Round 16 winner

There was a very close battle for supremacy in this week's Chad. Michaelangelo Rucci proved yet again that the Advertiser is a haven for fuckwits who cannot get jobs as real journalists. It is about time Rucci passed his fucking crayon onto someone else who a) doesn't wear black, teal and white coloured glasses; b) can write an article that doesn't whinge about Port being totally crap and looking for someone to blame; and c) isn't a complete and utter fuckwit. But then again, it is the Advertiser so the chances of that occurring are exactly the same as the chances of Steven Salopek going for a hardball or Justin Westhoff successfully reciting the alphabet.
Chad Cornes almost won his own medal. Is that prick deluded, or what? He still reckons he has a lot to offer Port. Like what, fuckwit? An endless supply of dribble? Wake up, dickhead, you are finished as an AFL player. Let's hope you do not end up on radio, like your cockhead old man or vacuous sister-in-law. But the odds on 5AA hiring him once Port give him the arse are lower than Black Caviar winning a race against that great old mare, Tracy Grimshaw. Ooo, won't that be fun - the Cornes family hour, with Studley, Lucy and Chad, discussing how fucking great they are. Hand out the barf bags now.

So Rucci and Chad just miss out on a medal. So who wins. Well, it had to be Neil Craig or Craig Neil or Craig David or whatever fucking name he goes by. It is a well known fact that blokes with a christian name for a surname are fuckwits. Well, Neil has taken this fact to a whole new level. I'm sure Neil doesn't need me to tell him this, he probably has some scientific evidence to prove what a complete fuckwit he is. His nomination this week is for dropping Taylor Walker and ensuring that he will sign for the GWS (Great Whopping Shit). His reason is that Tex does not chase enough. Fair enough but using that reasoning, he should drop the whole fucking side. You're a dickhead, Neil. Walker is the only bloke who can kick a bag of goals in your so-called "playing group". Now there is another reason why Neil gets a Chad. "Playing group", "playing list"- fuck off. It's called a team, Neil. And then there are his press conferences - the fucker has made an art form out of saying absolutely nothing. And when he does try to say something that remotely makes sense, it is total bullshit, like "this is the most exciting playing group we have ever had". Wanker. And then there is the Crows finals record under Neil - perhaps only Glenelg's finals cocksmoking under Rubbers Mickan is worse than the Crows under Neil. But Craig has a long history of being a fuckwit - it didn't start at the Crows. No, it goes way back to when he left Norwood before the start of the 1980 season because he didn't want to play under Neil Balme because he wanted Micky "The Cunt" Nunan to get the job. He had a dummy spit and the Legs showed him the door. So he left Norwood and went to - Sturt! You idiot, Neil. Still, the powder blue outfit suited you perfectly. It worked out very well because Norwood won 2 flags in 82 and 84 and Sturt did sweet fuck all. They are good at that. And then you went on to play for North Adelaide, another team of nobodies and nancy boys. But in a tragic twist, you turned up back at Norwood to coach the club in 1991. What a fucking disaster that was. Five years of misery for Norwood's diehard supporters. After each game, week after week, we had to listen to that fucking squeaky, constipated voice of yours - blah, blah, fucking blah. It reached a nadir when you bagged our captain of the time and club legend, Garry McIntosh, by saying, "The Norwood football club is not Garry McIntosh." Well, it sure as fuck wasn't Neil Craig. This statement has never been forgotten by those who were at the club that day. And Neil likes to talk up his playing days at Norwood but never, ever gives credit to the hard blokes like John Wynne, Kingo Taylor, Neil Button, Tubby Turbill and the late Jim Thiel who protected him and enabled him to get a swag of uncontested possessions. You prick - give credit where credit is due. So Neil, this has been a long-time coming - congratulations on winning this week's Chad Medal. And if you have an acceptance speech organised, fuck off, we don't wanna hear it.

Round 16 nominations

• Tim Mathieson - for wanting to marry Julia Gillard. Are you deaf, dumb and blind, you fuckwit?? Still, what else can you expect from a fucking hairdresser and Frankie J Holden lookalike.



