricket Fans



• Port Adelaide



• Chad Cornes



• Adelaide Crows



• Heath Shaw



• Tony Dey



• Nicole Cornes



• Cricket Australia



• Stephen Rowe



• American Tourists



• John Farnham



• Michaelangelo Rucci



• Adrian Anderson



• Neil Craig



• The AFL



• Americans



• People Who Stink



• Bernard Finnigan



• Campbell Brown



• Warren Tredrea



• Andrew Hilditch



• Brendan Fevola



• Redbacks



• Charlie Sheen



• John Galliano



• Ricky Nixon



• Blokes who wax their bodies



• Mark Riley



• Kevin Muscat

What a complete bunch of fuckwits. All would be deserving of taking home the Studley. But there can only be one winner. So let's take a look at some of the contenders, starting with the most recent Chad Medallist, Meat Loaf. The AFL paid the Loaf $600,000 to take a dump before the start of the AFL grand final. But no matter how hard he tried and how many grunts he exerted, the Loaf just couldn't back one out. He almost succeeded during his rendition of I Would Do Anything For Love, but he left the stage exhausted and, unlike those unlucky enough to listen to him, still constipated. Best lay off the meat, Loaf.

And then there is Wang Wang and Funi. These two fuckers are sending the State broke. No wonder the Chinese off-loaded them to us - they are fat, lazy, dumb and can't even root when given the chance. Fuck off back to China. And while you are at it, take that other fat, lazy, dumb cunt, Roley Poley Foley with ya. Perhaps you three fuckers can start up a circus act - Wang Wang, Funi and Roley Poley, the three retarded dancing bears. Watch as Wang Wang and Funi do sweet fuck all while Roley Poley the Loudmouth Bear gets his lights punched out. Bye bye, Kevvy, ya cunt.

The SANFL umpires took white maggotry to a whole new level this year. Once again, the Eagles were given an armchair ride throughout the season, receiving more free kicks than any other club thanks to these white maggots. And the white maggots once again proved they have no fucking idea by awarding a fucking seagull, James "Peter" Allen, another Magarey Medal. The white maggots were ably led by that terminal fuckwit, Tony Dey. Dey is a regular nominee and past winner of the Chad and for good reason - he's a cheating cunt and bona fide fuckwit. And I can safely say that not one SANFL supporter shed a tear when Richard Williams announced his retirement. Thank fuck for that but why didn't you take Dey and that other pig Rowston with you? But white maggot abusers out there need not worry because there is a new up-and-coming maggot who will take over Williams' mantle as a deadset fucking cunt - and that is Curtis DeBoy. This little prick will be a shoe-in for a Chad Medal next year. And with a name like that, he'd be fucking popular in the Catholic Church.

Which is a nice segue into another Studley contender, Catholic Church, for continuing to deny years and years of child abuse and covering up for their fucking kiddy fiddling priests. Cunts. Malcolm Fox and Bernie Finnigan would make ideal Catholic priests.

Grafitti artists should have a perpetual Chad Medal awarded to them. Fair dinkum, these cunts are not artists, they are fucking vandals and contribute sweet diddly squat to society. Here is a tag for you idiots - Ryan Smith was a fuckwit.

The Crows and the Power exceeded everybody's expectations by performing even worse than we all hoped was possible. Fucking fantastic. The Crows finally realised that Neil Craig is nothing but an over-rated cunt with boofy grey hair, a squeaky voice and harry high pants and gave him the arse. How stupid are Melbourne for picking this prick up? The only success he has ever had was in playing for Norwood in the 1970s and that is because he was surrounded by a team of deadset champions. As for Port Adelaide, they can surround Matty Fuckarse with the world's greatest assistant coaches but you can't turn horse shit into ice cream. As long as they have cunts like Kane Cornes, Justin Jerkoff, Troy Chaplin, Steven Salopek and Robbie Gray on their list, they will be shit. Michaelangelo Rucci spent all fucking year coming up with excuses as to why Port are up shit creek, blaming everyone from the SANFL to the SANFL, but Rucci, it is quite simple really, noone gives a rat's arse about them. People will go to Adelaide Oval, not to watch Port, but to sink piss on the hill.

