The Chad Medal - Summer Series Week 1 Nominees

• Women who drink and smoke whilst pregnant - fair dinkum are you just fucking stupid, ignorant or have no concern for your unborn child? It's bad for the kid, it can seriously jeopardise its health, if you wanted to continue to piss on and smoke like a chimney DON'T GET UP THE FUCKEN DUFF YOU DIPSHITS. And for those who try the old "the stress I would go under giving up the ciggies would be more detrimental to the child's health than a few durries" line, you are full of fucking shit. If ya wanna continue to smoke something, try a cock ya moles.




• Peter Roebuck's family - want an investigation into his death because when he corresponded with them a few days before he topped himself he gave no indications that he might want to to some parachute-less skydiving. He also gave them no indication he was a fucking kiddy-fiddling cunt who liked young black arses either.




• Tim Cahill - Aussie and Everton player who hasn't scored in a league game for nearly a year. So how many weetbix do you do ya fucken nugget? Everton would be better off with Julie Cahill - she knows a thing or two about balls and scoring.




• Adelaide Confidential - in their DID YOU KNOW section gave mention to former accountant turned comedian Anthony Lehmann breaking the Guinness World Record for the most jokes told in an hour. What they forgot to mention was none of the fucken jokes were funny, ergo they're not fucken jokes, ergo it doesn't fucken count. What do people see in this cunt, he's about as funny as Hamish and Andy.




• Triple M - didn't you fuckwits listen to SAFM when they told that pudgy golliwog fuckarse Cossie he was getting shitcanned because he wasn't funny? Obviously not because you've employed the dickhead, and he hasn't fucken changed.




• Triple M - after the Cossie debacle you would have hoped Triple M might have learned their lesson, but no they now plan to introduce former 5AA 'funnyman' Jon Blake to their breakfast shift. Yeah funnyman, you're fucking hilarious you pinhead, you do worse impressions of people than Julia Gillard does of being a Prime Minister. Who the fuck is making these retarded recruitments - James Fantasia? And 5AA management, it is about time you fucked off Conlon, Kenneally and that fucking mutton dressed up as mutton, Jane Doyle. For fucksake, Adelaide radio personalities give me the fucking shits. Just list them off - apart from the aforementioned fuckers, throw in Ali Carle, Jodie Blewett-Oddy-Fucking-Slag, Tredders, Dale Haley-Lewis, Mathew Abraham and that other no-name cunt he works with, Leon Byner, Amanda Blair-Witch-Project, Rowey and Studley, Bob Francis, etc fucking etc.




• Channel Nine - fucking Cossie, does that prick have pictures of people in high places or what? Ch9 go and can Postcards with Rolf Harris impersonator Keith Conlon, which was about places to go and see in Sth Aus, for a show with that Cossie turd which involves discussing places to go and see in Sth Aus. I'll bet he includes that little smart arse Harry cunt of a kid in his show too. Here's a place for you go, down a dirty great fucking mine shaft in Coober Pedy, oops was that a cave in? Kudos to channel 9, however, for shitcanning Keith Conlon - he's a fucking garden gnome who is more fucking boring than a Mike Rann impersonators conference. He's fucking more boring than listening to Isobel Redmond discuss her sex change operation that clearly didn't work.




• Port Power - even during the summer they can't stop being a complete clusterfuck of a football club. First they lose a major sponsor, putting them a further $350,000 in the hole, and at preseason training Charles Shultz and Jessica Trengrove have a punchup/bitchslap over whose turn it is to be on top in bed that night.




• Kapil Sibal - Indian Telecommunications minister who met with officials from facebook, google, and other internet companies demanding they keep derogatory material about the country's leaders off their websites. If they weren't so fucken useless and corrupt in the first place you wouldn't have anything to worry about would you dickhead. And what if the internet mobs tell you to get fucked, what then, you realise the ICC is only in charge of cricket don't you, they can't fucken help. Or are you going to provide worse taxi service, hahahahahahaha, cunts. Hey Kapil, your namesake Kapil Dev was a cheating dirty cunt. And for those Indian cricket fans out there, once again, go fuck yourselves!




• Chris Judd - reputedly did his shoulder in at home reaching for a doona. Fair dinkum, I'm all in favour of the occasional dutch oven, but if you've got an A-Grade bit of fur like he's got laying next to him each night the old "secrete the one cheek sneak" shouldn't be on the agenda.




• John Buchanan - former Australian cricket coach most famous for enforcing a gulag type fitness camp on the Aussie team which nearly killed Warnie and rooted Stewie MacGill's knee, has been Director of Cricket in NZ for a little while now. What's he achieved? Fuck all is the answer I'd be guessing as the kiwis are un absolute pile of shut bro. Just goes to show, if he don't have the cattle he's not worth a pinch of shit. Merry fucken Christmas sheepfuckers, consider this a payback for sending Russell Crowe over to Oz. Long may he reign. And while you are at it, take back Tim Finn too - that shithead has produced nothing of note since I See Red back in 1978.