• Kevin Roley Poley Foley - for picking out the wrong guy in a police line-up. You fuckwit. Kevvie, what happened, were you wearing beer goggles at the time the alleged assault took place?



• Fat Pat Conlon - for yet another tram fuck-up. How hard is it to run a tram - fucking plug the power in and press go. Fat Pat, I hope you are not going to be in charge of the Adelaide Oval re-development.



• Umpires at the Norwood v North game - for being fucking cheats. Not only did North recieve 29 frees to Norwood's 17, but 7 of those frees were 15 metres out from North's goal, resulting in 7 charity goals. The main offender was that little cunt in white who obviously missed his ride at the Morphetville races on Saturday. Why don't you take up a career as a jumps jockey, you little fuckwit.



• Michaelangelo Rucci - for blaming Port's complete and utter ineptitude on lack of money. You fuckwit, perhaps if Port got more than 15 people to their games then they might have some cash to play with. And maybe if they didn't waste a shitload of cash on paying out Mark Williams then they might have a bit more to spend. And no amount of money can change the fact that the only people who give a shit about Port are in jail or about to be sentenced. Let's face it, Rucci, Port are a joke and wanna blame everyone else for their state of affairs instead of spending a few moments in the room of mirrors and taking a good, hard look at themselves. You should join them. You are fuckwit, Rucci.



• Planking - why don't you give it a try, Rucci?



• Neil Craig - thanks Neil for letting Norwood have the services of Taylor Walker on the weekend - his 7 goals were very much appreciated! You are an a-grade dickhead, Neil.



• Robbie Gray - for being quite possibly the laziest footballer in the history of the game. I tell ya what, Rucci, instead of paying Gray $400,000 to scratch his arse for 120 minutes each week, why not use the cash to hire a midfield coach who can put more than two syllables together.



• Dean Terlich - the Norwood mid-fielder has a new nickname, "The Arsonist" because everytime the fuckwit gets the ball he burns it.



• Mark Riccuito - for constantly slagging off the SANFL. Hey, fuckwit, have you forgotten that West Adelaide gave you the opportunity to play AFL??



• Kevin Roley Poley Foley - his second nomination this week. Well, well, well, it all comes out eventually. A court has been told that Kevvie, "confronted, accosted, and attempted to force himself" on two young women before he was allegedly assaulted on Waymouth street. So, Kevvie, you were just an innocent victim, minding your own business. You fuckwit. It's time to go, Kevvie.



• Julia Gillard - for another fucking hair-brained scheme. This time $308 million to buy pensioners set-top boxes. Fair dinkum. $308 million so old Betty can spend her afternoons watching Oprah and Dr Phil. Pink batts, anyone?



• WIN tv - for pulling the plug on the new series by the creators of Little Britain, Come Fly With Me, as it was deemed to be too offensive for country folk. For fucksake, that should mean that anything that Karl Stefanovic, Richard Wilkins, Kerry-Anne or Eddie McGuire are associated with should be ripped off air too.



• Female Basketball referee at State Championships – BASA “imported” this little Victorian slut to umpire the Division 1 Blue Ribbon event at the State Championships, only to have the little mole get lost on the way to Wayville for fucks sake – my 8 year old could find Wayville on his pushbike with his eyes closes riding backwards! She then gets to the game late, cracks the shits because the game has started without her (hello whore, it’s about the players, not you ya little inbred cousin of Kane Cornes) then proceeds to call 7 fouls to 0 against Norwood in the first 5 minutes of the game despite the Forestville “players” trampling all over the Norwood players at every opportunity. To top off her effort, she throws out a parent of one of the Norwood players for saying “that’s 7 fouls to none ref” – no shit, she stopped the game and threatened a forfeit on Norwood unless the person left the stadium! At last count the fouls were 31-11 in favour of the home team! What a coincidence that the 3 coach’s from Forestville were trying to root her at quarter time and half time!



• Plankers - what sort of fucking dildo thinks this is a clever thing to do? Attention seeking much you fuckwits? What's wrong with the tried and true pissed pursuits of knocking off traffic cones and pissing in someone's front yard?