And speaking of fuckwits in football, Stephen "Rowey" Rowe. He is clearly a spastic - you can do it, you can do it, you can do it. No you fucking can't. Perhaps the icing on this year's Rowe cake was when he squealed like a fucking pig when Jack Gunston announced he wanted to leave the Crows and go back home to Melbourne, calling him shallow, a sooky sooky la la and to harden up. But Rowey didn't find it all hypocritical to totally support Brad Ebert's wish to leave West Coast and come back to Adelaide. Rowey, you fucking "balloon knot snoozer", you need to "ease up, turbo" and "pump the brakes", it is time you were "goneski" out the "doorski". And take Warren Tredrea with you. Who the fuck decided to give this fuckwit a job in the media? His articles appear to be written by either Lucy Cornes or a retarded chimp - or are they one and the same? And even though you can't see Warren's head on radio, the words are clearly coming from a dick with ears.

And what about cricket. Cricket Australia have completely fucked up the game in this country. OK, noone can argue with Teflon Tim, Cunt Chappell and Hooker Hilditch being boned, but how does the cunt in charge of all this, James Sutherland, survive? And now this toffy-nosed cunt has hired a fucking rugby goon to oversee the team - ya fucking what? So we'll be fucking great in a scrum but have no idea how to bowl line and length. Piss off.

So this takes us to the winner of the Studley Trophy. How apt that it is Studley's wife, Nicole. Yes, based on votes by Chad readers, Nicole Cornes is the winner of the second Studley Trophy as the fuckwit of the year. Sorry to disappoint you, Nicole, but there is no cash prize to go with this esteemed award. We all know how motivated you are by cash, you gold-digging slag, so we hope you can gratefully accept this award and don't sue us for recognising what a truly outstanding fuckwit you are. You should know exactly how prestigious the Studley Trophy is, given that you married the complete fuckwit who's name adorns the trophy. This trophy should perfectly complement the Chad Medal you won eariler this year - a win, I must say, was well over-Dew. I had asked Mick Molloy to present the Studley to you but his asking fee of $85,000 was way too much. I also asked your cunt of a step-son, Chad, to present the Studley to you, but I couldn't understand a fucking single word the dribbling idiot said and I assumed you wouldn't want your face drenched in his phlegm - but then again, I couldn't say the same thing about his jism. Kevin Foley put his hand up to present but the fucker got confused - when I told him I needed someone "to present the Studley to Nicole" he thought I said I needed "a Stud to present to Nicole". Good one, Kev, ya funny cunt, we know how close you and Nicole are, how else did she get a job as a Labor Party adviser? So the only person left to present the Studley to you is Studley himself. There is no actual trophy but apparently Studley has had a message for you engraved on his withered-up old cock - "Tony Symonds Was Here." Congratulations, Nicole, you really deserve this trophy.

Week 37 Winner

The winner of The Chad Medal is that big,fat, tonedeaf cunt Meatloaf. Anyone that saw his 'performance' at the AFL GF would agree that it made Angry Anderson look like the fucken Rolling Stones. So as a tribute to the fucken turd I have concocted a new version of "You took the words right out of my mouth".

