Chad Week 2 Winner

The cricket season is well underway and already there are numerous fuckwits putting their hand up to be selected in the Chad First XI. Some old campaigners like Media Mike, Roley Poley Foley and the ICC continue to press for selection, with consistent fuckwit performances. Media Mike is in career-best form with his great idea of re-locating the De-Salination Plant to Puglia – in return, we get a life-time supply of salami and pecorino cheese. Packed To The Rafters had Australia in tears over the death of one its lead characters – Channel 7 missed a golden opportunity to do us all a favour by bumping off the rest of the insipid cast. And then they wheeled out Grant Denyer once again to host yet another crap show, Iron Chad – Denyer is like Jason from Friday the Thirteenth – the fucker just can’t be killed off. Perhaps he should take up car-racing again. But this week’s Chad came down to two outstanding nominees – James Turd and Mark “Bomber” Thompson.

James Turd cemented his fast-growing reputation as a bare-faced liar. He was asked a series of questions over the week by football’s first drag queen, Caro Wilson, the answers to which show his complete aversion to telling the truth:

• Caro: “Can Nathan Hauritz spin a ball?” Turd: “Yes”
• Caro: “Should Michael Clarke be Australia’s next test captain?” Turd: “Yes”
• Caro: “Should Marcus North be dropped?” Turd: “No”
• Caro: “Do you have cauliflower ears?” Turd: “No”

Clearly James Turd is destined for a career in politics when his coaching career finishes at the end of 2011.

Which leads us on to this week’s winner, Bomber Thompson. He just proved he has absolutely no integrity by accepting the role of Senior Assistant Coach at Essendon after quitting the Geelong coaching job with a year left on his contract, citing exhaustion as the reason. Yeah, exhausted by all the cloak-and-dagger negotiations with Essendon during the year, no doubt. No wonder Geelong were crap towards the end of the year – he was too busy worrying about sneaking off to meetings at Windy Hill with David Evans and James Turd. And talk about a hypocrite. All season he has been banging on about loyalty – here is just one of his quotes, "I love Joel Selwood and what he's been able to do. It's just all class and just integrity. A lot of our players have stayed for the right reasons. Because they love playing together and they love playing (for) Geelong. They love playing footy together. That's me, too. That's what I love about team sports and what Geelong are doing at the moment.'' So then he goes and does the dirty himself, stabbing the club in the back and joining Essendon. You’ll fit in well at Essendon, Bomber, because judging by their head coach’s lack of moral fibre, Essendon is a club bereft of honesty and integrity.