Week 22 winner

Fuck me, there were truly some exceptional nominations for this week’s Chad. It was a particularly big week for dogs. The World’s Ugliest Dog Competition coincided with the Korean Dog Meat Festival. The winner and runner-ups in the Ugly dog show spat the dummy big time when they realised their prize was a one-way trip to Korea. They kicked up such a stink that the festival was cancelled, which is a fucking shame because I know of a King Charles Spaniel that thoroughly deserved a spot at the festival.

The political arena was well served by the Greens, in particular the lovechild of Pauline Hanson and Johnny Young, Sarah Hanson-Young and her fantastic new portfolio, GLBTI. Her first initiative is to establish Glenelg as a GLBTI precinct. To assist in this process, the Glenelg Football Club will change absolutely nothing about the way they operate. I can’t wait for the first GTBLI rivalry round between Glenelg and Sturt, when they play off for the inaugural Tony Symonds-Jade Sheedy Platinum Butt Plug.

Warner Music and Essendon get special mentions for a couple of top-notch fuckwit acts. Warners have tried to trademark the term “Diggers” – you fucking low lifes, show some respect. Isn’t it enough that you inflict crap music on us? And Essendon, clearly trying to fund their trillion dollar coaching panel, have taken to charging community footy clubs for supplying footballs signed by Essendon players that would have been auctioned to raise cash for the struggling clubs. You fucking cunts. Given the form of the last 5 or 6 weeks, the karma bus has already pulled into Windy Hill.

But the clear winner of this week’s Chad Medal is Cricket Australia. It is just one fuckwit decision after another for this mob of dead shits. You would think after the Ashes debacle that CA (Cunt Act) would have made some significant changes to turn things around, starting with the selection panel. But for some unfathomable reason, Andrew Hilditch remains as Chairman of Selectors. The cunt. Ok, so maybe the cretin might see the error of his ways and start making some smart decisions. Ah, nup, think again. Firstly, Michael Clarke gets the gig as Test captain. Jesus fucking Christ, the prick would be lucky to hold onto his spot in the side given his appalling recent form. Plus he’s about as popular as bout of herpes. Pity he didn't pass them on to Lara. Then they make the bright decision to sack our most consistent batsman and one of the true hard nuts in the side, Simon Katich. Fuckwits. Who are you gonna replace him with? Philip Hughes? For fucksake, Hughes is a fucking smug little garden gnome who has scored bugger all runs in the last couple of seasons, not even for NSW!!! So it is pretty much the status quo with the selection panel – a bunch of fucking no-hopers with the collective nous of a mentally retarded nat. So that brings us to why CA was nominated this week. That dimwit, James Sutherland, has been banging on for years about the importance of Australia having a strong first class system that provides quality Test players. You would think that after being dry rooted by the Poms over the summer, that a greater emphasis would be placed on investing in the first class game in this country. A reasonably intelligent person would think that. But CA are neither reasonable or intelligent. No, they are bona fide fuckwits. Instead of investing more funds, they have pulled funds. They have reduced the state contract pool from $1.5 million to $1 million but at the same time have boosted funding for 20/20 cricket aka the Big Bash or more accurately, the Big Turd. Each franchise gets an additional $1 million. So they have totally contradicted themselves and clearly don’t give a rat’s arse about Test Cricket anymore. They are happy for mercenaries like Chris Gayle to come here and take our cash for about 3 overs of shit cricket instead of investing the money in developing decent Test cricketers. They are hellbent on destroying the game of Test cricket for the sake of the dollar. It is clear that by jumping on the 20/20 bandwagon, CA has become the lap dog of the Indian Cricket Board. So, James Sutherland, please accept this week’s Chad Medal. As chief lap dog, I’m pleased to announce that you will also receive a free ticket to next year’s Korean Dog Meat Festival and you are heavily favoured to win the World’s Ugliest Dog Competition. Congratulations and thanks for fucking up Australian cricket.