It was the AFL Grand Final and the fans were yearning

For the game to start all over the land

Then they heard that fat porker their stomachs were churning

A few shit bars sung

And came the urge to spew through their hands

Demetriou, what the fuck's this whining

$600,000 dollars just for a taste

Of a fat old cunt getting a pocket lining

Cause of you you dago spoon

And for another fucken moment

Another fucken moment

You again laid our great game to waste

The cunt couldn't sing, he was pissfucking weak

The urge to kill rose right around the ground

All he did was shriek, Meatloaf fuck you

Stay the fuck away from our hallowed footy mound

Hey fat cunt shut your pie munching mouth

Listening to you fucken shit me

You made us all want to fucken ralph

And I swear it's true

If I had a harpoon I'd shoot you, fuck you

Meatloaf shut your tonedeaf dribbling mouth

Of this great day you made a mockery

You're that inbred you surely come from the south

So when rellies screw

The results are two toed fuckers just like you, fuck you

You were wobbling and shaking like a whale on the water

And much to supporters chagrin

You just kept going, dogshit you were akin to

Worse than Johnny Young

Worse than Malcolm Fox too

Finding blood in your poo

Even worse than that Amorosi bint

You were licking your lips and the grease was shining

Four and Twenty pies all over your face

You even demolished the fucken paper lining

You fat fucking goon

I was hoping you would drop dead

Hoping you would drop dead

Go right arseup you're a fucking disgrace

So Meatloaf shut your lard slurping mouth

You won the Chad you made us all ralph

You were that shit you must surely support South

Ah fuck I've run out of words that rhyme with mouth

( repeat until the old cunt has one too many pies and collapses like a Sth African scrum)

Week 37 Nominees

• Kenrick "Sophie" Monk - Aussie swimmer who claimed he was the victim of a deliberate hit and run whilst riding his bike fracturing his elbow has changed his story and admitted he fucked up whilst skateboarding. Tony Hawk or Bart Simpson this cunt ain't. On top of making a complete fuckwit of himself and putting himself out of the sport for a few weeks (and thereby jeopardising his spot for the London Olympics) he faces potential charges for making a false statement to the police. And what did he do when facing the press to admit he told a porky pie, he did a Mick Malthouse and cried. You fucken softcock.


• Kenrick Monk's parents - what a shit of a name to give to a kid, mind you they may have had a premonition when he was a youngun that he was going to be a fuckup later on in life and so gave him a name to match.


• The goal ump who called a goal when the ball hit the post in the AFL GF - what fucken game were you watching numnut, the ball clearly deflected off the post.


• Collingwood - hehehehehe eat a shitburger with the lot ya cunts. Fuck you Collingwood forever, none of you fucknuts have a brain, side by side they lost together, who are the cunts now gonna blame. See the barrackers crying, as we were hoping they would, oh the premiership's Geelong's, you fuckwits Collingwood.


• Nick Maxwell - the worst player ever to play in an AFL premiership, even worse than Aaron Keating. His loser's speech at the after-match presentation was gold, "Life is like a box of chocolates." Fucking retard.


• Mick Malthouse - super effort, Mick, ya dickhead. Great move to leave Ben Reid on Hawkins all day. And did someone forget to tell you that the club is bigger than the individual? It's all about Mick. Obviously, Mick's favourite song is the Skyhooks, "Ego Is Not A Dirty Word." Here is another Skyhooks song for ya, Mick and the rest of your soft-cock players, "Why don't you all, why don't you all, why don't you all get fucked."


• Alan Didak -the time is about right for this fuckwit to join the Finks.


• Chris Dawes - sooky sooky la la. The cunt was sobbing because he had just discovered he has no talent.


• Leigh Brown - for fucksake. He's not a coach's arsehole. He's just an arsehole. What the fuck are you going to teach Jack Watts?


• Meatloaf - $600,000 for 12 minutes of absolute shit. The highlight was his moving tribute to Nick Maxwell and Mick Malthouse, "You Took His Cock Right Out Of Your Mouth".


• Vanessa Amorosi - "Absolutely Everybody" can come and plough you apparently because the fucken gear you were wearing made you look like a Hanson Road Whore. Even Meatloaf said "I won't do that" - but by the looks of him, the Loaf is too old and too fucking fat to get it up and keep it up. And cheers, Vanessa, for fucking up the end of the national anthem, it sounded like two mating cats had just been run over. Or Mick Malthouse squealing.


• Norwood - fucking 7 goals in 8 quarters of football. To quote a gutted Legs supporter (not L. Holden) in the last quarter - "Pure and simple we were soft and trying to play an AFL style game and don't have the talent". Bit hard to argue with that after the shit display they put up.


• Nathan Bassett - might be a good idea to try and find a Plan B over the summer cause when Plan A didn't work over the last two weeks - you were fucked. It was like watching Neil Craig all over again.