• The NSW hunter who tripped on a log and shot himself in the leg - next time put the banjo down first dickhead



• Fred Basset - still as unfunny as Hamish and Andy. I hope the cunt who writes that shit chokes on his faber castell fucken pencils.



• Roishene Lavender-Muldoon - when asked by the Advertiser street talk if she thought the 5cent coin should be removed from circultion she replied - " Yes. I don't like it. It's small and irritating and kids can swallow it " You fucken idiot, that comment could be more justifiably applied to yourself.



• Nathan van Berlo - said Collingwood should be wary of the Crows midfield this week. Hahahahahahaha you're a funny cunt aren't you, ooooooohhhh Richard Douglas, Brent Reilly, Michael Doughty, Collingwood would be shitting broken glass you fucking numnut.



• Michael K - another pearler from the Advertiser street talk when asked if he had a marriage back up plan cried because 'gays can't get married'. You can't keep fucken Sturt supporters happy can you?


• Andrew Jarman - for complaining that noone from Port returned his phonecalls when he offered them his services. Jars, you fucking boofhead, it is no wonder - they need a mid-field coach, not a fucking arseclown who did fuck all when he coached North Adelaide and even less when he coached West Perth. If it is any consolation, Jars, Michaelangelo Rucci won't return my calls - I left him the following message, "Rucci, you retarded fucking chimp, please call me ASAP as I wish to discuss a brilliant idea I have which basically involves you shutting the fuck up." I left similar messages for Rowey and Cornesy. No response from them either.


• "Razor" Ray Chamberlain - for being a jumped up little arsewipe. The fucking wrong Chamberlain got taken by a dingo when they were a baby.


• Sturt - no specific reason this week other than the well-established fact that they are pack of deadset soft-cocks.


• Chad Cornes - for having a sook because he is not a walk-up start to get a game for Port. You fuckwit. You are too old, too slow, too often. And what's more, you have a fucking ridiculous lisp. How about putting on a bib before you open your mouth - the amount of dribble that drops from your gob would fill the Hoover Dam.
  
  
  
  

Round 15 Winner

The winner of The Chad Medal this weeks sticks out like Julia Gillard's nose, or arse for that matter, it is the AFL. This week's ridiculous decision to suspend Melbourne's Jack Trengove for 3 weeks for a perfectly legitimate tackle on Adelaide player Rodney Dangerfield has sent out an alarming warning that if a stand is not taken soon, the game of football as we know it is fucked.

The AFL has proven over especially the last 10 years that they don't give a tinkers shit about the true football follower, the one that goes to watch their team go in hard, show a bit of shit and see a good and honest physical contest. They are far more concerned with the perception of the game being one which do gooder, hippie, tree hugging, mongoloid, cocksmoking fuckarses consider to still be too barbaric and not the sort of game that they would want their precious little Cornelius playing. So the AFL has continually pandered to this fucking stupid misconception by screwing around with the game to the extent that it's fast becoming unrecognisable to the supporters who grew up with it and subsequently want to hang Demetriou and his gimps by their nuts as a result of their frustration.

Time after time the AFL changes the game, and why? If it ain't broke, don't fucking fix it. They continue to introduce rule changes to the game on a yearly basis which seems to the outsider as nothing more than something to justify their wages. 2.3 MILLION DOLLARS - that's what Demetriou is getting to fuck the game. The constant tinkering with the rules does nothing more than frustrate everyone because a) most true blue footballing people can see no need to change most rules b) the changes are taking away one of the great parts of our game- the fact that it's a physical game played by grown men.People want to see physical clashes and people being rewarded for putting their body over the ball, not rewarding softcocks who try and felch off those who do the right thing. Who wants to see a game full of Matt Connell's? c) by penalising players for going in hard they are risking more serious injury because as anyone who has played the game at any level would know, if you enter a contest at anything less than 100% you are far more susceptible to getting seriously hurt. d) the current rules are basically encouraging players to play for frees, so they are doing so. How many fucking players duck their heads going into a contest these days? It fucking shits me, but they have little other option because that's what the game ( aka AFL ) is telling them the best way to get a cheap free in a contest is. How many head injuries have occurred as a direct result of this, and how many more are going to occur before a Neil Sachse type incident happens? e) by tampering with the game they don't give the umpires the chance to work on getting existing rules right in the first place, so they continually have to keep changing their interpretations of footballing basics ( eg. can any cunt explain the holding the ball, advantage rule, or push in the back rules with any confidence any more? ) thereby making for more inconsistency and frustration for everyone.

