Summer Series week 13 nominees

• Gary Allen Banning - was at a friend's apartment when he mistook a jar of petrol sitting by the kitchen sink for a beverage. He spat it out and got some on his clothes, then later went outside and lit up a smoke, and promptly became the human torch. Gary, Gary, Gary is on fire, where's the fucken water, too late the motherfucker burned, Gary has gone crispy, burned.
• Bob Brown - has said he's going to hand back his Living National Treasure certificate if Clive Palmer is allowed to build a coalmine in a Qld nature reserve. These certificates can't be too fucken hard to get hold of can they if those two pricks got one.
• People who gone pinged DUI/Drug driving over the Clipsal weekend - didn't know Tony Armstrong was still in Adelaide.
• The NZ Labour Party and Greens - are blaming the government for the amount of kiwis leaving NZ for Australia. It's not the government's fault NZ is a sheep rooting shithole. Stop fucking your sisters and ewes and you might improve things over there.
• Warren Tredrea - picked 5 players he thought will retire after the 2012 season - The Chad, Dustin Fletcher, Brent Harvey, Matthew Scarlett and Alan Didak. Ya really stuck your neck out there didn't you peckerhead, the first four already qualify for the old age pension and it'll be a bit hard for Didak to play when he ends up in Pentridge.
• The Australian Democrats - are now facing deregistration as a political party because national membership has fallen below 500. You reap what you sow, that's what you get when you appoint that two faced Gareth Evans rooting sow Cheryl Kernow as leader. Don Chipp must be turning in his grave.
• The Libyan scum who destroyed Aussie war graves at Benghazi War Cemetery - on behalf of all Australians I say fuck you you filth.
• Scott Farrell - in response to the Advertiser Street talk question "does the cricket season go too long? " replied "Yes,way too long. Kick cricket out of the footy grounds". Which grounds might that be you fucking dickhead - the Melbourne CRICKET Ground? The Sydney CRICKET ground? The Western Australian CRICKET Association Ground? The Adelaide Oval? The Gabba? So kick cricket out of Etihad, Sydney Football Stadium and Football Park, I'm sure they'd shit themselves.
• Andy Mac - in response to the same question as the above mentioned fuckwit answered " I agree because it clashes with the footy season. What will they do when Adelaide Oval is being used?". The only reason footy and cricket seasons are clashing is because footy keeps extending their season numnut, and if footy needs to use Adelaide Oval during cricket season - stiff fucking shit.
• Bam Margera - Jackass 'actor' who was walking down Hindley Street with a woman when the woman's ex approached them. Bam thought he would be a smart arse and gave the guy lip, which wasn't the greatest move as the guy gave him a fuck flogging.
• Vladimir Putin - won the Russian presidential election in a landslide, coincidentally the same same thing he buried his opponents under.
• Janaka Basnayake - Sri Lankan who tried to set a world record for the longest time being buried alive, was buried at 9am. At 4pm people started thinking this is going a bit too well and dug him up finding him unconscious.He was rushed to hospital and was pronounced DOA. David Copperfield this cunt ain't.
• Kurt Power - was only sentenced to 15 months imprisonment with a non parole period of 4 months for downloading kiddy porn and filmiing people in his house in the toilet and shower. The judicial system is fucked, they should have hung this piece of shit out to dry.
• Kevin Foley - used his pig vomit column in The Sunday Mail to unleash a tirade about the Teachers Union, incidentally who he also appropriates blame to for forcing him out of public office. That's only going to get them more support fuckwit, and if you're going to write a column about everyone to blame for your political career going down the shitter how about doing one about yourself you fat sleazy cunt.
• Facebook - This one comes from one of our readers, about time some cunt got off their fat arse and contributed. "I would like to nominate Facebook. The biggest invasion of privacy ever made. You can't scratch your balls without some cunt taking a photo and uploading it. It reduces your children to mono syllabic zombies with the attention span of 15 seconds. It has infested so many sites you can't block it without totally fucking up the rest of the internet. A total piece of shit". Dead fucken right.
• Ex Judge and current fuckwit, Richard Kleinig - for arguing in a total turd of piece in the Sunday Mail that Eugene McGee was negligent, not criminal. Oh, go and get fucked. No wonder the justice system in this state is fucked with douchebags like you running the show. So fuckwit, you think it is perfectly ok for Eugene to run down an innocent bloke while allegedly pissed and then leave the poor bloke to die on the side of the road? So fuckwit, do you think it is ok for Eugene to immediately ring all his scumbag lawyer mates to work out a plan of action so he could then evade the police for 6 hours rendering a breath test useles? I'd like to hear your answers to those two questions, ya dickhead. No doubt you would do the usual lawyer crap and answer the question by quoting some obscure law dating back to the 15th century in London. Fuck off.
• Kym Morgan, Matt Turner and Duane Schultz - for their excreable piece of fiction that was published in the Messenger, "The SANFL Top 50 players". Surely this was a piss-take. James Allen at number 1 - hahahahahaha ah hahahahahha. Luke Jarrad at number 5 - no stop it, fellas, my ribs are hurting! Wait, it gets better - Jordan McMahon at number 30 - hohohoho oh, shit, this is comedy gold. But the best is yet to come - Leigh Ryswyck at 36 and Mathew Duldig at 40!! You have got to be fucking kidding me!!! And to rub salt into the wounds, the pricks have rated Brett Zorzi at 49!! Duldig is a better footballer than Zorba??? He'd win a fucking hot dog eating contest against Zorba but that is all. Go fuck yourselves, Morgan, Turner and Schultz - your credibility is less than zero, wankers.