• Dieter Brummer - former Home and Away acting genius got into some strife at the Crown Casino and has been charged with assaulting security. Home and Away, you're going to fucking Long Bay.


• Richard Williams - after years of attempting to murder SANFL football the prick has finally given it up. On behalf of all SANFL supporters I say thank fuck, don't come back you cunt.


• Matthew Lokan - has followed Tricky Dicky Williams' lead and announced his retirement from football on the grounds that he can't fit between the goalposts to pick up the footy to kick the ball back in. Watch this space, the bald headed chicken fucker will be on The Biggest Loser within two years, he's a fat fucken pig now, imagine what he's gonna be like after footy has ceased for the lardarse. A career as a Meatloaf impersonator awaits - so long as you can't sing for shit.


• Fuckwits who drive 10km under the speed limit in an 80km zone then drive at 75km in a 70km zone - drive into a fucken stobie pole, you give me the fucken shits.


• Anyone who got pinged DUI or speeding over the long weekend - fucken Port supporters just won't learn.


• Japanese Whalers - fuck off, no cunt believes that scientific research bullshit, the only thing you're researching is how much you can charge for whale in a fucken sushi bar. Fuck off out of our waters or we're gonna re-enact Hiroshima on ya, instead this time we're not gonna drop a "Little Boy" bomb, we're gonna drop Julia Gillard "the fat arsed Ranga sheila".


• The Crapvertiser SANFL team of the Year selectors - for selecting Nick "Vince" Gill and Ben Kane "Cornes". Are you cunts fucking kidding me? Gill looks like, and plays like, an epileptic one legged stork, and Ben Kane does more circle work than an Indy Car, but fuck all of it is near where the ball is.


• Mark Riccuito - in his AFL top 50 in The Crapvertiser, Roo(ted) named Scott "Dean Terlich" Thompson at number 22. You honestly think he was the 22nd best player in the league do you fucknut, you're obviously already an expert fertilizer salesman, you'll be selling dodgy cars without a licence next like your brother in no time.


• Cameron White - still says he harbours ambitions of playing in the Aussie One-Day side. Hahahahahahahaha, oh fuck, you mean he was serious? You really want to get back in the side? Then move to NSW, you can keep playing shit like you have been and you'll get a spot easy, worked for a fucken shithouse piechucker in Nathan Hauritz.


• Greek Civil Servants - went on a 24hr strike in protest over deeper austerity measures applied as the government struggles to avoid a default. How did anyone notice the fucken difference, souvlaki street vendor sales down? The Greeks need to start re-cycling to save cash - take a cue from Nick Giannopolous, he has been re-cycling the same wog jokes for 20 years.


• Craig Dean Raneberg - former Minter Ellison employee who reputedly pinched a shitload of dough from them did the scarper in July to Thailand but returned this week to Sydney to renew his Thai visa. Not surprisingly he was nabbed at Sydney airport and is in custody awaiting trial. Geez who would've thought, you fucken dickhead you could've at least tried wearing some of those shitty disguises Matthew Newton was wearing in Underbelly.


• Redbacks - for another choke. After posting a record 214 runs from their 20 overs, the Redbacks had the game in the bag, with one ball left, the currymunchers required a six to win. So what happened - you guessed right - bang, a fucking six!


• Ron Barassi - for whinging like a senile old cunt because Jimmy Bartel and Mitch Duncan dressed up as the Saint Kilda school girl slut and Ricky Nixon at the Cats' Mad Monday celebrations. Fuck off, Ron, get a sense a humour, it was deadset fucking funny.


• Sarah Palin - has announced that she won't run for President in 2012. Thank fuck she will be too busy hunting moose. Bullwinkle better watch out.


• Kyle Sandilands - the cunt has a lovechild. So which one is it, Kyle - Wang Wang or Funi?


• Mike Sheahan - you idiot. The dork named Dale Thomas (15) ahead of Stevie J (18) in his top 50 footballers. Even with a fucked up knee, Stevie J is better than Thomas. And how the fuck is Jimmy Bartel ranked number 20, just one spot in front of Heath Scotland??


