Summer series - week 4 nominees

• New Zealand - NZ's state-run Accident Compensation Corporation recently released figures showing the cost of treatment, rehabilitation, and compensation for accidents recorded for 2010 Christmas Day topped $1.45 million. This included claims for several ham-related injuries - including carving mishaps and burns, neck and knee strains from heavy hams and a crushed finger after a ham fell off a stand ( this claimant was later discovered to be the husband of former PM Helen Clark ). Why the fuck would you run an insurance company in that joint? They are a deadset bunch of dumbfucks, you know what the NZ health body should be fucken subsidising - condoms and abortions. It's shit like that that makes you think when Charles Darwin was penning his thoughts he didn't have NZ in his thoughts cause they contravene everything he wrote.

• The Ramp Shot - Another marvellous innovation spurned from fucknuts like Ryan Campbell in one-dayers and now is more rife than a Cornes in a newspaper by virtue of 20 fucking 20. There's a good message to send out to the kiddies, fuck the straight drive, do this instead. Yep 20/20 is great for the game. If I was bowling to someone and the prick played the ramp shot you know where the next ball would be? Right at the cunts head, and it wouldn't fucken bounce. Fucken ramp that you cunt, if you're looking for your front teeth I just saw em flying down to fineleg.

• Moises Henriques - NSW cricketer who always has the look of a bloke who's dropped 10 bucks and found 10 cents. Always has a girly 'injury', acts like his shit doesn't stink but does fuck all. Played a couple of one-dayers for Australia, and did a heartstring, apparently his idol is Shaun Tait.

• Adelaide United - at the start of the season main sponsor Stratco offered them $2000 per goal towards a Burundi health and water project. The way those cunts are playing the poor Burundian buggers won't even have enough money for a pura tap

• Raymond Lahey - Canadian Catholic Bishop charged with importing kiddie porn has apologised in court. I'll bet you're sorry, sorry you got caught you filthy cunt.

• The arsehole who complained about the noise of the horn, bell and carols coming from the annual Father Christmas Lolly Run in Davoren Park - you shitbag, it's not as if you would have had a job to get up for in the morning anyway. Did it distract you from breaking into that Commodore you were trying to pinch?

• Archie Thompson - scored a goal against the Fiona Coote sponsored Melb Heart and proceeded to celebrate by trying to pull his shirt over his head twice, and both times fucked it up. This prick has got to be the most overrated striker ever to be produced by this country.

• Church Leaders - want the people of Sth Aus to share the joy and peace of Christmas and urged people not only to include their family and friends, but also to reach out to the lonely and socially isolated. Before you preach to me about how to conduct my life how about you fuckwits get your flock to stop touching up little kids first. Maybe then I might give your words some fucking credence.

• The shitbag who knocked down an 82yr old lady to steal her handbag - hopefully they catch this turd and string him up by his nards, fucken scumbag.

• Gerry Harvey - fucken piss and moan, you've made millions you miserable old bastard and you crack the shits because people you're not making enough, and that's what all your recent bleating amounts to - you're a greedy, piss stained old cunt. Go Harvey go, get fucked Gerry Harvey CUNT.

• The 26yr old bloke in Qld who badly burned his hands after using petrol to light his BBQ - his efforts at becoming the next Ian Hewittson resulted in two houses having blistered paint and a car torched. And of course a pair of hands that ended up looking like an overcooked BLT after he tried to pat out the flames with his hands. Qld fire commissioner Colin May warned people to use common sense when firing up the BBQ over the festive season. I think what Colin meant was we're busy enough at this time of year without having to waste our time dealing with fucking stupid ex-pat Port Adelaide supporters.

• Kevin Foley - And I quote " I'm out of pubs, out of clubs - not that I was doing that a lot, but I'm not going to be going to hotels. I've got a new life. I'm not going to do that anymore. It's just too difficult for me if I'm out ". Hahahahaha, it's only difficult for you because you're an egotistical, pissheaded, sleazy old meglomaniac who tries rooting other blokes women and doesn't like being rejected by women half your age. Women state wide would be happy if you actually followed through with that promise - but let's face it being a politician we've got about as much chance of that happening as The Chad doing an interview without drowning the interviewer. Remember this quote in a few weeks when Roly Poly gets his head punched in for trying to dry root a 22 year old blonde in a nightclub.