• Adelaide United - jesus they're shit, any wonder they're affiliated with North Adelaide footy club? But that is what you get for hiring Dutch fuckwits. The Dutch have produced nothing decent in their history apart from a top fucking oven and clogs.




• Adelaide 36ers - the Washington Generals would smash these pussbags, I went to a game a couple of weeks ago and they were fucking abhorrent. I lost count the number of times a little Sydney Kings dwarf strolled through the key unopposed for an easy layup. They left a bigger hole in defence than the one residing in Georgie McGuinness' underdirts.




• Phil Hughes - the cunt bats like Steady Eddy on crystal meth and has the brains of Stephen Rowe. Lets reflect on his dismissal in the first test in Brisbane - pokes his bat out feebly at a ball, gets a nick and gets dropped at second slip. Righto Phil, head down mate, watch the next ball. A bit wider outside off stump, he slashes the ball straight to fucken gully. Go and get fucked you stupid dumbfuck. But as per usual because he's from NSW he has less accountability than Robert Mugabe. That fucken shits me.




• Michael Clarke - for publically supporting Phil Hughes, by referring to his first-class record. Fuck off pup - go advertise a pair of soiled jocks.




• The Fev - good to see last years nominees standing out early once again. If the rumour mill is true the Fev wanted around $100,000 to play in the SANFL next year and to have the club fly him in on Thursday and out on Sunday at their expense. If I only had a brain.




• Glenelg Football Club - what a super club to be associated with, hehehe gold, they're rooted already, the appointment of Kris Massie as coach certainly has made a difference, at least 10 blokes have chucked it in and the captain has relinquished his post. The advantage they may gain from this is they won't cause heartache to their supporters by choking in the finals next year, the cunts won't get there.




• Cricket Australia - pressured Greg Chappell into removing chapters from his recent book about his time as Indian coach for fear of upsetting the Indians. You pack of spineless pricks, didn't want em to hear that they're a bunch of sooky, excessive appealing, ball tampering, shifty arseholes? Indian cricket fans - once again, go fuck yourselves, you dodgy cunts.




• Greg Chappell - rolled over like Kim Duthie on Ricky Nixon's cock when asked by Cricket Australia to edit his book.




• Greg Chappell - no other reason that he is a fucking sour cunt with a golliwog hair-do.




• Trevor Grimwood - finallist for worst player to win a Magarey Medal has been sent to the can for rooting an underage girl in 1985-86. Uncanny that the same years he was committing these offences were the same ones that Glenelg actually had some success in, isn't it Fweddy? [L. Holden - other contenders for the worst Magarey Medallist include James Allen, James Allen and James Allen.]




• Ruben Arzu - 136kg bodybuilder, who when found naked on the porch of a Californian couples porch, proceeded to lay into the house's owners. It took two cops, two stun gun blasts,and four sets of handcuffs to restrain him. Surprise surprise he was off his face on a cocktail of drugs, including steroids. A tad over dramatic, that's just an average Saturday night out for The Fev.




• Michael Clarke - twittered this bullshit after using up more lives than 15 fucken cats "a bit of luck never hurt anybody - Haha looking forward to making the most of it tomorrow". Knobhead, how about playing straight and stop hitting the ball in the fucken air and you won't need luck. Or were you talking about your time with that terminal slut, Bingle.




• Lara Bingle - now that she is a fatty boom bah, noone gives a shit about her. Listen up, Lara, you have no talent. No amount of pages in the Who Magazine or Fatty Monthly will make you relevant.




• The SA Department of Transport, Energy and Infrastructure - they're going to prosecute a taxi driver for wearing the incorrect uniform to work - a pair of jeans. You must be kidding me, I don't give a tinkers shit what the cabbie wears as long as he knows where he's going and doesn't fucken stink like a five day old corpse, which doesn't happen too fucken often these days now does it.




• David Swift - 18 year-old Yank just got his motorbike licence and decided to celebrate by going for a ride with his brother. Half an hour later they're riding down the road, young David passes a car, waves to his brother to follow and .......... FUCKEN BANG. Young David has taken the old saying " look mum no hands " a smidge too literally. Now a case of, "look mum, no head."




• Jamie Cox - High Performance manager of the SA Deadbacks. Well, isn't that fucking in-bred dwarf earning his money. SA are a fucking disgrace, they keep importing b-grade interstate tripe, and they show as many signs of improvement as Phil Hughes. Even worse is when questioned about why SA are so shit, Jamie responds with "I don't know". You fucking minda, the grade system is fucked, the bigwigs in the SACA are NEVER held to account because they all went to Saint Peters College and were arse-fucked by Father John Mountford, b-grade interstate shit is played in front of local kids, the whole culture is one of deep-rooted seeming acceptance of failure as long as "the signs are there for the future ". How's that for a start, FUCK OFF BACK TO TASSIE AND DON'T COME BACK YOU OVERPAID, UNDERPERFORMING, BUMBLING FUCKWIT. How about your using your salary to save a decent Tasmanian - those poor fucking Tassie Devils.