• Minter Ellison - whinging that that their CFO, Craig Raneberg, had been ripping millions off them for years. Stiff shit, now you know how your clients feel.


• High Court - for ruling that Australian men don't have to have a penis. No shit, there were 22 dick-less blokes playing for Collingwood on the weekend.


• Michael Jackson - the freak told his doctor that he planned to build a children's hospital. No wonder his doctor killed the bastard.


• The goat that was filmed screaming like a man - what about that fat, old man at the MCG on Saturday that was filmed screaming like a goat.


• Stephen Conroy - dismissed talks of a leadership coup in the Federal Labor Party as "squeaky noise." Sure that wasn't Julia Gillard lifting up one of her big fat arse cheeks and squeezing out an air biscuit?


• Jason Biggs - turns out he and his wife hired a hooker. The AFL hired the same hooker to sing the national anthem at the grand final.


• Curry-eating contest in Scotland - two of the fucking weak Scottish bastards had to be rushed off to hospital. Send get well cards to Kenny Dalgleish and Andy Murray to the St Andrews Hospital For Scottish Cunts.


• Essendon's Josh Jenkins and Heath Hocking - for getting caught on-selling their AFL Grand Final tickets. You dickheads, that will be about as close as you ever get to playing in one.


• Ray Harries - the bloke from Utah who ate a live rat - how the fuck did you get through all of Kyle Sandilands, Ray?


• Luis Reveredo - the Peruvian soccer fan who has offered tickets to the Peru-Paraguay game as a reward for the return of his stolen dog. For fucksake, will Harry the fucking Chihuahua just give it up already. The little cunt would do anything for publicity, just like that other fame whore dog, Lara Bingle.


• Evangeline Lilly - the Lost actress admitted that when she was an air hostess she saved up all the gas she could and farted in the face of a passenger. This probably explains why Qantas air hostesses look like constipated, poe-faced fucking bitches - just let em rip ladies.


• Mick Malthouse - he's now offered his services to Cricket Australia. Fuck off, Cricket Australia already has enough egotistical cunts on its books.


• Frank and Louie - the American cat born with two faces. Australia has its own two-faced bitch - Julia Gillard.


• Liuz Costa de Oliveira - the 90 year-old farmer has 50 kids with four different wives. This is one fucking farmer that doesn't need a wife.


• David Miller - the 30 year-old New Yorker who robbed his father to buy pain-killing drugs to give him relief from "painful erections". The poor cunt has a disease called "priapism" which results him cracking a fat for 5 to 6 hours at a time - and has also resulted in him taking out countless eyes. Time to stop surfing porn sites, ya dumb cunt.


• The Big Day Out - for hiring Kanye West as its headliner. He was the only West available after Scott, Jim and Mae knocked back the gig.


• Laurie Holden - sold out his beloved Redlegs by refusing to make the effort to get back and watch them the day after the AFL GF. To quote a fellow Legs follower who he normally sits with at the footy "He is cunty the fuckarse Ewok ", "He's a cunt, a fuckin ankle". [L. Holden - the fellow Legs supporter and Chad Editor can each select one of two options: a) get fucked or b) fuck off. I am fucking deadset glad I wasn't there to witness that big steaming fucking turd that the Legs served up on Sunday. The fellow Legs supporter in question, aka Grenville, or using the Star Wars vernacular, Jabba the Cunt, has no fucking leg to stand on as he abandoned the Legs when Trevor "Benny" Hill was coaching the Legs - yep, he jumped ship like a fucking dirty rat when the going got too tough and spent the rest of the season in hibernation, playing scrabble with his fellow pandas, Wang Wang and Funi - there are double points to be had if you can complete the following - WEAK _UNT. The prick still owes me a fucking schnitzel from when Hill was finally sacked. So Jabba, stick another pie in ya fucking cakehole! As for the Chad Editor, aka The Bald Headed Chicken Fucker, or using the Star Wars vernacular, Handjob Solo, he should get himself a merkin and stop fucking chickens. And it is time to stop being Warren Partland's doppelganger - trying to emulate Warren's win from 20 years ago in the City to Bay a few weeks back was just plain stupid. You are not Warren - sure, you are bald, have a goatee and support beastiality like Warren, but that is where the similarity ends. And there is no need to get the shits just because Hawthorn choked against Collingwood like Harry O'Brien running scared out of defence.]


