Summer series - week 3 nominations

• Kim Jong-il - great to see the demise of another fucking despot. His biggest crime was bringing the beige zip-up safari suit back into vogue. Team America finally got the cunt. Fuck you Aric Baldrin ( if you haven't seen the Team America film that won't mean a lot to you, so fucken watch it - it's gold )


• Adelaide United - being aligned to the North Adelaide footy club has been a roaring success. If Kosmina fails, talk is that they will bring back Zoran Matic. And if he fails, Greg Griffin has a line direct through to Johnny Warren.


• Shaun Tait - the "Wild Thing" was anything but against the Adelaide Strikers. You know you are shit when Cam Borgas can hit you for two consecutive sixes with shots I wouldn't play in the backyard. To make matters worse, Taity cancelled a beer with Borgas after the game. Harden up, princess. Must have been distraught at the thought of missing out on his weekly pounding from Molly Meldrum.


• Bikies - for fucksake, rather than putting innocent people at risk in your fucking stupid war, just sort your differences out in a game of paintball or skirmish.


• The Beach Boys - have reformed to undertake a world tour. For fucksake, why? Two Wilsons are dead, Brian is not far away and Mike Love is still a fucking no talent cunt. For fucksake, help me Rhonda.


• The cost of living in South Australia - get fucked.


• Jack Snelling - see the cost of living in South Australia.


• Molly Meldrum - the old queen finally opened his eyes after being in a coma. All it took was for a doctor to say that a young boy band was in the hospital room.


• Prosecutors in the Fabian Francis case - they have asked for a jail term for Francis to send a message that society says no to violence. Fair call but why the fuck didn't they call for the same for that dog Eugene McGee. Cunts.


• Lily the stolen chihuahua - the fucking little bitch is trying to cut Harry's lunch. When Frank Pangello approached him for an interview, Harry said, "Lily is a slut, a fucking fame whore - she thinks she's fucking Lara Bingle". Harry then cocked his leg and signed his name on Frank's shoes.


• The dickhead who returned Lily - police are now questioning him in relation to the break-in that resulted in Lily's disappearance. This guy is so dumb that Port Adelaide have offered him a coaching role.


• The idiot from Fisherman's Bend who set fire to his house and was burnt in the process resulting in his arrest - he makes the dickhead who returned Lily the fame whore chihuahua seem like a Rhodes Scholar.


• William Smiley "Fritz" - the dirty cunt who has been caught once again "up-skirting". Gives a new meaning to "smile, you're on candid camera". The prick has escaped a jail term. He should have got life for that shot of Jenny Williams' crown jewels that he posted on eBay.


• Mary-Louise Hribal - the judge who didn't jail William Smiley for "up-skirting". Maybe old Fritz had some special photos of Mary-Louise?


• The cockhead who spiked his own drink so he could have his way with himself - he now faces a 5 year sentence for spaking his monkey without consent. Take note other well known wankers out there, like Kyle Sandilands, Julia Gillard, Kevin Rudd, Jack Snelling, Keith Conlon, Mick Malthouse, Chad Kroeger, Chad Cornes, Graham Cornes, Lucy Cornes, Shaun Tait, Michael Clarke and Ken McGregor.


• Sally Pearson - for doing the usual thing for Aussie atheletes who are hot favourites to win Olympic gold and injuring herself.


• People who don't think cannabis does them any harm - really, then how do you explain when you've got the munchies and just gone up the servo for the eighth time in a night for a packet of chips, a frozen yiros and a bag of self raising flour to eat and forgotten you've already been there 7 times before you drugfucked wankers.


• Indian Booze Bootleggers - killed 102 people and sent dozens to hospital with bootleg leg liquor (thought to be XXXX beer) laced with chemicals to increase potency. It wasn't the chemicals they put in that killed em, it was the clean, uncontaminated water. On the plus side there are now 102 less fucking incompetent, shifty taxidrivers in the world.


• The captain and crew of a people smuggling vessel who jumped ship and left the 'passengers' to drown - a fan of illegals I ain't but that's a fair dinkum cunt act. Mind you, not a lot different to what Messrs Rann and Foley have done to this state.


• The Big Bash - bash it up your arse, it's a fucking disgrace. I watched two overs on Sunday night and turned over in disgust, there was Ricky Ponting batting at the WACA dressed in an outfit that made him look like a fucking Ribena berry. Who the fuck picked these uniforms, Molly Meldrum while he was still in a coma? The cricket is shit, and it's making a mockery of the game. I mean for fucksake Brad Hogg is playing.


• Cricket Australia - have proved they are mere dollar craving sluts (just like Nicole Cornes) by canning all first class cricket whilst the Big Bash (or as it shall be referred to from this day forward - The Newton/Foley) is on. No Shield cricket till February, go and get fucked. A big series coming up against the Indians and blokes are supposed to find test standard form bowling against 83yr olds like Matt Hayden and batting against Brad Hogg's fucken pies that Stuart MacGill looks like he has been tucking into.