The AFL would counter this by saying how better off financially the game is today than previously. The AFL may be but many of the clubs themselves are struggling. And as fucking annoyed as everyone gets with the fucking around with the game, it's still our number 1 winter national sport so people ( myself included ) are still going to watch the game ( only on tv though, crows and powder supporters shit me, fuck me I have to travel to Melbourne to watch my team once a year to gain any sanity from the modified game live )because they still love the sport. The dropping attendances at some AFL games are a better indicator of frustration because I for one, and I'm not the only one, would much rather go and watch an SANFL game than an AFL game because you can still lay a tackle and not get three years in Pentridge. I fear this may not always be so though because of the Crows and Power get ressies teams in the SANFL, which if the AFL wants them to it will get it, will fuck that comp too. Also the salary cap and other financial restrictions which are enforced by the SANFL ( which lets face it is nothing more than the AFL's bitch ) are nothing more than the AFL attempting to make all state league comps on an even keel.

So the AFL are fucking the game like a horny jack russell on a fat sheila's leg yet they are not held accountable, fuck me you can't even say they or their cronies have done a shit job because they will fine you. After the absolutely ludicrous decision to rub Jack Trengove out for 3 weeks a few of his Melbourne teammates voiced their concerns that the decision was completely fucked and they have as a consequence been sanctioned. Even Jack Watts' mum had a crack for fucksake and her son isn't exactly what you would call a hardnut. The only encouraging things to come out of this fiasco are that the entire footballing community has united as one to say it's bullshit and Trengove has said he will continue to play in the same vein. Good on ya kid, stick it up their arses.So the AFL can make any decision they like with no repercussions, as long as the money keeps rolling in everyone else can get fucked. You know what they call that - a fucking dictatorship, with Demetriou as the head and Anderson as the foreskin.Well fuck you Mussolini Demetriou, the quicker the game rids itself of you and your little monkey boy Adrian the better. It's time the clubs and the footballing public united as one and take a stand to fuck you off and reclaim our great game before it's too late.

So the AFL have won The Chad Medal this week. On behalf of all true football followers I sincerely hope I get the chance to present it to the head of the organisation and wring his fucken neck with it.

More Round 15 Nominations

• Channel 10 - 11am Sunday morning - The Circle highlights. Lets watch 30min of that fat sheila crap on about how the weight she is porking on is bacause she's up the duff and not just because she can't stop sticking her snout in a trough full of lard.They aren't even fucking trying anymore are they?
• Isobel Redmond - proved that politicians are low on both sides of the political spectrum by putting up a Liberal Party tent at the Mothers Day Walk at Elder Park. To promote yourself like that such an event is fucking pisspoor, you should shack up with Media Mike, it seems you are of the same cloth after all.
• Port Power - fucking hilarious, Hawthorn played a quarter of footy and belted nine colours of shit out of them.
• Unley Oval - it is a shithole. They leave dogturds on the ground, you can't get a park closer than Mt Barker, and you can only get into half the ground to watch which means you are forced to be in close proximity to the Sturt fuckwit supporters.
• The Advertiser - put a picture of Kate Middleton going shopping as their front page. And you wonder why the eastern states take the piss.
• Alicia Silverstone - named her son Bear Blu. Fuck celebrities are cunts, that poor kid is gonna get the piss taken out of it for the rest of it's life. Hey Bear, do you shit in the woods?
• Australia's Got Talent - after viewing 5 mins I can categorically say no it fucking doesn't.

Round 15 Nominations

• The Adelaide Crows - for being the most exciting bunch of soft-cocks in the AFL. It was so exciting to watch them lick the boots of the Demons and then throw in the towel when it got all got too hard, 15 seconds into the match. To paraphrase Bill Woodfull, there were two teams at the MCG on Sunday but only one was playing football.