• West Adelaide - for even pondering the idea of enticing Brendan Fevola to play for them next year. That's just what Westies need, another pissheaded compulsive gambler, at least the pokies and bar takings should improve. Still, they have been looking for someone to bleed the club dry since Doug Thomas got the arse.

Week 36 Winner

The winner of The Chad Medal this week is those fucken pandas Wangchung and Punani. These lazy fucken mooches have done fuck all since they arrived at Adelaide Zoo but eat, sleep, shit, and sit on their fat arses. The cost of housing these hairy Pat Conlons has been ridiculous, special enclosures needing to be built, having to get bamboo from every orifice to feed the greedy cunts, having to listen to Mike Rann crap on about how good it is to have them here, they're as big a waste of space as a tackling bag at Sturt. And again I say what have they done, I'll tell you FUCK ALL. At least the monkeys swing around in a tree and scratch their own arses, fuck me even the sloths go to the effort of hanging from a fucken tree, but old Halfstung and Tooheys just sit on their arses, doing fucken nothing waiting for a handout like a Port Adelaide administrator. The government and zoo officials have been spruiking how many tourism dollars they've brought in to the state, just a pity housing the cunts has the zoo about $25 million in the fucken can. Fucken bonza, what other white elephants do you fucknuts want to invest in ( and for fucksake don't say a white elephant ). So they've done fucken nothing, and on the only chance they get to have a root for the year they did ....... nothing. Remember when they first got to the zoo and ya had to pay extra to see em do fuck all, well these days you get free entry to see the fuckers on the back of shopadockets. Fucken pandas, they are the laziest animal on earth, I'll bet that only mating a few days a year story is fucken bullshit as well ,they just can't be bothered the lazy cunts. They are the squatters, the dole bludgers, the moochers, the out and out lazy fuckers of the animal kingdom and it's about time the other neglected zoo animals took out retribution on them. Imagine being a simple little meerkat, looking at the five star treatment dished out to these pricks whilst the best they get is some dirt and a fucken rock to stand/sleep/shit/root on. You'd be fucken dirty wouldn't you. I'd like to see ten of these meerkats get out one night, pick up a toucan each and hoe into the cunts, and you know what, the pandas would still do fucken nothing, just chew bamboo whilst the cunt from the fruitloops box gets embedded in their head.

So Poontang and Hong Kong Phooey have won The Chad Medal this week. Time to go and get a fucken job you lazy pricks, or we're gonna deport you.

Week 36 nominations

• Kevin Rudd - according to Kevvy, he's "a very happy little vegemite being Prime Minister". Ah, hate to break it to you, Kev, but you are not Prime Minister - yet. But you are definitely a deadset fuckwit.




• Michael Avon - white maggot extraordinnaire. The dirty cunt gifted 2 goals to Centrals against Norwood when the game was in the balance. Avon is calling alright - with a fucking 44 magnum. Prick.




• Brownlow Medal - what an absolute farce. They spend 4 hours counting the votes when all that anyone gives a shit about these days is seeing which mole is showing off the most cleavage. Just fucking get rid of the count and put the camera on Dane Swan's root's cans for 4 hours - that would be a ratings winner. And can Bruce McAvaney just fuck off - fair dinkum, he's a raving poofter, he nearly dry-rooted Dane Swan's hand. But it was great to see Tanya Buckley again, he's a top sort - a real credit to Nathan that he married a transvestite.




• AFL - complete bastards. They are more than happy to hand-out $10 million to North Melbourne but the cunts slap a $300,000 salary cap on SANFL clubs and want to reduce it even further. Demetriou would spend $300,000 on lasagne in any given week.




