Round 13 Winner

For most of the week it seemed that Port Adelaide had this week's Chad Medal stitched up. Their completely insipid loss to the Gold Coast Suns appeared to be more than enough for them to win the much-coveted Chad. They were 40 points up late in the 3rd quarter and were cruising to what should have been a comfortable win over the Suns. Only a week or so earlier, the Suns were smashed by 90 points by a very, very average Melbourne side while Port smashed the marshmallows from the Crows. But just when they had a win all but stitched up, Port decided it was all too hard and served up the game to the Suns on a silver platter, with extra gravy. They gave up. Surrendered. Capitulated like a bunch of nancy boys. It was humiliating for the 65 Port supporters on day release at the game but deadset fucking funny for the rest of us who hate the weak pricks. It was the funniest thing I've seen since watching Roley Poley Foley shed a tear after getting his lights punched out once again. For once Michaelangelo "Dumb Port Wog" Rucci got something right when he said Port were a "joke". Spot on, Rucci, and what a fucking hilarious joke it was! It is a shoe-in to win Australia's Funniest Home Videos. However, just when Port seemed to have the Chad in the bag, they went and choked once again, losing in the dying seconds to "People Who Stink". Yes, in an amazing performance, "People Who Stink" have pinched the Chad Medal from Port.

Look, there is nothing wrong with clearing a room with a well-timed SBD or squeezing out an air biscuit in a packed lift. It is perfectly natural and also bloody funny. But there is no fucking excuse for having body odoour that would make a filthy rancid pig vomit. There is no fucking excuse for a person to be wandering around in public smelling like a leaking septic tank. Recoiling from the smell of an eggy is one thing, but getting a whiff of a dirty cunt that hasn't showered for a year is downright shocking. So to all you scabby bastards out there that avoid personal hygenie like Mike Rann avoids the truth, "don't wait to be told, you need Palm Olive Gold". And congratulations on winning this week's Chad Medal, ya putrid pricks.