Week 19 Nominations

• Stanley Dajka - became a drug dealer to help son Jobie reach the top in the cycling world. Jobie ended up a dead junkie, well done dad.

• PLoS ONE - printed an article saying research indicated that old people have a more pleasant odour than their younger counterparts. Fuckwits, what would you rather the smell of, rexona or piss?

• Vladimir Putin - has had a sooky and won't go to the Olympics after British MP's campaigned against human rights abuses in Russia. I'm sure they're gutted.

• Luka Rocco Magnotta - porn actor arrested for dismembering his boyfriend and mailing his body parts to various agencies. Puts a new twist on the term headjob doesn't it?

• Wayne Rooney - has vowed to be on his best behaviour at the 2012 Euro championships. I think he meant George Best behaviour.

• Jeff Kennett - thinks he may be able to help problem gamblers if he becomes a director on the board of James Packer's Echo Entertainment, who have Crown Casino as one of their biggest shareholders. Righto cunt, and Tony McGuinness might be able to help out at sex addicts anonymous too.

• Craig Hatchard and Ataman Asland - blew up a letterbox with fireworks, Superman is still in intensive care.

• Chrissie Swan - claims to be doing the best for her kids whilst having a 3 year old son who is 7kg overweight. How about you stop feeding him your diet of fucken lard you wobble arsed behemoth and the little fucken pudge ball might lose some weight.

• Prince Harry - wore a wheat bag on his head on the royal barge during the Diamond Jubilee River Pageant.

• Maha Al-Sudairi - Saudi Princess who did a runner from a French hotel owing $8million. A Jewish Muslim.

• The American bloke who was shot by the cops after being caught eating half a homeless man's face - fucken Americans will eat anything.

• Ivan and Catherine Fry - travelled from their Melbourne eastern suburbs home to Tullamarine airport to drop off their son and got lost on the way back. Apparently they ended up as far away as Bairnsdale and in all travelled 500km. A search party was sent out to see where the fuck they had got to and eventually found them 8 km from their home. The first person on the scene said the couple were starting to panic as they were down to their last two Crown Mints.

• The stupid moles on Kmart ads - one of em holds up something and checks the price tag that says $159, then looks under that to reveal another tag for $129. "That's $30 less" says Alberta Einstein, 159 take 129 ..... ummm........ well fuck me she's right.

• The EPL - are considering dropping champagne for the man of the match award to avoid offending muslims. Go and get fucked, if you don't like it, don't take the bottle, I'm sure Joey Barton or Wayne Rooney will take it off your hands.

• Jack Wighton - Canberra NRL winger is going to miss the rest of the season after breaking his toe on a backyard trampoline. The aforementioned trampoline,Lara Bingle was not injured in the incident.

• Bill Shorten - canned the idea of Liberal MP George Christensen to make welfare cheats take drug tests and take benefits away from those who test positive. That is one of the best ideas I've ever heard you fucken clown, but I'm not surprised, this is the man who made the statement recently " I understand that the Prime  Minister has addressed this in a press conference in Turkey in the last few hours, I  haven't seen what she said, but let me say I support what it is she's said ".

• Queen Elizabeth II - just cark it for fucksake. Apparently the Queen can be quite frugal when it suits, once sending back half a lemon that was used as garnish on a meal to the chef in case he could re use it. That's very decent of you you old bag but what about the millions of tax-payers pounds that were spent on your Diamond Jubilee? That's ok is it you old trollop?

• The Diamond Jubilee celebrations - zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz, what a wank, even Prince Philip faked a bladder infection to get away from it, there's nothing wrong with him, he was just fucken bored.

• Mick and Maired Philpott - after feigning horror when interviewed about the fire that killed their six kids they have both since been charged with the kids murder. Cunts.

• Vince Weiguang Li - Chinese immigrant who beheaded and cannibalised a Canadian bus passenger in front of travellers 4 years ago has finally gone to trial and claimed he thought the bloke was an alien. Just goes to show even the Chinese don't find their own food filling and need a top up.

• The FIFA World Cup Slogan - "all in one rhythm", this is supposed to unite all fans who travel to Brazil. I think you'll find all fans will be united, in looking for refunds when their hotels haven't got running water,when they get their pockets fleeced by some little cunt in a Ronaldo shirt and the stadiums the games are supposed to be played in aren't finished.