Summer series week 12 nominees

• The Sunday Mail - just when you think it can't get any worse than having Lucy Cornes as a regular contributor, they stoop to their lowest depths yet by giving Kevin "Roley Poley" Foley a column. You have got to be fucking joking. What the fuck can he contribute to the paper? Commentary on how to get ya fucking lights punched out? If I was editor, I'd say, "Kev, you punch drunk moron, write us the real story on how Mike Rann rooted Chantelois on his desk, including the pictures." Are there any real journalists out there anymore?
• Ricky Nixon - the boxhead was arrested for being drunk and disorderly in public. He was also charged with crimes against hair - no bloke in this day and age should be sporting a fucking perm.
• Johnny Letts - for comparing Black Caviar's possible race in Adelaide as being like a visit from the Queen. You dickhead, a visit from the Queen is as about as exciting as watching women's sport, unless the sport in question is mud wrestling.
• Geoff Stephens - the Aussie living in London who is taking a case to the European Court of Human Rights, claiming racism because his workmates greet him with, "g'day, sport". You are a complete fuckwit, sport.
• Mark Arbib - the faceless man has finally fucked off to spend time with his family. How the fuck can they recognise you without a fucking face?
• Rick Santorum - for this great pearl of wisdom, "President Obama once said he wants everybody in America to go to college. What a snob!" Yeah, Rick, you wouldn't want the American population to get educated because they might realise that blokes like you are fucking dickheads that shouldn't get within a million miles of public office. Yep, let's just keep the American population fat and stupid by super-sizing every meal and letting them watch crap TV shows like Two and a Half Men and How I Met Your Mother. I may be in the minority but I find it fucking impossible to accept that Doogie Howser is a womaniser on the show. It makes no fucking sense. The cunt rides the marmite motorway. He's gayer than Liberace. And he's fucking annoying. How the fuck can that piece of crap rate highly when a truly great show like Curb Your Enthusiam doesn't?
• The State of Wyoming - for trying to pass a bill to create its own armed force, including an aircraft carrier, in the event that the US went down the gurgler. An aircraft carrier, for fucksake? Wyoming is fucking land-locked!! Yeah, Rick, let's not encourage education in America.
• The Circle - for allowing Yumi Stynes and George Negus to ridicule Victoria Cross recipient, Corporal Ben Roberts-Smith. Fair dinkum, how stupid are those two, look at the size of the cunt, he'd test George's theory that he is a crap lover by splitting Yumi in half and then thump the living suitcase out of George.
• Celebrity chef, James Martin - for plagiarising Bruce McAvaney's standard description of Nick Riewoldt, when he said, "delicious looking dick" when trying to introduce a dish on a cooking show in Britain.
• The US - for planning to charge Julian Assange. What for - telling the truth? Making them look stupid? Fuck off, wankers. You can guaran-fucking-tee that the Australian Government won't do a damn thing to help Assange.
• Labor Senator Doug Cameron - fair dinkum, what a Scottish git. He sounds like fucking Begby from Trainspotting.
• Fabian Francis - wants to be released from gaol because his fiance is suffering from post-natal depression. Fair enough, but I don't think thumping her is going to help her, Fabian.
• UK Advertising Standards Agency - for banning an ad from furniture retailer the Sofa King which included the slogan, "Where the Prices are Sofa King low". I guess I'll have trouble with my new chain of convenience stores, Far Quick Mart.
• Former NSW Labor Government - for signing a contract that forces the running of its desalination plant despite dams in NSW over-flowing. Hey, Jay, care to check out the contract that Mike and Kevin signed for our de-sal plant? If ya can't find the contract, it was filed under, "Big Fucking Expensive White Elephant".
• Martin Srktel - Liverpool footballer who should have made enough money out of the game to hide the fucken horrid disfigurement he calls his ears. Deadset they look like a pair of dried pigs ears, it looks like someone has stuck Mr Spock in the fucken microwave for 20 mins.
• Cardiff City - had an opportunity to claim a piece of silverware in the League Cup final against Liverpool but displayed less composure under pressure than Bruce Reid bowling to Alan Lamb in the last over of a one-dayer and completely fucked it.
• Cardiff - it's a fucken shithole, the only thing for a tourist to go and see there is some little cunt trying to break into your car.
• Billy Crystal - will you fuck off already, I know he wasn't the first choice for hosting the Oscars but where did they dig the cunt up from? He's not fucken funny, yet they continue to make him the host, you'd reckon after 8 times they would have realised he's got all the wit and humour of Ivan Milat. I watched his City Slicker movies and the one thing I wanted to see was that cow he adopted stomp him to a fucken pulp then lay a steaming great Richard the Third on his head.
• Pope Benedict XVI - has told infertile couples that they should shun IVF as (it's) "the arrogance of taking the place of the creator". It's a tad ironic that a German Pope (who incidentally served in the Hitler youth if you don't mind - Ich bin ein Nazi kollaborator)should be telling people about how they should be able or not able to create life as it was his race of people that ended the lives of 6 million people and it was the Vatican that helped some of the perpetrators escape to Sth America.
• Lara Bingle - for appearing in her own reality tv show with the original title - Being Lara Bingle. Bingle was quoted as saying "I give my whole life away", which you would think would be her laying on her back getting a pounding whilst demolishing a bucket of KFC. Move along people nothing to see here.
• Brynne Edelsten - see Lara Bingle.
• Channel 10 - for giving Lara Bingle her own reality tv show. Did she fuck James Packer and this is to buy her silence? All you needed was some all you can eat vouchers to Hungry Jacks for fucksake, why should the rest of the viewing public have to suffer. Wonder if Michael Clarke will be watching.
• Blokes who have combovers - just give it up, you look like fucken clowns. You look fucken stupid and it's not fooling anyone.
• AFL - for giving Joel Bowden a job as "Game Analysis Manager". What the fuck? What is Joel gonna analyse - the number of players who get a shitload of soft, easy kicks by dropping behind the play and avoiding body contact at all costs? Well, the cunt has plenty experience in that department - 265 games and not one contested possession.
• Patrick Secker, Federal Liberal MP - Minister for Family Services.
• Cavan Training Centre - it is harder to get put in there than get out.
• INXS - for bringing in yet another new lead singer. For fucksake, when are you gonna realise that people stopped giving a shit about you when Hutchence wanked himself to death in 1997. Just fucking give it up.
• Sara Barnes - the 26 year-old model from Florida accidentally burned down one of the world's oldest trees because she needed a light to see the party drugs she was taking. The slag was allegedly using crystal meth inside a hollow 3500-year-old cypress tree in Florida's Big Tree Park and burnt the fucker down. She was also spotted a few weeks ago at the Avenues Shopping Centre.
• Snowy Carter - for threatening to sue Jon Blake over a comedy skit that poked fun at him. Get over it, cockhead. Did Nicole Cornes give you the idea when she was rooting you and Stewart Dew at the same time?