Summer series - week 11 nominees

• Kevin Rudd - How do you say, "no way, get fucked, fuck off" in Mandarin?
• The Australian public - when asked who do they prefer as Prime Minister, Julia Gillard or Kevin Rudd, 83% said Rudd. Wrong answer, morons, the correct answer is neither. Fair dinkum, have the Australian people got collective fucking amnesia? What fucking drugs are these fuckwits on? Just 18 months ago when the fucker was PM, Rudd had an approval rating of 20%. So what has changed? He is still the same annoying, arrogant cunt he was back then. Fair dinkum, if he becomes PM, I'll pack up and move to fucking Afghanistan.
• Duck hunting season - for fucksake, do we live in the fucking middle ages? I can't wait for Paul Caica hunting season where we can all have loads of fun hunting down this bald dumbfuck.
• Brenton Stillgoe - when asked "who do you prefer, Rudd or Gillard?", Brenton replied, "Rudd, I feel I can relate to him more and he's more of an Aussie character." Good one, fuckstick. If by 'Aussie character' you mean a complete and total cunt like Kevin Foley or Mike Rann, then you are spot-on.
• Brian Stillgoe - when asked "who do you prefer, Rudd or Gillard?", Brian replied, "Rudd, because I feel he got done over." Good one, fuckstick. If by 'done over' you mean like Michelle Chantelois over Mike Rann's desk, then you are spot on.
• Mr and Mrs Stillgoe - for giving birth to two fucking morons. Stillgoe? More like fucking Stillborn, I'd say.
• John Rau - everything this piggy-nosed fucker touches turns to poo. What a great decision in handing the running of the SA Travel Centre over to the CEO's son-in-law. Dickhead.
• John McPake - more like McFuckwit. This dirty fucking rock spider is up on rock spider charges but asked the court for permission to live with his sister who has two kids aged under five years. Here's a better idea, how about you share a cell with 10 blokes named Bubba in Kerobokan Prison.
• Rick Santorum - for fucksake, if the yanks vote this fucking religious nutjob in as President then it is the final nail in the coffin for the US. There is no place in this world for christians. They are retarded. Any cunt that believes in something that does not exist is a fuckwit. End of fucking story.
• Ricky Ponting - come on, ya greedy prick, surely you are earning enough cash from those shithouse Swisse vitamin commercials? Do a Rudd and quit!
• Canadian couch surfers - a 22-year-old Canadian man/moron has died after riding on a couch tied to a van and towed down a road at high speed. Authorities said a group of friends placed the couch on a sled before hooking it up to the back of a truck and trying to drag it down a rural road in St Benjamin, south of Quebec City, late on Saturday night. The cunt quickly went from being a couch surfer to couch potato when a car plowed through him.
• Vijay Singh - the Brisbane father of three murdered children (not the cunt Fijian golfer) once beat his daughter so viciously with a pool cue for talking to a boy that she couldn't walk for three days.
• The 16-year-old cockhead from Canberra who has been charged for allegedly setting three dogs on fire before dismembering them. Let the punishment fit the crime.
• The 21-year-old idiot who drowned while trying to swim across the River Torrens near the University of Adelaide. For fucksake, there is a fucking footbridge right nearby, you moron? Or why not hitch a ride on Pope-eye? And with the amount of shit in the Torrens you could even fucking walk across it.
• SANFL - for putting the mini-league at risk for the sake of $40,000. Darren Chandler, pull ya fucking head out of your arse.
• Jana "The Drama" Pittman - her London Olympics campaign is in doubt because of a "foot injury". Foot injury, my arse, more like a fucking heart injury.
• Julia Gillard - for calling for a Labor leadership ballot. Talk about a fucking oxymoron.
• Bob Katter - for being mobbed by a group of excitable bingo ladies Bingo after he called them a bunch of good-looking sheilas. Bob's big fucking hat obviously obscured his view because bingo ladies are in the same category as tuckshop ladies and Australia's two top trannies, Isobel Redmond and Tracey Grimshaw.
• Commonwealth Bank - the bank is flying 200 of its "mobile (w)bankers and mortgage innovators" from throughout the country to Lorne for a gala dinner on a "treasure island".
  CBA staff are ordered to come dressed as a "pirate, wench, rascal, scoundrel or villain". All 200 are going as themselves.