• The Australian Cricket Team - quote former skipper Graham Yallop - "It is a matter of application and concentration. They all try to play too many balls away from their body, off stump and their front pad. They are paying the consequences of not getting in behind the ball." And so say all of us, it's that fucking blatant.


• Warnie - The gay Matt Hayden lookalike has proven that whilst he has managed to keep little Shane in his pants recently it hasn't increased his brain capacity. He has gone and complained that there is too much cricket being played, and that is responsible for the amount of injuries occurring, but then gone on and said there should be a separate part of the cricketing calendar set aside for the Newton/Foley. They're doing that now you fucking peroxide toothed sellout, what do want them to do - shitcan more test cricket - you know PROPER FUCKING CRICKET -in favour of more of this 20/20 fucking dogs breakfast pile of steaming fucking pigshit abortion of the game? Pull your fucking head in cunt, you should be fucking ashamed of yourself.


• Jon Bon Jovi - unfortunately, reports of his death were false. He's wanted, wanted, dead, not alive.


• Roger Graham Crawford - quite possibly the lowest cunt in Adelaide, even lower than Eugene McCunt. This bastard was charged with sexually abusing seven intellectually kids but the charges were dropped because the kids were deemed as "unreliable witnesses". I have come across some fucking bullshit before, but this has to be one of the biggest travesties of justice going around. Every dog has its day, you evil sick cunt.


• Xavier Doherty - the Tasmanian alleged spinner (noone has ever come forward to admit ever seeing this cunt turn the ball) is "looking forward to measuring himself up against Stuart MacGill" in the Newton/Foley match in Inbredsville. Xavier, I think you are going to fail on two counts - Stewie is fucking a lot fatter than you plus he can actually spin the ball, even at the age of 50.


• Meningie Football Club - for signing Daniel Motlop. There must be a shitload of blue green algae in the River Murray at Meningie. Jesus, not even Tailem Bend would contemplate signing this lazy cunt.


• Laurie O'Shea - the serial cunt/pedo has once again been found guilty of kiddy fiddling but has received only two years in jail. For fucksake - the minimum sentence for the cunt should be to have his fucking cock chopped off with a rusty blunt razor. Followed by a bullet in the head.


• Canberra bosses - as if working in that shithole is not bad enough, pollies have been rated as the nation's worst bosses, with employees rating the lost of them at best "cunts". No fucking shit, Sherlock. Imagine having to work for a deadset arsehole like Kevin Rudd.


• Azaria Chamberlain - what is the fucking point in a fourth inquest. We all know one of the Chamberlain boys did it. The dingo is fucking innocent!


• Westfield Marion - for advertising 36 hours of non-stop shopping. For fucksake, I'd rather go to Kerobokan Prison than spend 36 hours shopping in that fucking hell-hole.


• Adelaide Police - for fining people $130 for jaywalking outside places like the Casino. Dickheads. Wouldn't be about revenue raising for Mr Snelling, would it? How about you fuckwits do some real crime-work like stopping the bikies, putting pedos behind bars for life, and giving Eugene McGee an all expenses paid Christmas holiday in Yatala.


• Health Minister John Hill - smart move, fuckhead, building a hospital on the most contaminated piece of land in South Australia, apart from Unley Oval. At least the poor cunts who get affected by the toxic fumes won't have far to go to hospital. This State Government is completely fucked. What a great legacy, Rann and Foley - a fucking poisonious hospital, a tram that won't operate in summer and a fucking de-salination plant that will never get used. Good on ya.


• Auckland - not only are they home to the world's most retarded accent, but now they are home to the world's creepiest Santa. The Whitecoulls Santa has a sly winking left eye and a disturbing "come hither" moving index finger. This Santa was very popular with the local sheep.


• David Dopp - just six hours after winning a $350,000 Lamborghini, the dickhead crashed it. Very Dopey Dave Dopp. No surprises to find he's from the USA.


• Dennis Storm and Valerio Zeno - the Dutch tv hosts were filmed having their flesh removed by a top chef and then the two fucking weirdos ate each other's flesh live on telly. Not a lot different to Mel and Kochie who eat each other's arses every morning. Apparently, this has given Darren Simpson some new ideas for his "signature" KFC dishes.


• Kanye West - for chucking a hissy fit and kicking a fan out of his concert for throwing a business card on stage. Apparently, Kayne said the card was a security risk. What about the permanent brain damage those at the concert risked by having to listening to the shit that sprouts from this goon. Scott West would be a better rapper than Kanye and he is borderline mentally retarded and talks like he has a mouthful of Terry Wallace's cock n balls.


• California lifeguards - for saving the life of "actor" Gerard Butler who nearly drowned while surfing. They should have let the Scottish git drown for appearing in the movie, "P.S I Love You." P.S. Get Fucked.


• The Brazilian mother who gave birth to a two-headed baby - she called one "Ricky" and the other "Ponting".


• Kevin Sheedy - for suggesting that Chad Cornes will be able to offer the young GWS list "guidance and steel". Good one, Sheeds, ya senile cunt. The only guidance Chad will provide is on how to be a complete fuckwit and how to get a root from ya step-mom while the only steel that is associated with Broges is that the fucking chin-fucker steals oxygen.