• Neil Craig - for finding new ways to say absolutely sweet fuck all during his post-match press conferences. Craigy, how hard is to say, "we were fucking soft"?



• Nathan Bracken - for being a bigger bimbo than his bimbo-extraordinaire wife. Nathan is definitely the bitch in that relationship.



• Commentators who continually refer to "unsociable football" - you fuckwits, it's called going hard at every contest, something that all players should do, shouldn't they? Unless of course you play for Adelaide, in which case Craigy requires you to tuck your freshly ironed jumper in to your shorts, pull up your nice clean socks, bow and curtsy to your opponent, before bending over and meekly surrending without a yelp.



• The AFL tribunal - for killing football. The three-match ban given to Melbourne's Jack Trengove for laying a perfectly legitimate tackle on Dangerfield has signalled the death nell for football. Fair dinkum, you get a harder contest in the National Netball League these days. It is the most disgraceful tribunal decision in the history of the game. Apparently, before you tackle a bloke these days, you have to offer him a cuppa tea and a biscuit. Fuck you, AFL.



• AFL umpires - for awarding a 50 metre penalty to a Carlton player which resulted in a certain goal because St Kilda's Kossie gave the player a spray. So you can't say, "ya mum wears army boots" anymore? Fuck you, AFL.



• Michael Voss - for refusing to change anything about how he is coaching Brisbane, despite the fact that they are 0-6, were bottom last year, and are playing like busted arses. You are a deadset fuckwit, Vossy.



• Rowey and Cornesy - for the umpteenth time. For squealing like stuck pigs because Sheeds rated Van Berlo as the worst captain in the AFL. It is embarrassing that they supposedly represent the voice of South Australia.



• Channel 10 commentator, Andrew Maher - for his fucking stoooooopid interview with Carlton's Nick Duigan after Carlton beat St Kilda by 3 points in front of a crowd of 40,000 people. The fuckwit's first question to Duigs was, "so how does it feel playing in front of such a big crowd after playing to crowds of less than 500 last year?" You complete and utter fuckwit, Maher. Duigs played for Norwood, not South Adelaide. The Legs average around 5,000 a game. And he played in the SANFL grand final in front of crowd of over 40,000. So why don't you fuck off and commentate on something you are more suited too, like the Mardi Gras. Hopefully, a string of other fuck knuckles will join you, like Rowey, Kym Dillon, Riccuito, Tredders, Dittmar, Liam Pickering, Brad Johnson etc fucking etc.



• Julia Gillard - shut the fuck up. Can't you get a voice-over bloke to replace your voice??

Round 14 Winner

The winner of round 14 of The Chad Medal is America. If you hadn't already come to the conclusion that Americans are moonshine drinking, sibling loving, gun toting fuckwit megalomaniacs before the death of Osama Bin Laden, then their over the top reaction to his death allayed ( or is that Allahed ) any doubts anyone would have had.

"And the rocket's red glare, the bombs bursting in air, Gave proof thru the night that our flag was still there "

"And where is that band who so vauntingly swore That the havoc of war and the battle's confusion, A home and a country should leave us no more! Their blood has washed out of their foul footsteps' pollution "

"Praise the Power that hath made and preserved us a nation. Then conquer we must, when our cause is just, And this be our motto: " In God is our trust " "

Just a few excerpts from the Star Spangled Banner which go to prove that Americans are a bunch of dickheads. All balls no fucken brains - yeehaw lets bomb the fuck out of everything BillyBob. They don't need war to fuck their country, years of inept political mismanagement have bent their country over and opened up the KY jar. " Then conquer we must, when our cause is just " yeah we all know the only two causes you cunts think are just - raping the resources from the nations you 'intervene' and being able to puff your fucking chests out saying we are so fucking great, a giant fucking pissing contest. The rest of the world is on to you cunts, we're all just hesitant to intervene in case Cletus and his ten eyed sister push the wrong button and vaporise us all.

Yeah you're so fucking great, so why the fuck did it take 10 years and billions of dollars to find a hairy old cunt who sits at home watching himself on tv? Bin Laden's old man died in Saudi Arabia in 1967 when a US pilot 'misjudged' a landing. So you knew the family were fucken shonky yet you let little Obama, sorry Osama grow up into the gonad he became.