• Wang Wang and Funi - the fat cunts are even too fucking lazy to have a root when given their once a year chance. Roley Poley Foley stepped up to the plate and was seen leaving the zoo with his dacks half down.




• The Saudi woman who got 10 lashes for driving - they should bring that rule in here. And start with that bitch who nearly side-swiped me during the week when she was too busy doing her make-up.




• Jeff Kennett - the tosser has his snout right in the trough by flying business class using public money in his role in beyondblue. It is fucking beyond the joke. He'll probably need his own counselling after watching Hawthorn butcher the game against Collingwood.




• Greece PM, George Papandreou - reckons he is making a superhuman effort to slash Greece's debt. How? Selling ya purple valiant? There is a fat Greek bastard running the AFL that probably earns more than the entire Greek economy. Can't we send him back there?




• Greece - you are really fucking my super up.




• United States - see Greece.




• Pope Benedict XVI - he's thinking of retiring. In the words of John Kennedy, "don't think, do."




• Muammar Gaddafi - ready to die a martyr. More likely he'll die a fuckwit.




• Fadi Haddad - Qld hairdresser avoided jail for possessing cocaine. But couldn't avoid jail for being a mincing poof burger.




• Qantas baggage handlers - for going on strike again. What for, not enough boogie board bags coming your way these days?




• INXS - for revealing they have a new lead singer, some Irish cunt who sounds like Bono. For fucksake, just give it up. a) noone has given a rat's arse about you since Michael Hutchence died having a wank and b) the world does not need another fucking Bono - one is too many. Can't Bono find a hotel room and a belt too?




• Uniboob - the woman who went in for a boob job and came out with one giant boob. That is bullshit - how the fuck can her bloke go in for a "broooooooomski" now that she has one big boob. And what about the cleavage - she'd be fucked on Brownlow Medal night.




• Pink Floyd - for releasing a giant inflatable pig from the cover of their crap Animals album into the sky above London. Tracey Grimshaw is suing for using her likeness without her permission.




• Ken Cunningham - 1) the gibbering old cunt stated he can't fathom why North Adelaide seagull James Allan hasn't been given a shot in the AFL. You obviously haven't watched him play, he plays like Kane Cornes and kicks as far as Tim Weatherald. 2) Again mentioned Roy Laird putting his hand up for an AFL coaching job. Jesus you're fucking stupid, he's said he's not fucking interested, are you hearing impaired as well as braindead? 3) Had a whinge that Adelaide Crow Scott Thompson didn't get a spot in the All-
  Australian team. The cunt hits opposition players with disposals more than his own. He's an AFL version of Dean Terlich. Yeah he looked ok this year, but what fucken numpties did he have to compete with - Bernie Vince? David Mackay? Some real quality there.




• David Gulpilil - sentenced to 5 months jail for breaking his wife's arm. Mr Percival is recuperating in a Darwin animal hospital.




• Robert Farquharson - is appealing his life sentence for driving his kids into a dam , killing them all. I also think they should overturn the life sentence, string the cunt up instead.




• South Australian Media - you wonder why the eastern states take the piss, on the same day The Chadvertiser has those fucking pandas on the front page the tv has in its first couple of stories some crap about a cat that got caught in a wall and had to be rescued. Even fucking New Zealand can come up with better efforts than that.




• Hung Hoi-wai - Hong Kong schoolgirl who was banned by her parents from going out with her friends to celebrate her 16th birthday tried to sneak out by tying string around her waist and lowering herself down from her 3rd floor flat. The string broke and she became a pavement pizza. You fuckwit the saying is "how LONG is a piece of string" not "how strong is a piece of string".




• Dave Hughes - during an interview with yank actor Willem Dafoe on The 7PM Project Hughesy had his face that firmly up Dafoe's arse the cunt looked like he had two tongues in his mouth.