• The SA Deadbacks - all out 93, lost by ten wickets v WA. Seriously these cunts are a sick joke. They're like Port Power, all piss and wind, no spine or substance. When are these weak arseholes going to show some backbone, just give us something for fucksake to show that there is light at the end of the tunnel that isn't an oncoming train. And don't bring out the "we're good at 20/20" argument, it is, was, and always will be a rancid abortion of the game, much like the Deadbacks now I think of it. As the great Hawthorn coach John Kennedy once said "don't think, DO ". They're building up the Adelaide Oval as an international showpiece and filling it with 11 giant fucking dogturds. Time to scrape up the dogturds, send em off to Unley Oval, and put some fucking cricketers on the ground, I'm fucking sick of these cunts making a mockery of our great game and our once proud cricketing team.




• Kyle Sandilands - I was seriously contemplating re-naming the Chad to the Kyle. There is no bigger fuckwit walking the earth currently than Kyle. Why the fuck people continue to listen to this arrogant fat piece of shit of beyond me. Seriously, people, why? He's not funny, he's not intelligent - he's a fucking highly paid moron.




• Jackie O - see Kyle.




• Mick Malthouse - now that I've stopped laughing at Mick's tears after Collingwood were pantsed by the Cats in the AFL granny, hehehe, fuck that was gold, Mick goes and puts his cock in his mouth by suggesting that Ted Whitten is not a legend of the game. Mick, you are a cockhead. Fair dinkum. No more needs to be said.




• Occupy Adelaide protestors - for fucksake, as if we need any other fuckwits in town. We've got drunken black fellas, loudmouth fuckwit preachers, Johnny Haysman and that shit-head wog who spruiks for Harris Scarfe - is that not enough?




• Occupy Melbourne woman - who complained when she had her tent dress ripped off by police. Well, Amanda Vanstone, that will teach you to fucking protest then, won't it.




• Bali Drug Boy - what the fuck has gone wrong with the Indonesian Justice System? There was a time when any Aussie who got caught with drugs would serve at least 20 years. Where the fuck is Bang Bang Whatshisfuckingface when you need him? For christsake, the little fucker was carrying a goddamn boogie board with him at the time - what more evidence do you need to convict the prick? And what is with that fucking balaklava - he clearly is a fucking armed robber too. Fair dinkum, if that little cunt ends up on A Current Affair with Tracey "I Fucked Black Caviar" Grimshaw, I will do my fucking cruit!




• Nickelback - for releasing a new album. Why? For fucksake. Chad Kroeger - if that cunt Mark Chapman ever gets parole, part of his parole conditions will be to pay you a visit.




• Jay Weatherill - just what we need, an even smarmier and smoother cunt than Mike Rann.




• Kevin Foley - will you just fuck off already.




• Grace Portelesi - so you can see anything wrong in this scenario: taxpayers can pay $7,000 for your kid to fly business class to India to sample a curry and visit a slum but the State Government cannot find $7,000 to keep the Goodwood Toy Library afloat. You fucking cunt.




• Fosters CEO John Pollaers - after just 8 months in the job has walked away with $4.66 million in shares. There is someting really fucked in this world.




• Federal Labor Party - so Gay Marriage is going to save the world? Bob Brown really has you cunts bent over, hasn't he?




• Julia Gillard - still full after sucking off Barack Obama for a week.




• Julia Gillard - for fucksake, will you give Daffy Duck back his walk.




• WA Country Fire Service - you dickheads, you are supposed to put out fires, not start them.




• Marion Swimming Centre - another $3 million of taxpayers money needs to be spent on it. Did you forget to fill the pool with water, ya dickheads? Christ, the water from the de-salination plant is fucking expensive.




• Greece - you lazy fucking cunts are fucking with my super. Stop feeding ya faces with souvlaki and get a job. And while you are at, can you take back Andrew Demetriou, George Kapanaris, Tom Koutsantonis and Rove McManus. OK, so Rove isn't Greek, but he really gives me the fucking shits.




• Andrew Symonds - for appearing on an Indian Reality TV show. Apparently, it is a new version of Monkey hosted by Harbijan Singh.




• Twitter - yeah, so I need to let everyone know I just scratched my nuts and then dropped an air biscuit. Asifigiveashit




• Facebook - see Twitter.




• Movember - it's for a fucking good cause but fuck, couldn't there be something better like Beervember where blokes get sponsored to get shitfaced for a month? A whole month of cunts walking around looking like the lovechildren of Ron Jeremy and Jenny Willliams is just too much a price to pay. Still, what a top effort by Tracey Grimshaw.



• Eugene McGee - one day the karma bus is going to plow into this cunt.