Have a look a CNN and the American media is constantly showing and condemning mad fundamentalist nutbags celebrating en masse when they blow up and kill people, yet when the yanks found out that Bin Laden was dead they ran out to the streets dancing, singing, pissing on and generally acting like a bunch of ignorant fuckwits. Do you fuckers really think that's the way survivors of 9/11 or their families would have wanted people to react? Make no mistake, the world is a far better place for that cunt being dead, but to go on like the American public did smacked of hypocrisy and ignorance, two things that America has deeply entrenched in their society and culture.

So America, you as a nation can rejoice again as you are the best in the world at something, being a bunch of complete fuckwits, and that is why you have won this weeks' Chad Medal. Celebrate as only you know how, drink some moonshine, fuck your sister, and accidentally shoot uncle Hoss in the arse after mistaking him for a cougar.

Round 14 Nominees

• Coopers - for selling their souls by using the Royal fucking wedding in one of their ads. Yeah I know you are in the business of making money and promote yourselves accordingly but that made we want to fucken spew. When I look at a grog ad I want to see what piss is on special, not that fucken bollocks.


• Liquorland - see Coopers.


• Masterchef - what a load of fucken plonk. Dumbfucks with nothing better to do dry rooting a shepherds pie just to win the approval of a fat pig with jowls like a morbidly obese bulldog.


• Channel Ten - for putting on shit shows like Masterchef which gets people eating cholesterol laden crap, then having the gall to put on The Biggest Loser to promote healthy eating. You know how these cunts got so fat? By eating from recipes off Masterchef that's fucking how.


• Marie Shaw - former District Court judge and current lawyer missed a hearing in the Court of Criminal Appeal because she missed her flight back from Melbourne with... drumroll ......... Tiger Fucking Airways. Why the fuck is someone who would be on the coin she is be flying with those fucken cowboys, open ya purse ya fucken scrooge and get on a carrier that might get you to your destination within 3 weeks of the designated time frame.Tight as a fishes arsehole, you make Monty Burns look like The Fev.


• Tiger Airways - left 150 people stranded at Adelaide Airport when they cancelled a scheduled flight due to an engine inspection. It was later revealed that the inspection never found an engine but 15 deceased hamsters in a fucking wheel.


• Wayne Chivell - SA judge who thought it appropriate to sentence filthy cunt Stuart Andrew Thomson to only 3 years jail with a non parole period of 18 months for punching, slapping, and breaking the arm of a 2 year old child. The judicial system is officially fucked.


• The weasel who robbed a 46 year old wheelchair bound man - you cunt, pulling this bloke out of his chair and leaving him on the ground whilst you rob him makes you a real tough man doesn't it, fucken shitball.


• Rod Campbell - ABC footy commentator who during last week's Sturt v North game compared Matthew Duldig to Jack Reiwoldt. Just one difference numbnut, Reiwoldt can play footy, Duldig is a fucking plank.


• Americans - fuck me they're wankers. To celebrate the death of Bin Laden the yanks decided to go off like Nicole Cornes at Stewie Dew's house and make complete fucknuts of themselves. Yeah it's good the fucker is dead but going on like that makes you look no better than the terrorist mobs when they celebrate bombing someone.


• Chris Dittmar - thought it would be a good idea to name the media centre at the newly refurbished Adelaide Oval after KKKKen Cuntingham. Why not name the disabled dunnies after Nugget Rees while your at it.


• NZ Teachers Council - sacked Auckland teacher Rachel Whitwell for appearing in Australian Penthouse and 'bringing the profession in to disrepute'. In the words of the great Jim Royle - my arse. It's good to see a female teacher that doesn't look like she wears Depends and shops at fucking Millers, more I say!


• NSW police - seized $450,000 worth of cannabis in a raid on a former nightclub and were so happy with their raid they started taking pictures of themselves with the stash. Unfortunately whilst they were busy taking happy snaps and pulling each others dicks a couple of people took the opportunity to liberate $23,000 worth of the seized drugs. Didn't see that shit on Underbelly did we?