• Gabe Watson - Yank who drowned his wife in Queensland by allegedly holding her under water and turning off the valve on her oxygen tank has been charged with murder by the yanks. His defense is that she had a heart condition that contributed to her death, if I had some cunt holding me down under the water drowning me I reckon my heart would be beating just a bit fucking irregularly too.
• The woman who kissed and cuddled her pet rat which in turn made her that ill she spent 17 days in intensive care - Therese Rein was eventually released from hospital and has said she will continue to share the marital bed with husband Kevin.
• Zialloh Abrahimzadeh - regularly abused his wife until she managed to leave him but then went to a function in Adelaide that she was attending and stabbed her 8 times, killing her at the scene. Despite there being 300 people at the event who saw him kill his wife he is pleading not guilty to murder. Ya fucken what? Make this cunt swim the Torrens with a couple of house bricks tied round his fucken ankles.
• Paul Smithson - dentist who took three hours to extract a tooth from a patient has been fined $8000, which is a third of what the dodgy prick probably charged for the extraction.
• Matthew Hayden - has made the fucking stupid statement that he believes Sheffield shield cricket should be moved to the winter months to accomodate the Newton/Foley season. You fucken cocksmoker that is one of the most fucking retarded decisions I've heard since the ALP made Julia Gillard PM. Yeah lets move the season away from when the game is played - summer you fuckwit. It is also interesting to note that Hayden has a stake in the Brisbane Heat team, so why do you really want to move the Shield season Matt, to fleece your own pockets at the expense of the game which made you you money grabbing fuckwit? Stick to doing your shithouse Jetstar ads and keep your fucking mouth shut about things you obviously have no fucking idea about you corrupt sellout. You are a disgrace to the game.
• Amber Halliday - In her column in The Sunday Mail she bagged the popularity of Black Caviar and Phar Lap by using the wise old "I don't get it" chestnut. Further down the column she went on to say about how she was a world class athlete but got little coverage whilst The Cav has got plenty. Firstly if you can't understand why people love watching an animal like Black Caviar run you are a fucking retard. It is a once in a generation animal, a freak which even those who don't follow horse racing enjoy watching. The main problem is jealousy though isn't it (which you yourself admit) , you can't stand that you have been upstaged by as horse, well boohoo get over yourself ya fucken sook, think about a poor cunt like Matthew Broderick, he's been upstaged by the horse he's been married to for years. Ya probably got the shits because you get no publicity, except for when you go belly-up on ya bike.
• Therese Rein - for calling on the Australian public to support her deadshit of a hubby. Fair suck of the sauce bottle, Therese, ya husband is a prick. So is ya daughter. So shut the fuck up. And that fucking perm of yours wants you to return it to the set of Sons and Daughters. It's Reining, it's pouring, ya old man is boring, he went to bed, and woke up a fuckhead, and he'll still be a cunt in the morning, Rein, Rein, go away, don't come back another day.
• US boxer Dereck Chisora - for bashing his fellow boxer David Hayes followig his loss to WBC heavyweight champion Vitali Klitschko. Hopefully, when Rudd loses on Monday, Simon Crean and Wayne Swan will do something similar to him.
• Jason Lees - for taking his own life and that of his two-year old son after jumping from Brisbane's Story Bridge. Cunt. Couldn't you have taken someone else, like Rudd and his family of fuckwits?
• Bobbi Kristina Brown - for getting high after her mum Whitney's funeral. Like mother like daughter, good to see she has a career as a fucking crack whore ahead of her.
• Australian politicians - the whole lot of them a bunch of whining cunts with zero integrity. Rudd, Gillard, Swan, Garrett, Abbott, Bishop, Hockey, Brown and his butt-munchers, Windsor, Oakeshott, the names roll off the tongue like a fucking great big steaming turd. For fucksake, just fuck this lot off and put Malcolm Turnbull in charge.
• Paris Hilton - for her new song, "Drunk Text". It has been pulled offline because she fucked the title up, it was meant to be, "Drunk Slut". Do us a favour an OD or just starve ya self to death.
• Zac Effron - for dropping a condom out of his pocket on the red carpet. Good to see him practice safe wanking.
• Joyce Hardin Gerrard and Jessica Mae Hardin - for making their 9 year-old granddaughter and step-daughter run for 3 hours non-stop for lying about eating a lolly resulting in the girl's death. The two bitches have been charged with homocide. Maybe Athletics Australia can try the same thing with Jana Pittman to get her moving.