• Ryan Schoenmakers - Hawthorn defender who I cannot fathom why is not a ruckman, he makes that many fucken dumb mistakes. On Friday at a crucial moment he dropped an uncontested chest mark that Collingwood then scored a goal from. If they drug test this kid he's gotta test positive to dope, he plays like the bloke in the movie 'The Club' who misses a mark because he's stoned and is too busy looking at the fucken seagulls.




• Chance Bateman - well, you did your best to fuck up Hawthorn's chance of winning in that last qtr didn't you, dickhead. Running round like Fev at a Brownlow kicking the ball straight down Collingwood players fucken throats, it got that bad they didn't bother chasing you, why waste the energy when you're gonna get the ball straight back. Forget pre-season, a fucken bullet is what's needed.




• Mick Malthouse - to quote that shit song from Fergie "Big Girls Don't Cry", but apparently they do coach Collingwood. Fucken hell, pull yourself together you senile old cunt, at your age it's expected to dribble uncontrollably out of little Mick not your fucken eyes. Pity they didn't pan to FIGJAM Buckley, he would've been crying too, thinking "fuck, another week under this old cunt".




• Stuart MacDonald - not content with giving AIDS to multiple human partners, the dirty prick apparently expanded his contamination before imprisonment to the animal kingdom with an estimated 40% of Kangaroo Island koalas suffering from the disease. You cunt, you killed Blinky Bill.




• Jack Belle - thinks it's clever to jump from the 5m Festival Theatre sculpture onto 2m concrete stacks below. This bullshit even has an official name, 'parkour' , which is French for fucking wanker. Just hope the city council grease up the sculpture before his next attempt. Jack be nimble, Jack be quick, Jack is a fair dinkum fuckwit.




• The pissed NT woman who was seen swimming in croc infested waters, rescued by the cops, then proceeded to get back in the water - when questioned later she said she'd only had six stubbies, Darwin stubbies.




• The 36yr old West Beach pisshead who was walking along the footpath along Burbridge Rd with his 3 legged dog at 3am and stumbled onto the road, where he was hit by a car. His injuries were not life threatening, a CT scan coming back clear for damage, or a fucken brain. To top off a great night he was issued an on the spot fine for moving in the path of a moving vehicle, the dog died from laughter.




• Zoos SA - the pandas are a great success. Yep, paying shitloads for a fat cunt which does fuck all but sit on it's arse, eat, sleep and shit, they could've got Bernard Finnigan to do that. Actually, we've been paying Pat Conlon to do that for a decade.




• Le Van - 57yr old Vietnamese father of 7 dug up his dead wife in 2004 and has been sleeping next to her body every day since. The authorities have pleaded with him to re-bury her saying it is polluting the environment. A similar thing happened recently when police burst in to Nicole Cornes' bedroom and found her laying next to what they thought was a decomposing corpse, it ultimately proved to be her crusty husband, Graham.




• Nathan Buckley - for taking the first steps towards a Collingwood slide down the ladder when he takes over by appointing Ben Hart to his coaching panel. Hehehe, you dumbfuck.




• Melbourne - for appointing Neil Craig as their Football Director. You fuckwits. Craig Neil or whatever the fuck his name is knows sweet fuck all about football. Look what he did at Norwood. Look what he did at the Crows. Melbourne, don't say you were not warned about this grey-haired, tight-lipped, harry-high-pants, squeaky-voiced fuck knuckle.




• Fev - for giving advice to the male Nicki Webster, Jack Figden. What was the advice, Fev - race 5, no 7 at Randwick?




• Adelaide Uni researchers - for suggesting that alcohol abuse can be controlled by our brain cells. What, the few fucking brain cells that are left after getting shickered? And what about piss-heads like Fev that have no brain cells in the first place?




• Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher - fuck, what a fucking surprise that they split-up. Apparently, Ashton has his eyes set on Betty White and Demi on Justin Bieber.




• The Anti-Alcohol Lobby - fuck off.




• McDonalds - for serving up a used condom which apparently a kid chewed on. The poor kid now knows exactly how Lara Bingle feels after every meal.




• Cuba - has just legalised car sales. And Craig Ricciuto has just bought a one-way ticket to Cuba.