• Port Power - another week another insipid display, this time against the might of the previously winless North Melbourne. Make no bones about it, North Melbourne are shit, so to lose to them by 10 goals in a manner which one could only describe as spineless and weak reflects how pathetic the club has become, and I fucken love it, wallow in your own shit cunts.


• Glenelg - once again Glenelg has shown as much stomach for a fight as an French Infantryman by losing to Centrals on Sunday by 75 points, this despite Centrals only having 17 fit men for half of the game. Still I suppose 17 fit men are still better than 21 fluttering fucking fairies.


• People who toot their car horn when they are leaving someone's house - you know you are leaving and they know you are leaving, so why fucking do it, to see if they died whilst you were getting in the car? Fuckwits. Cunts who do that should have their car horn shoved up their arse, or worse, be made to attend Glenelg/Port Power games as punishment.


• Treasurer Jack "Off" Snelling - for selling off yet another of this state's stable income streams (the forests in the South East) for a bag of magic beans. Remember the TAB that they sold for a packet of smarties? Jack be nimble, Jack be quick, Jack is a fair dinkum fuckwit.


• Health Minister John Hill - for saying that the financing cost of building the proposed new Royal Adelaide Hospital is not really part of the cost. Ah, so, John, if I borrow money to build a new home, I don't have to worry about paying any interest? With that logic, you could replace Jack Off as treasurer.


• Luke Jarrad (Woodville West Torrens pillow-biter) - for consistently avoiding the hard-ball against Norwood. He played so fucking wide that he spent 90% of the game in the Western Grandstand. The other 10% was spent shitting his panties.


• Warren Tredrea - no particular reason other than he is a fair dinkum dick with ears.


• Bieber Fever - the little runt looks like he could pull on a powder blue guernsey and play for Sturt.


• People who constantly say "at the end of the day" - shut the fuck up. At the end of the day comes night, fuckwits.


• The anti-alcohol lobby - these are the same fucking people who took the shirt-front out of football. Fuck off and watch some re-runs of The Collectors.


• Graham Cornes - for suggesting that Chad should not have been dropped from Port. Listen, Studley, both of your shithead sons are tripe. And they have fucking ridiculous lisps. Get am to go and watch the King's Speech. They are the main reason for the "cultural problem" at Port. And part of the cultural problem in this state. They are products of both you and Glenelg so that means they fell out of the fuckwit tree and hit every branch on the way down. Can't you and the rest of your family re-locate? I understand a nice mansion with really good security has just come on to the market in downtown Pakistan.


• Kym Dillon - for not understanding the meaning of "you're fired".


• 5aa - for hiring Kym Dillon. Jesus, you got rid of one turd in Dittmar and replaced him with another! What is it with you fuckwits? You've just added another to your conga line of suckholes. Conlon, Kenneally, Blakey, Doyle, Byner, Blair, Rowey, Studley, Josh Carr, Wog Boy Rucci, Daniel Norton, Fathead Francis. What a line-up of complete and utter fuckwits.


• ACCC - for having less balls than Luke Jarrad. Let's just all bend over and take it from Coles and Woolies.


• Julia Gillard - for a) going to the Royal Wedding b) wearing a satellite dish on the side of her head to the wedding and c) no matter what she wears, she can't hide that big fat ass of hers.


• The Logies - only winning a best and fairest at Port Adelaide has less merit.


• Pakistan - not only do the dodgy bastards cheat at cricket, but they also harbour fucking terrorists.


• Caroline Wilson - for being described as "the first lady of football". Luke Jarrad already has that title stitched up.


• Radio MMM - for only ever playing one song from artists. Eg the Doors (Light My Fire), Led Zep (Stairway To Heaven), The Who (My Generation), Cold Chisel (Khe Sahn), Pearl Jam (Better Man), Rolling Stones (It's Only Rock N Roll But I Like It), U2 (Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For), Green Day (Time Of Your Life), Guns N Roses (Patience). Open your ears, fuckwits, these artists have more than one song that is woth some airplay. They are also nominated for playing anything by Creed, Nickleback, Good Charlotte, Genesis and the most over-rated hippy cunt in the world, John Butler.