Round 20 Nominees

• Melbourne Football Club - fucking pathetic effort against Collingwood, the pies never got out of 2nd gear and smashed em by 88pts.

• Adelaide Football Club - hahahahahaha different week,same shit. Fucking funny though. When the newspaper dickheads are extolling the virtues of Jared Petrenko as a positive you know you are completely fucked.

• Rodney Eade - met the Dalai Lama this week and gave him a footy, for fucksake give the cunt something useful like a voucher to advanced hair or Ed Harry.

• Harry O'Brien - see Rodney Eade

• Australian Cricket Selectors - you are a bunch of fucken mindas, Simon Katich's thinly veiled inference that you are a useless bunch of fuckarses was right on the button.

• SA Liberal Party - thought you were against the Adelaide Oval upgrade, but now you're voting for it. Politics in this state are fucking rooted, the government are fuckwits and the opposition couldn't hit sea if they shit over the side of a ship.

• Andrew Brigden - Tory MP and married father of two thought it was a good idea to get ratarsed and maul a political aide. At least it wasn't a yankee pollie for a change.

• Baba Ramdev - Indian yoga guru on a hunger strike against corruption in the Indian political system. This fuckwit, who incidentally is reputedly worth about $100 million ( or 100,000,000,000,000,000 rupees ), has formed a campaign called Bharat Swabhiman with 5 main goals 1) 100% voting 2) 100% nationalist thought 3) 100% boycott of foreign companies 4) 100% unification of the people of the nation 5) 100% yoga-orientated nation. You fucking wanker how about five goals that might improve things in the country like 1) 100% learning of where the fuck they are going when driving a taxi 2) 100% use of deodorant 3) 100% removal of the caste system that keeps India at the world forefront as one of the leaders as a socially divided,racist society 4) 100% institution of a national work ethic 5) 100% removal of shonky fucken bookies that are fucking the game of cricket up

• Japanese tea producers - recalled their green tea after testing discovered excess radiation was found in much of the crop. What, the fact that it was lime green and glowing didn't give it away before the testing ya fuckwits?

• Kyle Sandilands - the fucken oxygen thief had his 40th birthday, what a cunt, where's some dodgy German bean shoots when you need them?

• Mark Riccuito - at his induction into the AFL Hall of Fame chose to use his speech to implore the AFL to not cut funding to country footy. But it's ok to fuck the SANFL comp in the arse is it you fuckhead?

• Dalai Lama - the supposed spiritual leader of Tibet has come to Australia and made an arse of himself. Where in the teachings of Buddha does it mention letting fuckwits pour pasta over your head for a newspaper promo shoot?

• The Chad Medal Editor in Chief - for paying a doctor ( at least he told me he was ) good money to neuter him. Why pay money to let some fucker de-knacker you, as most married men would testify, your wife generally manages to accomplish that without the need for needles and scalpels.

• The dickhead who ran on Footy Park - fuckwit features ran on to Footy Park after his mates offered him $500 to do it. Now if I'm not mistaken the fine for running on the oval is $5000 so it would appear you're gonna be a bit out of pocket doesn't it you fucking einstein? You dumbfuck.

• The Crows 'supporters' who left Saturdays' game against West Coast at half time - that's just what the club needs to get it back on his feet, weak as piss supporters who put away their knitting needles in a huff and fuck off. Crows supporters are the least knowledgeable and most ignorant supporters in the league so it's not a great shock that the terms fairweather and weak as fucking piss can be just as appropriately applied.

• Lisa Roet - apparently is referred to as an artist. Her latest creation - a giant ape finger. Well you've sold me, I'll take fifty you fuckarse. Warren Tredrea may sue you though for a likeness copyright infringement.

• Natasha Giggs - sister in law and casual root of 8 years of Man Utd swinging dick Ryan Giggs revealed she aborted their lovechild two weeks before she married Giggs' brother. S L A P P E R.

• German aeronautical designers - obviously the Hindenberg is tucked away in the German archives ( together with information about the years 1940-45 ), because the dickheads haven't learnt too much about zeppelin making as another zeppelin went arse up recently killing the pilot. Ich bien fuckwit.

• International Boxing Hall of Fame - inducted Sylvester Stallone for playing the role Rocky Balboa. You do realise that it's just a movie right? Also inducted Mike Tyson for his services to mentally challenged, squeaky voiced, cannibalistic sex offenders.

• Mark Riccuito - earns a second nomination for his mid year revue of the Crows where he gave their wonder skipper Nathan Van Berlo a B. I'll give you a B for that revue Roo, B for Bull fucking crap.

• American tourists - ya don't have to advertise that you're a fucking yankee doodle dickhead by being a loudmouth fuckwit walking around the beach carrying your fucking iPads. Green Day were right - American Idiot.

• MMM - for resurrecting the radio career of one of the least funny people to have walked this earth, the fat fucking golliwog Cosi. SAFM got it right when they shitcanned him from their morning show stating "you're not funny ". Bingo, so MMM's decision to let the fuckwit back on the air is as stupid as keeping Andrew Hilditch as chairman of selectors.

• Dannii Minogue - for attempting to give people singing advice. Hahahaha you tone deaf tupperware tart the only reason you got a recording contract was because of your sister, the sound of you singing equates to a cat being disemboweled whilst being dragged behind a fucking car by its throat.

• Harold Camping - 89 year old radio preacher predicted the world would end last month, which was wrong incidentally, then promptly went and had a stroke. If the old cunt was any good at predicting upcoming events he would've seen that coming wouldn't he?

• Abu Bakar Bashir - gotcha cunt. The prick got sentenced to 15 years imprisonment, 10 years for terrorism and 5 years for copyright infringement for being an unlicensed imitation of Rocky from the Rocky and Bullwinkle show.

• Salman Qanbari - Iraqi asylum seeker who sewed his lips together in protest at the treatment he has received by the Aus Govt, he wants to go home. On ya bike then cunt, which rickety old boat did you arrive on, we'll stick you back on tomorrow.

• Housing SA - spent $80,000 renovating a trust house which has since been condemned and will have to be knocked down. The most frivolous waste of money since the last Port Power bailout. When asked for comment, Housing SA said it was the SANFL's fault.

• Ryan O'Neal - for the second time failed to recognise his own daughter and tried to crack on to her. Sweet Home Alabama, hand over the moonshine Cletus.

• Campbell Brown - Gold Coast mercenary fuckwit who has said that he'd be disappointed if he's not made the target of verbal or physical attack in this weeks' game against his former team Hawthorn. The only thing they'll do to you is fucking laugh at you as they're kicking goals over your head you arsenut. Gold Coast have also tried to pick Campbell's brain about any information he could tell them about the Hawks. Fair dinkum they must be desperate, that's like trying to pick the meat from a fucken Coles chook. The only thing they would've found in that wankers head would be a pile of mouseshit.

• Collingwood Football Club - took a few of their players to Arizona to help get them fit for the second half of the year,defender Nathan Brown did his knee hiking. Fuckwits.