• Stephen Trigg - you fucking ponce. I'm no fan of the Crows, in fact, I hope the cunts finish bottom 2, but all this hullabaloo over Bernie Vince dropping his dacks in the front bar of the Stansbury Hotel after his mates won the local cricket grand final is the biggest load of shit I've ever heard. Yet, Miss Trigg jumps down off her fucking high horse to tell us that Bernie's behaviour is unacceptable, it's silly and stupid. Fuck off, idiot, it is called being a larrikan, a true blue Aussie trait that is fast being rubbed out by namby pamby nob jockeys like yourself. I suspect that Triggy has bad memories from his days at St Peters College when Father John Mountford liked to pull down the dacks of the boys in his class, only Father John wasn't celebrating a cricket victory, but it did have something to do with balls and a stump. And what about Michael Doughty throwing his two bob's worth in? Jesus, Doughty, you have some hide, I'd suggest that if the stories about you giving your wife and pet dog a flogging are true, then you should just shut your fucking trap.
• Chloe Fox - Minister for Transport Services. Talk about a fucking oxymoron. Chloe, you a full of shit. Stop talking with that fucking plum/cock in your mouth and do something - don't talk, do! The Adelaide transport system is up shit creek, even ya mum has written some kid's books about it, "Barry the Bus Was Always Fucking Late" and "Trevor the Tram Was Chockablock Full of Smelly Cunts".
• Caritas K - a joint venture between Port Power and the Catholic Church mission to raise awareness about the plight of children overseas. How about you fucker's start with all the kids that Catholic priests have serially molested over hundreds of years. Fucking hypocrites.
• Bob Carr - when sworn in as the new Foreign Minister, Kevin Rudd squealed, "fuck".
• Jack Snelling and Adelaide Zoo - for their "misunderstanding". No misundertstanding from my point of view, you are both deadset fuckwits. Forget duck hunting season, let's have a panda hunt.
• State MPs - for voting themselves a 2.9 per cent pay rise. How about you arseholes go on performance-based contracts?
• Phar Lap - for having a really crap posture whilst on show in a New Zealand museum. Straighten up, fuckwit. Black Caviar is giggling at you.
• Bernie Finnigan - where the fuck are you, Bernie? I'm waiting for you to pop up on Celebrity Biggest Loser. Or possibly Play School.
• Wayne Swan - fucking commie bastard.
• Julia Gillard - see Wayne Swan.
• Bob Brown - see Julia Gillard. And Rock Hudson.
• James Packer - for donating $250,000 to Bob Katter. For fucksake, how many fucking hats can Bob buy with $250,000?
• Claims that meat can cause premature death - Lara Bingle has decided to cut right back on cock, she has now left one hour a day cock-free.
• Kyle Sandilands - no surprises to find he hasn't read a book since Year 8. I was more surprised to find that the cunt actually made it to Year 8.
• Kyle Sandilands - the fuckwit is going to release an autobiography. Fuck, that is going to be a quick read. I saw the manuscript when I was wiping my arse last night. Chapter 1 - I was born a cunt. Chapter 2 - I grew up a cunt. Chapter 3 - I am still a cunt. Chapter 4 - I will die a cunt. Riveting. No doubt there will be a whole stack of other c-grade celebrities following suit. Can't wait for the Rob Mills memoir, "Young Talent Time - I Fucked Paris Hilton and Johnny Young." Or Sonya Kruger's, "I Sucked A Lot Of Cock To Get Where I Am." Lara Bingle has threatened to sue over the title of that one. And what about Tracey Grimshaw's much anticipated life story, "Pony Club."
• Kim Kardashian - for taking offence at actor John Hamm's claim that she is "a fucking idiot". Spot on, Kim, you are not a fucking idiot, you are a fucking cunt.
• Penny Wong - Finance Minister. What the fuck? Does a background as a lawyer and ex-root of Jay Weatherill qualify you for that position?
• Jay Weatherill - to steal a line from George Negus, Jay must be a dud root to turn Penny into a rug muncher.
• Amanda Blair - how come it took you so long to quit radio? And 5aa, please tell me the rumour that Kevin Foley is going to get the gig is not true? I thought we had seen the end of that cunt once he quit politics. But fucking Sunday Mail has given him a gig and we don't need 5aa to give him more air-time. Ante Grigic, I've got a little job for you.
• Courtney Love - for saying that the Muppets have raped the memory of Kurt Cobain for their cover of Smells Like Teen Spirit. Fuck off, wench, you raped him while he was alive, no wonder the cunt topped himself. Find yourself your own shotgun and do us a favour.
• Andrew Demetriou - for describing Optus as "unethical". Pot kettle black, fuckwit. Look at what you have done to the SANFL and football in general - you are more than happy to walk away with a $2 million souvlaki in ya greasy hands. Prick.
• Fitch Credit Ratings - for revising Greece's credit rating from "fucked" to "up shit creek".
• Maroon 5 singer/ponce Adam Levine - for releasing his own line of perfumes less than 12 months after posting this quote on Twitter, "I would also like to put an official ban on celebrity fragrances. Punishable by death from this point forward." Electric chair or lethal injection, Adam? Fuckwits that put out shit music should also be punished by death - Move Like Jagger, how about Move Like Whitney, fuckwit.